This old animated movie from the 70s called Wizards.
It's about 2 wizards who are brothers fighting each other millions of years in the future, one is a good wizard who only uses magic and nature and the other one uses scavanged technology from our era, including Nazi propaganda to brainwash soldiers.
Surprisingly enjoyable, though it may have had something to do with my state of mind at the time I saw this movie.
I love that freaking movie.
I was watching it with the commentary recently and it's made me appreciate it even more. The fact that they managed to finish the damn this is a miracle. They had to get favors from IBM to do their photocopying and of course rotoscoping Alexander Nevski is teh-win.
It's funny how a lot of the people working on the film were nearly volunteers. Some of them literally coming off the street and drawing for the fun of it.
If you liked Wizards also check out "Fire and Ice"
No one's mentioned Ed and His Dead Mother, yet? I think it fits all of the requirements for this thread. With a bonus Buscemi. As the main character, no less, which in itself is rather strange.
though, inexplicably, I still love it.
Dude. Buscemi AND John Glover. What's not to like about it?
yeah, when i was 12-15, my family got cinemax for free, and it was on one night. scared the crap out of 12 year old pants boy, what with the nazis and violence and crap, but now pants man saw it again recently and realized just how horribly hilarious it actually is.
Wizards was an interesting film. Like much of Bakshi's movies, it's rough. It's worth watching, though, if you want to see what an independent feature length animation looks like. From what I've heard on the creation of the film, much of it was animated in people's basements. And it's hard to really pull out a concrete plot out of the thing. It's a product of the 70s for sure. The strange movement of the characters reminds me of the Wand of Gamelon.
The weirdest film I've seen in a long time is an early Cronenberg film called "The Brood." Basically, every time a woman gets mad, boils pop up on her neck. Eventually, weird demon babies pop out of these boils and enact her rage. I wouldn't call this a shitty movie, but one of the strangest.
Regarding The Brood, those things didn't pop out of her neck...
She had like an external egg sac/uterus thing they came out of. Watch until the end.
Sick, sick movie.
That reveal was so fucking awesome.
It's a shame his more recent movies (aside from A History of Violence) have been kinda "meh".
But yeah, The Brood, Naked Lunch, eXistenZ, The Fly and Videodrome are all fucking awesome in their weirdness.
I still haven't seen Shivers, sadly, but Rabid was also pretty cool and Scanners was entertaining as well.
My friends and I have a bad habit of going into movie rental places and buying the worst sounding horror movie for pure comedic value. Some of our conquests include:
The Quick and the Undead (3.2 out of 10 on IMDB):
A Kurt Russel looking motherfucker with all the acting ability of a mannequin stumbles awkwardly through a shitty zombie western where the only redeeming feature is the title of the movie.
The Wind (2.5 out of 10 in IMDB)
The only thing I remember about this trainwreck of a movie is that some dude hits on someone's mom for about 10 minutes and that the movie set a new low for us. We picked it up because apparently it won some awards, which makes me want to see whatever the hell movies were entered into the same film festival and weren't quite as good as this piece of shit.
Undead (5.6 out of 10 on IMDB)
This one was surprising, because it didn't take itself that seriously and there were a couple comedic moments. Then again, it's kind of hard to take yourself seriously when everyone has goofy Australian accents and you can't decide whether you want to make a zombie movie or an alien invasion movie.
Dead and Breakfast (5.8 out of 10 on IMDB)
Another comedy/horror movie with some B movie "stars" in it. That is if you count David Carradine's daughter and that one dude from Attack of the Show that doesn't do much but fuck up his lines as stars. It was surprisingly enjoyable, even if the acting was cringe-inducing at times.
Cannibal Holocaust (6.1 out of 10 on IMDB)
We'd seen enough gore that we decided it was time to tackle the "most violent movie of all time" for a laugh. After watching about a half a dozen rape scenes including one with a mudball covered in sharp sticks we all uncomfortably got up and left.
