i think you would probably be able to get away with this, but i also think the more important question is why you want to do this. what you've posted about your relationship sounds like you guys aren't exactly a solid couple, and the last thing you want to do is get there and find out he's got a girlfriend.
i've done the long distance relationship thing before, and it can work. but both of you need to be perfectly honest with each other and you also need to know where you stand. i'd get to THAT point before i'd think about flying across half the country to meet a guy you aren't even officially dating.
Pants Man on
"okay byron, my grandma has a right to be happy, so i give you my blessing. just... don't get her pregnant. i don't need another mom."
I'd also excuse my parents for opening ANYTHING that arrived in their mailbox. After all, the only stuff that should arrive in their mailbox is their mail, right? I know I open stuff that's addressed to my wife, sometimes on accident. It's not a big deal. It happens. MF's other comments don't seem unusual for any kid to make. It's pretty normal for teenagers to feel that their parents are smothering them, ESPECIALLY as they move from high school to college.
My mom openned my mail once. Because she thought what you do. She was wrong, and after I chewed her out over the phone for half an hour she hasn't done it since. You are not even permitted to open your wife's mail without her permission, nor your children's. You can't open mail that isn't addressed to you without permission from the addressed recipient (it doesn't say "To anyone in the house at 123 Sesame Street", it says "Ernie Hudson 123 Sesame Street), period. It is a federal offense in every other case. I'm not recommending bringing in the feds, becaues that wouldn't help anything, but you can't expect people to treat you with respect if you refuse to respect their basic human rights.
To the OP: If you must do this, tell your parents. They will find out eventually no matter what, so you should at least let them know sooner than later and deal with the shit then and there.
To the OP: If you must do this, tell your parents. They will find out eventually no matter what, so you should at least let them know sooner than later and deal with the shit then and there.
This is a wonderful myth that the parents of the world have kept up for generations.
I've done all sorts of shit that my parents have never found out about.
To the OP: If you must do this, tell your parents. They will find out eventually no matter what, so you should at least let them know sooner than later and deal with the shit then and there.
This is a wonderful myth that the parents of the world have kept up for generations.
I've done all sorts of shit that my parents have never found out about.
Well yeah, but in this particular situation I feel like it will be hard for her to hide it.
How do you suggest she get around the fact that they're probably going to call the house and expect her to be there? And notice that when she calls back it's not from the house number? If they are overprotective parents they are going to be more likely to call and then worry, I'm thinking.
Yes, privacy is one of them. No matter how you try to holier-than-thou it up, the fact remains that when they open her mail without her permission they are committing a federal offense of which she is the victim.
And yeah, that second part's total horse-shit. Fuck, my mom thinks I'm still a virgin.
My mom openned my mail once. Because she thought what you do. She was wrong, and after I chewed her out over the phone for half an hour she hasn't done it since. You are not even permitted to open your wife's mail without her permission, nor your children's. You can't open mail that isn't addressed to you without permission from the addressed recipient (it doesn't say "To anyone in the house at 123 Sesame Street", it says "Ernie Hudson 123 Sesame Street), period. It is a federal offense in every other case. I'm not recommending bringing in the feds, becaues that wouldn't help anything, but you can't expect people to treat you with respect if you refuse to respect their basic human rights.
I think it's a little presumptuous to assume that if they've opened her mail before, they must hate her freedoms, or whatever. It's possible they do it, as has been said, to try to be helpful, weed out junk mail, and the like. If they have done this, and she's never complained, they may well just think she doesn't care, and appreciates the gesture, or something.
Though this is as much off-topic and beside the point as all of the it-sucks-to-cut-you-off-financially bullshit, so perhaps we should restrict our comments to ways to sneak around behind her parents' backs.
ElJeffe on
I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
And yeah, that second part's total horse-shit. Fuck, my mom thinks I'm still a virgin.
Did I say everyone's parents everywhere can never be duped? No. I'm saying that in this situation as I perceive it, I think it will be very difficult for her to hide this trip from her parents. Sorry, I guess that wasn't clear.
My mom openned my mail once. Because she thought what you do. She was wrong, and after I chewed her out over the phone for half an hour she hasn't done it since. You are not even permitted to open your wife's mail without her permission, nor your children's. You can't open mail that isn't addressed to you without permission from the addressed recipient (it doesn't say "To anyone in the house at 123 Sesame Street", it says "Ernie Hudson 123 Sesame Street), period. It is a federal offense in every other case. I'm not recommending bringing in the feds, becaues that wouldn't help anything, but you can't expect people to treat you with respect if you refuse to respect their basic human rights.
