As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options
Parents are gone...I'm doing something crazy, and need some advice.
MotherFirefly
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, my parents are taking my sister on a trip to the Carolinas, and there's this guy that I was seeing in college that lives in PA (I'm located in TX, presently). Essentially, they said I couldn't go visit him unless he came to visit me first, and that probably won't be feasible anytime soon.
I plan on going for a Friday-Monday stint, I work and I've already taken care of most of this, nothings set in stone yet until I get dates from him, and I need to work out a gameplan.
1) Tickets are going to run me about 300 bucks, I'm willing to pay this of course I have the cash. There's only one problem
Is there any way to go to the airport and buy the tickets with cash? My mom is leaving town on saturday, so I could easily anytime during the week head over to the airport and my dad wouldn't know.
2) What do I do if I'm gone and they call the house? Is there any way to set up call forwarding? and then what if I miss the call? Is there any way to call them back so it won't come up on callerID on their phones? I wouldn't want them to realizing that a) I'm not home or b) I'm calling from my cell phone all the time.
I think those are my only two major issues, if anyone else has some good suggestion as to how to cover my tracks that'd be appreciated also.
I plan on going for a Friday-Monday stint, I work and I've already taken care of most of this, nothings set in stone yet until I get dates from him, and I need to work out a gameplan.
1) Tickets are going to run me about 300 bucks, I'm willing to pay this of course I have the cash. There's only one problem
my parents have this habit of opening my mail, so they would see any purchases I made with my debit card --should I risk buying tickets online? I'm pretty sure that right away they'd be able to notice a 300 dollar purchase linked to CONTINENTAL AIRLINES and be pretty pissed
Is there any way to go to the airport and buy the tickets with cash? My mom is leaving town on saturday, so I could easily anytime during the week head over to the airport and my dad wouldn't know.
2) What do I do if I'm gone and they call the house? Is there any way to set up call forwarding? and then what if I miss the call? Is there any way to call them back so it won't come up on callerID on their phones? I wouldn't want them to realizing that a) I'm not home or b) I'm calling from my cell phone all the time.
I think those are my only two major issues, if anyone else has some good suggestion as to how to cover my tracks that'd be appreciated also.
MotherFirefly on
0
Posts
I think I need a bit more context before I'm comfortable giving advice on this.
Anyway, you could have the guy buy your ticket for you and then promise to reimburse him.
and it's not like I'm running away, it's for a weekend. I've flown by myself before (to/from college, various destinations). My parent's are just really overprotective, and old fashioned.
remember cash is hard to trace, so you could go to the ticket counter at the airport and buy tickets with cash, this eliminating the debit card paper trail.
Unless you've made committment to stay at your parents house for the weekend or something, I'm just not certain why you wouldn't be able to do this with your own money on your own debit card. Perhaps we could use a little more explanation as to why your parents wouldn't just let you have permission to go visit the guy.
that's totally heinous and I wouldnt have stood for it at 14, let alone when I was of age
from the net - not sure how factual
" It is not a federal crime to take, open, destroy, or hide someone else's mail unless it happens after it was mailed and "before it has been delivered to the person to whom it was directed". 18 USC sec. 1702. However, it may be a violation of a state law regarding privacy in your state. "
Please tell us why he wouldn't just be able to do that?
A) Doubtful. Post 9-11 and all that. However you could use western union. http://www.westernunion.com/info/osAirlines.asp
Q) I wouldn't want them to realizing that a) I'm not home
A) Get over it. There are THOUSANDS of ways they could discover your plot. From cable repairmen to friends and neighbors to your boyfriend sending them live satellite feed of you two making out. If you're not 100% ok with your parents finding out at some not-at-all-distant point, then maybe you shouldn't try.
Either get a PO Box, or get $300 in cash, go down to your local Safeway/Wal-Mart/whatever, and buy one of those credit cards that you fill with cash, then spend.
