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Hi, Bad Joke Thread, I'm Dad

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited August 2021
    Ask not for who the MmmBops.

    It Do Waps for you.

    (doitonmydo)

    Bedlam on
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    Ask not for who the MmmBops.

    It Do Waps for you.

    (doitonmydo)

    Yeah, but who put the bomp?

    BLM - ACAB
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Do you know why the second ST:TNG movie has the subtitle it does?
    Because it's the one where Geordi ditched his visor and got his First Contacts

    BLM - ACAB
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    So, a warning to the thread - I return to work next week. Which means...

    I will once again have access to The Calendar.

    Given that, how should the content be spaced out? Should I resume going one page a day, or would working through it a week at a time be better?

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    So, a warning to the thread - I return to work next week. Which means...

    I will once again have access to The Calendar.

    Given that, how should the content be spaced out? Should I resume going one page a day, or would working through it a week at a time be better?

    Clearly, we have a substantial amount of bad jokes to make up for missing.
    I'd suggest typing them until you're fingers bleed, your eyes quiver in horror and your brain retreats into the sweet memory of a time before the calendar in a desperate effort to protect itself from the bad jokes.
    You know, just so we can get caught up.

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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    Q: What do you get when you cross a backlog of terrible page-a-day calendar jokes with the Bad Jokes Thread?
    A: What's coming to us.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    The hero we deserve

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    A society that we live in.

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    ProjeckProjeck Registered User regular
    knock knock

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    XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    Projeck wrote: »
    knock knock

    sounds like you could use some synthetic oil there

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    sponospono Mining for Nose Diamonds Booger CoveRegistered User regular
    Whoa hey Projeck

    Haven't seen you round these parts in a while

    640qocnq4ske.gif
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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    Fuckin' amateurs.

    Ahem. Who's there?

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    sponospono Mining for Nose Diamonds Booger CoveRegistered User regular
    Yo momma

    640qocnq4ske.gif
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    sponospono Mining for Nose Diamonds Booger CoveRegistered User regular
    Wait shit aw jeez

    640qocnq4ske.gif
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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    Yo momma who

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    knitdan wrote: »
    Yo momma who

    Nobody knows, this is an orphanage, pal

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Alright, I want to remind you all that my last post was less "threat", and more "promise". So, I'll be posting by calendar week per day. This first post will be shorter, so as to catch up on the week left last time.

    Wednesday, March 11th, 2020:
    I quit gymnastics because I was fed up of hanging around the bars.

    Thursday, March 12th, 2020:
    I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

    Friday, March 13th, 2020
    Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

    Saturday, March 14th/Sunday, March 15th, 2020
    My grandma is having trouble with her new stair lift. It's driving her up the wall.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    NitsuaNitsua Gloucester, VARegistered User regular
    These are Pretty good. Better than I was expecting.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Yeah those are actual quality puns. Nowhere near the depressing, existential dread of The Calendar.

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Yeah those are actual quality puns. Nowhere near the depressing, existential dread of The Calendar.

    Do you still wake up some nights with hoary breath and the feeling of a strange presence?

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    How dare you impugn the chastity of my breath, sir

    My breath is a saint

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    MorninglordMorninglord I'm tired of being Batman, so today I'll be Owl.Registered User regular
    Knock knock!
    Whose there?
    Adolf
    Adolf who?
    A dolf ball 'it me inna mouf

    (PSN: Morninglord) (Steam: Morninglord) (WiiU: Morninglord22) I like to record and toss up a lot of random gaming videos here.
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    MorninglordMorninglord I'm tired of being Batman, so today I'll be Owl.Registered User regular
    The person who invented the Knock Knock joke should win the Nobel prize.

    (PSN: Morninglord) (Steam: Morninglord) (WiiU: Morninglord22) I like to record and toss up a lot of random gaming videos here.
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    My two favorite knock knock jokes have to be told in person, they don’t work written out.

    BLM - ACAB
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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    When it comes to knock knock jokes, my door is always open.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    Family Guy sucks but this is genuinely brilliant.

    cinq7jvsu1vg.jpeg

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    MorninglordMorninglord I'm tired of being Batman, so today I'll be Owl.Registered User regular
    Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water.

    I was like well damn.

    (PSN: Morninglord) (Steam: Morninglord) (WiiU: Morninglord22) I like to record and toss up a lot of random gaming videos here.
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    edited August 2021
    The way some establishments soundproof their interiors is absolutely baffling.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sound_baffle

    For those needing this frog dissected

    joshofalltrades on
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    In Seattle, all the businesses down on the waterfront have to be sound proofed.

    BLM - ACAB
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    In Seattle, all the businesses down on the waterfront have to be sound proofed.

    Over on the lake, it's a Union thing.

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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    The Geek wrote: »
    In Seattle, all the businesses down on the waterfront have to be sound proofed.

    Over on the lake, it's a Union thing.

    And they just do a ton of washing.

    BLM - ACAB
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    So, after a sick day, here's the next week's list:
    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
    Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
    I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.
    When I finally worked out the secret to cloning, I was besides myself.
    I left my last boyfriend because he wouldn't stop counting. I wonder what he's up to now.
    When the cannibal showed up for lunch, the others gave him the cold shoulder.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    those are all pretty good, but those last two are fabulous

    I'm always a fan of a pun that properly works in both the literal and joke way

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    DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Saw this one at a NH state park ticket booth this week:

    What do you call a goat swimming really fast through the lake?

    A motor goat 🐐

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2021
    (Although I just realized that for the cannibal one, it would be vastly improved if you said the cannibal showed up late for lunch, explains both why they might be cold toward him and why the literal shoulder would be cold)

    Houk the Namebringer on
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    (Although I just realized that for the cannibal one, it would be vastly improved if you said the cannibal showed up late for lunch, explains both why they might be cold toward him and why the literal shoulder would be cold)

    I was thinking the same.

    BLM - ACAB
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    milskimilski Poyo! Registered User regular
    (Although I just realized that for the cannibal one, it would be vastly improved if you said the cannibal showed up late for lunch, explains both why they might be cold toward him and why the literal shoulder would be cold)

    And “late” has a little bit of death to it!

    I ate an engineer
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    milski wrote: »
    (Although I just realized that for the cannibal one, it would be vastly improved if you said the cannibal showed up late for lunch, explains both why they might be cold toward him and why the literal shoulder would be cold)

    And “late” has a little bit of death to it!

    Yeah, it's supposed to be that he's late to lunch, hence the cold shoulder (in both the social and literal sense.)

    Consider this a Peloops.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Okay, here's the next round.
    Someone broke into my house last night and stole my limbo stick. How low can you get?
    I wouldn't buy anything with Velcro. It's a total rip-off.
    The man who had fallen in an upholstery factory is now said to be fully recovered.
    Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
    I was happy with my historian job until I realized there was no future in it.
    People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    Kane Red RobeKane Red Robe Master of Magic ArcanusRegistered User regular
    Some of those are actually pretty decent.

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