I think it's a little presumptuous to assume that if they've opened her mail before, they must hate her freedoms, or whatever. It's possible they do it, as has been said, to try to be helpful, weed out junk mail, and the like. If they have done this, and she's never complained, they may well just think she doesn't care, and appreciates the gesture, or something.
Though this is as much off-topic and beside the point as all of the it-sucks-to-cut-you-off-financially bullshit, so perhaps we should restrict our comments to ways to sneak around behind her parents' backs.
I assumed she had already said something about it and they ignored it or make excuses. If she has just let them keep doing it she has no business complaining and isn't really in a position to make a stink about it at this point. Most parents I know who do that to their kids are doing it as a means of keeping tabs on the kid. And it's perfectly relevant since it bears on whether or not they really deserve all the things you claimed they're entitled to earlier.
You parents pay your bills for staying at their place and at college.
Until you pay them rent you have to respect their wishes.
Yeah the minute someone opens my mail without my consent (unless it's by accident), I don't owe them jack shit. Now the people who couldn't drop this are getting 'fracted.
Why can't he come visit you? That way you wouldn't be leaving a money trail. You could pay him half the costs.
Now there's a good point. If he's not willing to split the bill or make an effort to come down to you (because its not like it makes a difference in terms of ignoring your parents wishes), he's not sufficiently enthusiastic about seeing you.
This is large.
Okay, I have a scholarship that pays for at least half of my academic tuition, they really just help me out with room/board which is about 10k/yr. I have about 25K saved up (a lot of which are in CD's) and stand to make another 10K during the summer. I'm not for any reason dipping into my Roth.
Let me straighten this out about my mail, the things they tend to open are a)phone bills b)things from school and c) bank statements. They've also done this a couple of other times when boys write me letters, most of which I never get the opportunity to read. Thank god for e-mail.
He can come visit me, but the only times that he's supposed to come is when my parents are here, otherwise I don't get visiting rights to go see him. They're gone for all of june and most of july, that cuts out at least 1/3 of the summer for him to visit, hence making scheduling harder. Besides, I've told my parents a million times that he's not coming here while they're gone. I've said nothing about going to see him. I don't think that they think I'm ballsy enough to do it.
Another thing, they really really stress me out with this whole boy situation. First my mom changed everything about visiting, and then they're saying that "visiting implies a whole new level of commitment within the relationship", saying shit like we're going to get married, and that's what they're thinking. Really, it's mostly just that we're being apart for four freakin' months and it's not that easy if you're in a 'relationship'. Even in most long-distance relationships it's a one-every-few-months kind of deal. The first month being apart has been okay, but we do seriously miss each other.
and on another note with my parents, they've kicked me out multiple times, sent me away, sans car and cell phone, and just with whatever I can carry. I tend to take this in stride, glad to be "out"--usually within an hour or so some cops find me or start knocking on friends doors and I get taken back home--them accusing me of running away when they plainly kicked me out. Psycho doesn't even begin to describe my parents. Overprotective too, plus, can anyone else see why I'm not too keen on him meeting them? Of course I'd like him to come visit, him meeting my parents is just a whole nother cause of worry for me...
Edit: Also, this isn't the guy from a few months ago--emotionally attached, whatever. And NO I'm not planning on meeting anyone from the internet.
Given the last paragraph, fuck going for the weekend. You need to move out. You're definitely in a secure enough financial position to manage that. Find a shared flat or hosue near your college, get a part time job, between that and your savings you'll be golden.
If they think you'd have him come over while they're gone, they're likely to use every measure at hand to check up on you in their absence to see if he is there. Naturally, if you happen to not be there during one or all such checks, they'll find out that you went to see him instead.
And frankly, they sound a little crazy, so I'd be afraid of the kind of reaction they'll display if they did catch you doing something so far outside their described realm of acceptable behavior.
Cat and the rest have it right when they say you ought to move out if you're finding things unbearable, because you aren't going to be able to get the respect you feel you deserve from them so long as they maintain power over you.
Regardless of what you choose to do, I'd suggest not moving back in with them next summer. Either stay in Boston (working multiple jobs as you're doing now) or *something.*
If you miss the guy and your parents are being idiots, go see him for a long weekend.
