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I Really Hope the [Kids] are alright

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  • VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    MegaMan001 wrote: »
    @Peen this feels like a great opportunity for the "yeah you're gifted but do you really just want to fuck around and get bye or try to give a damn and excel?" talk

    As someone who has received this talk at multiple points in her life… it does work, but not until you hit 25+ and actually do have to WORK to do what you wanna do.

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  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited June 4
    MegaMan001 wrote: »
    @Peen this feels like a great opportunity for the "yeah you're gifted but do you really just want to fuck around and get bye or try to give a damn and excel?" talk

    *flashbacks*

    Yeah, those kind of talks...

    Uhh try to find a good way to bring that up. If I wasn't already going through a lot of puberty all at once, my parents questioning my motivation were sure to trigger whatever other pent up rage against the machine I had stored up.

    Turns out I only function properly when I have an inherent motivation to either prove someone wrong on the internet or to be able to understand something I wanted to just know.

    Aldo on
  • Lost SalientLost Salient blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered User regular
    edited June 4
    Thanks everyone for the sound advice! I'm splitting the difference and getting them:

    1. The high chair they have on their list
    2. A bunch of books - some board books and some for when he gets a little older, because hey, classic books don't expire, right? @Vivixenne yes I did order two from Rabble Books! One called Big Fella Rain by an Indigenous writer and illustrator duo, and one called It Isn't Rude to Be Nude by a British woman because that is thematically 500% my family's jam. I also picked out a young children's book called Like the Moon Loves the Sky, which has illustrations and prose inspired by the Quran, from my favourite local bookshop here in Singapore. None of these will probably really be Baby's cuppa until later but I'm adding Goodnight Moon, Harold and the Purple Crayon and The Very Hungry Caterpillar to the mix and those became my friends' kid's favourites before she was even two so I figure we're just future-proofing really.

    Lost Salient on
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  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    I have taught maths and I still don’t know how to long division.

  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Like Moon Loves the Sky.


    I'll have to recommend that to my friend.

    Thanks, Sandra!

  • SharpyVIISharpyVII Registered User regular
    edited June 4
    Son has a chest infection.

    Wife was due to have an afternoon to herself but is now catching up on work instead due to having to care for him this moring.

    I've come home early.

    Fortunately we've already got his antibiotics. Good job it's now and not next week when we go away.

    Never simple with children is it?

    SharpyVII on
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  • honoverehonovere Registered User regular
    Ours found at least one button and that found its way into her nose. So that was how we spend yesterday's holiday.

    While the doc got the button out, now we're not 100% sure there isn't one deeper in but the ER doc yesterday and the regular doc today say it's probably nothing and if we wanted to make sure she would need to be out under for a thorough check. So for now we're trying to check for unusual breathing and such which isn't helped by her having a cold with runny, stuffed nose for the last few days anyway.

  • PeenPeen tw1tch0rz occasionallyRegistered User regular
    MegaMan001 wrote: »
    Peen this feels like a great opportunity for the "yeah you're gifted but do you really just want to fuck around and get bye or try to give a damn and excel?" talk

    That's basically what we did; our specific approach was "we just want you to try as hard as you can, whatever that means each day, because we know that if you do the outcome will be good." It's been a really delicate line to walk because I don't know many adults that could do what we've asked our children to do in terms of watching and paying attention to a Zoom meeting for 6 hours each day* and at the end of a mentally and emotionally exhausting year the last thing we want to do is pulverize what's left of her. I also found out yesterday that her math teacher sent extra review work home for the entire class yesterday, which she's never done before, and she's doing review work in class before they take the test, which she's also never done before, so I think they're all on pretty shaky footing at this point. We just need to get through today and then it's pretty smooth sailing to the end of the year.

    *I want to say too, if there are any teachers around, that I don't know how you guys did it either and you're all heroes.

    MegaMan001
  • m!ttensm!ttens Registered User regular
    edited June 4
    Hi thread, my sister in law had her baby which officially makes me an uncle! She was happy to have us come over in between feedings last weekend so we got to visit and my daughter got to meet her baby cousin. It was was fun holding a tiny newborn again and we were all masked the whole time (good precaution too because we found out 4-6 hours later that she had picked up some kind of respiratory virus at daycare, not COVID thankfully). Bea was super nice to her baby cousin though it was hilarious we told her "very gentle touches" and she started petting the baby's shoulder and arm like you would the sea creatures at the aquarium--two fingers and only touch with the tip of your fingers in a petting motion. Hopefully next time we visit the baby will be big enough we can plop her in Bea's lap for a photo op.

