Options

Alcoholism, Addiction and Recovery

Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
Hello folks it's time once again to bum everyone out with a thread about addictions and conquering them. I'll start by saying I'm making this thread to help keep myself sober. I was sober for 3 years straight before I had a small relapse onto alcohol in the summer of 2021. I kept doing my thing with small relapses until recently, I've decided to put my foot down and stop again, again. I've told the stories about why I stopped drinking before, but basically I tend to get black out and do really dumb shit. Like life threateningly bad to myself and others.

So this is to end the cycle of my secret drinking. I was addicted to cocaine too but hey I haven't ended up so bad I'm back to that shit. Recovery is a difficult process that is ugly and I'm super embarrassed every single time I relapse. There's never a good reason, just that I'm sad and don't wanna feel it anymore.

If it's ok this thread can just be for trauma dumping the shit you've had to deal with on the long path to being sober. Having a place to talk about this will definitely help and I'm sure I'm not the only one going through something like this. Apologies if there's already a thread like this or it's not kosher or whatever

«1345678

Posts

  • Options
    Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    The other day I showed up to work drunk and nobody seemed to notice which was both awful but I guess good because I didn't lose my job or anything

    They probably did notice but maybe thought I was just sick or something

  • Options
    ElaroElaro Apologetic Registered User regular
    edited April 2022
    I'm going through some shit myself, but not addiction as far as I know?

    My father's dad was an alcoholic, though. That might've stunted my father's emotional growth, and my household was somewhat dysfunctional while I was growing up. Still is, sometimes...

    EDIT: What I'm trying to say is: anyone trying to stop being addicted or alcoholic deserves to succeed.

    Elaro on
    Children's rights are human rights.
  • Options
    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    Yo @Local H Jay ask your doctor about Naltrexone/Revia. It's a proven effective drug that will help you break the cycle of "ooh that first drink made me feel good, I better reach for a second one". It won't totally solve all your problems but it'll give you an enormous leg up on re-wiring yourself to have a better relationship with alcohol. (And can also help you maintain total sobriety if that is your objective)

    You don't have to feel shame over not living up to your sobriety goals, alcoholism is not (contrary to certain popular treatment philosophies) a character defect; your brain literally becomes dependent on alcohol to keep a normal balance of the chemicals that regulate your mood. Trying to quit without medication support and (competent, evidence-based) therapy is a preposterously difficult task, and self-medicating with alcohol when suffering from depression/anxiety, especially symptoms that are exacerbated by alcohol dependency, is a totally normal behavior. You say "there's never a reason" for your using, but then you say "I'm just sad and don't want to feel it any more." That sounds like a reason! You're suffering and self-medicating. With support, you may find alternative medications that work for on issues you currently use alcohol to medicate for and which have significantly less poor side effects.

    I've definitely suffered through alcohol dependency over a long period, some times worse than others. Might dump out the rest of my purse for the thread later ;)

  • Options
    ElaroElaro Apologetic Registered User regular
    I don't know if I had addiction to takeout food so much as ordered out a compulsively abusive amount of time, but the good news is that it's been a few weeks since I've regained control over that expensive little habit. Broke it, as far as I know.

    I say this to remind everyone (including myself!) that it's possible to get better.

    Children's rights are human rights.
  • Options
    Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    Yo @Local H Jay ask your doctor about Naltrexone/Revia. It's a proven effective drug that will help you break the cycle of "ooh that first drink made me feel good, I better reach for a second one". It won't totally solve all your problems but it'll give you an enormous leg up on re-wiring yourself to have a better relationship with alcohol. (And can also help you maintain total sobriety if that is your objective)

    You don't have to feel shame over not living up to your sobriety goals, alcoholism is not (contrary to certain popular treatment philosophies) a character defect; your brain literally becomes dependent on alcohol to keep a normal balance of the chemicals that regulate your mood. Trying to quit without medication support and (competent, evidence-based) therapy is a preposterously difficult task, and self-medicating with alcohol when suffering from depression/anxiety, especially symptoms that are exacerbated by alcohol dependency, is a totally normal behavior. You say "there's never a reason" for your using, but then you say "I'm just sad and don't want to feel it any more." That sounds like a reason! You're suffering and self-medicating. With support, you may find alternative medications that work for on issues you currently use alcohol to medicate for and which have significantly less poor side effects.