I wish I could remember some more names of the movies to look them up, but I guess shitty movies just aren't always that memorable.
Found this gem in the 4.88 bin at wal-mart. Normally I like bad movies, but this one was too bad even for me (for example: everybody in the movie, even the FBI agents, have mullets).
Nobody on
0
Gabriel_Pitt(effective against Russian warships)Registered Userregular
edited June 2007
"Jesus man, _everyone_ in the movie has a mullet. How're we going to explain that?"
"We'll... set it in the 80s?"
"Genius."
Visitor Q is certainly way, way out there, and unlike Miike's other films, I could find absolutely no redeeming quality to this one, other than to say "Hey guys, I saw this totally fucked up movie."
Oh, there is this series of Japanese gore films called the Guinea Pig series. My friends and I watched one called Mermaid in the Manhole, in which some artist meets a mermaid covered in pimples and boils, and he pops them and uses her blood and pus (which is multi-colored) to paint a portrait of his dead wife. It was absolutely revolting.
Supposedly Charlie Sheen saw another movie in the series and thought it was a real snuff film and contacted the FBI.
Visitor Q is certainly way, way out there, and unlike Miike's other films, I could find absolutely no redeeming quality to this one, other than to say "Hey guys, I saw this totally fucked up movie."
You found redeeming quality to Imprint or Ichi the Killer? That's impressive.
Anyone ever seen anything in the Ninja Death series? Last summer my friend saw Ninja Death II and III in the bargain bin at K-Mart for one dollar (both movies were on one DVD). We watched Ninja Death II at the art camp we were at that summer on a remote-less DVD player so we couldn't select Ninja Death III on the menu. It was absolutely surreal.
The first ten minutes are just guys jumping in front of an orange screen with Power Rangers-level costumes and special effects. After a while of this, it just cuts away and the 'plot' starts. I remember very little about the actual continuity except that the main character is afraid of water and the romantic interest starts tickling him while he's bathing in a waterfall pool and he just squeals and squirms around. Fucking hillarious movie. I highly recommend it, just make sure you're with friends.
I managed to snag a copy of "Hard Rock Zombies". It is about a group of 80's rockers who have to stop zombie hitler and his zombie nazis from taking over the planet. Somehow they made it bad.
I found this winner in the used video section of Blockbuster. It was in one of those old thick white VHS cases like original Transformer episodes. The case alone was worth buying even when I didn't have a vhs player to watch it. After proudly displaying this movie, unwatched, in my collection for several years, I borrowed one.
Unfortunately by "mafia" they just mean organized crime. I really wanted to see stereotypical goomba new york Italian mafia fighting ninjas. Like that one Simpson's episode...
I also remember watching Wizard on TV. I think it was when Sci-Fi was running "Anime" on Saturday nights. This one was rotated along side Heavy Metal, Vampire Hunter D and Robot Circus. I think I saw this the same night I bought Nirvana's Heart Shaped Box and they were on SNL. Holy crap I am old.
Bad movies don't seem to appeal to me anymore. I grew up watching USA network's Up all Night and MST3K and saw some horrible, horrible stuff. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and Toxic Avenger being some of the "best".
For my contribution, If you had HBO as a kid in the 80's then Im sure you remember this one. I loved this retarded movie, though I havent seen it in 15 years at least so I couldnt tell you if it holds up. I remember it was pretty stupid back then so probably not. This movie also introduced us all to a young and promising actor named Michael Fox, who would later add a J as his middle name and become a star.
Definitely not a "worst ever" contender for anything, but Sublime, a recent horror movie with that guy that played JD's brother on Scrubs hates its audience so much it's astounding. It's long and boring, with suspense that is purely the result of you waiting for something to happen.
A bit after watching it, I hopped on the intratubes and tried to find out what I could about it, and managed to stumble across the director's excuse-ridden review of his own movie. Blech.
