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scariest animal you could probably kill in a fight

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    Anon the FelonAnon the Felon In bat country.Registered User regular
    edited July 2023
    Jedoc wrote: »
    I think the really scary part of this scenario is imagining animals who wouldn't ordinarily attack a human just going all-out to kill you. Like I don't think I would lose to a berserker squirrel encountered at eye level, but the first phase of the fight is going to be an extremely bad time for me.

    This made me laugh far too long.

    I think it's the "berserker squirrel". Like, these animals aren't hungry or threatened. You're in the arena with it, and it wants to make you cry.

    Anon the Felon on
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    JragghenJragghen Registered User regular
    Nothing would be more terrifying than carnivorous squirrels that hunt in packs.

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Jragghen wrote: »
    Nothing would be more terrifying than carnivorous squirrels that hunt in packs.

    There are lots of things more terrifying.

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    JragghenJragghen Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Jragghen wrote: »
    Nothing would be more terrifying than carnivorous squirrels that hunt in packs.

    There are lots of things more terrifying.

    The rippling carpet of grey waves as they sprint towards you. You flail about and knock some aside but other tiny teeth bite home as they launch themselves as you, eventually weighing you down with their collective mass. Each mouth too tiny to do a killing blow, but each tearing out chunks of flesh.

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    BurtletoyBurtletoy Registered User regular
    edited July 2023
    The kansas city zoo has a pretty good, very large very tall, chimp enclosure with a whole bunch of chimps and legit ass tall trees.

    One time when I went there, they were hunting a squirrel. They kept hiding behind trees and other chimps would chase the squirrel towards the hidden chimp and he would pop out from behind the tree and try to grab it.

    Eventually they caught the squirrel very high up in the tree and threw it to the ground and it ran into a log and stayed there.

    Two of the people at the zoo then decided it was time to leave that exhibit and we went outside, a minute of two later there was an extremely loud commotion of chimps yelling and screaming.

    I don't think it was because the squirrel won the fight.

    Burtletoy on
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    BurtletoyBurtletoy Registered User regular
    Watching the chimps hunt was kinda terrifying

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    LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    edited July 2023
    i could kill cordyceps' host, a zombified ant

    Lucedes on
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    LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    i could probably beat a clown if it was unarmed and under 6'

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    SporkAndrewSporkAndrew Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    I think the really scary part of this scenario is imagining animals who wouldn't ordinarily attack a human just going all-out to kill you. Like I don't think I would lose to a berserker squirrel encountered at eye level, but the first phase of the fight is going to be an extremely bad time for me.

    This made me laugh far too long.

    I think it's the "berserker squirrel". Like, these animals aren't hungry or threatened. You're in the arena with it, and it wants to make you cry.

    I wouldn't mess with Weapon II

    u4n0v98necqo.png

    It's got a little visor, man!

    The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin
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    TynnanTynnan seldom correct, never unsure Registered User regular
    If you're going to fight a squirrel, I recommend wearing welding gloves

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    TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    Wasn't the squirrel in Martin The Warrior basically a berserker?

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    PLAPLA The process.Registered User regular
    Chimps are scary because they're like humans who don't care about etiquette. You can't confuse a chimp with soup forks and lettuce knives.

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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    Chimps are also terrifyingly strong in a way people just straight up aren't.

    Google "Jambo the hairless chimp" and let that shit haunt your nightmares like it does mine. They are 100% pure muscle that is anatomically designed to rip you in half and then fangs that are also 100% designed to crush your entire head, specifically.

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    RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Chimps are also terrifyingly strong in a way people just straight up aren't.

    Google "Jambo the hairless chimp" and let that shit haunt your nightmares like it does mine. They are 100% pure muscle that is anatomically designed to rip you in half and then fangs that are also 100% designed to crush your entire head, specifically.

    Like Chimps could absolutely kill you in a few seconds by bashing your skull in which is a terrible way to go.

    But they basically seem to maximize your torment instead because they've decided that they're mad at you prior to biting and tearing off anything that isn't nailed down.

    I sat through the first half of Terrifier 2 and I'd rather fight Art the Clown then an aggrieved chimp

    RedTide#1907 on Battle.net
    Come Overwatch with meeeee
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    RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    For my actual answer I'd go with a coyote.

    RedTide#1907 on Battle.net
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    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    have we said human because human

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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    I've seen Congo

    chimps are incredibly weak to lasers

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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    I know they're gorillas and I don't care, I will take every opportunity to remind people of Congo

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    SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    Wasn't there some news story about people that owned a pet chimp that they were trying to raise as a human baby to see if it would be more intelligent?

    I think it ended with someone's face being ripped off

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    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    SirToasty wrote: »
    Wasn't there some news story about people that owned a pet chimp that they were trying to raise as a human baby to see if it would be more intelligent?