He can come visit me, but the only times that he's supposed to come is when my parents are here, otherwise I don't get visiting rights to go see him. They're gone for all of june and most of july, that cuts out at least 1/3 of the summer for him to visit, hence making scheduling harder. Besides, I've told my parents a million times that he's not coming here while they're gone. I've said nothing about going to see him. I don't think that they think I'm ballsy enough to do it.
But will they react any more positively to you visiting him, if they do find out? Don't you think they'll be even more pissed off than if he visits you, as you'll be spending hundreds of dollars to fly alone to a strange city?
If you're already going to break the spirit of the rules, you might as well go the whole hog and break the letter of the rules too, since you'll be less likely to be caught if HE visits YOU.
Query: If you visit him, is he willing to pay half your airfare?
Another thing, they really really stress me out with this whole boy situation. First my mom changed everything about visiting, and then they're saying that "visiting implies a whole new level of commitment within the relationship", saying shit like we're going to get married, and that's what they're thinking. Really, it's mostly just that we're being apart for four freakin' months and it's not that easy if you're in a 'relationship'. Even in most long-distance relationships it's a one-every-few-months kind of deal. The first month being apart has been okay, but we do seriously miss each other.
Do you two still go to the same college? It's not that long and after you're back you'll see each other just about every day if you want to, right?
and on another note with my parents, they've kicked me out multiple times, sent me away, sans car and cell phone, and just with whatever I can carry. I tend to take this in stride, glad to be "out"--usually within an hour or so some cops find me or start knocking on friends doors and I get taken back home--them accusing me of running away when they plainly kicked me out. Psycho doesn't even begin to describe my parents. Overprotective too, plus, can anyone else see why I'm not too keen on him meeting them? Of course I'd like him to come visit, him meeting my parents is just a whole nother cause of worry for me...
Frankly, I think you should save up and rent an apartment. If you split a two- or three-bedroom with roommates, it's not so expensive. Seriously, check the classifieds and Craigslist.
MotherFirefly. Have they done this "kicking you out/calling the cops" act after you turned 18? Because I'm wondering under what legal rights they have to call the cops and drag you back home if you are legally an adult.
Sliver on
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Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
edited June 2007
Shit, if you can afford to be independent damm well be independent, this will remove all problems.
Then you can just say sorry mum, sorry dad. But it's my life now.
oh God, please say that "25,000 in CDs" means certificate of deposit and not compact disks.
and if you've got 25,000 bucks in the bank, yeah move the fuck out. at first i thought your parents were just overprotective, which i understand, but now they seem out of their damn minds. 25,000 plus another 10 should be enough to get you an apartment until you graduate. let the jerks try and cut you off, you should be able to manage pretty well.
i still question your motives for going to pennsylvania, but i'd find some way to get the hell out of there
Pants Man on
"okay byron, my grandma has a right to be happy, so i give you my blessing. just... don't get her pregnant. i don't need another mom."
Posts
i've done the long distance relationship thing before, and it can work. but both of you need to be perfectly honest with each other and you also need to know where you stand. i'd get to THAT point before i'd think about flying across half the country to meet a guy you aren't even officially dating.
My mom openned my mail once. Because she thought what you do. She was wrong, and after I chewed her out over the phone for half an hour she hasn't done it since. You are not even permitted to open your wife's mail without her permission, nor your children's. You can't open mail that isn't addressed to you without permission from the addressed recipient (it doesn't say "To anyone in the house at 123 Sesame Street", it says "Ernie Hudson 123 Sesame Street), period. It is a federal offense in every other case. I'm not recommending bringing in the feds, becaues that wouldn't help anything, but you can't expect people to treat you with respect if you refuse to respect their basic human rights.
Mmmkay.
To the OP: If you must do this, tell your parents. They will find out eventually no matter what, so you should at least let them know sooner than later and deal with the shit then and there.
I've done all sorts of shit that my parents have never found out about.
Well yeah, but in this particular situation I feel like it will be hard for her to hide it.
How do you suggest she get around the fact that they're probably going to call the house and expect her to be there? And notice that when she calls back it's not from the house number? If they are overprotective parents they are going to be more likely to call and then worry, I'm thinking.
Yes, privacy is one of them. No matter how you try to holier-than-thou it up, the fact remains that when they open her mail without her permission they are committing a federal offense of which she is the victim.
And yeah, that second part's total horse-shit. Fuck, my mom thinks I'm still a virgin.