For my contribution, If you had HBO as a kid in the 80's then Im sure you remember this one. I loved this retarded movie, though I havent seen it in 15 years at least so I couldnt tell you if it holds up. I remember it was pretty stupid back then so probably not. This movie also introduced us all to a young and promising actor named Michael Fox, who would later add a J as his middle name and become a star.
Oh man, tell me that geeky guy in the front of the poster is Eddie Deezen, this movie immediately becomes great for that alone.
kdrudy on
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DVGNo. 1 Honor StudentNether Institute, Evil AcademyRegistered Userregular
thorgotthere is special providencein the fall of a sparrowRegistered Userregular
edited June 2007
The Dentist Two: Brace Yourself had the best title of a terrible $1 movie I've bought, and The Lawless Land was awesome in how terrible it was.
Favorite quote:
(Referencing a motorcycle he is selling) It's not about the speed: it's about the power!
Apparently, some reviewer on imdb saw a different movie:
The Lawless Land is an underrated and under seen classic. Hard to enjoy at first, one soon comes to realize the creativity and nuances of the movie on repeated viewings. It is an adaptation and improvement on William Shakespeare's classic love story, and using a stroke of subtle directorial genius, gives the sense that it is being narrated through a kind of God's eye view. The acting is effectively removed from the melodrama one would expect from the material in order to provide the viewer with a fascinating story of love in a world where emotion has run dry.
Prisoners from somewhere in space are forced to romp around LA to look for some alien jerk's ball. The guy with the ball at the end of 24 hours gets his freedom. Until that time, they battle with incredibly shitty fight choreography
Main characters:
Zane: A black-mulleted, leather jacket (with "BAD" spray painted in gold across the back) wearing mumbler who gets his ass kicked by a dune buggy in the first 5 minutes. In other words, Our Hero.
Skullblaster: The only thing you need to know about Skullblaster is what the aliens say about him: "He's absolutley the best."
A Caveman: complete with giant, turkey-leg shaped club.
An Archer Midget: eats dogs.
Some guy that looks like a mix between Robin the Boy Wonder and Screech: this guy doesn't understand that trying to jump-kick a midget is probably a stupid idea.
A Mad Max Reject: football pads, mohawk. Drinks from a pool.
Cindy Sexton: because that is such a subtle character name. Love interest, makes frozen pizza.
Matthew Blackheart: MONSTER SMASHER
Captain America + some guy that really, really wants to be Bruce Campbell = Matthew Blackheart, smasher of monsters.
Come on, you want to see this fucking movie, don't you lie to me.
Traxx
A mercinary tries hanging up his spurs for the life of a cookie-baker in a small, yet ridiculously crime-ridden town. The movie is basically Road House if it were directed by someone who made Power Rangers movies.
Highlights include: Traxx constantly being a smug fucking asshole.
Mid-second act musical number
a mafia boss yelling so hard at a phone that random objects on the other end of the line start exploding
uzi truck jousting
all crimes taking place in a half-block of fake storefronts. Also, repeating explosions.
Features:
The American Flag Channel
Blender gun
More instances of the word "thrash" than has actually ever been uttered by actual people
Jimi Hendrix's Magical Trapezoid
Hell is apparently a lot of hallways full of shredded paper.
Hell also has a really shitty public broadcast tv station.
And a parking garage. a parking garage that KILLS YOU.
WITH A HEGDE TRIMMER.
If you want to skateboard in it (and who doesn't?) you can't just use any old skateboard.
"You have to wait for the deck to come to you." Because it's got like, model rockets on it or something.
Also, everyone lives in a shipping container? Sure, why not?
Movies that no amount of MST3king could save: Ninja Turf, AKA Los Angeles Streetfighter
A Korean immigrant high-schooler, played by an actor that was at least 40, gets involved in some sort of ninja...mafia...gang kind of thing. I don't really know, because this movie decided to film 90% of its footage at nights without any artificial lighting. It kind of makes it more of a screensaver than an actual film.