    Best part of the afternoon, my sister-in-law who is very sleep deprived and haggard looks over to my wife and says "does it get any easier?" and the two of us both started laughing. Then not 2 minutes later we hear a *thump* and crying as our toddler ran her head straight into the counter of the kitchen island in the other room. "See? It never gets easier, just differently hard" :biggrin:

    m!ttens on
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  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    Peen wrote: »
    MegaMan001 wrote: »
    Peen this feels like a great opportunity for the "yeah you're gifted but do you really just want to fuck around and get bye or try to give a damn and excel?" talk

    That's basically what we did; our specific approach was "we just want you to try as hard as you can, whatever that means each day, because we know that if you do the outcome will be good." It's been a really delicate line to walk because I don't know many adults that could do what we've asked our children to do in terms of watching and paying attention to a Zoom meeting for 6 hours each day* and at the end of a mentally and emotionally exhausting year the last thing we want to do is pulverize what's left of her. I also found out yesterday that her math teacher sent extra review work home for the entire class yesterday, which she's never done before, and she's doing review work in class before they take the test, which she's also never done before, so I think they're all on pretty shaky footing at this point. We just need to get through today and then it's pretty smooth sailing to the end of the year.

    *I want to say too, if there are any teachers around, that I don't know how you guys did it either and you're all heroes.

    What helped me, and is currently helping my kids (somewhat) is talking about the future and choices.
    "What do you want to do when you grow up? What are other things you like? The harder you try now and the more you achieve in school, the easier it is for you to do what you want later." For us it's mostly better work/focus = more choices and options, as everyone really does want the freedom to do what they want. We've also had success tying schoolwork to things they like - "You like pokemon? Wouldn't it be great if you could read through their powers on your own rather than wait for us to be free?"
    The "don't you want to try hard?" is often less motivating as it's more existential - and often kids aren't at the point where they recognize what defines oneself and how actions play into it. Having more concrete ties can help them connect the dots.

    ElvenshaeVivixenne
  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    My kids love climbing on things. Yesterday, my son decided to climb on the area next to the stairs because he could. Then he got distracted and fell. Hit his head hard on the concrete planter next to the stairs.
    Went to urgent care, got his massive head bruise checked out, and he's fine*. Just have to rush him to the hospital if he starts to get nauseous or lethargic.
    And I feel like shit. Like, I don't want to wrap my kids in bubble wrap, but I feel like I should have stopped him from climbing, since there is no soft landing from that area. But also, he's exhausting. Just, rarely listens, always running around and doing what he wants. You can redirect him. But if you raise your voice at him, he just doubles down or gets very upset that you're yelling at him and won't actually listen to what you say. And I try to talk nicely with him, and he will listen if you spend 100% of your time and energy on him and say it is just the right way. But I just.. I don't have 100% for him all the time.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    I think sometimes kids have to fuck around and find out, as they say. You're clearly doing your best to keep him safe, but life is going to happen.

    :so_raven:
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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    It is better for him to learn about falling when you are there to immediately take action and make sure he's not doing anything too extreme, than to learn on his own later when it's more dangerous.

    Everything turned out OK :+1:

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  • SharpyVIISharpyVII Registered User regular
    Sleeping in the spare bed with my son so my wife is fully rested for the weekend as I'm at work.

    How can someone so little take up so much space?

    BrodyElvenshaeMojo_Jojo
  • CruorCruor Registered User regular
    SharpyVII wrote: »
    Sleeping in the spare bed with my son so my wife is fully rested for the weekend as I'm at work.

    How can someone so little take up so much space?

    I ask myself this every night as I sleep in a queen sized bed with my almost 3 year old. He also has a deep need to have one of my legs thrown over his legs or else he periodically wakes up angry. Been considering a weighted blanket or something for him, because the pressure really does seem to help. But...he's also a very very warm and sweaty sleeper, so I don't know how a weighted blanket will interact with that.

    mrpaku
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    Weighted blankets don't isolate well (essentially is a bunch of sand stuffed in little pockets), so I wouldn't worry about that. I don't know how child-safe they are, though. Definitely look into that before you buy one.

