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Being Stalked
Dread Pirate Arbuthnot
OMG WRIGGLYT O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
OMG WRIGGLYT O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
I have an ex-boyfriend who's being very troublesome in this regard. We didn't go out for long, and he kept sending me e-mails and phoning me and whatnot after we broke up. When one of my friends told him I was moving, and to where I was moving, he sent me a long two page letter about his love for me and how he would reclaim what was his and other creepy bullshit.
He has been also calling my friends to 'put in a good word for him', and showing up at places where I hang around Toronto. Turns out he has a brother who lives very close to me, so he claims he is visiting his brother, but that seems unlikely because why isn't he with his brother if that's the case
How do I crack down on this?
He has been also calling my friends to 'put in a good word for him', and showing up at places where I hang around Toronto. Turns out he has a brother who lives very close to me, so he claims he is visiting his brother, but that seems unlikely because why isn't he with his brother if that's the case
How do I crack down on this?
Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
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Did he send the letter to your new place?
For emails, you can always block his address. For your cell phone and land-line phone, I'm pretty sure that you can have his number blocked as well.
If it becomes threatening or if he starts following you around and such then it is time to take it to the authorities.
As a happier aside: how's the prom stuff going?
Yes, he sent the letter to my new place. I'm fairly sure he got it from one of my friends.
I've blocked his e-mail address. He keeps making new ones. He also doesn't own a cellphone, he calls from his friends' places, payphones, libraries, etc.
He's been popping up in the place where I eat lunch with my friends, the local library, the drug store, in a lot of places in the past week and it's getting very nervewracking.
Have you responded to any of his attempts to contact you? If he's not getting the hint to leave you alone, you might try telling him over the phone/through e-mail that he is acting way out of line and it needs to stop. Tell him your going to get a restraining order if he doesn't leave you alone, and there is no chance that you two will ever get back together.
Edit: I didn't realize you were in highschool.
Tell your family about it if you haven't already, tell the boy to knock if off and if he doesn't go tell someone at your school the situation and tell his parents about whats going on. If that doesn't work, or the stalking gets worse than go for a restraining order.
Also, make sure your friends know how you feel. You didn't specify whether you have mutual friends, but even if your friends are friends with him, they should discourage that kind of behavior if they're made aware of it. In fact, if he shows up and says "Hi!" while you and your friends are eating lunch, your friends should be outright hostile.
Note that for public places (a library, a drug store) it could be a coincidence. It's obvious the guy is a creep, but I'd be careful about jumping to the conclusion that he is shadowing you around town or anything.
And if you haven't done so, tear the "friend" that gave out your info a new asshole. If they take his side, well you need a new friend.
His behavior is unacceptable, and you should get a restraining order as soon as possible.
Hopefully that'll shock some sense into him. If not, then things are probably going to be difficult.
BUT... The moment he crosses that line and starts harassing you or making any threats (even implied), now you have the legal firepower to get a restraining order and possibly even press charges.
I need more details... What does he do when he shows up? Also, what state do you live in?
So first off follow Vrtra's advice. You need to unambiguously tell him that you want no further contact with him.
Second, keep a detailed record of all contact, direct and indirect. This includes attempts to have friends relay messages, or simply 'showing up' at public places. You'll want times, dates, and the contents of any contact.
Keep anything he sends you. If he sends you an email, print it out. Keep any letters he sends you.
Put all these records in a folder and try to get your friends and family to contribute, too. The more evidence you have, the better.
Then go to the police. If you don't want to get the police involved, the Ontario Assaulted Women's Helpline (1-866-863-0511) should be able to refer you to legal services who can help you file a restraining order.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Talk to your folks about it and call the local police department. Ask to speak with someone regarding what's going on and just explain it all and how it's making you feel. They'll give you your options and may go have a chat with the young fellow.
Either way, waiting won't really make it better.
No need to be embarrassed about calling the police, these sorts of things are very routine, and they will be happy to help you out. Hell, this is something they do to annoying telemarketers; they generally have a person set up to just do this kind of thing, and you've now put up with more BS from this guy than many many other people who make use of this service. I'm sure they would far rather have a chat now than get a desperate call in the middle of the night.