Bloodmatch People fighting in a high school gymnasium for no apparent reason. And EVERY HIT HIT HIT, PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH and KICK, KICK, KICK get repeated three TIMES TIMES TIMES.
Burning Vengeance
I had high hopes for this one: I mean, just check out the character names:
BROCK GENESIS
STEVE-O
MR.CRACK
but no, not even names as awesome as those, n
or the lawnmower-that-swings down chops up a guy's chest when he opens the door, NOR a go-cart with a shotgun mounted on top of it,
can save this film. Really, so disappointed.
Reign in Darkness
A vampire movie, apparently made by Australian high schoolers. I hate to bash them for the low budget, but this is a movie that can't even afford blanks for their fake guns. Firing guns in this movie results in a half-second delay followed by some default After Effects effect. Also, vampires sure do like the basketball court flooring look for their secret lair.
Ragin' Cajun
Starring David Heavener.
For those unfamiliar with Mr.Heavener, he is (to my knowledge) the world's only purported combination B-grade action star and Christian rock musician. If you were just looking for a movie that has the perfect combination of Christian rock and ragin', cajun-style bar fights, well...you're out of luck. There is a grand total of one fight in this movie, which is odd considering the box clearly stated, "More kicks than Kickboxer!" on it. If you're willing to watch a movie for the chance to see an incredibly poorly dubbed acoustic guitar solo, though, you might be ok.
Also, any other David Heavener movie is pretty painful to watch.
Terminal Justice
Not nearly as bad as most of the others, I just want to mention that Lorenzo Lamas
IS "FULL OF HELLRAISER."
Orca: The Killer Whale
A Jaws ripoff, Italian style. The only thing that makes this movie worth watching is an Ennio Morricone score that tries to make a stupid movie about a whale into an EPIC VENDETTA SPANNING THE ENDS OF THE EARTH.
Expect No Mercy
The best part of this movie is that not only does the bad guy kill people with VR, he also kills them with an axe with a touch-tone phone dialing pad on it.
Dragon Fighter
The only feature length movie that regularly has 9-way split-screens in it. 4 of them being the same exact thing.
The Super Ninja
A bad ninja movie, then an incredibly dull, long sex scene, followed by the main character wearing a -tshirt that says, "MAN" on it for the rest of the film. Classy move.
Sword of Heaven
A helium-voiced man does...something? Only thing worth remembering is a bad guy pushes a nun
in a wheelchair
off a cliff
in slow motion
while "Taps" plays.
Out for a Kill
Steven Seagal "comes and goes...like a ghost." A ghost who is a Yale "acamadician"/archeologist/former high-scale theif/man out for revenge.
Nine Deaths of the Ninja
Sho Kasugi is a ninja. A ninja with a penchant for lollypops.
And fighting midgets.
And going to whore-barges.
And having friends that have a gatling gun called "The Dancer".
McBain
Christopher Walken takes over Colombia. Nobody seems to mind.
Demonicus: Gladiator from Hell
When walking in the Alps (which looks suspiciously like Southern California) in your feature length movie (which looks suspiciously like it was shot on a VHS camcorder), do not go in any caves. Caves make your dumb, preppy-dressing douchebag friend start cosplaying in a child's plastic gladiator outfit. Also, punch you in the face.
Wow, no Fantasy Mission Force? I mean where else can you see Abraham Lincoln's bunker overrun by the Japanese, resulting in the search for heros to conquer the Axis Nazi Roman Ninjas who ride on top of cars into battle. This of course happens after fighting ghosts and Amazons.
It seems like Dead Man went completely under the radar. It was definitely one of the strangest movies I've ever seen, and Johnny Depp played one of the best roles I've seen him do.
Tucanwarrior13 on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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SirUltimosDon't talk, Rusty. Just paint.Registered Userregular
edited June 2007
My girlfriend is into cheesy horror movies, so I've seen some real bad ones.
She once brought home two at once, "El Chupacabra" and "Ankle Biters".
