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scariest animal you could probably kill in a fight

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    A polar bear still likely kills you much faster than whatever animal has the fastest-acting venom. Even the olive-headed sea snake would take a minute or two for you to expire.

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    BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User, Moderator mod
    Madican wrote: »
    I could kick an aliens ass

    They aren't used to Earth's gravity I have home field advantage

    What if they come from giant planets with like triple earth's gravity. They'd be yoked as fuck little green dudes.

    They'd all look like blobfish for the same reasons

    We don't explode in zero gravity though

    BahamutZERO.gif
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Maybe you don't, but you can't prove I won't.

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    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    man why can't we harness gravity? c'mon, science.

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    SCREECH OF THE FARGSCREECH OF THE FARG #1 PARROTHEAD margaritavilleRegistered User regular
    gonna put the discussion in this thread to work later today and try to kill some animals. I'll report back

    gcum67ktu9e4.pngimg
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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    At this point I’m more inclined to figure out which animal can kill me the absolutely quickest and least painfully and then just go seek one out.

    Probably some kind of venom?

    Blue whale

    Dropped from a height

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    LJDouglasLJDouglas Registered User regular
    I'm pretty sure I could kill a blue whale, they can only swallow things smaller than a grapefruit, and I'm bigger than a grapefruit, so if it tried to eat me then it'd wind up choking. Of course it could just echo locate near me and liquefy my organs instead. Still, I'm pretty sure I could kill the largest creature on Earth, therefore logically that means I could also kill anything smaller than it too.

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Killing is bad and wrong

    Badong if you will

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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    LJDouglas wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure I could kill a blue whale, they can only swallow things smaller than a grapefruit, and I'm bigger than a grapefruit, so if it tried to eat me then it'd wind up choking. Of course it could just echo locate near me and liquefy my organs instead. Still, I'm pretty sure I could kill the largest creature on Earth, therefore logically that means I could also kill anything smaller than it too.

    Look at dis guy, afraid of having his organs turned into liquid.

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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    I've been thinking about this more and I think I could fight and kill a giraffe.

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    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    I read somewhere that a giraffe can kill a lion with one good kick.

    So GOOD LUCK, BUCKO.

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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    I think the trick would be making sure you keep to the front. Unless giraffes are like cows with 360° directional tracking kicks you'd be small enough to avoid their giant neck swings. If you could get under them and deliver a fatal blow like Luke tossing a thermal detonator into an AT-AT you'd probably bring it down quick.

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    JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    That or try and get high enough up to remove the legs from the equation entirely and then you leap onto it.

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    DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    that's a lot of neck, lots of room for strangling

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    minor incidentminor incident expert in a dying field njRegistered User regular
    Juggernut wrote: »
    That or try and get high enough up to remove the legs from the equation entirely and then you leap onto it.

    Yeah, Horizon Zero Dawn that fucker.

    Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Juggernut wrote: »
    I think the trick would be making sure you keep to the front. Unless giraffes are like cows with 360° directional tracking kicks you'd be small enough to avoid their giant neck swings. If you could get under them and deliver a fatal blow like Luke tossing a thermal detonator into an AT-AT you'd probably bring it down quick.

    Sounds like someone wants to be decapitated by an omnidirectional kick

    3tic47ib3sf8.png

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    I think though humans have an advantage in that we are really underhanded and devious bastards

    Why fight an animal fair?

    Just make it think you aren't a threat and sucker punch it with a pointy stick right in the brain container

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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    Juggernut wrote: »
    I think the trick would be making sure you keep to the front. Unless giraffes are like cows with 360° directional tracking kicks you'd be small enough to avoid their giant neck swings. If you could get under them and deliver a fatal blow like Luke tossing a thermal detonator into an AT-AT you'd probably bring it down quick.

    Sounds like someone wants to be decapitated by an omnidirectional kick

    3tic47ib3sf8.png

    how fuckin' sick would it be to get to valhalla as the guy that got his head kicked off by a giraffe though?

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    GrisloGrislo Registered User regular
    Not only in any direction, but in a manner of ways.

    I want to see some of the surprising ways they can kick.

    You think it's gonna come from the front, but oh no, rear leg front attack.

