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Strangest/Shittiest movies no one's ever heard of
Ninja Bot
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Registered User regular
The idea for this thread came from a recent trip to the video store where I found some hilariously weird films that I'm surprised a major chain like Blockbuster would carry.
The first one: (spoilered for moderate NSFWness and hueg)
This movie was quite interesting and introduced me to a genre I never knew existed: gay versions of mainstream movies. It's about four gay friends trying to get laid before they go off to college, and they get into some H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S situations along the way lemme tell you. This movie was actually pretty enjoyable
if only because there's some shockingly raunchy stuff here. This movie is seriously one step away from hardcore porn, and features a lot more butt fucking and penis (including the dong of Survivor winner Richard Hatch!) then I expected to see. Definetly an unforgetable movie.
This next one took the fucking cake though.
See the poster? None of that shit happened. They never go to Hollyweed, there's no hot babes to be found, and they don't end up getting any food. Furthermore their trip does not turn into the wildest night of their lives, as the whole movie takes place during daytime.
Needless to say I felt robbed by the clever photoshopped cover. I expected this to be a hilarious pot smoking romp in the vein of such classics as Friday or How High. However it turned out to be two hours of some stoned dudes in Inglewood, CA trying to be funny in front of a camcorder. Literally there were like 10 people in the whole movie and the entire thing was shot with a hand held cam.
One of the highlights from this one include several parts where a line is delivered three or four times, as if they forgot to edit out all the alternate takes. Another is where our heroes are being chased by some ill intentioned gangsters, and some horrible stock gun shot SFX are added despite the fact that no one has a gun. My all time favorite part of the film though is when one character is standing on a patio and he's supposed to be talking to someone in Mexico, when they're clearly on the same patio about 5 feet over.
Has anyone got any stories to share about little known/bizarre/horrible weird movies they've seen in the video store, on the internet, on TV at 2 AM or wherever?
The first one: (spoilered for moderate NSFWness and hueg)
if only because there's some shockingly raunchy stuff here. This movie is seriously one step away from hardcore porn, and features a lot more butt fucking and penis (including the dong of Survivor winner Richard Hatch!) then I expected to see. Definetly an unforgetable movie.
This next one took the fucking cake though.
See the poster? None of that shit happened. They never go to Hollyweed, there's no hot babes to be found, and they don't end up getting any food. Furthermore their trip does not turn into the wildest night of their lives, as the whole movie takes place during daytime.
Needless to say I felt robbed by the clever photoshopped cover. I expected this to be a hilarious pot smoking romp in the vein of such classics as Friday or How High. However it turned out to be two hours of some stoned dudes in Inglewood, CA trying to be funny in front of a camcorder. Literally there were like 10 people in the whole movie and the entire thing was shot with a hand held cam.
One of the highlights from this one include several parts where a line is delivered three or four times, as if they forgot to edit out all the alternate takes. Another is where our heroes are being chased by some ill intentioned gangsters, and some horrible stock gun shot SFX are added despite the fact that no one has a gun. My all time favorite part of the film though is when one character is standing on a patio and he's supposed to be talking to someone in Mexico, when they're clearly on the same patio about 5 feet over.
Has anyone got any stories to share about little known/bizarre/horrible weird movies they've seen in the video store, on the internet, on TV at 2 AM or wherever?
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Apparently it's also called "Gestapo's Last Orgy."
http://www.cduniverse.com/productinfo.asp?pid=7043805
I actually couldn't watch all of it. And I make Holocaust jokes all the time.
JESUS CHRIST: VAMPIRE HUNTER
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNv1_Vv9ahI
You'd wonder how they could fuck up this premise. All they needed to do was have a guy in a beard and long robes fighting a bunch of vampires. But Jesus loses the beard and the robe like ten minutes into the movie. The rest of the movie is a short guy with short hair in modern clothes fighting vampires. For all I know, the movie originally had nothing to do with Jesus and was just a generic vampire fighting movie, then they realized it sucked, added ten minutes to the beginning with the main character dressed as Jesus, and then slapped the title on there.
XBL: QuazarX
Oh man.
I love the 80s and I love cult films so I rented this based on the recommendation of a friend:
And it was one of the worst movies I'd ever seen. The worst acting, the worst dialogue, just... bad.
To contrast, I saw this movie at 3 am one night I couldn't sleep:
Very 80s as well, but also very good. A white bread yuppie ends up in punk soho and... just can't get home. One thing after another stops him from going home. But at 3am on a sleepless night it was also oddly surreal.
My significant other used to work on fan-made versions of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Their third movie was this stinking pile of garbage:
A very young bemulleted David Hasselhoff and the most phoned-in performance ever from Christopher Plummer are among the highlights of a scifi flick with a robot sidekick with a Texas accent and a planet with an earth-like climate during the day but a temperature that drops "thousands of degrees" at night.
Another rather trippy movie that I kind of like to this day is Fantastic Planet:
The dubbing is terrible, but the psychedelic art design and the unapologetically French artsy aesthetic make it strangely hypnotic.
