No one believes me

Albino Bunny

Seriously at what point do I tell my doctors and parents that I can't focus, can't do anything and it drives me to distraction with them ignoring me.

And at what point do they deserve the outcome of pretending I'm a person who can focus or achieve anything they picture.

How can I possibly convince these lunatics I'm telling the truth and it isn't exaggeration? Why do they even deserve it.

If they treat me like an alien why souldn't they get hurt by the same standards?

darkmayo

Like... ADHD cant focus?

I assume you already brought it up with your doctor and they? ignored it? did they refer you to a psychiatrist? did they run you through basic ADHD screening? Or is it something else that is stopping you from being able to focus on things?

Is it everything you arent able to focus on are just certain things?

Albino Bunny

I brought it up to my doctor and was told to wait till I'd being on anti depressants.

I can not organize follow up appointments and infact was only on anti depressants due to showing up un fucking announced and unplanned.

I brought it up to a parent annoyed at my behaviour and was told to stop fucking negging myself.

I am not joking when I say literally no one believes me and I can't get help.

Anything I say must be wrong and must be punished.

And at what point do I do anything about that perception. If I am such a non person.

Albino Bunny

Like it just feels stupid. I can sob and cry about how this feels and my doctor will ignore me citing the situation.

And if I bring it up at all to anyone in charge of my life it's Clearly Fake or whatever.

I am simultaneously very smart to people and also so fake I should just off myself.

I can't do anything but scream and sob.

darkmayo

So you are on anti depressants now or aren't?

And the only reason you where prescribed anti depressants is because you are unable to organize follow up appointments (due to not being able to focus) and that was causing you stress and making you depressed?

Albino Bunny

darkmayo wrote: »

So you are on anti depressants now or aren't?

And the only reason you where prescribed anti depressants is because you are unable to organize follow up appointments (due to not being able to focus) and that was causing you stress and making you depressed?

I am no longer on anti anxiety medication because after showing up sobbing without an appointment my doctor said they'd talk about further treatment after a few months of anti anxiety meds.

I promise my brain won't organize another session of being lied to a doctor and given no help but anti anxiety meds till I'm dead or think I'm suicidal.

darkmayo

You can be on more than one med, if the anti anxiety meds helped alleviate anxiety then I would keep taking them but right now you probably should go see a doctor (walk in, emerg, whatever) get a second pair of eyes on the situation. You deserve to be believed and a different doc might be that and can properly assess. It can be tricky if you have other things going on , I know my wife when she goes into an spiral of anxiety and depression it can be hard to see out of that fog, everything feels futile. But its not futile, you will get through this bump.

Albino Bunny

darkmayo wrote: »

You can be on more than one med, if the anti anxiety meds helped alleviate anxiety then I would keep taking them but right now you probably should go see a doctor (walk in, emerg, whatever) get a second pair of eyes on the situation. You deserve to be believed and a different doc might be that and can properly assess. It can be tricky if you have other things going on , I know my wife when she goes into an spiral of anxiety and depression it can be hard to see out of that fog, everything feels futile. But its not futile, you will get through this bump.

At what point can I continually say I can't focus and I don't feel like a person and they deserve another chance?

What's the fucking bump saving here? Because it's not my fucked self.

Dear god I hate it, it makes me want to scream. None of those people deserve emapthy and I wish I could sob openly.

But I'm stuck with wishing people in any way believed me and knowing they either don't or think I'm some sort of failure of their stupid bougie program.

I wanna end it all but not in a suicidal way so much as ending private schools and public trans medicine in one knife cut.

And I hate that that's the situation.

darkmayo

Albino Bunny wrote: »

darkmayo wrote: »

You can be on more than one med, if the anti anxiety meds helped alleviate anxiety then I would keep taking them but right now you probably should go see a doctor (walk in, emerg, whatever) get a second pair of eyes on the situation. You deserve to be believed and a different doc might be that and can properly assess. It can be tricky if you have other things going on , I know my wife when she goes into an spiral of anxiety and depression it can be hard to see out of that fog, everything feels futile. But its not futile, you will get through this bump.

At what point can I continually say I can't focus and I don't feel like a person and they deserve another chance?

What's the fucking bump saving here? Because it's not my fucked self.

Dear god I hate it, it makes me want to scream. None of those people deserve emapthy and I wish I could sob openly.

But I'm stuck with wishing people in any way believed me and knowing they either don't or think I'm some sort of failure of their stupid bougie program.

I wanna end it all but not in a suicidal way so much as ending private schools and public trans medicine in one knife cut.

And I hate that that's the situation.

We probably aren't the best ones to assist with this as it sounds like there is more than a couple things on your mind. Is there anyone you trust to talk with? I still think getting a different set doctors or even specialists to look into what is going on is a good start. I'm not sure where you are located in the world but if you are in the US you could always give 1-800-273-TALK (8255) a call, allow you to talk with people who likely know the system and help you with what's going on right now.

Albino Bunny

darkmayo wrote: »

Albino Bunny wrote: »

darkmayo wrote: »

You can be on more than one med, if the anti anxiety meds helped alleviate anxiety then I would keep taking them but right now you probably should go see a doctor (walk in, emerg, whatever) get a second pair of eyes on the situation. You deserve to be believed and a different doc might be that and can properly assess. It can be tricky if you have other things going on , I know my wife when she goes into an spiral of anxiety and depression it can be hard to see out of that fog, everything feels futile. But its not futile, you will get through this bump.

