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Work Discomfort
MotherFirefly
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I recently acquired a new job at a gaming retail store and I'm the only female employee. I've met all of my coworkers and they all seem really cool. Anyways, one of these pubescent guys decided that he liked me and then asked me out, after about...two days of work. My response (seeing as I read the handbook) was that it was against company policy (he's management, I'm not) and with that he gave me some excuses that he boss said it was okay, but I just said "I'm new, I'd rather follow the rules".
Since then things have been seemingly okay, I don't believe it to be awkward, the problem is the guy is coming on way too strong, always commenting on my looks and trying to get me to work the same shifts as him etc. I've been relatively okay with it, saying that I'll work when I can (I have two jobs) but he's just starting to push the envelope now. I had some of the guys on another shift come over for dinner the other day (we were working together, but the boy wasn't there) since my folks are out of town and I have lots of food lying around anyways, he ends up calling one of my coworkers and finds out they're at my house and he gets jealous...which I'm sure is understandable. But now he's hounding me for invitations to my house and to hang out "just the two of us", which I don't really feel comfortable with (I hang out with my other coworkers in groups, so I told him that the same had to apply, and that it's really strictly professional)
Since it's still my first few weeks, I don't know if I should ask the manager to purposefully not schedule me to work with him, because I'm not comfortable with it. Is it too soon? Should I ask my coworkers for advice?
What should I do to keep this boy at bay without hurting his feelings? He's really a nice guy that doesn't really know how to interact with girls, I'm trying to give him a learning curve but it's really getting on my last nerve.
Since then things have been seemingly okay, I don't believe it to be awkward, the problem is the guy is coming on way too strong, always commenting on my looks and trying to get me to work the same shifts as him etc. I've been relatively okay with it, saying that I'll work when I can (I have two jobs) but he's just starting to push the envelope now. I had some of the guys on another shift come over for dinner the other day (we were working together, but the boy wasn't there) since my folks are out of town and I have lots of food lying around anyways, he ends up calling one of my coworkers and finds out they're at my house and he gets jealous...which I'm sure is understandable. But now he's hounding me for invitations to my house and to hang out "just the two of us", which I don't really feel comfortable with (I hang out with my other coworkers in groups, so I told him that the same had to apply, and that it's really strictly professional)
Since it's still my first few weeks, I don't know if I should ask the manager to purposefully not schedule me to work with him, because I'm not comfortable with it. Is it too soon? Should I ask my coworkers for advice?
What should I do to keep this boy at bay without hurting his feelings? He's really a nice guy that doesn't really know how to interact with girls, I'm trying to give him a learning curve but it's really getting on my last nerve.
MotherFirefly on
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Just because you're new doesn't mean you should have to endure something making you this uncomfortable, and you should make it clear that the attention is unwanted at this point.
Then compliment him
Or say you dad just got out of prison and it wouldnt be smart to bring another boy home.
It's nice to try to give a guy a learning curve, but if he hasn't intereacted with girls much he may not realize that you're not interested. If the guys got no chance, tell him so. Don't string him along with "I'm just being nice".
If he does, take the harder route.
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
I think a mistake girls make a lot is not being really clear with guys. Guys (especially ones like your co-worker) do not understand subtlety and subtext. If you say "I just want to be friends" which obviously means "I have no romantic interest in you", he'll hear it as "I would like to get to know you better before we start having sex". Telling him that you don't want to date him because it's against the rules just sounds like "I would really, really love to have sex with you, if you could only find a way around these rules! Please dedicate as much time as possible to getting around these rules or convincing me that they don't matter. It's the only thing keeping us apart."
I would tell him plainly that he is not your type, you do not have any romantic interest in him, you will never have any romantic interest in him and that the way he keeps coming on to you is creeping you out.
The classic "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm a lesbian" is there if you don't want to deal with all that. However, I've found that that only works on people you don't see as much (like customers). I've been the fake boyfriend before, but I think brutal honesty is the best policy.
bad advice.
Wouldn't that just encourage him to think that the problem was unforeseen circumstances rather than his actual obnoxious behavior?
Also, considering how thick he's been so far, an imaginary boyfriend might just strike him as another small roadblock to charm his way past. I think the short, sharp shock is called for here.
So he's part of the managment team? Is he an assistant manager or something? If so, have a talk with the manager about this, tell him that you're not very comfortable with his behavior, and you'd like to be scheduled on different days than him. This is a somewhat serious matter, and the manager should take it seriously I hope.
If the troublesome guy IS the manager, then contact your District Manager and explain the situation to him/her, that should do the trick
Ninja Edit: Well talk to the guy first, and make it very clear that you are not interested. If he continues that behavior, THEN talk to the 'higher-ups'.
this is why talking to him first and telling him clearly she's not interested would be a good first step.
Making something up is a bad idea, though. Why bother lying? Just be honest and direct and tell him to stop.
If that doesn't work, go up the chain.
On the other hand the OP can make a better judgement call in this matter than any of us can.
not enough lime in the world
Shogun Streams Vidya
If he reacts badly to being turned down by a subordinate then he's got no business being anyone's manager anyway. His feelings aren't really her responsibility.
You need to be straight. Tell him there is no way this will happen and that his behavior is making you uncomfortable. Don't worry about hurting his feelings--our egos might be fragile, but they mend quickly.
The fucked-up thing about this is that it's entirely within your rights to feel comfortable at your place of employment, yet you're going to have to get tough in order to make this guy stop. It's like ripping off a band-aid, though: it won't be fun telling him off, but it'll be a lot better than spending the next several months dreading the shifts that you have with him.
If after you talk with him, his inappropriate behavior continues, then you need to go to his superior and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Regardless of how nice he is, he is harrassing you and it needs to stop.
Also: men are stupid in this regard, tell them what you really mean, not some excuse, chances are they believe the excuse instead of whatever subtle message you were giving out.
*edit: The "I have a boyfriend"-lie might give the expression that you like him. Maybe he'll wait for your relation to be over or something. Yes, I know enough guys this retarded.
I would still say it's best to tell the guy directly, rather than go to a boss, simply because if he gets upset and creates some minor workplace drama, most everyone is going to be on your side (hence, essentially no drama at all). If he is slapped with a sexual harassment suit, he's likely to be fired and then have difficulty getting future work.
He should stop after that, but if keeps going... then tell him that "someone" is currently in prison for assault, but that you still love him.
If he STILL doesn't back off.. tell him the assault was "provoked" because some guy was hitting on you... some guy at your last job... that's why you had to quite and come here.
Another thing you can do... is do you have any "mean" looking friends? Just have one of them come and pick you up for lunch or whatever. Have mean looking friend give evil eye to the guy that is hitting on you.
That's prefect advice.
Sounds like this guy is extremely bad at hints or just something wrong with him. Cat's advice is good, since it straight and direct.... no way he could misinterpret that.
This is fine advice.
Plan B is the sexual harassment policy. Some guys don't take hints well. And if he's the socially awkward type, he may not know any better. Some lessons in life have to be taught the hard way (getting fired). Le'ts hope it doesn't come to that.
Good luck.
Yesterday I went over to work when another coworker got off so we could grab lunch, said boy was still working and I offered to bring him food, he declined. We came back and I invited him to come to the theatre with us (it was anime night), but he also declined. So, I get the feeling that someone else talked to him, and told him to back off, because he was at a point where my coworkers were noticing.
And yes, Eggy is correct in his assertion that I have a significant other, but there's no boyfriend title, and I don't want to brandish it about in the poor guy's face, and like Makershot said, I wouldn't want to encourage any false hopes.