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It's a [Kids] World. [Parents] Just Live in It

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    MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    :bro:
    What sort of screening is it? I'm pretty sure they see many such Kindergartners, and as a parent I often have to step back and remember that kids will kid, and people who work with kids usually remember that.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
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    MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    edited July 10
    The staff was very supportive and it's just a little hearing and vision screening with basic counting and shape / color recognition . It's just a way to make sure kids are at a baseline prior to starting kindergarten.

    I am annoyed because this is the dynamic my wife has been endorsing for the past few months.

    She asks Dallas (3M) to do something. He refuses. She negotiates. He throws a tantrum. Dallas gets whatever he originally wanted. This applies to food, snacks, games, brushing teeth, and bedtime.

    I ask Dallas to do something. He refuses. I tell him his choices. He throws a tantrum. I tell him If he wants to behave that way we will leave or he goes straight to bed. He complies.

    I don't negotiate when he's melting down, but try to put him in a quiet environment, let him rage, then check in.

    Today was just another example of this. He throws a tantrum, melts down, and his consequence was not going to daycare afterwards, but instead gets to go home with Mom while she works from home. All we taught him was that if he behaves this way he gets time with her. It's ridiculous.

    Then to have my wife also crying in the waiting room over his behavior, just, look I'm sorry, but Jesus Christ get a grip? He's a three year old who's refusing to do what you want him to do, it's not a reflection of you as a mother.

    MegaMan001 on
    I am in the business of saving lives.
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    PeenPeen Registered User regular
    There are going to be 1,000,000 more moments like that in the years to come. I don't know you or your wife personally so this advice is broad and possibly unhelpful but I think we'd all agree that you need to be on the same page about discipline and where you're going to draw your lines, your kid/s can't know that if they go to one parent they'll get a different result from the other one. Your wife's just gotta be able to say no to your son, endure his reaction, and hold the line, or things are going to get pretty weird for you.

    That sucks though dude, I hope you and she can talk it out.

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    MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    As a mom, I feel it. I think it's not the judgement of others she feels as hard as her own judgement of not being able to have her kid do what she wants them to do. I am constantly asked "How do you get your son to do x,y,z at home?" And.. like.. I'm not putting him in a position of x,y,z. I give him 1:1 attention when needed, let him have more autonomy than he can get in a group setting, and work with him to get him to want to do x,y,z. Which, I know isn't possible in a school setting, but ???

    I am definitely the more "permissive" parent. But I also know my limits, and when to back up and just let dad take over. (Dad recently had to take kiddo to the doctor for a blood draw, because he's better at psyching him up for such things) I also back up my husband's discipline, and follow through with what he says. Boundaries are hard to set as you move from Baby->toddler->kid, but necessary, yeah

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
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    KalnaurKalnaur I See Rain . . . Centralia, WARegistered User regular
    Yeah, Toby has some quirks that make working with him interesting for people. Like, he is one of the most cheerful kids I've ever met, he is rarely angry or sad, but he has a mischievous streak in him that's been there since he was a kid, and I have to know when the result is worth fighting about. Like walking in to the bathroom just as he gets done unraveling the last bit of toilet paper from an already very empty roll and, not noticing me come in, says to himself "Now that is some Toby mischief." I mean, I could have been pissed, but eh, we used the TP to blow our nose instead, he was informed that can be wasteful and please not to do that, and we move on. He's getting ready for school and fussing around and not paying any attention because as much as he loves school, he just got something into his head, and he needs a kind but firm redirecting of "no, you can do that later, we need to get ready for school, dude. The wife is a favorite, partially because she's at work all day and I'm the stay at home dad, partially because mom . . . is more permissive of things he does or wants to do. She'll back me up if I'm enforcing things, but rarely is something laid out as "these are the rules" when she's working with him. Which can cause him to spiral up into a hyperactive ball of insanity, which she then needs to take a break from. And it's not like he's trying to do this, autism has its little quirks that sprout up different in each person. But I feel like I recognize the signs more effectively than she does.

    That doesn't mean she buckles under to everything he wants to do, but it does end up with me usually establishing what's going to happen and her saying "yup, dad said so".

    And when it comes to kids, I try to remember they're a human too, with all their thoughts and desires and interests, and just ordering them to do a thing because "parent from on high" isn't really going to work long-term. Much like Mulysa, it's best to convince Toby that he wants to do a thing, rather than try and browbeat him into submission. Doing that would just shut him down and lock me out. Every kid is different, and who knows, Dallas may just need a different approach (though the one MM001 describes seems to work for them).

    On a tangential line in relation to school and getting kids to do things, Toby's love of school usually means that he's just willing to go along with what the adults say, but with a catch: at one of his first reviews back in April 2023, for example, they took him into another room, and wrote what they wanted him to do on the chalkboard, and then read it to him, and it was like, jumping or something. To see how well he followed directions. Well, he did it, and then he walked over to the computer one of the people were using, and, curious to see what would happen, they let him use it. He opened a Google Doc, and typed out what he wanted them to do, and then said "There!" with a giggle and gave the computer back to the reviewer. And that is my kid in a nutshell.

    I make art things! deviantART: Kalnaur ::: Origin: Kalnaur ::: UPlay: Kalnaur
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    MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    Peen wrote: »
    There are going to be 1,000,000 more moments like that in the years to come. I don't know you or your wife personally so this advice is broad and possibly unhelpful but I think we'd all agree that you need to be on the same page about discipline and where you're going to draw your lines, your kid/s can't know that if they go to one parent they'll get a different result from the other one. Your wife's just gotta be able to say no to your son, endure his reaction, and hold the line, or things are going to get pretty weird for you.

    That sucks though dude, I hope you and she can talk it out.

    I sincerely appreciate this and everyone's thoughts. I know what we have to do, but massaging the situation without it appearing like I'm attacking her is challenging. It's especially difficult when very simple rules we had in place for our first go out the window.

    Like the post daycare / school pre-dinner period. We have a snack then it's no food until dinner (it works to get the kid to eat dinner) and our daughter has no issues having dinner and now Dallas eats barely anything cause my wife steadily feeds him when he gets home.

    I am in the business of saving lives.
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    Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    Peen wrote: »
    There are going to be 1,000,000 more moments like that in the years to come. I don't know you or your wife personally so this advice is broad and possibly unhelpful but I think we'd all agree that you need to be on the same page about discipline and where you're going to draw your lines, your kid/s can't know that if they go to one parent they'll get a different result from the other one. Your wife's just gotta be able to say no to your son, endure his reaction, and hold the line, or things are going to get pretty weird for you.

    That sucks though dude, I hope you and she can talk it out.

    The other thing I will add on to this, is that you're never going to be on the same page, you can be similar, but there is always going to be one person with a higher standard and one person with a lower standard and it will just never perfectly line up and that's ok.

    I will also add for whatever reason it's a common to just not do as good as a job raising the second born. I joke about it, and I can see us doing it with Maz as well. When he melts down, there is so much more going on, it is just mentally easier to choose to solve that need and then go on with a million other tasks that need to be doing. And we all know, that is not the perfect solution, because it isn't setting up the kid to succeed later down the path, but its just a real easy trap to fall into.

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    mrpakumrpaku Registered User regular
    Real frustrated that Leftovers Night, aka "not-on Dad to feed you all this evening" day, has turned into "everyone forgets food is a thing until eight pm and then literally cries as they make a peanut butter sandwich" day

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