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[MTG] Some call it bootlegging. Some call it racketeering. I call it Magic.

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Posts

  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    milski wrote: »
    Tezzeret is allied to Bolas, Phyrexia, the Eldrazi, the evil Gatewatch, the evil side of the Brothers War (both of them), and is the fifth dentist who doesn't recommend Colgate toothpaste

    Tezzeret is just looking for a nice guy with a handlebar mustache who will tie him down (to the railroad tracks)

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • WinkyWinky rRegistered User regular
    Kwoaru wrote: »
    Reconfigure is my favorite mechanic in years

    I really love the design of that monkey

  • WinkyWinky rRegistered User regular
    Vyolynce wrote: »
    begrudgingly curious about what the fuck tezzeret's plan even is

    "Maybe this time I'll win that 'Best #1 Evil Henchperson' award."

    I'd love for Tezzeret to be that one henchman who aways gets away in the end. He's never the main antagonist, but he's always the second in command. And while his latest boss is having a final showdown with the forces of good, like a sucker, he takes the money and runs.

    Cowardly opportunism. Perfect for a Blue-centered villain.

    Tezzeret is a Starscream for sure.

  • DanHibikiDanHibiki Registered User regular
    Winky wrote: »
    Vyolynce wrote: »
    begrudgingly curious about what the fuck tezzeret's plan even is

    "Maybe this time I'll win that 'Best #1 Evil Henchperson' award."

    I'd love for Tezzeret to be that one henchman who aways gets away in the end. He's never the main antagonist, but he's always the second in command. And while his latest boss is having a final showdown with the forces of good, like a sucker, he takes the money and runs.

    Cowardly opportunism. Perfect for a Blue-centered villain.

    Tezzeret is a Starscream for sure.

    wait, does Tezzeret constantly betray his masters?

  • WinkyWinky rRegistered User regular
    DanHibiki wrote: »
    Winky wrote: »
    Vyolynce wrote: »
    begrudgingly curious about what the fuck tezzeret's plan even is

    "Maybe this time I'll win that 'Best #1 Evil Henchperson' award."

    I'd love for Tezzeret to be that one henchman who aways gets away in the end. He's never the main antagonist, but he's always the second in command. And while his latest boss is having a final showdown with the forces of good, like a sucker, he takes the money and runs.

    Cowardly opportunism. Perfect for a Blue-centered villain.

    Tezzeret is a Starscream for sure.

    wait, does Tezzeret constantly betray his masters?

    Eh, not overtly, but he certainly isn't loyal

  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    historically tezzeret has been forced into loyalty through magical means and as soon as he gets an opportunity to ditch he ditch

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  • KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    turns out Tezzeret is just a bystander but everyone rudely assumes that he's allied with the Phyrexians just because...

    *surreptitiously gestures at Tezzeret's metal arm*

  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
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  • WinkyWinky rRegistered User regular
    Well that card is aptly named

  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    invoke dis pair of nuts

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • DanHibikiDanHibiki Registered User regular
    Winky wrote: »
    DanHibiki wrote: »
    Winky wrote: »
    Vyolynce wrote: »
    begrudgingly curious about what the fuck tezzeret's plan even is

    "Maybe this time I'll win that 'Best #1 Evil Henchperson' award."

    I'd love for Tezzeret to be that one henchman who aways gets away in the end. He's never the main antagonist, but he's always the second in command. And while his latest boss is having a final showdown with the forces of good, like a sucker, he takes the money and runs.

    Cowardly opportunism. Perfect for a Blue-centered villain.

    Tezzeret is a Starscream for sure.

    wait, does Tezzeret constantly betray his masters?

    Eh, not overtly, but he certainly isn't loyal

    so more of a Shockwave than a Starscream

  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    I do think a problem facing the MtG team is that they've struggled to do multiverse-based villains that aren't just "recruiters/corrupters". The Eldrazi go from plane to plane making it goop and eldrazi. The Phyrexians make it metal and Phyrexia. And even though Nicol Bolas doesn't directly convert people, he still pressgangs and manipulates protagonist figures like Liliana or the guilds, and of course converted all those heroic figures from Amonkhet into Eternals, with the intention of making more Eternals in the future. I hope they're aware of how much their villains all sort of play in that same space, and they manage to subvert it with this upcoming Phyrexian storyline.

