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scariest animal you could probably kill in a fight

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    minor incidentminor incident expert in a dying field njRegistered User regular
    edited July 2023
    Solar wrote: »
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Hand to hand life or death I think I could survive fighting one (1) wolf. If I have a suitable fixed blade buck knife I think I could actually win. Hell, with a good knife I'd have a fighting chance against a North American black bear. Anything bigger than that I'm toast. Mountain lions I dunno. They aren't much more in terms of raw muscle and bite power but they're more maneuverable and twisty. It'd be like trying to wrangle a cat into a cat carrier but the cat weighs like 120 pounds and is trying to eat your organs.

    It's all about how aggressive you are, I think. You gotta charge in first not wait for them to rush you.

    A mountain lion or bear is going to fuck a new asshole into your face man are you crazy

    This thread reminds me of that poll where like 80% of the men surveyed thought they could score a single point against Serena Williams.

    minor incident on
    Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
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    Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Registered User regular
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Butters wrote: »
    Peen wrote: »
    Do I have a gun? I could kill most animals in a fight if I had a gun. If it's bare hands then maybe a raccoon, I wouldn't even take a real swing at a fox, I think people are massively overestimating themselves and underestimating how much of your ass most wild animals could kick.

    Foxes are pretty cowardly though so I think I could stomp one to death if I had to. Raccoons will definitely hold their own more than a fox.

    Animals that size I worry the most about are birds. Geese and Swans are nasty fuckers and will totally kick your ass. I've seen Swans attack people on jet skis and it was horrifying.

    Fox and raccoons that actually want to fight probably have rabies so you're fucked later.

    ::takes sip of water::

    ::hrkkkkirghhhhhikkrkkk::

    Hmm that was weird

    Let’s try that again

    ::takes sip of watOHGODGETTHATAWAYFROMME::

    I killed the raccoon I’m good right

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    Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Registered User regular
    Solar wrote: »
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Hand to hand life or death I think I could survive fighting one (1) wolf. If I have a suitable fixed blade buck knife I think I could actually win. Hell, with a good knife I'd have a fighting chance against a North American black bear. Anything bigger than that I'm toast. Mountain lions I dunno. They aren't much more in terms of raw muscle and bite power but they're more maneuverable and twisty. It'd be like trying to wrangle a cat into a cat carrier but the cat weighs like 120 pounds and is trying to eat your organs.

    It's all about how aggressive you are, I think. You gotta charge in first not wait for them to rush you.

    A mountain lion or bear is going to fuck a new asshole into your face man are you crazy

    This thread reminds me of that poll where like 80% of the men surveyed thought they could score a single point against Serena Williams.

    That’s dipshit men underestimating the skill and athleticism women athletes possess and subsequently overestimating their own

    While I know a large predator very likely fucks me up, I also know that I’m the product of evolution of a species that can and does and will kill every other thing on the planet. Without rules, I can kill any animal. No animal can say the same.

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    crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    the eikon ifrit

    prove it

    no fuck you

    EzUAYcn.png
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    tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
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    crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    you had your chance

    EzUAYcn.png
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    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Solar wrote: »
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Hand to hand life or death I think I could survive fighting one (1) wolf. If I have a suitable fixed blade buck knife I think I could actually win. Hell, with a good knife I'd have a fighting chance against a North American black bear. Anything bigger than that I'm toast. Mountain lions I dunno. They aren't much more in terms of raw muscle and bite power but they're more maneuverable and twisty. It'd be like trying to wrangle a cat into a cat carrier but the cat weighs like 120 pounds and is trying to eat your organs.

    It's all about how aggressive you are, I think. You gotta charge in first not wait for them to rush you.

    A mountain lion or bear is going to fuck a new asshole into your face man are you crazy

    This thread reminds me of that poll where like 80% of the men surveyed thought they could score a single point against Serena Williams.

    That did give us this absolute gem of a tweet, though:

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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    crwth wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    the eikon ifrit

    prove it

    no fuck you

    typical thursday post imo

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    Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Registered User regular
    That just means like 1 in 20 men are overthinking the question and like thinking she’ll double fault

    I wouldn’t know anything about overthinking these types of questions

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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    Solar wrote: »
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Hand to hand life or death I think I could survive fighting one (1) wolf. If I have a suitable fixed blade buck knife I think I could actually win. Hell, with a good knife I'd have a fighting chance against a North American black bear. Anything bigger than that I'm toast. Mountain lions I dunno. They aren't much more in terms of raw muscle and bite power but they're more maneuverable and twisty. It'd be like trying to wrangle a cat into a cat carrier but the cat weighs like 120 pounds and is trying to eat your organs.

    It's all about how aggressive you are, I think. You gotta charge in first not wait for them to rush you.

    A mountain lion or bear is going to fuck a new asshole into your face man are you crazy

    I am insane yes and that is why I would win against a black bear if I had a knife.

