I decided to pop in here after reading Bacon's suggestion to take it to the chat section.
The following will be long, so I'm placing it behind a spoiler tag for convinience.
I guess I really rub people here the wrong way, and for that I do apologize. I never intended to cause such a stink in Nurse Joy's thread. I suppose I owe everyone an explaination about a few things that might shed some light on who I am, where I'm coming from, and probably why I've come to be so very well hated around these parts (which I discovered today still lingers, I had hoped that some time away might help improve my relationship with the others here.)
Let's go back to where I started. I've always wanted to do something I love with the rest of my life. I never wanted to be the type of person who works a desk job his entire life, so when my parents asked me where I wanted to go to college, I told them I wanted to go to art school. I always loved doodling, esp. when I was creating characters. My dad told me not to worry about the money at the time ('cause he was making good money managing a travel agency until 9/11 happened). I was foolish to take him up on his offer in retrospect, because now I have so much debt I'm probably not going to finish paying it all off until I'm 40 (or win the lottery).
I'll admit, while I was at Ringling, a few teachers suggested I leave. I was a stubborn little brat then (and was until just recently) and didn't want to leave to do some other boring major at a different school. However, as I kept going through school, it occured to me that it wasn't so much my technical ability that kept me with passing grades (many of my Ringling teachers feel the same way about me as the people here do, i.e. loathe). What I found was that, while my technical skills were never par for the course, my ideas were highly enjoyable and I had a good sense of humor. For example, my senior Illustration teacher had us do a piece called "World Peace". Most people did something apocolyptic or religious. I drew a picture of a whole mass of people smoking weed (for the record, I don't smoke myself). My teacher didn't love the drawing much, but he loved the concept. I figured at the time that, so long as I get the degree, I can work on the technical aspects later (again, stupid brat).
But coming to places like this (among others) provided a rude awakening. My work wasn't just under par, it was abysmal. I'll admit I lashed out, saying things that were based on nothing but my own arrogance and stubborness. I kept working, and while I was improving in some areas (colors esp.), I wasn't improving fast enough in the areas that the others wanted me to (anatomy, perspective), and grew to loathe my inability to accept the fact that I should dump the anime style or change it somehow. I fell into depression and started seeing a therapist after a massive breakdown last Thanksgiving.
It was during this time that I learned some very important lessons. Stuff that has helped me immensly not as an artist, but as a person.
1) I was placing far too much in the words of others. When people were telling me to kill myself or whatever, I was taking it far too much to heart. It's good to take advice and critique, but I was letting it all build up and hurt me so much that I seriously wanted to hurt myself at times. It was when I realized how weak I was that I decided I wanted to be stronger willed than this. It was time to grow up a little.
2) I should focus less on what I should do, and more on what I want to do. This is a point that I'm sure many people here will contest with. I found that the more depressed I was, the more I hated myself and my work, the less progress I made as an artist and as a person. 4 years out of art school and I was still a piece of shit. I had to make a very hard decision.
I had to acknowledge the fact that I might very well be part of the 50% I didn't wish to be in. At my school, we were constantly reminded that 50% of us would probably never make it as Illustrators. At this point that I began to fall into dispair again. All this time... wasted? I began to cry myself to sleep on several occasions, like a week little 5 year old who didn't get a cookie after dinner. What a weak person I am, I thought to myself. But during this period, I recieved the most important advice I've ever received. The advice that has recently turned me around and given me hope for my future again.
3) There's more than one way to skin a cat. So I'm a shitty comics artist. So I'm a shitty illustrator. That doesn't mean I can't pursue my dreams. It just means I take a different tact.
I've been trying to do one of my story ideas as a comic for years, but I would never make it past the first 10 pages or so. I was so frustrated because I've had this big long story in my head for so many years and I'm dying to tell it, but my god I couldn't get past the beginning. I was so hung up on the idea of doing it as a comic that I was preventing myself from what it was I really wanted to do. Tell the story.
On a whim, I decided to try writing it as a novel instead of a comic. To my shock and amazement, I had made more progress in a week than I had in 4 years of failed comic attempts! I felt myself being inspired again. I found what I had been missing. I was so busy doing the beginning over and over again that i was missing out on the joy of writing the rest of the story. The past few months I've made incredible progress, not just on the story, but with myself. I found a reason to believe in myself again, to like myself and be proud of who I am as a person. Sure I wasn't doing exactly what I had envisioned when I was in high school and Ringling, but I was doing it. I didn't truly give up my dream, I just found a different way that better suited my abilities. It was with this new found self-respect that I decided to start lurking here again, and even post an experimental Vincent piece I had started working on ages ago, but only recently started touching up a few things.
Which brings us to today. When I made the post in Nurse Joy's thread, I never intended to site-whore or fish for sympathy (for the record, there isn't really a site to whore to, I haven't updated it in years and I just use the webspace to upload my images). I was just trying to help them not repeat the same mistakes I had made in the past, by showing examples of what I've become a whole 4 years out of art college. I can guarentee that if Nurse Joy does go to art school, she doesn't want her work to look like that! She'd want her work to be better, to be real illustration. As I was reading the comments in her thread before I posted, I saw what I thought were signs of the same sort of stubborn desire to draw the anime style that I have in her, and I wanted to help stop her before it was too late. "Learn from my mistakes, don't go about it like this, you'll thank me for it later" was what I had intended the post to be. I was mearly trying to re-inforce what the others here were telling her. Study anatomy, discover your own style, etc. I never meant for it to become what it did, but I guess with the reputation I've built up here I should have known better.