Speaking of trippy animated films:
Wave Twisters is basically a music video for the DJ Q-Bert album of the same name, about an intergalactic dentist who discovers the coordinates to the ultimate turntable deck from a nitrous hallucination involving the guitarist Buckethead. Got that? Good. A buddy of mine warned me to "put down a towel" before I watched it, and he was right, because (to paraphrase G&T), all my dicks came.
I'm sure I have other movies I could post, but nothing else is coming to mind right now.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
This is one of the last ones I saw:
English title was "Slave of the Cannibal God", I think.
Seriously...rent this movie to see the worst movie ever made. Like, my issue with it is the fact that it is at Blockbuster and Hollywood video for rent.
I have no idea how this film got actual companies to buy it because its literally as if a group of friends decided to have fun with a camera and clown paint. Its so bad....
Made by a guy who took a bet that he could make a horror movie for virtually nothing. The audience laughed him out at the premiere, and his career was ruined. It is incredibly hilarious to watch because of how incredibly bad it was. Got resurrected by MST3k, so can be found somewhat easily that way.
Disney wartime propaganda. Includes:
DER FUEHRER'S FACE-the famous and infamous cartoon in which Donald dreams he is in Naziland where he is forced to work in a munitions plant.
EDUCATION FOR DEATH-very strong propaganda about Germany's totalitarian state which turns an innocent young boy into a robotic soldier.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3064984200803032304
Watch. This. Now.
Fantastic Planet without the horrible dubbing (subtitles, though) to some of the craziest fucked up music you'll ever hear (all "techno" but not the generic stuff dont worry). I recommend using the google video player for the best sound and picture, its about twice the quality. The music gives it a really out-there vibe to an already weird little movie.
Edit: possibly NSFW because of cartoon boobs
http://imdb.com/title/tt0110983/
Worst movie ever, just hilariously bad.
Features a young Tobey Maguire and a wheelchair ridden Mickey Rooney being harassed by a toy plane.
Un Chien Andalou. Search for it on Youtube, for a silent film, it's damned strange. Doesn't help that Dali was helping out Bunuel during the filming of said film.
Origin is the exact same as my Steam, in case you're needing a Support or Assault in BF3.
Oh god. The razor-blade shot turns my stomach every time.
Don't watch this if you're easily creeped out.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Really weird ending.
Otherwise known as Cemetary Man.
XBL : lJesse Custerl | MWO: Jesse Custer | Best vid ever. | 2nd best vid ever.
Ah, memories of film school.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
That actually sounds like it could be really cool. But I take it it's not.
There are, in fact, no goblins in this god awful movie.
Plus, the title song is awesome (and used in lots of scenes/homages/stuff).
And also, it allows one to tells jokes like this:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Phillip Glass.
Repeat.
Gummo. For strangest at least; it wasn't very shitty.
Actually, it's pretty good. It's at least worth a rental.
XBL : lJesse Custerl | MWO: Jesse Custer | Best vid ever. | 2nd best vid ever.
also, whats the movie where god cuts his stomach open with a straight edge razor?
Robot Holocaust
Apparently featured on MST3k, basically it's like the worst porn director in the world saw Star Wars and Mad Max and said "Hell, I could do that easy."
Edit: MST3k episode
PSN: Broichan
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A direct to video flick from the late '80s, iirc. It consisted of a few scenes of the brass standing around a scale model of an airfield they wanted some mercenaries to capture (from 20,000 feet, mind you), a couple scenes of these mercenaries lounging on a boat shooting the shit, and endless recycling of combat footage from Iron Eagle.
Yeah but thats only because it opened in one theatre for contractual reasons.
It has Shawn and Marlon Wayans in it, and it's basically a spoof of all the other black movies that came before it. It's surprisingly funny.
Also pretty much any Sci-Fi original. Last week was Ice Spiders.
OH MY FUCKING GOD. This movie ruined my childhood. Take a look at the trailer: http://youtube.com/watch?v=OFrsMeC_mcU
Now, imagine being about 7 years old and watching that. I had nightmares for the longest period of time - that scene in the beginning where they chase around the woman and her child is etched into my memory to this day with impeccable precision. I cannot even describe how uneasy watching that thing makes me feel.
Jesus
The Nail Gun Massacre
Plot Outline: After a young girl is gang-raped by a crew of construction workers, someone starts killing off members of the group with a nail-gun.
I saw this like 3 years ago. It was pretty bad but it also had it's moments.
So at the end of the movie they unmask the killer and it was just some dude. Yeah, just some random guy, I'm not even sure if his character appeared anytime before they unmasked him either. It was completely surreal though, to be completely expecting a twist ending and having none thrown at you.
Oh man, that was fucking awesome.
I really can't believe that anyone else has ever viewed that monstrosity.
Begotten. You can find some of it on youtube, but it's very hard to see what's going on.
Here's another one: Tetsuo: The Iron Man. Japanese post-modern tale of man being interconnected with technology. Features a metal drill penis and a thumping electronica soundtrack, it's absolutely surreal. Large parts of the movie are sped up, and it ends with the two main characters merging into a huge biomechanical abomination and driving through the streets of Tokyo.