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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    Solar wrote: »
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Hand to hand life or death I think I could survive fighting one (1) wolf. If I have a suitable fixed blade buck knife I think I could actually win. Hell, with a good knife I'd have a fighting chance against a North American black bear. Anything bigger than that I'm toast. Mountain lions I dunno. They aren't much more in terms of raw muscle and bite power but they're more maneuverable and twisty. It'd be like trying to wrangle a cat into a cat carrier but the cat weighs like 120 pounds and is trying to eat your organs.

    It's all about how aggressive you are, I think. You gotta charge in first not wait for them to rush you.

    A mountain lion or bear is going to fuck a new asshole into your face man are you crazy

    This thread reminds me of that poll where like 80% of the men surveyed thought they could score a single point against Serena Williams.

    To be 100% clear I would pick fighting a bear every single time rather than play tennis against Serena Williams.

    She would launch a tennis ball through my skull like a fucking Navy Seal sniper killing me instantly.

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    ButtersButters A glass of some milks Registered User regular
    edited July 2023
    Solar wrote: »
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Hand to hand life or death I think I could survive fighting one (1) wolf. If I have a suitable fixed blade buck knife I think I could actually win. Hell, with a good knife I'd have a fighting chance against a North American black bear. Anything bigger than that I'm toast. Mountain lions I dunno. They aren't much more in terms of raw muscle and bite power but they're more maneuverable and twisty. It'd be like trying to wrangle a cat into a cat carrier but the cat weighs like 120 pounds and is trying to eat your organs.

    It's all about how aggressive you are, I think. You gotta charge in first not wait for them to rush you.

    A mountain lion or bear is going to fuck a new asshole into your face man are you crazy

    A few months ago I watched a video of a guy being stalked by mountain lion that he scared away with a warning shot. The cat's reaction was so quick that its plausible it would have dodged the bullet if he were aiming at it. No fucking way any human is quick enough to get the upper hand on a mountain lion.

    Black bears are a different story. They can definitely fuck you up, but they are not on the same level aggression-wise as their big brown cousins which are far more powerful and much faster.

    Butters on
    PSN: idontworkhere582 | CFN: idontworkhere | Steam: lordbutters | Amazon Wishlist
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    crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    crwth wrote: »
    the eikon ifrit

    prove it

    no fuck you

    typical thursday post imo

    i carry thursdays spirit with me on all days

    EzUAYcn.png
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    PeenPeen Registered User regular
    So we'll just go ahead and add "killed by a bear" to the "and that's the last time anyone saw ol' Juggs" board, I reckon somewhere between "searching for the perfect blackberries" and "lost faith in fellow man"

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    minor incidentminor incident expert in a dying field njRegistered User regular
    Black bears are chill fucking goofballs who just want to eat your garbage, compared to their brown/grizzly cousins who are one of nature’s most effective murder machines.

    A brown bear can get up to 9 feet tall, almost 900 pounds, can run 35 miles an hour, have 4-inch claws, and have never once felt fear.

    Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    It's my preferred way to go. I'm gonna go off into the woods and find a bear to fight when I'm old a ready to die.

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Except that bear will feet pity on you and get you an appointment with a psychoanalyst to really figure out why you'd do such a silly thing.

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    furlionfurlion Riskbreaker Lea MondeRegistered User regular
    I am confident about anything up to German shepherd sized dogs. My great Dane is 170 lbs of pure muscle and he drug me behind him like a fucking looney tunes cartoon. He was chasing a chicken and when he hit the end of the leash i had attached to his body harness he didn't even slow down and i am 180 lbs. I knew he was strong but that's the first time he ever really just completely ignored me and it made me realize that every other time i have taken him for a walk and pulled him away from an interesting smell he let me do it. He can pick up and carry 28lbs cinder blocks. A large dog would absolutely kill most people even with a knife. Also, as someone who has done a bit of knife training, most people would just immediately stab themselves anyways. So i guess in keeping with the spirit of the question i would put my odds at 50/50 against Cujo.

    sig.gif Gamertag: KL Retribution
    PSN:Furlion
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    SCREECH OF THE FARGSCREECH OF THE FARG #1 PARROTHEAD margaritavilleRegistered User regular
    Peen wrote: »
    Do I have a gun? I could kill most animals in a fight if I had a gun. If it's bare hands then maybe a raccoon, I wouldn't even take a real swing at a fox, I think people are massively overestimating themselves and underestimating how much of your ass most wild animals could kick.

    id ask you to read the op for the rules but it's clear to me that you did and decided to break every single one

    gcum67ktu9e4.pngimg
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    JayKaosJayKaos Registered User regular
    Animals have no concept of rules and I don't see why we should be limiting ourselves in order to challenge them.

    Steam | SW-0844-0908-6004 and my Switch code
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    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    give me a shovel, some pointy sticks, and a few hours and I will kill most animals

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    Red RaevynRed Raevyn because I only take Bubble Baths Registered User regular
    Wasn’t the whole point of StarCraft that the terrans were the real Zerg threat

    Wait really? That's pretty cool, off to StarCraft Wikipedia for me

    Also I'd never seen that tennis thing, 10/10 tweet

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    discriderdiscrider Registered User regular
    Does domestication count or are we forced to go for the kill

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    PeenPeen Registered User regular
    the animal has turned on you, there is no escape, and under Farg's rules you have only the sweat of your brow and the jorts you arrived in as your tools to deal with it

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    GvzbgulGvzbgul Registered User regular
    fra2wyngc4xr.png

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    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    edited July 2023
    wait when we're talking about bears, we mean like

    ursine?

