Advice for distractions during an uncomfortable road trip and visit

Cambiata

I've posted on here before that I have a very uncomfortable and toxic family, and for the most part I don't visit them because it means having my energy drained continuously by everything and everyone until I get home. This week I can't avoid the trip, because my father just died; Mood spoiler is that I'm mildly sad about it, but also he was a huge asshole and bully. Most of my sadness is for my mom, who though she was an enabler I love her and worry about her very much.

Anyway, I'm going to visit my mom for just under a week, starting 2 days before the funeral and leaving 6 days later. If it was just my mom there, I wouldn't have too much trouble coping, but all my siblings will be there, including the malignant and covert narcissists. So yeah, this promises to be a draining and stressful week of suffering.

I already have one go-to for what to do with myself when sitting around family that I don't want to talk to: a long crochet project that has taken me months and still won't be finished by the end of this week (although with little else to do, I might accidentally finish it, but I doubt it). I would also like suggestions for other time wasters. For example:

- The drive there is 5+ hours and I'm going alone. What suggestions on audiobooks or podcasts do you have for this trip?
- Sometimes I'll want to veg out on some harmless puzzle game. I have sudoku on my phone, and I play Fire Emblem too, but those can only take me so far. Anyone have other harmless phone puzzle game suggestions? Another example is I like Dungelon a lot but it only has a new puzzle once per day - are there other "Wordle-likes" similar to this that use images?
- The hometown of my parents doesn't have anything in the way of tourism draws and I don't think I'll have the energy for tourism anyway. If I need exercise I'll take a walk or go swimming in the pool of the hotel where I'm staying, so I don't really need any active-style advice. Every moment away from family will be about regaining the energy I lost while around them.

With that in mind, lay your suggestions on me!

Gilgaron

I don't know what kind of WFH options your employer has, but neither likely does your family so that can be an exit to bring with you to peace out to your room for a bit 'for a meeting'. If you have Amazon Prime and a laptop they do free games on a rotating basis or otherwise I'd suggest a book if you want folks to be more hesitant to engage with you, just nose into a phone is a lower bar to cross to interrupt since it has become so commonplace.

Hahnsoo1

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry that it's causing you to experience your toxic family so closely again. I hope they will be mercifully less toxic this time around.

My go-to long-form podcasts are Hit Parade (by Chris Molanphy) and Off-Book (Zach Reino and Jess McKenna). Hit Parade is the audio format of the "Why is this Number One?" articles on Slate by the same person, but it's so much better because you can hear the actual songs he is referencing in real-time. It goes through a deep dive of a popular song (or songs) and artist (or artists) and goes through both the history of the song and the context of why it hit (or didn't hit) number one on the Billboard charts. Even if you aren't into music, it's a fascinating and entertaining look into the industry. My favorite is his episode about Number Two hits, or songs that didn't quite make it to Number One on the charts, sometimes for surprising reasons. Off-Book is an improvised musical podcast where the hosts and the guest make up a musical on the fly. Every episode is surprising and fun, and Zach and Jess play off of each other easily and with a lot of laughs. If you like improv, it's a fun ride.

I'll also give a nod to Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil. She interviews three of her celebrity friends, and they talk about the worst dates they have ever been on. It's a bit horny, but also shocking and hilarious, and Jameela Jamil really brings out the best in her friends.

Cambiata

Gilgaron wrote: »

I don't know what kind of WFH options your employer has, but neither likely does your family so that can be an exit to bring with you to peace out to your room for a bit 'for a meeting'. If you have Amazon Prime and a laptop they do free games on a rotating basis or otherwise I'd suggest a book if you want folks to be more hesitant to engage with you, just nose into a phone is a lower bar to cross to interrupt since it has become so commonplace.

Sadly, no amount of "soft nos" are understood by my family members, so counting on politeness to keep people from interrupting when reading a book is not within the realm of possibility. Luckily if I really need to leave I can just slip out, get in my car and go, and it may not even be noticed with so many people around (though that would only get me something like 30 min-1 hr before people start asking where I am)

I am not bringing a laptop because I find that I don't tend to use them while away from home, just the phone.

Hahnsoo1 wrote: »

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry that it's causing you to experience your toxic family so closely again. I hope they will be mercifully less toxic this time around.

My go-to long-form podcasts are Hit Parade (by Chris Molanphy) and Off-Book (Zach Reino and Jess McKenna). Hit Parade is the audio format of the "Why is this Number One?" articles on Slate by the same person, but it's so much better because you can hear the actual songs he is referencing in real-time. It goes through a deep dive of a popular song (or songs) and artist (or artists) and goes through both the history of the song and the context of why it hit (or didn't hit) number one on the Billboard charts. Even if you aren't into music, it's a fascinating and entertaining look into the industry. My favorite is his episode about Number Two hits, or songs that didn't quite make it to Number One on the charts, sometimes for surprising reasons. Off-Book is an improvised musical podcast where the hosts and the guest make up a musical on the fly. Every episode is surprising and fun, and Zach and Jess play off of each other easily and with a lot of laughs. If you like improv, it's a fun ride.