    I think it ended with someone's face being ripped off

    That was years ago, but yes, it attacked one of their friends. I won't post the details. Google it if you're curious. It was pretty bad. She lived, but she's now blind and had to have her entire face and jaw surgically reconstructed.

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    SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    3cl1ps3 wrote: »
    SirToasty wrote: »
    Wasn't there some news story about people that owned a pet chimp that they were trying to raise as a human baby to see if it would be more intelligent?

    I think it ended with someone's face being ripped off

    That was years ago, but yes, it attacked one of their friends. I won't post the details. Google it if you're curious. It was pretty bad. She lived, but she's now blind and had to have her entire face and jaw surgically reconstructed.

    Yeah that's the one

    Don't fuck with chimps

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    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    have we said human because human

    If the human is big or tough enough to be scary, I am no longer sure I could kill them.

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    milskimilski Poyo! Registered User regular
    edited July 2023
    That story is fucking horrifying, especially the lady who had the chimp for its whole life talking about it like she rescued a baby whose mom died when in reality she paid $50,000 for an animal poached from its mother and tried to force it to act like a person, apparently successfully, but she was also just giving it Xanax when it got agitated, and it didn't work that day????? And then said she'd absolutely adopt a chimp again after it nearly murdered her friend???????????

    milski on
    I ate an engineer
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    GrisloGrislo Registered User regular
    edited July 2023
    Apes and monkeys are crazy dangerous
    eh5crr4j5ntx.jpg

    There's no fighting that

    Grislo on
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    SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    RedTide wrote: »
    For my actual answer I'd go with a coyote.

    I think this is the best answer for me too. Not too big that it's going to win by virtue of weight class and really only one end to worry about. It's got claws but they aren't as sharp or dexterous as those on like a bobcat. I probably win the bobcat fight but the potential for massive blood loss ending in a draw or loss is much higher I feel. With the coyote I feel like I have a sure shot win condition if I sacrifice an arm to the jaws, leaving it open to pointy implements.

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    minor incidentminor incident expert in a dying field njRegistered User regular
    Even Hellboy doesn't wanna fuck around with no monkeys.

    Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
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    LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    i could… i could probably beat a lynx

    in theory

    they’re pretty small

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    I don't want to fight anything

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    Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Registered User regular
    So is an animal terrifying because it’s hard to kill or do we need to first filter by only animals considered terrifying and then draw our death line

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    I know they're gorillas and I don't care, I will take every opportunity to remind people of Congo

    THE LOST CITY OF ZINJ

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    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    I think the really scary part of this scenario is imagining animals who wouldn't ordinarily attack a human just going all-out to kill you. Like I don't think I would lose to a berserker squirrel encountered at eye level, but the first phase of the fight is going to be an extremely bad time for me.

    Any kind of rodent hell-bent on murdering me I'd want to be wearing the most skin-tight clothing possible so it can't get underneath and recreate those scenes from The Mummy where the scarabs burrow into a person and start munching from the inside out.

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    Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Chupacabra

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    I could kick an aliens ass

    They aren't used to Earth's gravity I have home field advantage

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    minor incidentminor incident expert in a dying field njRegistered User regular
    I could kick an aliens ass

    They aren't used to Earth's gravity I have home field advantage

    What if they come from giant planets with like triple earth's gravity. They'd be yoked as fuck little green dudes.

    Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
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    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    I could kick an aliens ass

    They aren't used to Earth's gravity I have home field advantage

    What if they come from giant planets with like triple earth's gravity. They'd be yoked as fuck little green dudes.

    They'd all look like blobfish for the same reasons

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    Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2023
    I know Goku trains in massive amounts of gravity and he doesn’t look like a blob fish

    Raijin Quickfoot on
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    minor incidentminor incident expert in a dying field njRegistered User regular
    I know Goku trains in massive amounts of gravity and he doesn’t look like a blob fish

    Facts.

    Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    Would higher gravity necessarily mean a higher atmospheric pressure like that? I don't know anything about science.

    Anyways the move would just be sweeping the leg and tricking the strong alien into jumping, it would jump way too high.

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    Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Registered User regular
    edited July 2023
    No pressure and gravity are different

    That being said, have you seen how astronauts move on the moon? You don’t become faster and stronger right away, it would take years of combat training to learn how to move properly so you’re not just bouncing around like a giant dumbass target for me to whoop

    and/or seduce

    Captain Inertia on
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    KamarKamar Registered User regular
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    I've seen Congo

    chimps are incredibly weak to lasers

    I can't think of Congo anymore without the description of "sawing monkeys in half with lasers".

    I mean that was always the image in my mind, the only thing I remember of it from seeing it when I was like....6?

    But now it has a caption and I know I didn't hallucinate it.

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