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why does everything have to be so bad all the time

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    NoneoftheaboveNoneoftheabove Just a conforming non-conformist. Twilight ZoneRegistered User regular
    MegaMan001 wrote: »
    The only response I have to this is, yeah I feel mostly that same way.

    That's taught me to look towards my own life and community. My family, friends, hobbies, etc. There's so much I can't control, but I can be there for the people surrounding me and try to provide as much care, compassion, and love as I can.

    Other than that, do what you can when you can. Donate your time or money or whatever to try and enact change on a greater scale.

    Everything feels hopeless and ugly and while that's been true for the entirety of human civilization, it's more important to care for those around you.

    And to add to that, as I type out a reminder to myself as much as anyone else. Every daily interaction with someone is important. A kind word or smile could go a long way in making a persons day a little less bleak.

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    Speed RacerSpeed Racer Scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratch scritch scratchRegistered User regular
    Maddoc wrote: »
    That comparison suggests that we might not die

    We will all die. But until then we all live.

    Things can always get better. That may not always feel true, but it always is. Sometimes the weight of things becomes too heavy, and it is okay, healthy even, to sit with the grief and the exhaustion and the pain you feel for a time. A lot of us are feeling the same way and sharing those feelings communally can be a valuable way to process them. And then you get back up and you get back to work.

    There's a lot reasons to feel heartbreak and grief and despair right now. Seems like there's more reasons every day. But we're still here and each of us is capable of helping the people beside us, and as long as that's true there's still reason to hope. It's gonna be hard. And it's probably gonna get worse before it gets better. But it CAN get better. We collectively have the potential to make it better.

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    TheySlashThemTheySlashThem Registered User regular
    How do I know when I am satisfied

    fuck if I know

    tell me if you figure it out

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    KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    How do I know when I am satisfied

    fuck if I know

    tell me if you figure it out

    well sometimes there's liquid

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    TefTef Registered User regular
    Our societies are constructed in such a way that we all drift apart and become alienated from our friends, family, and wider community. Really the only balm for this is to actively work against this alienation and reconnect with folks. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have private time, of course you should, but having a sense of belonging is hugely comforting for us.

    On that mutual aid front, there are so many groups out there who are honestly fuckin useless at the business admin and the IT side of things, if you have a head for it, you wouldn’t struggle to find a good little niche for yourself. Show them how to put a budget into a spreadsheet with auto totals and you’ll be a wizard

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
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    Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan Registered User regular
    I try to keep friends and family close but between my normal personality and COVID isolation, I'm extremely nervous in even small groups now, even ones I like. It already took me months to get comfortable with new people in life or at work and now I feel like I've reverted back to even more painfully awkward. I'm hoping this summer things will shift back the other way and I'll feel a bit less of the anxiousness again.

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    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
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    CelloCello Registered User regular
    You have to figure out what you can or can't control and what you can or can't change

    Then work within those boundaries to try and make things better

    My small examples are that, well, training dogs has genuinely felt like a more significant contribution to the lives and happiness of folks in my community than... the majority of my engineering career, really

    I'm also super excited to start volunteering soon for a mayoral candidate in town who is nonbinary and progressive and stands a real shot at actually taking the win this fall

    Try to be supportive of your community members when they're down and rally them to feel better enough to pursue their own ability to make positive changes

    Steam
    3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
    Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
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    DedwrekkaDedwrekka Metal Hell adjacentRegistered User regular
    Crippl3 wrote: »
    Why does everything have to be so bad
    why can't good things happen
    why does everything have to be shit forever and never get better fuck it's the future things are supposed to be good

    things are never going to get better and then we'll all die of climate change and war
    I just don't fucking understand it why can't things ever be good

    It's always been at least this bad, but usually much worse, every good thing that has ever existed has existed with a backdrop at least as bad as it is right now.

    Every idea of a better future, every dreamer, every revolutionary thinker, everyone who has ever overcome society to do something great has done so in a world at least as bad as right now.

    The only difference is that they didn't have the ability to constantly dig deeper into it the way we do. They didn't have everything bad across the world happening at once every second of every day piped directly into their eyeballs.

    So step away from the things you can't do anything about for a moment. Not everything bad has to involve you. You can't do anything about what's happening on the other side of the world, so focus on what you can actually do. At least make the place where you are a better place. Where you are isn't your hemisphere, it's your city or your block, or your apartment complex. Do what you can, when you can.

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    Mercutio87Mercutio87 So build that wall and build it strong cause We'll be there before too longRegistered User regular
    It is rough right now. And it’s going to take a while before things change, because politics will be fixed in stone, and the courts will not be a remedy. But you know what has been a source of good news? Unions.