    I like New Phyrexia as a people desperately trying to figure out how to recapture the glorious past that exists in their genetic memory, without having any actual knowledge of how to accomplish that. I don't think they'll be very interesting if they become Old Phyrexia

    liEt3nH.png
  • WinkyWinky rRegistered User regular
    I do think a problem facing the MtG team is that they've struggled to do multiverse-based villains that aren't just "recruiters/corrupters". The Eldrazi go from plane to plane making it goop and eldrazi. The Phyrexians make it metal and Phyrexia. And even though Nicol Bolas doesn't directly convert people, he still pressgangs and manipulates protagonist figures like Liliana or the guilds, and of course converted all those heroic figures from Amonkhet into Eternals, with the intention of making more Eternals in the future. I hope they're aware of how much their villains all sort of play in that same space, and they manage to subvert it with this upcoming Phyrexian storyline.

    I like New Phyrexia as a people desperately trying to figure out how to recapture the glorious past that exists in their genetic memory, without having any actual knowledge of how to accomplish that. I don't think they'll be very interesting if they become Old Phyrexia

    It would be interesting if Urabrask and his faction sticks around after this whole story arc and a neutral faction of Phyrexians is just a thing that continues to exist.

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    I think the hook is going to be their makeup of different colors. Now it’d make for a very ineffectual villain if they were constantly undone by petty infighting, but it might be at least a change of pace from Bolas being hyper-competent and twenty steps ahead of everyone.

    Recruiter/Corrupter is kind of a necessity when your setting is full of disconnected worlds that only a tiny percentage of the cast can travel between between. So unless your villain happens to have an army of planeswalkers, they have to either use the locals to help them or just be independently powerful which tends to be uninteresting since the villain can’t lose until the very end so the fights tend to be foregone conclusions. Or build robots very fast. I figure Tezzeret and the Planar Bridge would be how Phyrexia gets around that problem, but apparently not?

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  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    If you were the Phyrexians would you hinge your entire plot on Tezzeret?

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  • Styrofoam SammichStyrofoam Sammich WANT. normal (not weird)Registered User regular
    If you were the Phyrexians would you hinge your entire plot on Tezzeret?

    Guessing he thinks itll work out for him and phyrexia is using him.

    Id guess Koth shows up as a new father of machines but theyve made it clear red doesnt really fit in. Anyone else floating around missing?

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  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    His resume clearly says “Reliable Contractor With Consistent, Betrayal-Less Work History”

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  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    My theory is that Tezzeret wants them to build a Yawgmoth and then he plans on jacking it off

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  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    I mean stealing it

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  • Styrofoam SammichStyrofoam Sammich WANT. normal (not weird)Registered User regular
    My theory is that Tezzeret wants them to build a Yawgmoth and then he plans on jacking it off

    Thats why he joined the Seekers on Esper in the first place. For jacking off machines

    wq09t4opzrlc.jpg
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Honestly, it would be extremely funny if Tezzeret just perpetually bounced from major villain to major villain for the rest of the game’s history.

    “Tezzeret, what do you think will happen to you when they win?”
    “Well, historically they never get that far.”

    YL9WnCY.png
  • Styrofoam SammichStyrofoam Sammich WANT. normal (not weird)Registered User regular
    Sterica wrote: »
    Honestly, it would be extremely funny if Tezzeret just perpetually bounced from major villain to major villain for the rest of the game’s history.

    “Tezzeret, what do you think will happen to you when they win?”
    “Well, historically they never get that far.”

    Tezz working for lower and lower rung villains until we find him scheming with a group of goblins

    wq09t4opzrlc.jpg
  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    you know how fucking surprised i was when rather than be someone's crony, tibalt got top villain billing in kaldheim?

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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Sterica wrote: »
    Honestly, it would be extremely funny if Tezzeret just perpetually bounced from major villain to major villain for the rest of the game’s history.

    “Tezzeret, what do you think will happen to you when they win?”
    “Well, historically they never get that far.”

