Making small talk?

Hotlead Junkie

I find, a lot of times I simply 'run out' of subjects when chatting to people I know. Simply put, I just don't know how to hold up my end of a conversation a lot of the time, I feel like a lot of the time I'm subconciously wanting to end the conversation if I don't know the person that well or even feel apprehensive about asking certian qustions (Have you seen X film recently?) as I usually find I don't usually have a lot more to add after that.

It's a horrible problem that makes me feel damn awkward when that awkward silence comes, even when i'm chatting with good freinds, face to face or over the phone, plus, I work behind a bar so making small talk with the customers is pretty hard for me and I feel it makes me look pretty ignorant when I simply can't think much of anything to say even when I want to be freindly with anyone I talk to.

Help?

bsjezz

Stories man, you need stories! Every time something odd or cool or funny happens to you, tell it to someone the next time you have a conversation. Once you've told it once, it'll be there to be improved upon in your next conversation, and it'll only get better until another story comes along to take its place. Boring conversations about the weather or other stretched common themes are never going to hold up a decent conversation, even if both parties are straining to make it appear that it is. Work on your anecdotes, accumulate enough of a stable that you can tell the right one at the right time - from little sides to epic tales of high drama - and your chats will never go wanting.

cj iwakura

Personally, once I find a common ground with someone on a topic I know something about(be it film, music, animation, gaming, whatever), I can go on for hours, so that helps too.

twmjr

I have (had?) this same problem...if I had to guess, one of the reasons you have a hard time figuring out what to talk about is because you don't think the topics you have will be interesting to the person you're speaking to. I know a lot of times I'd just assume most of the shit I'd casually talk about would bore the person I'm talking to, but...in general people will just like talking. Even talking about random shit will often times lead you into conversations that are really mutually interesting.

That all applies more to convos with your friends...as for being behind the bar, the best thing to do is just ask people questions about themselves. Those who are interested in being chit-chatted with will offer up information that you can pick at further. If they don't really want to do the whole chit-chatting with the guy behind the bar thing, you'll be able to tell pretty quickly.

sirSolarius

The reason you're meeting someone is because of some shared circumstance... you go to the same school, are hanging out at the same place, you have a friend in common, etc.

Start by asking questions about that stuff. "What classes are you taking this quarter?" works really well for me at school. Soon, you'll figure out that you have an overlap and you can make fun of the professor or something.

Also, don't feel like you have to do everything. Imagine if someone asked you "why do you like reading Penny Arcade?" or how you feel about a videogame -- you'd be able to answer for a long time. Probe and ask questions about things you know nothing about that the other person does. People like to talk about themselves.

Eventually, the person will say something that rings a bell, and you can find commonalities between the other person's ballet lessons and your videogame playing, or whatever. Even if they play basketball and you do debate, you can find common ground about coaches or being gone on weekends for tournaments, etc.

Black Ice

I'm helping my girlfriend with the same thing. Her problem isn't really the lack of small talk, it's the fact that she is way, way, way too shy around people in a higher position than her. I gave her this, I think it's helpful to people in your position and hers (to anyone in her position looking for help).