Like I said, my parents are really overprotective/old fashioned. He invited me to come visit him this summer, initially my mom said "okay" there was no issue, great. Then she changed her mind, and both her and my dad said that he had to come visit us here in Texas before I could go visit him. They've made this really difficult in that they're both traveling alternately for ALL of June and 3/4 of July. So the first time that he'd get to come visit is really...end of july/august. On top of that he's working, and it's hard for him to get some time off...
I don't LIKE going behind my parents backs. They tend to smother me, why else do you guys think that I'm going to school in Boston? It's about as far away as I could humanly get, and they wouldn't be able to just "pop in" and check up on me. Freshman year was my first year to ever really be independent, Date guys, stay out past midnight etc, even go to concerts. They just keep me close so I can be their little "golden girl" I've taken two jobs here at home just so I don't have to STAY at home all the time. It's miserable. But I'm really not fiscally able to move out, plus their support financially for college really really helps.
stout's Amazon Wishlist | my lastFM
Second, I'd suggest that in the future you might want to try and get any financial stuff(statements, bills, etc.) done online (I don't get physical bank statements anymore, since I had my identity stolen twice by former Royal Mail staff). They really shouldn't be going through your mail.
Third, I'd suggest that making this kind of trip, while attempting to conceal it from your parents, would not be the most productive way to begin that kind of dialogue.
I can see where you're coming from, but since you are financially dependent on your parents and living in their home, you have a certain obligation to follow their rules. If you make this trip without telling them, you run a serious risk that they will either stop helping you financially or else restrict you even more severely. As PirateJon noted it is quite likely that they will find out eventually.
Beat'd by drinkinstout.
Word of advice: Don't break trust here.
I had a long distance stint and the girl's parents insisted I go there first before she could travel anywhere else. It was totally inconvenient for us, but we sucked it up, I went out there and it went swimmingly. From then on her parents didn't mind allowing her to travel to see me and she got way more freedom. Heck, her mom even started giving me shopping money and sent me a birthday gift.
Do you think that would have happened had she flown off behind their backs? Not really. They'd hate me no matter what. Just like your parents will end up hating this guy if he allows you to sneak around on them. Whether their response is overprotective, illogical, or whatever, that doesn't much matter if you value keeping a stable longterm relationship with your parents AND this guy.
You're old enough to do what you please, sure, but you're also still relying on mom and dad for funds and support. This means you have to follow some overprotective parent rules. Play by their rules, have them meet this guy, and then once they see he's worth a damn you'll get quite a bit more freedom. I know, the wait will suck, but it's better than completely turning your parents against you and this guy if you value the relationships you have with both parties.
Warframe: TheBaconDwarf
You're an adult, your parents are much happier having the illusion that they can treat you like a child, so just fly out there and cover your tracks well enough that you don't get caught. If you get a P.O. Box, just don't tell them about it, and get a second bank card that goes to that P.O. Box. If you decide to go with the cash card thing, your tracks are already covered, which is why I recommend that route. A third option would be to just have your boyfriend put it on one of his cards, then pay him in cash when you get down there.
As for the money. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Try to hide the money trail if you can. However, your parents really shouldn't be opening your mail. I don't rememeber American laws so much any more, but from what I recall, it's a federal crime since you are over 18. Obviously nothing will come of it, but that there should be a hint that they shouldn't be doing it
!!!!▓▓▓▓▓Gravy?▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!
!!!!!!▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!!!!
of doom
If you don't want to do what they say, move out. Until then, you should abide by their rules. Sneaking off to PA is a bad idea.
I'm also on Thanatos' side in terms of taking steps to protect your privacy, since your parents obviously don't trust you.
Steam | Live
This is an excellent point. If the rules are "he comes out here first," and you only have excuses, then there's some other reason that you or he wants to be out in PA instead. Many parents assume that "boy wants my daughter to stay with him for a long weekend = sex," and "boy wants to visit so we can meet him and see that he's not creepy = not just sex." We don't know the relationship details, and maybe it's all about sex or sex isn't even an issue, but if the reason he doesn't want to come visit is because he doesn't want to take a vacation day or two, that's kind of weird.
