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scariest animal you could probably kill in a fight

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    Kane Red RobeKane Red Robe Master of Magic ArcanusRegistered User regular
    Straightzi wrote: »
    Would higher gravity necessarily mean a higher atmospheric pressure like that? I don't know anything about science.

    Anyways the move would just be sweeping the leg and tricking the strong alien into jumping, it would jump way too high.

    Alright Edgar Rice Burroughs, then what?

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    No pressure and gravity are different

    That being said, have you seen how astronauts move on the moon? You don’t become faster and stronger right away, it would take years of combat training to learn how to move properly so you’re not just bouncing around like a giant dumbass target for me to whoop

    and/or seduce

    Sure, I've seen video of astronauts on the moon.
    But I've also seen John Carter and read a fair number of the John Carter of Mars books, where a civil war vet wakes up on Mars and is immediately able to kick so much Martian ass it fills a dozen books.

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    ArdolArdol Registered User regular
    Lucedes wrote: »
    i could… i could probably beat a lynx

    in theory

    they’re pretty small

    I saw a Lynx once...iirc it was the size of a moderate sized dog. Like a cat the size of a golden retriever with weaponry to match would be real rough I bet.

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    ngl until this very morning i thought lynxes and bobcats were the same thing, and i've seen bobcats and they're like 40 pounds. But, nope, they are not the same!

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    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Anyone considering fighting a cat of any kind should take another look at how fluid they are and maybe realize they're angling to have a fight with a slinky that has fangs and claws

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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    Yeah I'd definitely rather go canine than feline. A dog has a very dangerous bite, but if you're going in knowing that, you can maybe work around it. Cats are dangerous all over (if possibly less directly deadly in any one direction).

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    minor incidentminor incident expert in a dying field njRegistered User regular
    Madican wrote: »
    Anyone considering fighting a cat of any kind should take another look at how fluid they are and maybe realize they're angling to have a fight with a slinky that has fangs and claws

    A buddy of mine who does pet grooming has more than once described certain cats as "an angry, greased slinky made of razor wire."

    Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    Could be worse though

    We could be talking about trying to take down a fisher cat

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    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Straightzi wrote: »
    Could be worse though

    We could be talking about trying to take down a fisher cat

    Maybe if I lay really still it will only maul me a little bit.

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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    I think that might be the animal that I've seen in the wild that scared me the most? I'm running through a list of things I saw growing up in the woods and it's definitely up there. The major contenders are:

    - Fisher cat. Didn't know what it was, just a big weasel doing that sinuous weasel run viewed in silhouette at the edge of the yard. Assuredly looms larger in my mind than it actually was, but man, it just moved so wrong.
    - Raccoon. Rabies outbreak when I was a kid reinforced this one especially (and I'm still scared of rabies). Now I think they're cute but when I was six they freaked me out.
    - Flat head adder. Again, not scared anymore, but a regular seeming snake doing the cobra thing is real startling
    - Fox. I love foxes, to be clear, and I've never been spooked by seeing them. But at night sometimes they scream like a woman being murdered, and that's not a fun thing to try to go to sleep to.
    - Black bear. Mostly just like, as a conscious thing, they're not scary looking really. You see a bear in the woods and you know that it could take you down if it wanted to. It doesn't want to, but I mean, what if it did?

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Straightzi wrote: »
    I think that might be the animal that I've seen in the wild that scared me the most? I'm running through a list of things I saw growing up in the woods and it's definitely up there. The major contenders are:

    - Fisher cat. Didn't know what it was, just a big weasel doing that sinuous weasel run viewed in silhouette at the edge of the yard. Assuredly looms larger in my mind than it actually was, but man, it just moved so wrong.
    - Raccoon. Rabies outbreak when I was a kid reinforced this one especially (and I'm still scared of rabies). Now I think they're cute but when I was six they freaked me out.
    - Flat head adder. Again, not scared anymore, but a regular seeming snake doing the cobra thing is real startling
    - Fox. I love foxes, to be clear, and I've never been spooked by seeing them. But at night sometimes they scream like a woman being murdered, and that's not a fun thing to try to go to sleep to.
    - Black bear. Mostly just like, as a conscious thing, they're not scary looking really. You see a bear in the woods and you know that it could take you down if it wanted to. It doesn't want to, but I mean, what if it did?

    If we extended this list to cryptids, which of those do you think you could take? I feel like you've got a much better chance against an Ozarks Howler than I do.

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    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    I defeated the Mothman in single combat, it's why no one ever sees him anymore.

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    ElderlycrawfishElderlycrawfish Registered User regular
    Knowing my level of dexterity and finesse,

    I'd stub my toe approaching an animal, then slip and fall on my own weapon probably.

    Animal dies of either incredulous shock or unstoppable laughter.

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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    Something folkloric that has rules it follows... Maybe, but I'm bad at remembering things in the moment.

    But just a cryptid, just an animal that's more fucked up than usual? I almost worry there that any knowledge would be a burden, now I'm trying to remember things that won't help me and then also probably still getting scared by a new nature experience because that's clearly part of my thing.