    Cruor
  • CruorCruor Registered User regular
    Aldo wrote: »
    Weighted blankets don't isolate well (essentially is a bunch of sand stuffed in little pockets), so I wouldn't worry about that. I don't know how child-safe they are, though. Definitely look into that before you buy one.

    Looking into it and it seems that weighted blankets aren't recommended until at least 4 years old due to them being too heavy for toddlers to easily move and also being too warm. Ah well, it was a thought.

    I'm pretty sure my older child would have been fine with a weighted blanket at 3, though, because he's a giant child. He's 5 and currently the size of the average 8 year old. He's going to tower over all of his class-mates when he starts school in August.

  • CroakerBCCroakerBC TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited June 4
    I just need to vent:
    Last year, after being on roughly a thousand waiting lists, we got a place at a daycare, to start in January 2022. I was the sole earner, the Mrs was going to stay at home with the boy, it was close to the office, all good.

    Then we had a pandemic. And my wife got a job. So we sent Drew to another, better daycare, where a slot opened up because of COVID withdrawals. And we needed somewhere right then. He’s been there 5 months, and loves it.

    So I go to withdraw from the original daycare, 6 months before he’s due to start.

    We can’t withdraw until after the start date, and have to give two months notice after that date. So we have to pay for a daycare we’re not using for nearly 3 months.

    I am incandescent with frustrated anger. How very dare they.

    ETA: this was in the contract we signed then, and they came back with a form response/fee schedule, so I assume they get this a lot, and we’re hosed. But it’s a ridiculous and large expense I am not pleased about.

    CroakerBC on
  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    CroakerBC wrote: »
    I just need to vent:
    Last year, after being on roughly a thousand waiting lists, we got a place at a daycare, to start in January 2022. I was the sole earner, the Mrs was going to stay at home with the boy, it was close to the office, all good.

    Then we had a pandemic. And my wife got a job. So we sent Drew to another, better daycare, where a slot opened up because of COVID withdrawals. And we needed somewhere right then. He’s been there 5 months, and loves it.

    So I go to withdraw from the original daycare, 6 months before he’s due to start.

    We can’t withdraw until after the start date, and have to give two months notice after that date. So we have to pay for a daycare we’re not using for nearly 3 months.

    I am incandescent with frustrated anger. How very dare they.

    ETA: this was in the contract we signed then, and they came back with a form response/fee schedule, so I assume they get this a lot, and we’re hosed. But it’s a ridiculous and large expense I am not pleased about.

    Damn, that's fucked up. How is that legal? I mean, I can understand a fee for holding a spot or whatever, but 3 months pay is insanity.

    YOUR KID HASN'T STARTED YET! That's gotta be a scam.

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  • CroakerBCCroakerBC TorontoRegistered User regular
    MNC Dover wrote: »
    CroakerBC wrote: »
    I just need to vent:
    Last year, after being on roughly a thousand waiting lists, we got a place at a daycare, to start in January 2022. I was the sole earner, the Mrs was going to stay at home with the boy, it was close to the office, all good.

    Then we had a pandemic. And my wife got a job. So we sent Drew to another, better daycare, where a slot opened up because of COVID withdrawals. And we needed somewhere right then. He’s been there 5 months, and loves it.

    So I go to withdraw from the original daycare, 6 months before he’s due to start.

    We can’t withdraw until after the start date, and have to give two months notice after that date. So we have to pay for a daycare we’re not using for nearly 3 months.

    I am incandescent with frustrated anger. How very dare they.

    ETA: this was in the contract we signed then, and they came back with a form response/fee schedule, so I assume they get this a lot, and we’re hosed. But it’s a ridiculous and large expense I am not pleased about.

    Damn, that's fucked up. How is that legal? I mean, I can understand a fee for holding a spot or whatever, but 3 months pay is insanity.

    YOUR KID HASN'T STARTED YET! That's gotta be a scam.

    It’s the “you can’t give notice before the start date” clause that gets you. And I will say this, daycare in downtown Toronto is not cheap. Paying for two at once is going to be vicious.