    In addition to Amazon warehouses and Starbucks starting to unionize, our state recently had a nurse’s strike end, where the strikers got everything they asked for. https://billshaner.substack.com/p/a-small-victory-is-a-victory-still

    Workers unions and tenant unions are your best protection now, and best way to start organizing at the local level.

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    Hexmage-PAHexmage-PA Registered User regular
    edited June 2022
    Personally I was looking into various CBT techniques for relief and, after seeing so many references to mindfulness, non-attachment, and other concepts credited to Buddhism, decided to go to the source. I'm an agnostic and don't care for supernatural explanations for phenomena, but I found a podcast on Secular Buddhism that I feel I've benefited from mentally and emotionally. If nothing else it's shown me a perspective I'd never considered when it comes to dealing with uncomfortable experiences and emotions. The host is also an ex-Mormon who left the church because he found Buddhist teachings more helpful for day-to-day life, which is a detail I appreciate as someone from a fundie background turned agnostic.

    Here's one of my favorite episodes:
    https://youtu.be/VugeWCC9R0w

    I'm not intending to push religion on anyone here (mostly because I don't believe this is a religion but more a set of CBT techniques). I just wanted to post something I found helpful personally in case it could be of benefit to anyone else.

    Hexmage-PA on
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    This is like the 8th time I've been exposed to a meaning of CBT other than what my mind first thinks of, and I still can't remember what the fuck it stands for.

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    furlionfurlion Riskbreaker Lea MondeRegistered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    This is like the 8th time I've been exposed to a meaning of CBT other than what my mind first thinks of, and I still can't remember what the fuck it stands for.

    Only thing I can think of is controlled breathing techniques.

    sig.gif Gamertag: KL Retribution
    PSN:Furlion
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    Hexmage-PAHexmage-PA Registered User regular
    furlion wrote: »
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    This is like the 8th time I've been exposed to a meaning of CBT other than what my mind first thinks of, and I still can't remember what the fuck it stands for.

    Only thing I can think of is controlled breathing techniques.

    The CBT I had in mind was cognitive behavioral therapy, but I've controlled breathing is another thing I've been practicing lately even when I don't feel stressed.

    I try to do this one at least once a day. If nothing else, taking a deep diaphragmatic breath, holding it, and and releasing feels nice.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VekBHb8K__A

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    KetarKetar Come on upstairs we're having a partyRegistered User regular
    Cognitive behavioral therapy

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    OghulkOghulk Tinychat Janitor TinychatRegistered User regular
    i do wonder what is worse:

    having hope torn away or never having it to begin with

    Hope torn away.

    yeah man the kick six was probably really hard for you

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    OghulkOghulk Tinychat Janitor TinychatRegistered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    Our societies are constructed in such a way that we all drift apart and become alienated from our friends, family, and wider community. Really the only balm for this is to actively work against this alienation and reconnect with folks. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have private time, of course you should, but having a sense of belonging is hugely comforting for us.

    On that mutual aid front, there are so many groups out there who are honestly fuckin useless at the business admin and the IT side of things, if you have a head for it, you wouldn’t struggle to find a good little niche for yourself. Show them how to put a budget into a spreadsheet with auto totals and you’ll be a wizard

    A friend of mine once asked me what I thought the meaning to life was, and the answer I've found impactful to me is: relationships. In languages -- math, English, Spanish, etc. -- meaning comes from one word's relationship to another. Our relationships with each other, friends, family, community, religion, nature provides the meaning to our stories. Building those relationships, tending to them, and letting them flower is what provides meaning to our life.

    Maybe others will find some solace in that thought like I have.

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    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    This is like the 8th time I've been exposed to a meaning of CBT other than what my mind first thinks of, and I still can't remember what the fuck it stands for.

    Cock and ball torture

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    PerrsunPerrsun Registered User regular
    DarkPrimus wrote: »
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    This is like the 8th time I've been exposed to a meaning of CBT other than what my mind first thinks of, and I still can't remember what the fuck it stands for.

    Cock and ball torture

    CBT
    HOT
    DOG

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    TefTef Registered User regular
    Oghulk wrote: »
    Tef wrote: »
    Our societies are constructed in such a way that we all drift apart and become alienated from our friends, family, and wider community. Really the only balm for this is to actively work against this alienation and reconnect with folks. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have private time, of course you should, but having a sense of belonging is hugely comforting for us.