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Augh, sorry, thought you were the cryptids guy for a minute there, but that's Gus.

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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    Bigfoot is real and he tried to eat my ass.

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    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    why didn't he succeed

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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    Ah no I'm afraid I'm the one who knows far too much about vampires, entirely different

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    Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Registered User regular
    3cl1ps3 wrote: »
    why didn't he succeed

    They don’t make Bigfoot-sized dental dams?

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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    3cl1ps3 wrote: »
    why didn't he succeed

    Because I am a goddamned gentleman and I expect to be wined and dined first.

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    PLAPLA The process.Registered User regular
    A Lynx lynx lynx still isn't huge, but it can reach like twice the weight of a bobcat. Some housecats are weirdly strong, though.

    As far as cryptids go, you might have a chance against Bigfoot. Bigfoot does care about etiquette.

    Straightzi wrote: »
    Would higher gravity necessarily mean a higher atmospheric pressure like that? I don't know anything about science.

    Anyways the move would just be sweeping the leg and tricking the strong alien into jumping, it would jump way too high.

    That's a somewhat common gag in shows where people who didn't have superpowers suddenly get superpowers, so it should work.

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    LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    i could NOT defeat *checks cryptid notes* a catamount

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Lucedes wrote: »
    i could NOT defeat *checks cryptid notes* a catamount

    What do you think your chances would be against a brownie?

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Lucedes wrote: »
    i could NOT defeat *checks cryptid notes* a catamount

    What do you think your chances would be against a brownie?

    I'm pretty sure I could take down a whole pan of brownies, given the chance.
    Now, an esquilax? That's a challenging fight.

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    I can't believe you'd be willing to take on Equifax for the greater good of humanity, what a noble sacrifice.

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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    Okay, I'll fight a Palla's cat. But if I'm not allowed to use a gun, you have to tell this fuckin' guy he can't use Magic Missile or whatever.

    v3crw6lxcqr4.png

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    minor incidentminor incident expert in a dying field njRegistered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    I can't believe you'd be willing to take on Equifax for the greater good of humanity, what a noble sacrifice.

    I could fight the Carfax Car Fox.

    Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Would you fight the Carfax Car Fox in a box?

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    minor incidentminor incident expert in a dying field njRegistered User regular
    I would fight the Carfax Car Fox in a box while eating lox.

    Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
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    SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    Lucedes wrote: »
    i could NOT defeat *checks cryptid notes* a catamount

    Wait why are catamounts cryptids? That's just another word for mountain lion

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Okay, I'll fight a Palla's cat. But if I'm not allowed to use a gun, you have to tell this fuckin' guy he can't use Magic Missile or whatever.

    v3crw6lxcqr4.png

    The only way I'm fighting that dude is with snuggles ohmygod look at his little FAAACE

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    I could kill a beer

    But not a bear

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    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Lucedes wrote: »
    i could NOT defeat *checks cryptid notes* a catamount

    What do you think your chances would be against a brownie?

    Trying to fight a faerie is tantamount to suicide, though worse because you won't be allowed the sweet embrace of death amidst the endless torment

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Madican wrote: »
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Lucedes wrote: »
    i could NOT defeat *checks cryptid notes* a catamount

    What do you think your chances would be against a brownie?

    Trying to fight a faerie is tantamount to suicide, though worse because you won't be allowed the sweet embrace of death amidst the endless torment

    Yep, that's definitely the kind of brownie I meant. For sure not a girl scout.

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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    I'd much rather fight a cat than a dog

    Cats are horribly vicious but I think people underestimate how dangerous a dog can be. A labrador could absolutely kill a human, maybe not all humans, but plenty of em

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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    The most dangerous animal I've ever fought mano a mano is a human though

    Nasty, underhanded, aggressive bastards

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    I could prolly fuck a turkey up pretty good.

    And I would feel very little remorse, motherfuckers are mean.

    I can’t imagine anything bigger than that though.

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    TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    A cat bite can fuck you up real bad if it gets infected.

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    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    sarukun wrote: »
    I could prolly fuck a turkey up pretty good.

    And I would feel very little remorse, motherfuckers are mean.

    I can’t imagine anything bigger than that though.

    I went to a turkey farm to pick up a friend who was working there. a proper farm, not like, a turkey factory.
    He was like "Hey do you wanna see them? there's so many, but they're dicks." So he showed me around and the entire time this one particularly large turkey was trying to step to my friend and my friend stops, and starts popping his chest out like he's prepping for a fight and he's yelling at the turkey like "ALRIGHT YOU WANT SOME, OZZIE, COME ON."

    "you have to constantly assert dominance because they're too mean and stupid to remember that you're better than them."
    "if you weren't talking about turkeys that would be an incredibly fucked up thing to say."

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    Librarian's ghostLibrarian's ghost Librarian, Ghostbuster, and TimSpork Registered User regular
    At this point I’m more inclined to figure out which animal can kill me the absolutely quickest and least painfully and then just go seek one out.

    Probably some kind of venom?

    (Switch Friend Code) SW-4910-9735-6014(PSN) timspork (Steam) timspork (XBox) Timspork


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