    I almost wouldn’t mind except that we get literally nothing out of it.

  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    CroakerBC wrote: »
    MNC Dover wrote: »
    CroakerBC wrote: »
    I just need to vent:
    Last year, after being on roughly a thousand waiting lists, we got a place at a daycare, to start in January 2022. I was the sole earner, the Mrs was going to stay at home with the boy, it was close to the office, all good.

    Then we had a pandemic. And my wife got a job. So we sent Drew to another, better daycare, where a slot opened up because of COVID withdrawals. And we needed somewhere right then. He’s been there 5 months, and loves it.

    So I go to withdraw from the original daycare, 6 months before he’s due to start.

    We can’t withdraw until after the start date, and have to give two months notice after that date. So we have to pay for a daycare we’re not using for nearly 3 months.

    I am incandescent with frustrated anger. How very dare they.

    ETA: this was in the contract we signed then, and they came back with a form response/fee schedule, so I assume they get this a lot, and we’re hosed. But it’s a ridiculous and large expense I am not pleased about.

    Damn, that's fucked up. How is that legal? I mean, I can understand a fee for holding a spot or whatever, but 3 months pay is insanity.

    YOUR KID HASN'T STARTED YET! That's gotta be a scam.

    It’s the “you can’t give notice before the start date” clause that gets you. And I will say this, daycare in downtown Toronto is not cheap. Paying for two at once is going to be vicious.

    I almost wouldn’t mind except that we get literally nothing out of it.

    See if there's a clause or something on if they're able to fill the spot, or ask them? Sometimes daycares are mostly just worried about having the spots filled, so they won't charge you if someone takes it.

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  • CroakerBCCroakerBC TorontoRegistered User regular
    kime wrote: »
    CroakerBC wrote: »
    MNC Dover wrote: »
    CroakerBC wrote: »
    I just need to vent:
    Last year, after being on roughly a thousand waiting lists, we got a place at a daycare, to start in January 2022. I was the sole earner, the Mrs was going to stay at home with the boy, it was close to the office, all good.

    Then we had a pandemic. And my wife got a job. So we sent Drew to another, better daycare, where a slot opened up because of COVID withdrawals. And we needed somewhere right then. He’s been there 5 months, and loves it.

    So I go to withdraw from the original daycare, 6 months before he’s due to start.

    We can’t withdraw until after the start date, and have to give two months notice after that date. So we have to pay for a daycare we’re not using for nearly 3 months.

    I am incandescent with frustrated anger. How very dare they.

    ETA: this was in the contract we signed then, and they came back with a form response/fee schedule, so I assume they get this a lot, and we’re hosed. But it’s a ridiculous and large expense I am not pleased about.

    Damn, that's fucked up. How is that legal? I mean, I can understand a fee for holding a spot or whatever, but 3 months pay is insanity.

    YOUR KID HASN'T STARTED YET! That's gotta be a scam.

    It’s the “you can’t give notice before the start date” clause that gets you. And I will say this, daycare in downtown Toronto is not cheap. Paying for two at once is going to be vicious.

    I almost wouldn’t mind except that we get literally nothing out of it.

    See if there's a clause or something on if they're able to fill the spot, or ask them? Sometimes daycares are mostly just worried about having the spots filled, so they won't charge you if someone takes it.

    Heh, the person who got back to us with the fee schedule runs the daycare, so I suspect not. But will absolutely take a look. I’m guessing that they’ll happily fill the spot and charge both us and whoever takes it. Why would t they after all? It’s free money.

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  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    That sounds so genuinely evil, couldn't you ask a lawyer about the legality of this practice? And the fucking press, because wtf!?

    MNC DoverElvenshaeMulysaSempronius
  • MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    edited June 5
    Fuck it, refuse to pay and see what they do. Just tell them you won't be paying this. Offer no explanation and wait.

    What's the worst that would happen? They get a lawyer to send you a form letter and you can go from there.

    MegaMan001 on
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  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    Local Facebook mom's group/ listserve? Like, I know many of them are toxic, so you may not be a part of your local one if they are. But they could have better perspective on if that's normal practice, if it's actually allowed in your area, and see if anyone is in a similar position and if they were able to resolve it.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
    MNC Dover
  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    Tell us the name of the place so we can call/report them. One news story would make this whole thing go away.