Involving the police sends a clear message as well.
Make sure all your friends and your parents know about this, especially good ol' dad.
PSN: Broichan
I'm pretty sure I know who did it, and I plan to talk to her. She's very nice, but mindnumbingly lacking in common sense.
Thanks for the advice, all. I'll talk to the police tonight - won't hurt to make a call.
Chemical castration. Seriously, though, it sounds like this was his first break-up or something and he's just not dealing with it very well. I'd get in contact with his parents and/or neutral friends and have them intervene - he needs to be aware that this behavior is highly abnormal and embarrassing.
If this kid is any older than 18, call the cops.
So I am more than a little concerned, and I think contacting the police quickly would be wise now that he's actually physically showing up. I just thought they didn't handle things like this.
Do so tonight and give yourself a little peace of mind. Worst that they can say is "Nope..not to the point we can do anything. But here's when we can and here's what you can do."
OK, yeah, call the police.
:shock:
Does he have any friends to speak of? Any family that he's close to? They need to be made aware of how unhinged this kid is, for your own good and his. I'd seriously consider a restraining order if he's gone from lovelorn to verbal threats. It's the kind of thing you really don't want escalating any further.
All I know is his homelife is fairly shitty. I never met his parents. I think his father is dead.
Eh, I guess that would play into his emotional obsession over your former relationship. Interventions work well when you can surround a person with friends and family and force them to own up to a serious problem. If that's not feasible and this behavior persists, I don't see what other avenue you have to make it stop other than the legal one.
Sorry about the crappy situation.
Fuck that - she ain't his mom, his girl, his guardian, or his keeper. his mental health ain't her problem and she should not be encouraged to make it so. This shit is DEADLY serious. No contact + calling the cops is best, but that is the time when people are most likely to do something bad. Be safe.
Very not kidding about deadly. http://news.google.com/news?um=1&tab=wn&hl=en&q=killed%20by%20former%20boyfriend
Be safe.
Also confronting and pushing someone who's unstable already yourself is a BAD IDEA.
Also for your safety always let someone you know be aware where you will be. If you hang out with your friends tell someone who basically check on you. You never know these day how people will appear as stupid to lunacy. Have someone aware of the situation, especially since prom is coming or may have passed.
Hope you enjoy prom and not let this get to you.
I hate when people do this stalking/psychological break down things to others because they cannot come to realization of situations.
Enjoy that prom!
and you know this forums is here for you when you need more help.
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Real classy.
No, she's his stalker obsession. She didn't ask for it and it sucks to deal with shit like this, but getting this kid permanently out of her life is the goal.
Uh, it sounds like it's exactly her problem. This nutjob is stalking her, and his mental/behavioral condition is problematic and potentially dangerous to her. A restraining order (which everyone including myself has recommended) is a reactive solution. Setting into motion some way for this kid to get mental help is a pre-emptive one.
And no one is recommending that she gets directly involved. It's making people around him aware of this problem so that they will take direct action. The reason why I asked about the parents is because they have certain legal abilities that'll force this guy to get help, even if he doesn't want it. In lieu of that, alerting people around him to this behavior will put them on notice, allowing them to force him to get some help, advise him to quit this insane and obsessive behavior or to give the proper parties early warning for even more suspicious behavior.
I'm not going to mention what I do for a living except to say that I'm around the consequences of stuff like this routinely.
No contact is obvious to everyone and calling the cops won't really do much unless this kid is trespassing or committing some other illegal act. Which is why a restraining order is so important - if he's stalking her with a restraining order against him and he's violating that order, the police can pick him up.
Hmm. See where I'm going with that pre-emptive intervention angle?
Stalking is a criminal offense in Canada.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
If he asks them about you just get them to say "Cassandra asked me no to talk about her around you".
This will stop his getting random bits of information about you to use for stalking.
But even if you can't get a restraining order yet (though you probably will it will now be on the record) so if other stuff happens it will be easier to get one at a future date.
Satans..... hints.....