El Chupacabra seemed like an honest attempt at making a horror movie by some amateur director. But Ankle Biters, oh boy. It's about a bunch of midget vampires who attack people in broad daylight. The only part I remember is two guys running down a road (all filmed on a camcorder) and then suddenly two midgets jump out and start fighting them. They defeat the midgets and run under a bridge where the midgets attack them again and win until some hippie with really long hair jumps out and pulls out two guns (complete with orange caps on the end) and shoots the midgets. They then get up and run away.
NOBODY has mentioned "Plan 9 From Outer Space" yet? That's been voted as the worst movie of all time, from director Ed Wood, the worst director of all time.
Seriously, if you haven't seen it yet, rent it or buy it or something. You'll get so many views from it when you show different friends how bad a movie can actually be.
Buddy Lee on
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What's that short film done by that artist that has the ABCs said backwards or sommat and like a baby doll bleeding to death while it dripped onto a woman in a bed.... I forget.
What's that short film done by that artist that has the ABCs said backwards or sommat and like a baby doll bleeding to death while it dripped onto a woman in a bed.... I forget.
Sounds like that would be in a Sony commercial, actually.
What's that short film done by that artist that has the ABCs said backwards or sommat and like a baby doll bleeding to death while it dripped onto a woman in a bed.... I forget.
I concur with Buddy Lee, Plan 9 is the classic crappy movie.
Then there's Tetsuo the Iron Man
Giant drilling dicks, rocket shoes, a hobo beatdown, and a cable-strap on raping. Of course I still think it doesn't compare to Dead Alive.
My room-mate and I watched and throughout the entire movie we would both unintentionally go "What. the. fuck." every ten minutes. I still don't understand why anybody would trust that loony with the LoTR trilogy.
Also I've heard that Necromantik 2 - Return of the Loving Dead is also pretty horrible.
Manos, the Hands of Fate. Literally, "Hands, the Hands of Fate."
Made by a guy who took a bet that he could make a horror movie for virtually nothing. The audience laughed him out at the premiere, and his career was ruined. It is incredibly hilarious to watch because of how incredibly bad it was. Got resurrected by MST3k, so can be found somewhat easily that way.
The guy who played Torgo (The weird....faun/ignor to Manos, hurt his back permenantly because of the fake hump they put on him, he got addicted to pain-killers, and then OD'd.
Also, I am too lazy to go check the thread for the mention of Troll 2.
Troll 2 is the greatest, horrible movie of all time.
Visitor Q is certainly way, way out there, and unlike Miike's other films, I could find absolutely no redeeming quality to this one, other than to say "Hey guys, I saw this totally fucked up movie."
Brush up on your black humour, mang.
As for worst, in a best kinda way, I'd say Ninja Protector. So much 80's cheese and unintentional awesomeness. The romantic-makeout-to-rough-softcore-on-the-beach cut is legendary.
Posts
I was watching it with the commentary recently and it's made me appreciate it even more. The fact that they managed to finish the damn this is a miracle. They had to get favors from IBM to do their photocopying and of course rotoscoping Alexander Nevski is teh-win.
It's funny how a lot of the people working on the film were nearly volunteers. Some of them literally coming off the street and drawing for the fun of it.
If you liked Wizards also check out "Fire and Ice"
Dude. Buscemi AND John Glover. What's not to like about it?
XBL : lJesse Custerl | MWO: Jesse Custer | Best vid ever. | 2nd best vid ever.
That reveal was so fucking awesome.
It's a shame his more recent movies (aside from A History of Violence) have been kinda "meh".
But yeah, The Brood, Naked Lunch, eXistenZ, The Fly and Videodrome are all fucking awesome in their weirdness.
I still haven't seen Shivers, sadly, but Rabid was also pretty cool and Scanners was entertaining as well.