    This post was sponsored by Tom Cruise.
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    TynnanTynnan seldom correct, never unsure Registered User regular
    Giraffe cardiovascular physiology is fuckin wild. Their hearts and arteries have to withstand crazy pressures and changes in pressure in their day-to-day.

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    edited July 2023
    How strong is a giraffe neck

    Could you hide in a tree with a sword and decapitate one when it goes to eat the leafs

    https://youtu.be/N3472Q6kvg0

    Uriel on
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    The trick in ambushing a giraffe is to simply lie in wait above where it wants to go, since giraffes can't look up.

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    BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User, Moderator mod
    You're thinking of dogs again

    BahamutZERO.gif
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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    Juggernut wrote: »
    I've been thinking about this more and I think I could fight and kill a giraffe.

    Are you familiar with the Questing Beast, a legendary medieval animal that's most likely based on a giraffe? The head and neck of a snake, the body of a leopard, and the feet of a deer; some knights are cursed to hunt it; it symbolizes the internal discord of Arthur's Britain; et cetera.

    9e4mr200yttg.jpg


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    3cl1ps33cl1ps3 I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    iap484vxblpd.png

    ?

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    SolarSolar Registered User regular
    A giraffe would easily kill a human

    Easily

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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    You don't know a giraffe's heart, it may really struggle over the decision to kick my head clean off my shoulders.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Could a master of the flying guillotine throw it high enough to reach the giraffes head

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    Duke 2.0Duke 2.0 Time Trash Cat Registered User regular
    If I was a giraffe?

    I would be *seeking out* heads to kick

    VRXwDW7.png
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    OdinOdin Registered User regular
    Everyone has a plan until they get their head kicked off

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    MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    "I do not fear the man who practices ten thousand different kicks, I fear the giraffe who practices one kick ten thousand times."

    - Bruce Leeon probably

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    You’re not taking out a giraffe barehanded.

    Draw whatever diagrams and sing yourself whatever lullabies you like, a giraffe is going to fuck up your day.

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    LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Madican wrote: »
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Lucedes wrote: »
    i could NOT defeat *checks cryptid notes* a catamount

    What do you think your chances would be against a brownie?

    Trying to fight a faerie is tantamount to suicide, though worse because you won't be allowed the sweet embrace of death amidst the endless torment

    Yep, that's definitely the kind of brownie I meant. For sure not a girl scout.

    about a dozen, depending on how many badges they have

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    What monster could you take in a fight

    Certainly not a dracula

    Maybe a Frankenstein?

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    SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    Male giraffes weigh a literal ton on average. A bump would knock you on your ass and they ain't gonna be bumping you. And even if they're not super fast, they're so long that you're not getting out of range before you catch a piece of something heavy and hard

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    VeldrinVeldrin Sham bam bamina Registered User regular
    sarukun wrote: »
    You’re not taking out a giraffe barehanded.

    Draw whatever diagrams and sing yourself whatever lullabies you like, a giraffe is going to fuck up your day.

    nah I could do it

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Veldrin wrote: »
    sarukun wrote: »
    You’re not taking out a giraffe barehanded.

    Draw whatever diagrams and sing yourself whatever lullabies you like, a giraffe is going to fuck up your day.

    nah I could do it

    Oh, my mistake!

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    What monster could you take in a fight

    Certainly not a dracula

    Maybe a Frankenstein?

    Are we allowed equipment in the monster fighting arena?
    How much time do we have to prepare?
    What time of day is it? Cause I'm 50/50 on taking out a werewolf at high noon when it's just an ordinary dude.
    But, midnight on a full moon? Not so much.

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    UrielUriel Registered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    What monster could you take in a fight

    Certainly not a dracula

    Maybe a Frankenstein?

    Are we allowed equipment in the monster fighting arena?
    How much time do we have to prepare?
    What time of day is it? Cause I'm 50/50 on taking out a werewolf at high noon when it's just an ordinary dude.
    But, midnight on a full moon? Not so much.

    No items final destination

    The wolfman is human form but is also jacked like a Hollywood Chris

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    A Hollywood Chris!

    The most dangerous game….

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