    'cause I know I can take at least two regular bears

    Depressperado on
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    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    you can kill a staggering amount of things with a spear or sword

    but like, just a knife? I could take a wolf but I would 100% also be crippled or killed in the process

    If all I have is a knife the first thing I'm doing is using it to turn a long stick into a long sharp stick.

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    you can kill a staggering amount of things with a spear or sword

    but like, just a knife? I could take a wolf but I would 100% also be crippled or killed in the process

    If all I have is a knife the first thing I'm doing is using it to turn a long stick into a long sharp stick.

    You have a knife and a stick, but cords of any kind are prohibited. What now, Bear Grylls?

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    proxy_hueproxy_hue Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    you can kill a staggering amount of things with a spear or sword

    but like, just a knife? I could take a wolf but I would 100% also be crippled or killed in the process

    If all I have is a knife the first thing I'm doing is using it to turn a long stick into a long sharp stick.

    You have a knife and a stick, but cords of any kind are prohibited. What now, Bear Grylls?

    climate appropriate clothing, you've got a knife, you can make some strips of fabric and get yourself a fastening there. my concern is the likelihood of finding a proper spear-worthy stick.

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    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    ... you sharpen the stick with the knife is the idea fellas.

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    proxy_hueproxy_hue Registered User regular
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    ... you sharpen the stick with the knife is the idea fellas.

    this is why the best i'm doing is dying alongside a king cobra

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    Duke 2.0Duke 2.0 Time Trash Cat Registered User regular
    Wasn’t the whole point of StarCraft that the terrans were the real Zerg threat

    The 2 idea is there are cosmic cycles of sentient species developing on multiple planets, a species with Puroty of Essence and a species with Purity of Form would interact and create a new cosmic being to ascend to a sort of Godhood. One of these beings decides to mess with the process creating the Zerg and Protoss. Turns out species involved in the setting that fulfill the criteria without meddling by Corruption are Primal Zerg and Terrans.

    So humans are uncorrupted Protoss

    VRXwDW7.png
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    Duke 2.0Duke 2.0 Time Trash Cat Registered User regular
    It’s fucking awful and was much cooler in the original lore from Brood War

    VRXwDW7.png
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    CelloCello Registered User regular
    wait when we're talking about bears, we mean like

    ursine?

    'cause I know I can take at least two regular bears

    Please do not harm Paddington

    Steam
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    ... you sharpen the stick with the knife is the idea fellas.

    Hold on let's back up a few steps here.

    You do what to the what?

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    discriderdiscrider Registered User regular
    Peen wrote: »
    the animal has turned on you, there is no escape, and under Farg's rules you have only the sweat of your brow and the jorts you arrived in as your tools to deal with it

    Oh, I could definitely kill myself faster than the animal could.
    Stuff wearing jorts.

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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    I think the really scary part of this scenario is imagining animals who wouldn't ordinarily attack a human just going all-out to kill you. Like I don't think I would lose to a berserker squirrel encountered at eye level, but the first phase of the fight is going to be an extremely bad time for me.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    ShadowfireShadowfire Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
    Duke 2.0 wrote: »
    Wasn’t the whole point of StarCraft that the terrans were the real Zerg threat

    The 2 idea is there are cosmic cycles of sentient species developing on multiple planets, a species with Puroty of Essence and a species with Purity of Form would interact and create a new cosmic being to ascend to a sort of Godhood. One of these beings decides to mess with the process creating the Zerg and Protoss. Turns out species involved in the setting that fulfill the criteria without meddling by Corruption are Primal Zerg and Terrans.

    So humans are uncorrupted Protoss

    Wait, that's the story of StarCraft 2? Fuck man, Blizzard just can't write.

    WiiU: Windrunner ; Guild Wars 2: Shadowfire.3940 ; PSN: Bradcopter
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    Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Registered User regular
    I don’t even know anything about StarCraft I was just shitposting

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Duke 2.0 wrote: »
    Wasn’t the whole point of StarCraft that the terrans were the real Zerg threat

    The 2 idea is there are cosmic cycles of sentient species developing on multiple planets, a species with Puroty of Essence and a species with Purity of Form would interact and create a new cosmic being to ascend to a sort of Godhood. One of these beings decides to mess with the process creating the Zerg and Protoss. Turns out species involved in the setting that fulfill the criteria without meddling by Corruption are Primal Zerg and Terrans.

    So humans are uncorrupted Protoss

    Wait, that's the story of StarCraft 2? Fuck man, Blizzard just can't write.

    Yeah it culminates in Kerrigan becoming, basically God, and just solving All Of The Problems and then fucking off forever.

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