The Quick and the Undead (3.2 out of 10 on IMDB):
A Kurt Russel looking motherfucker with all the acting ability of a mannequin stumbles awkwardly through a shitty zombie western where the only redeeming feature is the title of the movie.
The Wind (2.5 out of 10 in IMDB)
The only thing I remember about this trainwreck of a movie is that some dude hits on someone's mom for about 10 minutes and that the movie set a new low for us. We picked it up because apparently it won some awards, which makes me want to see whatever the hell movies were entered into the same film festival and weren't quite as good as this piece of shit.
Undead (5.6 out of 10 on IMDB)
This one was surprising, because it didn't take itself that seriously and there were a couple comedic moments. Then again, it's kind of hard to take yourself seriously when everyone has goofy Australian accents and you can't decide whether you want to make a zombie movie or an alien invasion movie.
Dead and Breakfast (5.8 out of 10 on IMDB)
Another comedy/horror movie with some B movie "stars" in it. That is if you count David Carradine's daughter and that one dude from Attack of the Show that doesn't do much but fuck up his lines as stars. It was surprisingly enjoyable, even if the acting was cringe-inducing at times.
Cannibal Holocaust (6.1 out of 10 on IMDB)
We'd seen enough gore that we decided it was time to tackle the "most violent movie of all time" for a laugh. After watching about a half a dozen rape scenes including one with a mudball covered in sharp sticks we all uncomfortably got up and left.
I wish I could remember some more names of the movies to look them up, but I guess shitty movies just aren't always that memorable.
Found this gem in the 4.88 bin at wal-mart. Normally I like bad movies, but this one was too bad even for me (for example: everybody in the movie, even the FBI agents, have mullets).
"We'll... set it in the 80s?"
"Genius."
Supposedly Charlie Sheen saw another movie in the series and thought it was a real snuff film and contacted the FBI.
You found redeeming quality to Imprint or Ichi the Killer? That's impressive.
The first ten minutes are just guys jumping in front of an orange screen with Power Rangers-level costumes and special effects. After a while of this, it just cuts away and the 'plot' starts. I remember very little about the actual continuity except that the main character is afraid of water and the romantic interest starts tickling him while he's bathing in a waterfall pool and he just squeals and squirms around. Fucking hillarious movie. I highly recommend it, just make sure you're with friends.
I found this winner in the used video section of Blockbuster. It was in one of those old thick white VHS cases like original Transformer episodes. The case alone was worth buying even when I didn't have a vhs player to watch it. After proudly displaying this movie, unwatched, in my collection for several years, I borrowed one.
I also remember watching Wizard on TV. I think it was when Sci-Fi was running "Anime" on Saturday nights. This one was rotated along side Heavy Metal, Vampire Hunter D and Robot Circus. I think I saw this the same night I bought Nirvana's Heart Shaped Box and they were on SNL. Holy crap I am old.
Bad movies don't seem to appeal to me anymore. I grew up watching USA network's Up all Night and MST3K and saw some horrible, horrible stuff. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and Toxic Avenger being some of the "best".
Stop motion robots and contrived dialogue.
For my contribution, If you had HBO as a kid in the 80's then Im sure you remember this one. I loved this retarded movie, though I havent seen it in 15 years at least so I couldnt tell you if it holds up. I remember it was pretty stupid back then so probably not. This movie also introduced us all to a young and promising actor named Michael Fox, who would later add a J as his middle name and become a star.
A bit after watching it, I hopped on the intratubes and tried to find out what I could about it, and managed to stumble across the director's excuse-ridden review of his own movie. Blech.
i got this for Christmas, best present ever.
"in the future, war has been outlawed"
Achilles: You can live.
Alexander: Yes, if I kill you with this!
Achilles: We can both live!
Alexander: We are already dead. We are Robot Jox!
Oh man, tell me that geeky guy in the front of the poster is Eddie Deezen, this movie immediately becomes great for that alone.
Favorite quote:
Apparently, some reviewer on imdb saw a different movie:
Definitely the worst movie I've ever watched.