At what point can I continually say I can't focus and I don't feel like a person and they deserve another chance?

What's the fucking bump saving here? Because it's not my fucked self.

Dear god I hate it, it makes me want to scream. None of those people deserve emapthy and I wish I could sob openly.

But I'm stuck with wishing people in any way believed me and knowing they either don't or think I'm some sort of failure of their stupid bougie program.

I wanna end it all but not in a suicidal way so much as ending private schools and public trans medicine in one knife cut.

And I hate that that's the situation.

We probably aren't the best ones to assist with this as it sounds like there is more than a couple things on your mind. Is there anyone you trust to talk with? I still think getting a different set doctors or even specialists to look into what is going on is a good start. I'm not sure where you are located in the world but if you are in the US you could always give 1-800-273-TALK (8255) a call, allow you to talk with people who likely know the system and help you with what's going on right now.

I do not know how to stress enough that I exist knowing the system and knowing the system does not know me.

Like I wish I could call a number and get a (UK) answer. That is not how it works.

It is all a nightmare in which I feel like an alien.

darkmayo

If it is the UK then there also is options. but yea a quick phone call and all the answers being provided to you isn't something that happens but it can help and get the ball rolling or help you just by having someone listen.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/talk-us-phone/

NHS also has there 111 number, but that sounds more like a triage sort of thing and might be busy
https://111.nhs.uk/

lastly you could always head to your nearest A&E
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-services/Accident-and-emergency-services/LocationSearch/428

Albino Bunny

No disrespect but all of those point in a medical solution.

Which is hard to believe in when they never believed in me before.

Athenor

Hey.

I've seen you post around the forums a lot.

You are a good person. I believe in you. I believe you.

I know it doesn't mean much, as this is just words on a screen... but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who believes in you, either.

The system is huge, and monolithic, and is designed to churn to a predictable outcome. It sucks, and it is impossible to steer. The good news is that you may not be able to steer the system, but you can certainly ride its wake, and nudge it from time to time.

Do you have any local friends to talk to? Barring that, are there any UK forum posters that you are friends with?

It sounds like, more than anything, you need someone to listen to you right now. The forums are not a psychologist, and cannot replace one... but we can certainly be a friendly ear to vent and provide support.

You aren't alone.

darkmayo

no disrespect taken, you wont be the first or the last to not trust the medical world when your personal experience with it so far has not been great. But... there are doctors, nurses, therapists that care and will believe you and help, I know this because my wife is one. She is a youth and adolescent psychiatrist here in Canada and I see her stress about patients, waiting for slots to open in programs, get them help with school, life, parents etc. Doctors who care are there in the UK as well, I know it may not seem like it but they are as varied as any profession, not all give them same amount of time and care that they should when helping patients. We can't make you do anything but I would reconsider not seeing other doctors.

Big hugs Albino

Tastyfish

In the UK there is also the charity Mind that might be able to help, either to help you find a specialist in your area or even just to put you in touch with other people who are experiencing the same kind of thing or who have experienced it in the past.

They might have some better advice in how to live with this, how to explain it in a different way that someone understands and just be someone to say "yeah, this sucks and is real" and listen to you.
Potentially even be someone who can go with you to an appointment and be a second person who can vouch for what you're going through, who might recognise the type of mistake the doctor is making and add their experience to put in it context for them.

Cello

Have you seen a psychiatrist? They specialize more in mental health concerns than your general practitioner doctor may be, and may be able to help you figure out what the root cause of what you're feeling is. They're also more specialized in providing medication and some also double as psychologists/psychotherapists.

Albino Bunny

One parent told me I was selfish for saying I thought I’d be dead by 30.

The other told me I could just work past how I couldn’t focus.

I show up sobbing and begging and all medicine can give me is to book an appointment when I’m literally crying I can’t.

Paladin

If anyone - parents, family, friends, doctors, therapists - can't meet you where you're at, they won't be able to help you. Health care providers are just humans. It's their job to listen to you and use their knowledge to help you achieve your life goals and peace of mind. For many, it's just a job, and it doesn't particularly disturb them whether you get meaningful help or not. For some, it's a passion. Some people will know where you're coming from, will know how to talk with you, and will know what will help you. It sucks that you had a bad time with the people you met that should be responsible for helping you with your problems. I hope the next person you give your trust deserves it.

It looks like you're having a very hard time with activities that on face value should be very simple, like scheduling and attending follow up appointments. This is very common, and it's understandable that you'd be frustrated when other people offer solutions several steps ahead of the current hurdle of making a commitment and keeping it. Most of us want to help but just don't understand the true depth of your struggles.

I'm glad that you're expressing your frustration, even if it hurts to see your suffering. The solution to getting past this will start and end in your own mind. Those who talk, think, and those who think, solve, so please keep talking to those you can find who will listen. We can give you comfort free from judgment if you need it, but unfortunately the extent to which we can help do that is limited. A personal friend you know is worth 1000 of us.

As long as you're alive, there will be time to brainstorm solutions when you're ready. If you want advice beyond emotional support, please ask and it will be gladly given.