I think it's a little presumptuous to assume that if they've opened her mail before, they must hate her freedoms, or whatever. It's possible they do it, as has been said, to try to be helpful, weed out junk mail, and the like. If they have done this, and she's never complained, they may well just think she doesn't care, and appreciates the gesture, or something.
Though this is as much off-topic and beside the point as all of the it-sucks-to-cut-you-off-financially bullshit, so perhaps we should restrict our comments to ways to sneak around behind her parents' backs.
Did I say everyone's parents everywhere can never be duped? No. I'm saying that in this situation as I perceive it, I think it will be very difficult for her to hide this trip from her parents. Sorry, I guess that wasn't clear.
I assumed she had already said something about it and they ignored it or make excuses. If she has just let them keep doing it she has no business complaining and isn't really in a position to make a stink about it at this point. Most parents I know who do that to their kids are doing it as a means of keeping tabs on the kid. And it's perfectly relevant since it bears on whether or not they really deserve all the things you claimed they're entitled to earlier.
Okay, I have a scholarship that pays for at least half of my academic tuition, they really just help me out with room/board which is about 10k/yr. I have about 25K saved up (a lot of which are in CD's) and stand to make another 10K during the summer. I'm not for any reason dipping into my Roth.
Let me straighten this out about my mail, the things they tend to open are a)phone bills b)things from school and c) bank statements. They've also done this a couple of other times when boys write me letters, most of which I never get the opportunity to read. Thank god for e-mail.
He can come visit me, but the only times that he's supposed to come is when my parents are here, otherwise I don't get visiting rights to go see him. They're gone for all of june and most of july, that cuts out at least 1/3 of the summer for him to visit, hence making scheduling harder. Besides, I've told my parents a million times that he's not coming here while they're gone. I've said nothing about going to see him. I don't think that they think I'm ballsy enough to do it.
Another thing, they really really stress me out with this whole boy situation. First my mom changed everything about visiting, and then they're saying that "visiting implies a whole new level of commitment within the relationship", saying shit like we're going to get married, and that's what they're thinking. Really, it's mostly just that we're being apart for four freakin' months and it's not that easy if you're in a 'relationship'. Even in most long-distance relationships it's a one-every-few-months kind of deal. The first month being apart has been okay, but we do seriously miss each other.
and on another note with my parents, they've kicked me out multiple times, sent me away, sans car and cell phone, and just with whatever I can carry. I tend to take this in stride, glad to be "out"--usually within an hour or so some cops find me or start knocking on friends doors and I get taken back home--them accusing me of running away when they plainly kicked me out. Psycho doesn't even begin to describe my parents. Overprotective too, plus, can anyone else see why I'm not too keen on him meeting them? Of course I'd like him to come visit, him meeting my parents is just a whole nother cause of worry for me...
Edit: Also, this isn't the guy from a few months ago--emotionally attached, whatever. And NO I'm not planning on meeting anyone from the internet.
And frankly, they sound a little crazy, so I'd be afraid of the kind of reaction they'll display if they did catch you doing something so far outside their described realm of acceptable behavior.
Cat and the rest have it right when they say you ought to move out if you're finding things unbearable, because you aren't going to be able to get the respect you feel you deserve from them so long as they maintain power over you.
If you miss the guy and your parents are being idiots, go see him for a long weekend.
But will they react any more positively to you visiting him, if they do find out? Don't you think they'll be even more pissed off than if he visits you, as you'll be spending hundreds of dollars to fly alone to a strange city?
If you're already going to break the spirit of the rules, you might as well go the whole hog and break the letter of the rules too, since you'll be less likely to be caught if HE visits YOU.
Query: If you visit him, is he willing to pay half your airfare?
Do you two still go to the same college? It's not that long and after you're back you'll see each other just about every day if you want to, right?
Frankly, I think you should save up and rent an apartment. If you split a two- or three-bedroom with roommates, it's not so expensive. Seriously, check the classifieds and Craigslist.
Then you can just say sorry mum, sorry dad. But it's my life now.
Satans..... hints.....
Agree.
This is what I did. It gave me the power to cut what was bothering me from my life. I am much better for it.
and if you've got 25,000 bucks in the bank, yeah move the fuck out. at first i thought your parents were just overprotective, which i understand, but now they seem out of their damn minds. 25,000 plus another 10 should be enough to get you an apartment until you graduate. let the jerks try and cut you off, you should be able to manage pretty well.
i still question your motives for going to pennsylvania, but i'd find some way to get the hell out of there