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My bestfriends girlfriend is crazy help

Sethdaniel19Sethdaniel19 Registered User regular
edited June 2020 in Help / Advice Forum
Ujaa

Sethdaniel19 on

Posts

  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion Pronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered User regular
    Probably shouldn't hang out with that friend anymore. If they aren't willing to keep their spouse from threatening your sister, you shouldn't be under any obligation to help them.

  • Sethdaniel19Sethdaniel19 Registered User regular
    Yeah your right i should just tell him look man we cant continue to hang out unless you do something about your woman cause i don't need her threatening my family. I know were friends and all but that's uncalled for.

  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion Pronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered User regular
    I'd suggest just avoiding the guy and if he reaches out explain that the threats against your sister are unacceptable.

  • Sethdaniel19Sethdaniel19 Registered User regular
    He says he wants to get away from her and she's a crazy b****. But i agree 100% just wanted to see someone else's view. Thankyou Enc...

  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    You are under no obligation to stay friends with anyone.

    You might suggest he look into an abusive relationship support group. We don't know them, but from what you've posted here those are certainly warning signs.

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    How is he meant to text her if he can't have a phone? O_o

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    You are under no obligation to stay friends with anyone.
    You might suggest he look into an abusive relationship support group. We don't know them, but from what you've posted here those are certainly warning signs.
    Yes. Warning signs.
    Like a pillar of black smoke and flames pouring from every window might be a warning sign of potential fire hazard.

    Be there for your buddy, if you can help him get out of a bad situation, do it.
    If you can't help them out of a bad situation, then do what you have to do to extricate yourself and your family from the situation, and let your buddy know that they need to get help and get out as soon as possible. If that means cutting ties, cut ties. It sucks to lose a friend, but having someone harassing you and your sister, busting windows, potentially escalating beyond that... Sometimes you have to protect you.

    If the genders were reversed here, and you were talking about a girl friend with an overbearing, violence threatening, boyfriend that was controlling who she could spend time with or forbidding communication there'd be a half dozen posts to this effect already.
    At pretty much any time prior to the last 2 months, there'd probably also be lots of advice to consider getting the cops involved as well, threats to a 10 year old sister are not cool and those kind of anger issues around a one year old are a bad situation waiting to become much, much worse. But, given current events, and a history of drug use, maybe that's not a path to check out.

  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited June 2020
    Sethdaniel19 wrote: »
    He says he wants to get away from her and she's a crazy b****. But i agree 100% just wanted to see someone else's view. Thankyou Enc...

    There are organizations that help people flee abusive homes. Most of these organizations now recognize that abuse is gender neutral. Once the abuse spills over onto friends, those friends should tell them to seek serious help and call when they're free.

    It's hard to get away from a situation like that because the first step is scary as fuck. Once it's taken a lot of stuff can happen quickly and a lot of avenues can open. It's rarely over that easily but the first step is critical.

    Hevach on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    The thing is, it sounds really really awful, but there isn't a ton you can do except continue to invite him to things and be there to talk if he needs it. If you've talked to him and he knows, trying to push a whole lot is just going to push him away and cut him off even more from something that feels solid. Also "do something about your woman" is not language you should ever use for a whole host of reasons including possibly making him feel worse about the whole thing, once again cutting him off.

    That said, all of that kinda goes out the window once she's threatened the safety of a child. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him he can call or text any time but as long as she's around you don't think your family is safe and that's the line. It also might not be a bad thing to just ask how his baby is doing once in a while. An environment like that does things to a kid, even a baby. If he doesn't think he'll get custody and he's worried about his little one's safety, he may not be willing to chance leaving, whether for the baby's safety or for the risk of never being able to see them again. That's another reason to tiptoe around this a little and let him know he can call you, you just don't feel safe hanging out. What he really needs is probably a lawyer.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • Sethdaniel19Sethdaniel19 Registered User regular
    ceres wrote: »
    How is he meant to text her if he can't have a phone? O_o

    He texts her on his TV.

  • Sethdaniel19Sethdaniel19 Registered User regular
    ceres wrote: »
    The thing is, it sounds really really awful, but there isn't a ton you can do except continue to invite him to things and be there to talk if he needs it. If you've talked to him and he knows, trying to push a whole lot is just going to push him away and cut him off even more from something that feels solid. Also "do something about your woman" is not language you should ever use for a whole host of reasons including possibly making him feel worse about the whole thing, once again cutting him off.

    That said, all of that kinda goes out the window once she's threatened the safety of a child. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him he can call or text any time but as long as she's around you don't think your family is safe and that's the line. It also might not be a bad thing to just ask how his baby is doing once in a while. An environment like that does things to a kid, even a baby. If he doesn't think he'll get custody and he's worried about his little one's safety, he may not be willing to chance leaving, whether for the baby's safety or for the risk of never being able to see them again. That's another reason to tiptoe around this a little and let him know he can call you, you just don't feel safe hanging out. What he really needs is probably a lawyer.

    I agree.

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