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My life is emptying the chamber pot and wiping up urine

NobeardNobeard North Carolina: Failed StateRegistered User regular
And it's not even for the same person. One is my MiL, who has severe dementia and peed on the bathroom floor. I guess I should be glad I'm not her primary care giver. The chamber pot I'd rather not say specifically who. Suffice to say we live together and the chamber pot is a not a temporary deal. This is a permanent fixture of both our lives.

I know "I didn't sign up for this" is lame whining because nobody signs up for the bullshit life inevitably gives us all but ffs I did not sign up for this. How in the hell have I wound up being the caretaker for multiple adults? How have I wound up so alone in dealing with this? Nobody is coming to help me with these responsibilities. I shouldn't have these responsibilities.

I don't think there is any specific advice I'm asking for. If you have any I'll gladly listen, though. Mainly I just need somewhere to vent this. I am seeing a psychiatrist and therapist.


  • zepherinzepherin Russian warship, go fuck yourself Registered User regular
    That sucks, is either of them on any health insurance (Medicare or Medicaid count). You may be able to get nurses to help you with both of your dependents, also check to see if you can get some money from the state. States and the Feds often don’t advertise ways they help you with things like this. My buddy who was the only one taking care of his grandpa got a home care giver payment for it. It wasn’t much (like 300 bucks a month), but it was better than nothing.

  • NobeardNobeard North Carolina: Failed StateRegistered User regular
    edited August 2021
    So I just helped MiL go to the bathroom and afterwards she said "I love you, be careful". Just offhand kind of. I have many feelings, but it's mostly nice.

    Edi: And now I've teared up a bit. Feels good.

    Nobeard on
    ElvenshaeZilla360JaysonFourdispatch.oForarJazzKristmas Kthulhu
  • dispatch.odispatch.o Registered User regular
    It seems like you need to go out for a beer(or whatever you do) and be around people who aren't reliant on you for a little bit.

    I work in healthcare and there's a reason caregiver is a job that is full time and always in demand. You need a break.

    RingoZilla360AthenorKane Red RobetynicJazzNetscapeKristmas KthulhuGnome-Interruptus
  • ThundyrkatzThundyrkatz Registered User regular
    You can't help anyone if you are not in a good place yourself. Its great that you are recognizing that you need some help, some outlet. The next step is to make it happen.

    When my father died and I ended up having to take care of my parents estate and the finances for my mom. I had no idea what to do! So i got myself a notebook and just started calling people and asking for help. I was amazed at how many people are willing to help if you are nice and just say you don't know what you don't know but you need to get this thing done. One call leads to the next. You get a bit of information, then the next call and you learn more and get a new contact and within a few minutes there is a solution to your problem that you did not even think was possible an hour ago!

    There is help out there if you ask nicely and are persistent.

    You may find that there is money available to help you, people that will come in and back you up. Systems in place to ensure that these people that you love enough to help them in their most vulnerable time are cared for when you are down yourself. Plus support systems to ensure that you stay up and positive! I wish you the best!

    ElvenshaeZilla360dispatch.oJazzNetscapeKristmas Kthulhu
  • That_GuyThat_Guy I don't wanna be that guy Registered User regular
    Nobeard wrote: »
    So I just helped MiL go to the bathroom and afterwards she said "I love you, be careful". Just offhand kind of. I have many feelings, but it's mostly nice.

    Edi: And now I've teared up a bit. Feels good.

    Caring for the elderly and infirm is a difficult and thankless job. But it's better than the alternative of letting them wander into the woods to die. My mom was the primary caregiver for my Grandfather during the last 8 years of his life. Towards the end it got pretty bad and it made her life very difficult. I didn't really have to deal with it every day but I know how you feel. It fucking sucks.

  • zepherinzepherin Russian warship, go fuck yourself Registered User regular
    Also, something that occurred to me from my time at the retirement home, if you aren’t using a patient slide board and belt to transfer from bed to chair or chair to toilet, get one of the nurses to show you how. And consider buying one of your having some difficulty lifting people.

  • dispatch.odispatch.o Registered User regular
    edited August 2021
    Properly provided care for those that need it is largely invisible. Allowing the elderly and those with physical or mental difficulties to live a dignified existence free of neglect is an incredible thing.

    No thanks will give you the time or energy you invest back but it's a profound and moral thing you're doing.

    Even if it's unsatisfying and hard sometimes, appreciate that you're doing a good thing and deserve to want rest once in a while.

    You can't care for anyone if you burn out. You get to be frustrated and unhappy sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that.

    dispatch.o on
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