    On that mutual aid front, there are so many groups out there who are honestly fuckin useless at the business admin and the IT side of things, if you have a head for it, you wouldn’t struggle to find a good little niche for yourself. Show them how to put a budget into a spreadsheet with auto totals and you’ll be a wizard

    A friend of mine once asked me what I thought the meaning to life was, and the answer I've found impactful to me is: relationships. In languages -- math, English, Spanish, etc. -- meaning comes from one word's relationship to another. Our relationships with each other, friends, family, community, religion, nature provides the meaning to our stories. Building those relationships, tending to them, and letting them flower is what provides meaning to our life.

    Maybe others will find some solace in that thought like I have.

    This is a foundational aspect of Marxian theories of alienation

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
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    OghulkOghulk Tinychat Janitor TinychatRegistered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    Oghulk wrote: »
    Tef wrote: »
    Our societies are constructed in such a way that we all drift apart and become alienated from our friends, family, and wider community. Really the only balm for this is to actively work against this alienation and reconnect with folks. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have private time, of course you should, but having a sense of belonging is hugely comforting for us.

    On that mutual aid front, there are so many groups out there who are honestly fuckin useless at the business admin and the IT side of things, if you have a head for it, you wouldn’t struggle to find a good little niche for yourself. Show them how to put a budget into a spreadsheet with auto totals and you’ll be a wizard

    A friend of mine once asked me what I thought the meaning to life was, and the answer I've found impactful to me is: relationships. In languages -- math, English, Spanish, etc. -- meaning comes from one word's relationship to another. Our relationships with each other, friends, family, community, religion, nature provides the meaning to our stories. Building those relationships, tending to them, and letting them flower is what provides meaning to our life.

    Maybe others will find some solace in that thought like I have.

    This is a foundational aspect of Marxian theories of alienation

    Oh, well aware! It's one of the things I highly appreciate about Marx (and Weber, to be fair) despite not necessarily agreeing with Marx's general economic analysis.

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    OghulkOghulk Tinychat Janitor TinychatRegistered User regular
    Like I look around American society, it's suburbanism with houses like little fiefdoms, never having to interact with neighbors with ease, driving solo to places of work, and think "god fuck Marx shoulda been alive for this bullshit"

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    ElaroElaro Apologetic Registered User regular
    Hexmage-PA wrote: »
    Personally I was looking into various CBT techniques for relief and, after seeing so many references to mindfulness, non-attachment, and other concepts credited to Buddhism, decided to go to the source. I'm an agnostic and don't care for supernatural explanations for phenomena, but I found a podcast on Secular Buddhism that I feel I've benefited from mentally and emotionally. If nothing else it's shown me a perspective I'd never considered when it comes to dealing with uncomfortable experiences and emotions. The host is also an ex-Mormon who left the church because he found Buddhist teachings more helpful for day-to-day life, which is a detail I appreciate as someone from a fundie background turned agnostic.

    Here's one of my favorite episodes:
    https://youtu.be/VugeWCC9R0w

    I'm not intending to push religion on anyone here (mostly because I don't believe this is a religion but more a set of CBT techniques). I just wanted to post something I found helpful personally in case it could be of benefit to anyone else.

    I was giving him the benefit of the doubt until he revealed that he had a book to sell. Well. Well. Sounds like the problem is the problem, indeed!

    (I suffered immensely from honestly trying meditation and mindfulness. Judgment is what decides if we need to stress or not. People who live normally with a so-called "non-judgmental attitude" are just judging that they don't need to stress out, that there's no problem. It's often an appropriate judgment, but the evaluation still needs to be made. Until it is, we're left in unnecessary suspense. In healthy people that don't have reason to doubt themselves, they unsuspend nearly immediately.

    But in unhealthy people, people who have a strained identity relationship (like people who think they suck), they might hesitate to resume judging, fearing they'll judge wrong. I know I did, and that directly led to my OCD (because I was afraid of evaluating whether I was going to accomplish the intrusive thoughts that were popping into my head, and my teacher's admonishment to us to "stay in the present" meant that I was afraid of counting on the evaluations I did in the past even though I had no reason to believe they were invalid.

    What's actually effective at helping mental health is permitting oneself to take a break. No meditative exercise to do, no pose, just sit around, without any pressure. Just lounging around. And you don't a special attitude or need to buy a fucking book to tell you how to do that.)

    (Before you criticize my criticism of mindfulness and meditation in general, look at these wikipedia articles: Effects of Meditation: Difficulties in the scientific study of meditation section and Mindfulness: Concerns and Criticisms section. Most of the research into meditation and mindfulness is of poor methodological quality.)