Best terrible movies I've seen:
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
Just...watch this movie. I don't even want to say anything more than that.
Game of Survival
Prisoners from somewhere in space are forced to romp around LA to look for some alien jerk's ball. The guy with the ball at the end of 24 hours gets his freedom. Until that time, they battle with incredibly shitty fight choreography
Main characters:
Zane: A black-mulleted, leather jacket (with "BAD" spray painted in gold across the back) wearing mumbler who gets his ass kicked by a dune buggy in the first 5 minutes. In other words, Our Hero.
Skullblaster: The only thing you need to know about Skullblaster is what the aliens say about him: "He's absolutley the best."
A Caveman: complete with giant, turkey-leg shaped club.
An Archer Midget: eats dogs.
Some guy that looks like a mix between Robin the Boy Wonder and Screech: this guy doesn't understand that trying to jump-kick a midget is probably a stupid idea.
A Mad Max Reject: football pads, mohawk. Drinks from a pool.
Cindy Sexton: because that is such a subtle character name. Love interest, makes frozen pizza.
Matthew Blackheart: MONSTER SMASHER
Captain America + some guy that really, really wants to be Bruce Campbell = Matthew Blackheart, smasher of monsters.
Come on, you want to see this fucking movie, don't you lie to me.
Traxx
A mercinary tries hanging up his spurs for the life of a cookie-baker in a small, yet ridiculously crime-ridden town. The movie is basically Road House if it were directed by someone who made Power Rangers movies.
Highlights include: Traxx constantly being a smug fucking asshole.
Mid-second act musical number
a mafia boss yelling so hard at a phone that random objects on the other end of the line start exploding
uzi truck jousting
all crimes taking place in a half-block of fake storefronts. Also, repeating explosions.
Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe
Starring Jesse "The Body" Ventura. 'Nuff said.
Perhaps most bizarre movie I've seen:
Shredder Orpheus
The story of Orpheus. Sorta.
Features:
The American Flag Channel
Blender gun
More instances of the word "thrash" than has actually ever been uttered by actual people
Jimi Hendrix's Magical Trapezoid
Hell is apparently a lot of hallways full of shredded paper.
Hell also has a really shitty public broadcast tv station.
And a parking garage. a parking garage that KILLS YOU.
"You have to wait for the deck to come to you." Because it's got like, model rockets on it or something.
Also, everyone lives in a shipping container? Sure, why not?
Movies that no amount of MST3king could save:
Ninja Turf, AKA Los Angeles Streetfighter
A Korean immigrant high-schooler, played by an actor that was at least 40, gets involved in some sort of ninja...mafia...gang kind of thing. I don't really know, because this movie decided to film 90% of its footage at nights without any artificial lighting. It kind of makes it more of a screensaver than an actual film.
Bloodmatch People fighting in a high school gymnasium for no apparent reason. And EVERY HIT HIT HIT, PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH and KICK, KICK, KICK get repeated three TIMES TIMES TIMES.
Burning Vengeance
I had high hopes for this one: I mean, just check out the character names:
BROCK GENESIS
STEVE-O
MR.CRACK
but no, not even names as awesome as those, n
Reign in Darkness
A vampire movie, apparently made by Australian high schoolers. I hate to bash them for the low budget, but this is a movie that can't even afford blanks for their fake guns. Firing guns in this movie results in a half-second delay followed by some default After Effects effect. Also, vampires sure do like the basketball court flooring look for their secret lair.
Ragin' Cajun
Starring David Heavener.
For those unfamiliar with Mr.Heavener, he is (to my knowledge) the world's only purported combination B-grade action star and Christian rock musician. If you were just looking for a movie that has the perfect combination of Christian rock and ragin', cajun-style bar fights, well...you're out of luck. There is a grand total of one fight in this movie, which is odd considering the box clearly stated, "More kicks than Kickboxer!" on it. If you're willing to watch a movie for the chance to see an incredibly poorly dubbed acoustic guitar solo, though, you might be ok.