    I've definitely suffered through alcohol dependency over a long period, some times worse than others. Might dump out the rest of my purse for the thread later ;)

    You're right, I should definitely stop beating myself up so much because it just kinda makes it worse y'know. I'll definitely look into that medication!

  • Options
    PaladinPaladin Registered User regular
    I've found in pain clinics that there are two major kinds of people when it comes to behavior change: passive people looking for someone or some miracle drug / device to take the reins of their life, and active, stubborn people who fight daily to take charge of their life. The latter succeeds much more often.

    Marty: The future, it's where you're going?
    Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
  • Options
    Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    I'm stubborn as shit so this is good news for me, nice

  • Options
    exisexis Registered User regular
    edited April 2022
    I've had a bad relationship with booze since I was a teenager and started drinking while playing WoW (and I played a lot of WoW). I built up an association with downtime and alcohol that had me drinking 5-6 nights a week, not to the point of blackout, just drunk. I kept telling myself I'd ease off at some point but 15 years later it was worse. I stopped drinking in Jan 2020 with the hope that once I 'got it under control' I'd reintroduce alcohol in moderation and I'd be able to drink like a normal person. We went into lockdown that March and during the panic-stocking I grabbed a bunch of beer and wine and was straight back into it.

    Our daughter was born last December and finally gave me the motivation to face the problem. I don't want her to grow up seeing me drunk all the time, and I don't want her to grow up with daily drinking normalised in the same way that it was for me as a kid watching my family. I'll be 2 months sober tomorrow. Unlike my previous mindset, I've decided I'm done with alcohol for good rather than hoping that one day I'll be able to make it work in moderation. It just doesn't work for me - if I have one drink at the pub I can't resist picking up a dozen beers on the way home. So while I accept that I might relapse in future, the goal is always going to be to get back to being alcohol-free.

    So far, it's going OK. I was really struggling with being more clear-headed because I'm also dealing with ongoing issues with depression, and alcohol helped fog things up enough to give myself the illusion of coping. Without booze I was just depressed. After talking with my therapist and GP I've started on antidepressants a couple of weeks ago. So far I'm feeling really good despite it probably being too early for the SSRI's to have taken effect - mostly I think because I'm finally doing something to deal with these 2 things that have been major problems for me for the entirety of my adult life. It's silly that I waited this long but I'm happy to be here and hoping I can stay in a good headspace to be there and fully engaged for my daughter.

    exis on
  • Options
    Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    edited April 2022
    ^agreed about the growing up around casual drinking a lot. My dad was a big time alcoholic and I'd have to help put him to bed sometimes he'd be so wasted. I always told myself at the time I'd never drink lol, that didn't pan out

    Congrats on 2 months

    Local H Jay on
  • Options
    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    I've been uh, severely depressed and anxious, ever since I was a kid.

    started drinking when I was like, 14 because drunk me didn't feel feelings and I got to go to parties and have friends.
    stopped drinking when I was hanging out with some cooks (every chef I know had a substance abuse problem) and discovered heroin and felt actual happiness.
    stopped doing heroin when I went a little crazy and tried to kill myself and instead got arrested (it's a whole thing) and placed in involuntary and had to detox while sharing a room with a schizophrenic who insisted the lights stay on and would crawl around under their blanket and yell at themselves.

    I've been like, working on my mental health and shit. I'm still terrible, but at least I'm only addicted to actual medicine now. oh and weed, of course. I even stopped smoking cigarettes!

    I just always figured that I would be dead by now, so now that it's here I don't really know what to do. I just exist as discreetly and out-of-the-way as I can.

    my sister's having a baby and I am gonna teach them how to be a little rascal so I need to live a few more years I guess

  • Options
    Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    I'm not sure I'll ever be able to quit weed it has gotten me through some extreme bullshit and I cannot understate it has been the only thing keeping me going at low points so there's that

    I've never once felt like I'm dependant on it but it does for the most part keep me off worse shit

  • Options
    Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    I managed to not drink tonight ending a weeklong streak of buying a bottle of liquor on my way home

    The thread ... It's working... Maybe too well I feel strong enough to kick god in the forehead

  • Options
    TonkkaTonkka Some one in the club tonight Has stolen my ideas.Registered User regular
    I constantly reconsider my interactions with alcohol, and most of the time it's okay and I manage well enough. Once a year though, I get stupid drunk and start to rethink things. Good on you for understanding your own issues.