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  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    Reddit legaladvice is pretty good for that sort of thing.

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  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    My kids were playing with some water squirters, and my son was being very against getting squirted. I told my daughter not to squirt him unless he squirt her first.
    A few minutes later, he runs up to me crying that his sister squirted him. She said he squirted her first, and in his tears he confirmed this. I'm about ready to let him know that it's fair game once he starts, but then he cries that she told him to squirt her.
    I looked at her and she sheepishly confirmed. I admonished her not to do that again, and only squirt water at him if he squirted her first without being told to. Gave my son a hug, and had them go off to play again.
    She listened, and they played nicely after that. But man. She knew exactly what she was doing.... I don't think she expected him to get so upset, though.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
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  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    I hope he learned his lesson about being bamboozled.

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  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    That's kinda funny and harmless, though. I mean, I'd have trouble to keep a straight face.

    MulysaSemproniusElvenshae
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    My kids were playing with some water squirters, and my son was being very against getting squirted. I told my daughter not to squirt him unless he squirt her first.
    A few minutes later, he runs up to me crying that his sister squirted him. She said he squirted her first, and in his tears he confirmed this. I'm about ready to let him know that it's fair game once he starts, but then he cries that she told him to squirt her.
    I looked at her and she sheepishly confirmed. I admonished her not to do that again, and only squirt water at him if he squirted her first without being told to. Gave my son a hug, and had them go off to play again.
    She listened, and they played nicely after that. But man. She knew exactly what she was doing.... I don't think she expected him to get so upset, though.

    That girls a born politician.
    My condolences.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
    Elvenshae
  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    Aldo wrote: »
    That's kinda funny and harmless, though. I mean, I'd have trouble to keep a straight face.

    Haha, yeah. She didn't get in trouble. I just let her know not to do it again.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
    Elvenshae
  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    Mad Max: Fury Road is a great movie if your toddler is into trucks.

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  • sponospono Mining for Nose Diamonds Registered User regular
    Anybody got recommendations on potty training books / resources? I have no idea how to start

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  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    spono wrote: »
    Anybody got recommendations on potty training books / resources? I have no idea how to start

    Well, the first thing I'd recommend is listening to your body. If you feel pressure in your tummy, that means you might need to use the potty. Start with that and try not wearing a diaper on weekends. You'll get there @spono! :)

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  • MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    spono wrote: »
    Anybody got recommendations on potty training books / resources? I have no idea how to start

    Either a sticker sheet they get to put a sticker each time they go or stamps on the hand and arms work well.

    Set a timer on your phone for every hour to prompt them to use the potty. Even if they don't have to they should still try and wash hands.

    When they do go in the potty ITS A FUCKING PARTY! MUSIC, PRAISE, STICKERS, WHATEVER YOU GOT.

    I am in the business of saving lives.
    ElvenshaeMNC Dover
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    It's funny how my first thought was "oh huh, whole books on that?", But I guess that after a while of reliably going to the toilet all the struggles just get stored in the recycling bin of my brain.

    I think any general advice is good to go by: most kids will figure it out with MegaMan's advice. Not really a subject you can write a whole book about

  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    My advice would be, don’t push it or force it on kids unless you know they are ready or absolutely have to because of daycare requirements.

    I know a lot of daycares require it for age 3 up. Fortunately ours didn’t as our eldest was in diapers until around 4. I think this is probably an unusual approach, but we basically had zero stress with potty training. Once he was ready, he basically went from diapers to fully potty trained in a couple of weeks.

    We basically started by familiarizing him with the toilet, getting him used to sitting on it, etc.

    :so_raven:
    kimePeen
  • sponospono Mining for Nose Diamonds Registered User regular
    OK maybe I'm over-complicating this

    I guess step 1 is to decide whether to use one of those plastic toilets or to get a kid-sized toilet seat for the real toilet

    I am leaning toward the latter because I don't want another thing I have to clean

    Maybe he's too young? 2.5 years old

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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    You can do both or either, see if he has a preference. Age is also flexible, it just really depends on if he's ready and willing or not. We had a very low-pressure, long-term environment for potty training starting a while before 2.5 years old. That worked well for us.

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