But if you two are just lovebirds and want to get together sooner rather than later, there's nothing really wrong with it. If your parents are out of town and you don't have any responsibilities such as dog feeding or whatever, the worst that could likely happen is your parents call you and can't get ahold of you for the entire weekend. In which case you'll have to come up with a believable excuse or similar.
I was going to say that I've done similar trips for people who amounted to little more than friends, but then I'm the boy and my parents are more liberal about it. The few times the person I was meeting was a girl, the parents were actually in a similar boat -- they preferred I went out there. In each case they really liked having me around and sex/kissing/relationships weren't even a factor, but I know how it feels when you just want to get away and do something a little crazy. Even if it's ultimately a pretty boring trip, it's nice to get away.
If I were going to endorse doing this trip, this is how I'd cover the money trail. Simple and effective. Plus your boy could even get airline miles that he could use to see you.
Warframe: TheBaconDwarf
I know this wasn't the point of your post, but this is not cool, and I would work on this in the future. Whether you're 19 or 12, your parents really shouldn't be opening your mail. I'm guessing that you haven't really objected, in which case they probably just don't think you mind. My mom opened a letter for me once, years ago, and even though it wasn't secret or important, I got really pissed at her, and she's never done it again.
On topic, if it was me, I would probably go. Like others have said, there are ways to pay for it without them finding out. Just be prepared for the consequences, though, if they ever find out. However irrational their response might be, you essentially have no choice but to deal with it, since they've clearly stated their rules.
I honestly don't even know really what "we" are. We've been 'seeing' each other romantically since maybe February, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said no. Later on we both agreed that it was too late in the school year to commit to something when the summer is 4 months of being...really far away. So, there's no sides or anything, it's just that he's not required to call me every day, I don't have to call him every day. But there's definitely that entire, once school gets back, we're on, thing...
I certainly think that he wants to see me, I made it clear that I'm not trying to pressure him or make him do anything he doesn't want to do. It's been hard to schedule a time for him to come visit because well in May he had to go to Kentucky for a weekend with his family--not to mention that was really soon after getting off of school. 4th of July he's going with his Aunt/Cousins somewhere, all of June either one or both of my parents are gone, then the week in July when we're going on a family vacation he has a get together will all of his senior friend called "Senior week".
So...yeah.
I'm not saying don't go. I am saying don't just go because your parents don't want you to. It also sounds like both of you have kept a busy summer schedule, so it's not like you're just sitting around on the phone pining for each other. If you don't really know the relationship between you two, other than "more than friends but not really dating," you should sit down and figure out why you really want to go.
If there's a good reason to go, then dealing with the possibility of getting caught is practically moot.
Also, if he can't get time off to come to visit, will he have time for you when you get there?
If it were me, I'd save the $300... but that's me
I don't believe it - I'm on my THIRD PS3, and my FIRST XBOX360. What the heck?
As to the trip: why, again, can't he come to you? Examine this question carefully. Does he simply not have the money, or does he not want to be bothered. I'm not saying you should be completely unreasonable, like your parents are being, but it's an important question to be asked here.
Does that mean it isn't a good idea?
Thats a horrible comparison. You hide it for fear of embarassment. She hides it for fear of punishment. Also, there is the $300, flying to another state to see some guy aspect that just doesn't compare to you jerking off in a sock.
If she's already fucking 19 and they're doing this, the parents are going to be paranoid for the rest of their lives. That ship has already sailed.
Sometimes people are irrational assholes and there's nothing you can do about it. Welcome to life.
Thanks for the welcome mat. So, I'm not sure what you are saying... she should do this anyways because her parents are paranoid? I don't think that makes any sense. Clearly there is a reason why she's trying to hide her actions and might that just be because she realizes there is something stupid about it?
!!!!▓▓▓▓▓Gravy?▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!
!!!!!!▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓!!!!!!!!!
of doom