    Steam: evilumpire Battle.net: T0NKKA#1588 PS4: T_0_N_N_K_A Twitter Art blog/Portfolio! Twitch?! HEY SATAN Shirts and such
  • Options
    mosssnackmosssnack Yeah right, man, Bishop should go! Good idea!Registered User regular
    For whatever it’s worth, I’m proud of you, bud.

    I grew up with alcoholism and addiction in my family. Dad was an alcoholic and mom was into pills. When I was a teenager my mom got me hooked on pills and kept me supplied. That was a weird and sad time, specially considering she’d use the pills to control/manipulate me. Anyway, that’s a while other thing! Toxic ass family members.

    I joined the military to run away from all of that and I get to retire in a handful of years now. Haha, fucking crazy. Either way, booze has certainly been an issue for me over the years. Drinking to blackout levels wasn’t really a thing, but if I wasn’t able to have a drink or three while I was making dinner, it shifted my mood in a huge way, and yeah, not in a positive way.

    I have myself semi convinced that I have some sort of depression/anxiety issues. The professionals I’ve talked to (military mostly) have steered very clear of handing me a diagnosis so that I can keep my job. I’ll revisit that in a few years when I get out. I will say though, one of these docs gave me some fantastic advice about 8 years ago that has kept me steady.

    Are you taking care of yourself? Sleep, exercise, and a hobby. I sort of used this as a springboard to dive into weightlifting. I don’t think this is what he meant, but I’ve turned it into an obsession, or rather, an addiction of its own. It has done wonders for my mental health and self esteem. Oh, and tattoos.. while not the most efficient use of my money, covering myself in tattoos has been fantastic for my self-image and dealing with a number of my own issues.

    Anyway, none of that was to say, “this is what I did and you should do, too!!” Just that yeah, I think I can relate a bit and there’s many ways through or around. If you ever wanna talk my dude, hit me up

    XBL: mosssnack12
    bnet: moss*1454
  • Options
    Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    Every male in my family was a huge alchoholic and all of them died by age 51. I have a bad relationship with the stuff too but so far I'm one monthish clean from it and have no intention to drink anymore.

    We'll see how well that goes!

  • Options
    PaladinPaladin Registered User regular
    In terms of evidence based medicine, cognitive behavioral therapy, 12 step programs, contingency management (prizes for abstinence), naltrexone, and combined medical / psychological care have a modest but real effect on things like number of days abstinence or overall alcohol use. People vary on a case by case basis because they have different root causes and different personalities that respond to different things.

    Marty: The future, it's where you're going?
    Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
  • Options
    DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    Okay, this post ended up being WAY longer than I expected. I should have though because I apparently love oversharing and talking about myself.
    In 2020 I didn't go into lockdown as severe as lots of people did because I still had to show up to my job, but I used everything being shut down and me not being able to go anywhere as an excuse to start day drinking (even though I'm a shut-in and wouldn't have gone anywhere anyways). I was only drinking on the weekends, but I only would work two days and then was off two, so I was drinking a LOT. Then I was drinking every day. Not always blackout drunk, but enough that it was a problem and I was having so much difficulty quitting because my wife was drinking too. Even when I'd only want a single drink, it always turned into 6-12

    I have ADHD and so that first drink would cause a flood of dopamine and my body'd be like "Oh fuck yeah!", but then every drink after would give only a tiny fraction of the same dopamine so I'd end up drinking a shitload just chasing that feeling (I only recognized this behavior in myself afterwards by watching a video of another person with ADHD talk about their own alcoholism). Long story short, I was finally able to stop when my wife decided to take a two week break from alcohol for the last half of December, so I didn't have it right there tempting me. After that two weeks I found it easier to not crave it, and so when my wife started drinking again it didn't faze me and I've been sober since, so for about 3.5 months now.

    Oh, and about a month ago I finally asked my doc about getting on Adderall because while I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, I haven't treated it at all since then (and even then it was just Ritalin for two years). Goddamn it's been a night and day difference for me. Suddenly I can function like a normal human being for the first time in my life! I still have a lot of old behaviors and habits I need to unlearn, and new ones to learn, but I actually can now. I can also just DO things if I want to now. If I want to walk down the street and pay the water bill? I can do that! Before, if I wanted to walk down the street and pay the bill I'd get dressed and then just sit there staring at the wall while internally my mind would be like a scene from a movie where a guy is trying to do something but his arm gets possessed and it stops himself at every turn and it punches himself in the face and it drags himself away from the front door. Then I'd feel ashamed that I literally could not force myself to do this one simple task, but I also couldn't allow myself to do anything else until I did that one task, so then I'd do nothing all day long. So yeah, Adderall letting me actually function has been fucking amazing and I think it might help with my alcoholism if I ever end up relapsing because I won't be chasing the dopamine high quite as strongly as before.

