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Hi, Bad Joke Thread, I'm Dad

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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    I ain’t reading all that

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    It spells the opening lines of Bohemian Rhapsody, up to 'no escape from reality'

    It doesn't seem worth the effort for anyone involved tbh

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    jungleroomxjungleroomx It's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovels Registered User regular
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    If you're hooking up and at least one of you has a penis, remember to use protection.

    Safe D first!

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
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    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    Ego and Super-Ego walk into a bar.
    Bartender says, "I'm gonna need to see some Id."

    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    How many toy guns can you own in France?

    9

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    If a Lama with one L is a Tibetan holy man, and a Llama with two Ls is a beast of burden, what's a three L lama?

    A really big fire in Boston.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    That one took me an embarrassing amount of time to get. I had to say it out loud.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited May 2021
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    Bedlam on
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    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    How many toy guns can you own in France?

    9

    *Watches a foam dart sail away harmlessly*

    I think it went over my head...

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
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    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    That kid should know better than to sit in a Hall Pass

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    7i3qviptnq2l.jpeg

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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    I was having trouble getting my trailer attached to my truck, so I asked my dad if there was a way to do it.

    “Well,” he said, “there’s a hitch…”

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    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
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    Sir PlatypusSir Platypus Registered User regular
    I thought I found a good sale on some sushi earlier.

    Turns out it was a bit of a raw deal.

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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    My boss always used to laugh at my jokes, but ever since we started working from home she never laughs at them over Zoom calls. One day I asked her why.

    She said, "I'm sorry, but your jokes aren't remotely funny."

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    AistanAistan Tiny Bat Registered User regular
    I have to give up on my job of being a personal trainer, i'm too weak to lift the weights.

    I'll give my too weak notice tomorrow.

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    Undead ScottsmanUndead Scottsman Registered User regular
    My grandfather used to be an international baseball player. One time in the late 30's he played against Germany and got a strike out every time. He didn't even get one ball!

    It was a No Hitler.

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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    The Rock and Roll hall of fame was planning to clone long-dead musicians, but that plan has been cancelled. As soon as they announced plans to clone John Denver, the government stepped in and shut them down. The reason? "You'll fill up our census."

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I frequent a bar that serves vampires, werewolves, and zombies. You'd think it would be weird but everybody acts super natural.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Just got my second Vax shot. No microchip but it did contain the newest U2 album.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I went to the Chiropractor this morning. I now stand corrected.

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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Cut my wife into pieces
    This is my Borat joke

    BLM - ACAB
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    At first I wasnt sure about having a beard but now its really grown on me.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    At first I wasnt sure about having a beard but now its really grown on me.

    I know what you mean, I wasn’t really sure why the sun rises in the east, but then it dawned on me.

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    I was in the park earlier, wondering why a frisbee in the distance appeared to be getting larger

    Then it hit me

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    I swear I always forget the trick to throwing a boomerang

    But then it comes back to me

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    At first I wasnt sure about having a beard but now its really grown on me.

    I know what you mean, I wasn’t really sure why the sun rises in the east, but then it dawned on me.
    It is good to know that you have seen the light!

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    5X0wHHv.jpeg

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    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    Why is Billy Idol always so excited for summer to end?

    Because
    1aa6cb014cdb04220cec810ca0f9d6e4.jpg

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    I spent all morning putting the books on the bottom shelves of the library back in order.

    I don't know who rearranged them, but I've got a hunch.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    jungleroomxjungleroomx It's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovels Registered User regular
    oqg3p4o1dk09.png

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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    c7kegj93zwy0.png

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    [Expletive deleted][Expletive deleted] The mediocre doctor NorwayRegistered User regular
    I asked my boss if I could get the day off to help the missus with the spring cleaning. He told me no.

    I knew I could count on him.

    Sic transit gloria mundi.
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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    I had an online chat last night that led to me making these statements:

    "I want to engage in frottage in a cottage."

    "I want to engage in intercural (sex) in a winter mural."

    And the one that made me laugh hysterically at my own joke/stupidity:

    "I want to engage in soixante-neuf in a croissant booth."

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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