    Children's rights are human rights.
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Never buy somebody’s book, most of what I found valuable about Buddhism and meditation has either been free or shared in conversation.

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    Hexmage-PAHexmage-PA Registered User regular
    edited June 2022
    I've only ever listened to his podcast (and didn't even know he had a book). I don't claim that it would be of benefit to everybody, but after growing up going to churches where the most advice you would get on any issue is "pray about it and trust that God will help you (and if you don't feel better then either helping you isn't in God's plan or you're at fault because you don't trust God enough)" I'm grateful for something that gives concrete advice like the kind you might get in therapy, but for free.

    I'll just list some of the concepts I've gleaned from what I have listened to that I personally have found helpful.
    • Be kind and forgiving to yourself, like you would be to a loved one.
    • Try to be grateful even for negative experiences (for example, "now I can empathize with other people who have also went through this").
    • Don't beat yourself up for feeling normal emotions like anxiety/anger/sadness/etc (this one especially was a big help for me).
    • Who we think ourselves or others to be are just concepts, as is how we imagine others think about us; don't just assume your conceptions are true, even about yourself.
    • Don't become so attached to how you feel your life should be (or how you've been told your life should be) that it causes you suffering through discontentment; look for ways to be content with your current situation (this one was also a big help for me).
    • Examine what sorts of concepts you hold on to so you can determine if they are beneficial to your wellbeing or not.
    • When you feel an unpleasant emotion that causes you physical symptoms (in my case, when I feel anxious) try to observe how you feel as if you were studying the sensation.

    Hexmage-PA on
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    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    Fare lonely as rhinoceros.

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    Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    I've dipped in and out of Buddhism over the years but never felt it click. But last year I started looking at Stoicism, which ticks a ton of the same boxes as Buddhism but just differently enough that I've really gelled with it. It has definitely helped me a lot when shit things have happened over the past year.

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Stoicism and Buddhism are generally pretty compatible.

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    MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    I've never felt attracted to any kind of organized religion given by Muslim and Catholic upbringing.

    If I did join one, though, Satanism is probably where I'd head.

    I am in the business of saving lives.
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    Hexmage-PAHexmage-PA Registered User regular
    I've dipped in and out of Buddhism over the years but never felt it click. But last year I started looking at Stoicism, which ticks a ton of the same boxes as Buddhism but just differently enough that I've really gelled with it. It has definitely helped me a lot when shit things have happened over the past year.

    Are there any references on Stoicism you'd recommend? I'd be all for checking it out as well.

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    DoodmannDoodmann Registered User regular
    The answer is greed and it always has been.

    Whippy wrote: »
    nope nope nope nope abort abort talk about anime
    I like to ART
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    TefTef Registered User regular
    Hexmage-PA wrote: »
    I've dipped in and out of Buddhism over the years but never felt it click. But last year I started looking at Stoicism, which ticks a ton of the same boxes as Buddhism but just differently enough that I've really gelled with it. It has definitely helped me a lot when shit things have happened over the past year.

    Are there any references on Stoicism you'd recommend? I'd be all for checking it out as well.

    Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
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    Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Finally! Some good news!

    tn6c5jw7km8r.jpeg

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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    Also Seneca on Stoicism I think is one. I started reading it but then never finished. Maybe I should go back to it.

    My one thing that I didn't like about stoicism is it seemed to be very, I dunno passive? I am not a passive person. If something is wrong there's a good chance you can fix it. I know most of it was more about learning to accept your life and the fragility of it and not being daunted by adversity and not so much "just deal with it because whatever" but sometimes it felt like that to me.

    I dunno, maybe I just wanna man the ramparts, whip out my tiddies, shoot a cannon and go out in a blaze trying to change something.

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    edited June 2022
    Whipping out your tiddies is rarely the solution to a problem.

    I’m not saying don’t do it, just, y’know, you might need to take further steps.

    sarukun on
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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    If I'm manning the ramparts my tidds will be out.

    This is non negotiable

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Godspeed you gorgeous hunk of man.

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    Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    I've dipped in and out of Buddhism over the years but never felt it click. But last year I started looking at Stoicism, which ticks a ton of the same boxes as Buddhism but just differently enough that I've really gelled with it. It has definitely helped me a lot when shit things have happened over the past year.

    hi5 fellow stoic

    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
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    Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2022
    Tiddies should always be out if you want them to be.

    I believe in a person’s right to bare tiddies

    Raijin Quickfoot on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited June 2022
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMKnqCl55-o

    it's a video about star trek, but is it?

    edit: radical hope, and revolutionary optimism. our only paths forward.

    Metzger Meister on
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