Seeking resources for dealing with mentally ill parent

anonymooses

I am looking for any good resources or books for dealing with a parent with severe mental health issues. Thankfully, I am an adult and I am completely independent from them and I plan on scheduling an appointment with a therapist, but any good resources are appreciated. Every time I talk with them they want to fight and I am exhausted; I don't know how anyone has the energy for this while living a healthy life. I don't engage and at this point, I don't want to take their phone calls. I'm very frustrated as it feels like they are trying to control my time and use me as a verbal punching bag. Any good advice for disconnecting or setting healthy boundaries with parents is also much appreciated.

Cornucopiist

"Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life" by dr. Forward is old but my SO thought it enlightened her on a lot of stuff she went through with her toxic parents.

dispatch.o

There's no rule that says you have to keep a toxic person in your life. Parents can be shitty just like anyone else and there's no obligation to put up with it.

Being a narcissist or an abuser isn't necessarily mental illness. They can just be shitty. Looking for a good answer or way to interact with them might be the wrong lens. There's a book that I suddenly can't recall the name of I'll try to find on my bookshelf when I get home.

edit:

'Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship' by Christine Ann Lawson

I bought it because I have an alcoholic mom who is a wonderful person - when she isn't drunk. It didn't specifically help me with that aspect, but I still found it interesting.

DoctorArch

"When terrible, abusive parents come crawling back, what do their grown children owe them?" TLDR: Nothing.

Down the Rabbit Hole: The world of estranged parents' forums

I found both of these very educational and helpful. I cut my mother out of my life at the age of 33 after a lifetime of emotional abuse. The final straw was her claiming my being unable to schedule a video conference with her grandchild due to studying for the bar exam was an attempt to emotionally manipulate her for something she supposedly had done when I was ten and I was just too petty to let it go.

I am much healthier now.