I'll also give a nod to Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil. She interviews three of her celebrity friends, and they talk about the worst dates they have ever been on. It's a bit horny, but also shocking and hilarious, and Jameela Jamil really brings out the best in her friends.

These sound good, I'll queue them up on my podcast listening app!

TychoCelchuuu

For phone games I like Threes, Hoplite, and Imbroglio (or really any Michael Brough game).

Cambiata

TychoCelchuuu wrote: »

For phone games I like Threes, Hoplite, and Imbroglio (or really any Michael Brough game).

Threes and Hoplite are excellent, thank you! Exactly what I was looking for! I can't play Imbroglio as it's iPhone only, apparently.

Cambiata

I feel like I should clarify a couple of things I said earlier since they seem conflicting. I said I would be doing crochet so I don't have to talk, while also pointing out my family ignores soft nos so I won't be able to avoid doing some talking. Both are true, but crochet has a meditative aspect that keeps me calm and level headed, and also seems to make family's approaches to talking to me less hostile in general. So it's not a "no talk" move so much as it is a "kindly talk" or "go ahead and talk at me while I work" move.

The request for games is really something to do when I'm at the hotel recovering but not quite ready to go to bed.

Gilgaron

Well I mean obviously they'll be more polite if you're currently holding a pair of 6" long spikes!

Cambiata

Gilgaron wrote: »

Well I mean obviously they'll be more polite if you're currently holding a pair of 6" long spikes!

Crochet hooks are less menacing than knitting needles, unfortunately. Of course I could switch to a knitting project to increase menace, but I find knitting less enjoyable so that would be adding annoyance for myself. That said I will be carrying extra long rosewood knitting needles in case I need to wind some yarn into a ball, so I can always use those as improvised weapons as needed. (only half joking)

Cambiata

OK ya'll, I'm leaving today and honestly I should have tried harder to leave earlier but I so much don't want to go that my brain is fucking with me. Well, if I get there at 5, I get there at 5. Thanks again for the suggestions, I'll probably start the road trip with Hit Parade and see how I like it.

BahamutZERO

Good luck, hang in there.

Cambiata

Hit Parade is pretty good! I listened to all 3 episodes about Old Town Road and half of one about Cruel Summer.

Also to my surprise, the first evening passed mostly without incident, thanks to one of my niblings bringing a board game for us to play. Unlike my siblings, most of the niblings are incredibly rad and cool. I might get even ask said nibling if he would be my bodyguard against my creepiest brother who I actually worry might do something crazy at the funeral. That nibling is an absolute unit, and I am pretty sure creepo is afraid of him.

Aldo

Word games always interest me, so Ive got a few recommendations:

Knotwords https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.noodlecake.knotwords crossword-like which offers daily free puzzles and you can buy puzzle books if you want more. All the words you can make are allowed, you can make a .gif of your process through the puzzle, which is satisfying.

GUBBINS
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.StudioFolly.GUBBINS Scrabble-like with cute graphics. Deceptively hard to do well, but satisfying when you can line up a combo.

Wordiest
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.concreterose.wordiest scrabble-like. Slightly older than the others. Probably the most straightforward "make the best word" challenge.

Other light puzzle games:

If you have Netflix you have access to Mahjong Solitaire
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.netflix.NGP.Mahjong which is really chill and has a lot of levels

Geogods
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.tinytouchtales.creatures tile laying game with great artwork. The base game is free, there's an advanced version you gotta pay for. Really satisfying to find combinations of tiles that work well together.

Aquavias
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=ua.krou.aqueducts
The aquaduct puzzle game that results in watering beautiful Roman landscapes.

Cambiata

Hey ya'll, I want to thank you again for the suggestions. As it turned out, I did cry about my dad being dead. I mean he was still an asshole (Dad, you know it's true man) but he was an asshole that I loved. My mother is also desolate without him, and that hurts too. But Hit Parade made the drive much more bearable, Threes and Hoplite were ideal when I just needed to be mindless for a bit, and while I didn't do as much crochet as I thought I would it was there to do when I needed a calming task.

I also got to hear a lot of stories about my dad that I never knew about, and my siblings were really on their best behavior with a couple of exceptions. Best of all, one of my sisters had her family acting as my body guard against my creepo brother so I had almost no interaction with him! I didn't even have to ask her to get her son to be the bodyguard like I was thinking, my other sister (the one I'm already close with and knows about my fear of creepo) talked to her and they told me they'd take care of it. It literally brought tears to my eyes, because I'm used to most of my siblings not supporting me.

Anyway, I call the whole thing a resounding success.