Help me sell my washing machine.

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Posts

  • Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    "Some people here on Facebook Marketplace will try to sell you a Washing Machine. Other folks will sell you a Dryer. I'm here to say 'Fuck them and their single-use machinery!' This machine will do all those things in half the space. You want to wash that anime bodypillow? DONE. You want to dry a pair of JNCOs? DONE. You want to put your towels in on one side to throw off the load and make the machine a home mechanical bull? Ride away my friend, I'm not here to judge you. Contactless pickup available, although I'm also available for repeated prolonged uncomfortable hug pickup if that's your thing."

    Blake TElaroMidniteSorcesarukunVegemyteRhesus Positive
  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    What you need to do is highlight the rare qualities of your specific washing machine.
    Example:

    8NYyX8C.png



    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
    BahamutZERODonovan Puppyfuckerwebguy20XaquinsponoTonkkaUsagiSkeithJansontynicMidniteMrMonroeRaijin QuickfootSorceFencingsaxBucketmanASimPersonFishmanVivixenneVegemyteElvenshaeTynnanCarpyDoodmannJoolander
  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    "Some people here on Facebook Marketplace will try to sell you a Washing Machine. Other folks will sell you a Dryer. I'm here to say 'Fuck them and their single-use machinery!' This machine will do all those things in half the space. You want to wash that anime bodypillow? DONE. You want to dry a pair of JNCOs? DONE. You want to put your towels in on one side to throw off the load and make the machine a home mechanical bull? Ride away my friend, I'm not here to judge you. Contactless pickup available, although I'm also available for repeated prolonged uncomfortable hug pickup if that's your thing."

    It's ACTUALY a trans-dimensional dirt teleporter.

    You put dirty things in, and they come out clean.

    Where does the dirt go?

    Nobody knows, but judging by your power bills when you run this thing, it's AT LEAST two dimensions away, if not three!

    webguy20
  • PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Realtor Santa ClaritaRegistered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    What you need to do is highlight the rare qualities of your specific washing machine.
    Example:

    8NYyX8C.png



    I need to know why "Never vaped in" took precedence in this ad over the mileage on the vehicle.

    Bucketman
  • GrisloGrislo Registered User regular
    Probably because it was definitely vaped in.

    This post was sponsored by Goop.

    'Get your fucking finger on the wookie'
    tynicMidnitesarukunFencingsaxBucketmanRhesus PositiveElvenshae
  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    if you've never vaped in your washing machine you should definitely mention that in the ad

    BahamutZERO.gif
    GrislochromdomBlake TtynicMidniteBucketmanFishmanElvenshaeTynnanPeewiShorty
  • HobnailHobnail Registered User regular
    When I see 'never vaped in' I certainly assume that literally nothing but vaping has ever happened in

    3clipseMidniteFencingsaxBucketmanElvenshaeCaptain InertiaMegaMan001
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    if you've never vaped in your washing machine you should definitely mention that in the ad

    But if you've ever accidentally washed your vape pen, make sure to mention it. Sadly, Washer Dryer combos are highly susceptible to addiction, and the future family of your washing machine should be aware that they may be expected to support a three cartridge a week habit.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
    BahamutZEROElvenshae
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Wait, you can vape places other than a washing machine?

  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    Wait, you can vape places other than a washing machine?

    Anywhere that it's not expressly forbidden by a minimum of three signs.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    Wait, you can vape places other than a washing machine?

    Absolutely!

    Staten Island strip clubs, Long Beach Lamborghini dealerships, and the state of Queensland, Australia.

  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Registered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    Is someone asks to give a test run with some washing

    DO NOT ALLOW THEM

    My aunt let someone do it. They just washed their clothes and left. They didn't want to pay for a laundromat. They didn't even bring their own soap!

    absolute goddamn legend

    3clipseXaquinTefTonkkasponoBahamutZEROLindsay Lohanchromdomwebguy20MidniteRaijin QuickfootDonovan PuppyfuckersarukunFencingsaxSporkAndrewBucketmanVegemyteRhesus PositiveElvenshae#pipeCaptain InertiaSolar
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    What you need to do is highlight the rare qualities of your specific washing machine.
    Example:

    8NYyX8C.png



    I need to know why "Never vaped in" took precedence in this ad over the mileage on the vehicle.

    It’s a WRX. The default assumption is that it was owned by a vape lord

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
    BahamutZEROUsagiTheStig3clipseSkeithJansonwebguy20tynicMidniteDonovan PuppyfuckerFencingsaxDouglasDangerBucketmanASimPersonVegemyteElvenshaeCaptain InertiaJoolander
  • XehalusXehalus lo-fi Registered User regular
    for real tho

    name the washer and give it lore

  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    Maybe I can give it a stat block.

  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    Resistance to bludgeoning, invulnerable to poison damage.

    Elvenshae
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Blake T wrote: »
    Resistance to bludgeoning, invulnerable to poison damage.

    charisma is the dump stat

    Twitch Channel
    Steam: munkus_beaver
    Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but it dies in the process.
    http://www.ccfa.org/
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Blake T wrote: »
    Resistance to bludgeoning, invulnerable to poison damage.

    charisma is the dump stat

    Somebody has never heard the Legend of the Washing Machine Bard.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
    sarukun
  • sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    Tef wrote: »
    Is someone asks to give a test run with some washing

    DO NOT ALLOW THEM

    My aunt let someone do it. They just washed their clothes and left. They didn't want to pay for a laundromat. They didn't even bring their own soap!

    absolute goddamn legend

    Yeah, legendary in that by the time I’m through with them there’ll be no proof of them ever having fucking existed.

  • sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    edited September 2020
    see317 wrote: »
    Blake T wrote: »
    Resistance to bludgeoning, invulnerable to poison damage.

    charisma is the dump stat

    Somebody has never heard the Legend of the Washing Machine Bard.

    sarukun on
    Orca
  • LalaboxLalabox Registered User regular
    if your washing machine is charismatic enough, it practically sells itself

    Xaquin
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    What you need to do is highlight the rare qualities of your specific washing machine.
    Example:

    8NYyX8C.png


    I need to know why "Never vaped in" took precedence in this ad over the mileage on the vehicle.

    It’s a WRX. The default assumption is that it was owned by a vape lord

    I actually had no idea about this stereotype but it all makes sense now

    My assistant drives a WRX and absolutely vapes/smokes. His car is in pristine condition (worth more than what he bought it for, for a couple of reasons), but I’m betting he’s vaped in it. His car is commented on/beloved by all the employees at work and yup, everyone vapes

    He said he drove to view another WRX his roommate was looking to buy this weekend and the interior was trashed from someone smoking/vaping in it

    TefElvenshae
  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Is my most awesome reacted post ever a silly joke about a washing machine?

    Xaquin3clipsesarukunVegemyteElvenshae
  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    Bring this to me, to my domain below the crust of this material prison, stand upon my sacrificial altar for a minute while I get my wallet.

  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    Bring this to me, to my domain below the crust of this material prison, stand upon my sacrificial altar for a minute while I get my wallet.

    I already sold it to Tef for $4 I'm afraid

    I should have asked for a flat commission instead of 12%

    Tef
  • BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    Put big ol googly eyes on it, and say it was a leftover prop from the original Pee Wee's Playhouse

    XaquinElvenshae
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    Did ya sell it @Blake T ?

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
    JedocTonkkaBucketman
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    Janson wrote: »
    Tef wrote: »
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    TheStig wrote: »
    What you need to do is highlight the rare qualities of your specific washing machine.
    Example:

    8NYyX8C.png


    I need to know why "Never vaped in" took precedence in this ad over the mileage on the vehicle.

    It’s a WRX. The default assumption is that it was owned by a vape lord

    I actually had no idea about this stereotype but it all makes sense now

    My assistant drives a WRX and absolutely vapes/smokes. His car is in pristine condition (worth more than what he bought it for, for a couple of reasons), but I’m betting he’s vaped in it. His car is commented on/beloved by all the employees at work and yup, everyone vapes

    He said he drove to view another WRX his roommate was looking to buy this weekend and the interior was trashed from someone smoking/vaping in it

    Used to drive a WRX and have never vaped.

    So it's probably just me and the guy selling that one. When I sold mine the first question out of the guy that bought it was "has it ever been smoked in." Of course he didn't know how to drive a manual transmission car soooooo he probably smoked the transmission in it, but still doesn't count as a vape.

    "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan!
    Janson
  • Lost SalientLost Salient blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered User regular
    edited October 2020
    Veldrin wrote: »

    pardon me but HWHAT

    the actual

    fuck

    e: i came here to buy a washing machine who let this happen

    Lost Salient on
    RUVCwyu.jpg
    "Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
    Bucketmansarukun
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    Did ya sell it @Blake T ?

    Life has gotten in the way unfortunately.

    Rest assured, ideas have been taken and they will be integrated in.

  • TefTef Registered User regular
    Did ya sell it yet @Blake T ?

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
    Elvenshae
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    TheStig wrote: »
    What you need to do is highlight the rare qualities of your specific washing machine.
    Example:

    8NYyX8C.png



    My "not used in human trafficking" washing machine ad is prompting a lot of questions already answered by the ad copy

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
    SporkAndrewXaquinJansonVegemyte3clipseTheStigtynicElvenshaeASimPersonBucketmanMidniteSkeithTonkkaPeewiJoolanderOrca
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    edited October 2020
    Did ya sell it yet @Blake T

    Tef on
    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
    ElvenshaeDonovan PuppyfuckersarukunSorceJedocBucketmanXaquin3clipseBahamutZEROSkeithTonkkaVegemyteJoolander
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    Jesus what are you my mother?

    Orca
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Blake T wrote: »
    Jesus what are you my mother?

    Yes

    HEY SATAN! HERE'S MY WISHLIST! GO NUTS YOU DEVIL!

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1JI9WWSRW1YJI
    Captain InertiaOrca
  • NaphtaliNaphtali Null Registered User regular
    How are we supposed to live vicariously through you if you don't let us?!

    B.net: Naphtali#1830 | Steam | Nintendo ID: Naphtali | PSN: EI-Naphtali | Wish List
    SorceTefMidnite
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    Blake T wrote: »
    Jesus what are you my mother?

    Yes

    Well you are short, like a gazzilion birthday presents then, get it together Mum.

    XaquintynicVegemyteSolar
  • BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    We'll send you birthday gifts when you've earned them by selling the washing machine young man.

    XaquinVegemyteOrca
  • sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Presents!?

    What do you think, I’m MADE of money?!

    Orca
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    Blake T wrote: »
    Jesus what are you my mother?
    The people want to know!

    I will not apologise for taking an interest in your life!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
    Donovan PuppyfuckerFishmanSkeithVegemyteElvenshaeBucketman
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