    Ah yes, the Taskmaster of MTG

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    does that make jin-gitaxis the Little Alex Horne

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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    does that make jin-gitaxis the Little Alex Horne

    Different taskmaster but yes

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    tezzeret is the minions of MTG

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  • WearingglassesWearingglasses Of the friendly neighborhood variety Registered User regular
    Man.

    Latest lore spoiler
    First Gisela and Bruna, now my favorite planeswalker. Sad.

    This is vaguely similar to getting a game sequel and having your favorite character in the original bite it in the prologue.

  • Ivan HungerIvan Hunger Registered User regular
    Sterica wrote: »
    I figure Tezzeret and the Planar Bridge would be how Phyrexia gets around that problem, but apparently not?

    There's still the problem of the post-mending Blind Eternities disintegrating any organic material that passes through it, unless that material is protected by a planeswalker spark or a coating of lazotep. I think what we're seeing is a multi-step plan to solve that problem.

    Plase 1 was to find a way for the Praetors themselves to travel the multiverse without harm. When Vorinclex was transported to Kaldheim, he was brought to the brink of death. And we can assume, as the Green Praetor, he's the most physically durable of them all. That's why he had moose antlers on Kaldhiem. He needed to use biomass from the local creatures to rebuild the organic half of his body.

    6bf084fe-7762-49c5-974a-cdecc10666b3.jpg?1639436665
    When we see Jin-Gitaxias on Kamigawa, he looks unchanged. From this, I presume the divine tree sap Vorinclex retrieved from Kaldheim allowed him to use the planar bridge without injury. But even if they can now travel the multiverse, the Praetors still number only five. If they wanted to discover a way to send entire armies across the multiverse, they would need agents who were familiar with multiversal travel.

    Phase 2 was to find a work-around for planeswalker immunity to the glistening oil. The oil was designed to evolve and adapt, naturally overwhelming any physical or magical defensive it came into contact with. But a planeswalker spark hard counters the oil in a way Yawgmoth never could have anticipated. No matter how much time it was given, the oil would never be able to overcome this weakness on its own. So an artificial method needed to be discovered that would reconcile these two incompatible forces. Logically, it made sense to assign the most meticulous and analytical of the five Praetors to this task.

    The-Reality-Chip-NEO-672.jpg

    Using an intricately designed microchip capable of channeling reality-altering magic, the inherent contradiction of the glistening oil and a planeswalker spark co-existing in the same individual could finally be resolved. With planeswalking minions scouring the multiverse on their behalf, the Praetors can now effectively search for a way to facilitate large-scale multiversal invasions.

    But even this breakthrough is just another means to an end. Some even more horrifying Phase 3 is already beginning on some as yet unknown plane.

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Unchanged? He has pants now.

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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    I will note that part of the reason why people were interested in Kaldheim was because of the World Tree there and that people could go between 'realms' without a planeswalker.

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • DanHibikiDanHibiki Registered User regular
    \
    Sterica wrote: »
    I figure Tezzeret and the Planar Bridge would be how Phyrexia gets around that problem, but apparently not?

    There's still the problem of the post-mending Blind Eternities disintegrating any organic material that passes through it, unless that material is protected by a planeswalker spark or a coating of lazotep. I think what we're seeing is a multi-step plan to solve that problem.

    Plase 1 was to find a way for the Praetors themselves to travel the multiverse without harm. When Vorinclex was transported to Kaldheim, he was brought to the brink of death. And we can assume, as the Green Praetor, he's the most physically durable of them all. That's why he had moose antlers on Kaldhiem. He needed to use biomass from the local creatures to rebuild the organic half of his body.

    But even this breakthrough is just another means to an end. Some even more horrifying Phase 3 is already beginning on some as yet unknown plane.

    Some time in the future
    Jin-Gitaxias: Ah excellent, phase 42 is complete!
    Tezzeret: What's next?
    Jin: huh?
    Tezz: Well we finished this step, what's the next one?
    Jin: I... I don't know... I kind of lost track at phase 38 and i've been sort of playing it by ear.
    Tezz: So... are we done then?
    Jin: I guess.
    Tezz: You wanna paint some Warhammer miniatures?
    Jin: Yes. Yes I do!

  • KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    Sterica wrote: »
    Unchanged? He has pants now.

    so even more powerful

  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    Maro specifically mentions on his tumblr that the core problem the Phyrexians have faced when attempting to compleat planeswalkers is that they can't compleat someone without destroying the soul. Jin's study of the kami on Kamigawa was specifically to figure out how to solve this problem, and so functionally, Tamiyo is the first Phyrexian with a soul.

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  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    I hope keeping her soul implies she's not a boring mind-slave and is like, just her normal self but with a phyrexian body, that would be much more interesting than her just being evil

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  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/episode-5-threads-war-2022-01-27
    "Arise, first of the Phyrexian planeswalkers. You will not be the last."

    Tamiyo's eyes fluttered at the sound of Jin-Gitaxias's voice. She sat up, processing the shapes around her. It wasn't the first time she'd been awake in the laboratory, but it was the first time it felt . . . familiar.

    Frowning, Tamiyo reached for her satchel and pulled out one of her story scrolls. She stared at the parchment, watching as the words flashed with a metallic sheen and morphed into another language entirely. She read the Phyrexian text as if she'd been doing it all her life and felt a strange contentment wash over her.

    Phyrexia was her new home. She was a part of it—mind, body, and soul.

    Tamiyo looked down at the chrome flickering across her arms like strange patchwork. It was as freshly polished as the rebuilt portion of Jin-Gitaxias's chest.

    The monster shifted nearby, teeth clicking together as he studied the cable-like wires flowing with bright liquid. They trailed from Tamiyo's flesh to a nearby machine.

    Tamiyo felt only gratitude to the monster. She had always loved her family and would do anything to protect them. Now, she would protect Phyrexia with the same unfailing loyalty.

    When Tezzeret's reflection appeared on one of the surgical glass beakers, Jin-Gitaxias turned, snapping his sharp jaws in greeting.

    "Your presence has been scarce in recent days," the monster noted. There was a hint of sharpness in his voice.

    Tezzeret brushed off the veiled accusation and lifted his metal arm. It glowed with a faint pink energy. "Using the Planar Bridge takes a toll. I was recovering." He glanced at Tamiyo with distaste.

    She tilted her head. Something was rattling him. Something he was attempting to conceal with irritation. "You do not like me. I can feel your truth." If he was not loyal to Phyrexia, she would discover the reason why.

    There was a vulnerability in the way he watched her. Perhaps it was not solely to do with his damaged body.

    Tezzeret bit down on his unease, replacing it with indifference. "You and your friends tried to interfere with Phyrexia's plans. I have no reason to like you, and even less reason to trust you."

    Tamiyo could find only truth in his words, so she settled back in her seat, glancing briefly at the three iron-bound scrolls she swore never to use. She'd always believed they were far too powerful and risked causing great destruction.

    But she also promised to intervene if there was ever an immediate threat to the place—and people—she considered home.

    Phyrexia was her family now. And there was nothing she wouldn't do for her family.

    Jin-Gitaxias snarled. "Your doubt for the previous fleshling is understandable. But the test subject has proven a worthy candidate. To trust the planeswalker now is to trust Phyrexia."

    Tezzeret blinked, solemn. "It sounds like things are going well. Does Elesh Norn know you've succeeded in creating the first Phyrexianized planeswalker?"

    "She has been informed and has been suitably chastised for underestimating my intelligence." Jin-Gitaxias moved aside, metal body gleaming. "The work continues to progress, but there is still much to be done."

    Research. Further data. Progress.

    Tamiyo had traveled the Multiverse for knowledge. And if that's what would protect Phyrexia, then she would help in any way she could.

    Her family would always come first.

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  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    rip

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  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    I think that's the best possible outcome? Like, she's still her. Just also not.

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • I needed anime to post.I needed anime to post. boom Registered User regular
    I'd say it's a very conscious way of leaving a door open, so that they can write in either direction freely

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  • turtleantturtleant Gunpla Dad is the best.Registered User regular
    money on remembers her real self just in time to do a heroic sacrifice.

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This discussion has been closed.