    tl;dr: our brains are the real enemy

    JtgVX0H.png
  • Options
    Bloods EndBloods End Blade of Tyshalle Punch dimensionRegistered User regular
    I like the treatment program I work for now because our whole thing is "drinking and drugs aren't the root problem, it's whatever lead you to think of them as solution that's the problems. Let's deal with that, and fine new solutions"

  • Options
    Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    I once again swerved the liquor store and went straight home, the day was very bullshit so I was sorely tempted but instead I'm gonna smoke a comically large joint and order food

  • Options
    stimtokolosstimtokolos Registered User regular
    edited April 2022
    I enjoy drinking but have for sure had issues with it in the past.
    Lately it just makes me really depressed the next day unless I've got the right company around me the whole time I'm drinking, and then in the morning.
    So I don't drink all that often anymore I guess. Which is good and a lot better than my worst probably 6-7 years ago where I'd probably drink 5 or 6 nights a week and too much for someone my size (I am fucking small).

    I'm not very good at moderation at pubs, how much I drink is really a function of how long I'm there not if I've "had enough".
    Generally I'm pretty good at leaving if I'm about to have the alcohol that pushes me over into "too much" land hit me.
    I've been getting better lately at stopping before I drink those last couple.

    stimtokolos on
  • Options
    Dee KaeDee Kae Registered User regular
    edited April 2022
    Dee Kae was warned for this.
    I find that sometimes, it adds to the groove.

    https://youtu.be/62G55eKZxxI

    My cornerstone/7 -11 has some Elysian Space Dust 12 packs in the cooler that's NEVER been added to the register or stock so no one knows it's price (usually around 19.00 in this area) so it gets priced at whatever they believe it is, and that's now currently 12.99 because the last new cashier actually took the time to check at 4AM in the morning with the owner and now I'm living the high(miller) life.

    A duck! on
  • Options
    DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    Are you really talking about how you managed to score some beer on the cheap in a thread about addiction and recovery?

    JtgVX0H.png
  • Options
    MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    edited April 2022
    @Dee Kae Hey, you can get right fucked out of this thread

    MegaMan001 on
    I am in the business of saving lives.
  • Options
    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    @Dee Kae what the fuck is wrong with you

  • Options
    Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    Apparently when I was blacked out last week I drank some of my roommates soda (probably used them as chasers) and I haven't told them I relapsed so I just sheepishly said it was mistake and would replace them

    Way to go me

  • Options
    Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    Darmak wrote: »
    Are you really talking about how you managed to score some beer on the cheap in a thread about addiction and recovery?

    i think they just thought this was the general booze thread

  • Options
    QuantumTurkQuantumTurk Registered User regular
    Apparently when I was blacked out last week I drank some of my roommates soda (probably used them as chasers) and I haven't told them I relapsed so I just sheepishly said it was mistake and would replace them

    Way to go me

    It probably feels real bad, but seriously, good on you.

    A classic, appropriate case of:
    Me sowing: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!
    Me reaping: Well this fucking sucks.

  • Options
    OghulkOghulk Tinychat Janitor TinychatRegistered User regular
    On the other side of this kind of issue, I'm a sober individual that has literally (to many people's surprise) never been drunk. Or even tipsy. At most a cider.

    My father was an alcoholic, and it ruined our relationship as I grew up. But, and the reason for this post, is that our relationship since he stopped has become so much stronger that I consider him one of my best friends and we're extremely close. Closer than I think most people with their parents.

    So if you are person struggling with addiction and feel like you might not be able to get people back, let this be some motivation for you. It's hard but it can be done and you should have some faith in yourself, even if you make mistakes here and there.

  • Options
    ElaroElaro Apologetic Registered User regular
    Oghulk wrote: »
    On the other side of this kind of issue, I'm a sober individual that has literally (to many people's surprise) never been drunk. Or even tipsy. At most a cider.

    Go go Sobriety Buddies! I've also never been drunk or tipsy.

    Children's rights are human rights.
  • Options
    CantidoCantido Registered User regular
    I successfully removed my reliance on Lunesta for sleep!