Also, any other David Heavener movie is pretty painful to watch.
Terminal Justice
Not nearly as bad as most of the others, I just want to mention that Lorenzo Lamas
Orca: The Killer Whale
A Jaws ripoff, Italian style. The only thing that makes this movie worth watching is an Ennio Morricone score that tries to make a stupid movie about a whale into an EPIC VENDETTA SPANNING THE ENDS OF THE EARTH.
Expect No Mercy
The best part of this movie is that not only does the bad guy kill people with VR, he also kills them with an axe with a touch-tone phone dialing pad on it.
Dragon Fighter
The only feature length movie that regularly has 9-way split-screens in it. 4 of them being the same exact thing.
The Super Ninja
A bad ninja movie, then an incredibly dull, long sex scene, followed by the main character wearing a -tshirt that says, "MAN" on it for the rest of the film. Classy move.
Sword of Heaven
A helium-voiced man does...something? Only thing worth remembering is a bad guy pushes a nun
off a cliff
in slow motion
while "Taps" plays.
Out for a Kill
Steven Seagal "comes and goes...like a ghost." A ghost who is a Yale "acamadician"/archeologist/former high-scale theif/man out for revenge.
Nine Deaths of the Ninja
Sho Kasugi is a ninja. A ninja with a penchant for lollypops.
And fighting midgets.
And going to whore-barges.
And having friends that have a gatling gun called "The Dancer".
McBain
Christopher Walken takes over Colombia. Nobody seems to mind.
Demonicus: Gladiator from Hell
When walking in the Alps (which looks suspiciously like Southern California) in your feature length movie (which looks suspiciously like it was shot on a VHS camcorder), do not go in any caves. Caves make your dumb, preppy-dressing douchebag friend start cosplaying in a child's plastic gladiator outfit. Also, punch you in the face.
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Rock n' Roll Nightmare.
MST3K did an episode this same actor was in called Zombie Nightmare. This movie is probably 1,000 times less coherent.
Wow, that totally does not deserve to be in this thread. It's fantastic.
She once brought home two at once, "El Chupacabra" and "Ankle Biters".
El Chupacabra seemed like an honest attempt at making a horror movie by some amateur director. But Ankle Biters, oh boy. It's about a bunch of midget vampires who attack people in broad daylight. The only part I remember is two guys running down a road (all filmed on a camcorder) and then suddenly two midgets jump out and start fighting them. They defeat the midgets and run under a bridge where the midgets attack them again and win until some hippie with really long hair jumps out and pulls out two guns (complete with orange caps on the end) and shoots the midgets. They then get up and run away.
Seriously, if you haven't seen it yet, rent it or buy it or something. You'll get so many views from it when you show different friends how bad a movie can actually be.
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And there are so many movies that are worse than Plan 9 out there. Plan 9 is a charmingly goofy good time for all. :^:
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Sounds like that would be in a Sony commercial, actually.
Yeah I wish we could gather all the actually little known strange movies mentioned in this thread that are worth seeing.
The Alphabet by David Lynch.
Then there's
Tetsuo the Iron Man
Giant drilling dicks, rocket shoes, a hobo beatdown, and a cable-strap on raping. Of course I still think it doesn't compare to Dead Alive.
My room-mate and I watched and throughout the entire movie we would both unintentionally go "What. the. fuck." every ten minutes. I still don't understand why anybody would trust that loony with the LoTR trilogy.
Also I've heard that Necromantik 2 - Return of the Loving Dead is also pretty horrible.
Also, I am too lazy to go check the thread for the mention of Troll 2.
Troll 2 is the greatest, horrible movie of all time.
In the end, the villan is defeated by:
As for worst, in a best kinda way, I'd say Ninja Protector. So much 80's cheese and unintentional awesomeness. The romantic-makeout-to-rough-softcore-on-the-beach cut is legendary.