    3DS Friendcode 5413-1311-3767
  • Options
    QuantumTurkQuantumTurk Registered User regular
    High fives oghulk, I have a similar case with my mother. (I am not sober though)
    Weeds been a great harm reducer but I def need to not vape....ugh... literally every night for multiple months to help with sleep and stress and just cause I can? On top of weekend recreational use? And I know it's not "addictive" but it's sure habit forming with the nice effects and minimal immediate consequences. I'll happily take advice from anyone who has done similar. I just don't have nearly the same push for it past the secret component. Versus beer which was going to much more directly ruin me. While I'll still imbibe it's a pretty strict no more than 1, mayyyybe 2 drinks and that's all you get, no cheating with high abv shit either.

  • Options
    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    my friend's dad used to drink so much beer a day that he went over the limit for water consumption and started like, washing all the salt out of his body and shit so he had to stop drinking so much of any liquid at all.

    so he switched to liquor.

    also I'm no good on reducing vape use advice, when I stopped smoking cigarettes I replaced my urge to go out for a smoke with a hit off my vape so uh well I've been a baseline mild high basically for a month.

  • Options
    ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    When I stopped drinking I filled that void with soda.

    Last Halloween I started abstaining from that too, instead drifting into Monster energy drinks (as my craven logic tells me one can of Monster a day is better than 4-6 cans of Mountain Dew).

    I recently drank A LOT of soda as I was on vacation and that's a built-in exception for the fizzy sugar water.

    But I'm back home now and I think I am drifting away from standard Monsters and instead trying out their coffee/java-style beverages.

    This has been the voyage through the continued journey to find something delicious to replace booze.

    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
  • Options
    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    Seltzer is pretty good to drink

  • Options
    Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    I quit energy drinks this year and have only had two since 2021

    They make me shake so bad now my tolerance fell off a cliff

  • Options
    PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    I gotta work on untangling my drinking from my writing again

    I started doing it when I was first writing, as this like performative thing. I was less focused on writing, more focused on Being a Writer, and drinking-while-you-work was part of that image for me. Because I was very dumb, you see. So there for a while, more writing sessions than not, I'd have a drink on my desk.

    When writers rooms were in person, that introduced some forced separation. Can't drink in a writers room (at least, not most of them), so I didn't, and I got plenty of good work done. I'd still sometimes have a drink when I was off to draft and got stuck on a tough scene, or if I had to plow through some really boring expositional shit, but I was able to get some distance in there.

    But in pandemic, with everything remote, the old bad habits are kicking in. If I get up early and write first thing, I can sometimes, sorta, trick myself into forgetting to grab a drink. But if my day's got a bunch of calls/Zooms up top, if I don't get to actually writing until late in the day? It's happening.

    If the work I did when I was drinking was worse, it'd maybe feel more urgent? But the work stays the same regardless of what state I'm in, nobody's ever been able to tell the difference in the finished output (not even me). I know I shouldn't do it, know it's not, like, good for me or anything. But it's hard for me to put in the effort to fix it when some little voice in my head can credibly say, "Hey, it ain't that big a deal, is it?"

  • Options
    QuantumTurkQuantumTurk Registered User regular
    Guess I'm cold turkey on the weed and sleep thing cause I'm traveling and I ain't looking to deal with all that where it ain't legal. So...that's going to be interesting. At least it's low stakes if I don't sleep.

  • Options
    stimtokolosstimtokolos Registered User regular
    Seltzer is pretty good to drink

    When I'm getting an urge to grab a 6 pack and get drunk I often find soda water (not sure if this specification carries over given the use of "soda" in america) mixed with a small amount of orange juice, and continually drinking heaps of that helps me replace the "physical" part of the fixation.

  • Options
    DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    Seltzer is pretty good to drink

    When I'm getting an urge to grab a 6 pack and get drunk I often find soda water (not sure if this specification carries over given the use of "soda" in america) mixed with a small amount of orange juice, and continually drinking heaps of that helps me replace the "physical" part of the fixation.

    I do the same, but we just buy cases of the flavored soda water like La Croix and whatnot. Some flavors are bad, some are amazing, but my wife and I definitely like the unsweetened kinds the best. But even unflavored soda water is pretty great, imo

    JtgVX0H.png
  • Options
    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    yeah man, I get La Croix or they got this kind called Aha (AHA?) at my local grocery stores, it's nice, more carbonated than La Croix I think, so it's got a snap

Sign In or Register to comment.