I wish there was some way I could dispell some of the hatred I've come to get from the members here, because I've seen in other posts that you all are really good people and I like to be friends with as many good people as I possibly can. I was just trying to help, but I guess I messed it up bigtime. I know I'm extremely apologetic (I get it from my mother ._. ) but I didn't want to just walk away from this one without offering an explination and an apology, because that'd just be irresponsible of me.
Well, that was long. I hope that sheds some lights.
Im in the "keep drawing anyway" camp. Its good to hear that you have found some substance in writing. I, uh, kind of feel like a douche for my comment in the other thread, but you know- its the internet.
...and for the record, Zel, personally, I never hated you. You were aggravating as hell sometimes, but I never hated you. B-A-M? Fucking hated that guy.
If writing is more your style, go for it then!
I was going to try to write something a bit motivational, but each time I read it, the effect seemed to be the opposite, heh. Basically, in my point of view, if you're trying something, and you really like it, but it's not working out...and you REALIZE that, that's excellent. That's excellent because it means you're not stubbornly trying to achieve some (possibly) unrealistic goal. You move on to better things, things you know or find that you're good at, and stuff starts falling into place. I know people may not agree with me on this, but IMHO, if you like something, but you're not good at it, it's best that you realize this and try to find something you ARE good at, and obviously still enjoy (I'm looking at this job-wise). Go for what your strengths are. Weak skills in something CAN be turned into strengths, if you work really hard and you're able to, but if you find something that you're stronger in, and you're more adept at it...then it's great that you can make that discovery and turn your energy into creating a success.
Every time I re-read this it still seems wrong... but I'm going to post it regardless because I've already written it too many times and I just want to try to get the idea across, however mutilated it comes out.
Basically, in my point of view, if you're trying something, and you really like it, but it's not working out...and you REALIZE that, that's excellent. That's excellent because it means you're not stubbornly trying to achieve some (possibly) unrealistic goal. You move on to better things, things you know or find that you're good at, and stuff starts falling into place. I know people may not agree with me on this, but IMHO, if you like something, but you're not good at it, it's best that you realize this and try to find something you ARE good at, and obviously still enjoy (I'm looking at this job-wise). Go for what your strengths are. Weak skills in something CAN be turned into strengths, if you work really hard and you're able to, but if you find something that you're stronger in, and you're more adept at it...then it's great that you can make that discovery and turn your energy into creating a success.
Thanks NightDragon. This is how I viewed the situation and ever since I've started writing I've been a lot happier with myself. I decided it was best to pursue this path since I do seem to be more adept at it (I've had my family and a few friends read the rough draft of my book and they all really liked the story, so it's really psyched me up going into the next draft). I'm glad I was able to clarify what I meant in the post I made before. ^_^
YAAAAAAAAY! my Money has returned to the bank and I am a very happy camper.
Also...I'm going to the Nintendo World store tomorrow along with the Toys R Us, 4 story barns and Nobel, FAO Schwartz, Apple store, and the MET in NYC. Can we say SUPER EXCITEDOMG?!
so I was a little bored earlier and my roomate sent me this picture of one of the american guys getting attacked by the bull and it's horrid, but I just can't stop looking at it... eek
I feel -no- sympathy for someone getting molested by an angry bull the minute they decide it's a good idea to fly to a foreign country for the purpose of enraging a bunch of large animals with horns, and then see if they can outrun them.
edit after viewing link: OUCH. He's lucky that didn't go in anywhere near his midsection or he'd probably be dead.
so I was a little bored earlier and my roomate sent me this picture of one of the american guys getting attacked by the bull and it's horrid, but I just can't stop looking at it... eek
warning, little bit gory
has anyone here ran with the bulls in spain?
Took me a second to spot what the hell was going on but OOOOOOOH!
Well, I started up a sketchbook on conceptart.org, and since I can't be bothered updating two threads, you'll just have to follow the link in my sig from now on.
Although, forcing myself to draw seems to be sucking all the enjoyment out of the pastime... I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment, I'm depressed and there doesn't seem to be any logical reason why... Oh well, I guess I'll just have to try and snap out of it somehow.
Well, I started up a sketchbook on conceptart.org, and since I can't be bothered updating two threads, you'll just have to follow the link in my sig from now on.
Although, forcing myself to draw seems to be sucking all the enjoyment out of the pastime... I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment, I'm depressed and there doesn't seem to be any logical reason why... Oh well, I guess I'll just have to try and snap out of it somehow.
I think, left to my own devices, I draw about 4 things a year. I am a bad person.
Photoshop stuff? Sometimes. Painting? I've been working on one here or there. But actual drawing for the past few years has been veeeeery slow. That's one of the reasons I like school - it forces me to work, and complete things...and hell, I'm given time where I'm told "hey, go draw something". Pretty cool beans.
But seriously I need to get my butt in gear.
[Edit] WOOOOOOOOO TOTPnksdlfksjdgi
I've noticed that CA sketchbooks don't really seem to get a lot of feedback, in general...you have to update frequently, and/or be crazy-good...and even some of the frequent updaters don't seem to get a heck of a lot of critiques. Oh well, though. Good luck!
yeah, I've had more attention on CA when I post a finished piece in the critique center than when I had a sketchbook thread. If gotten a lot more help that way.
Well, I'm even worse as you can tell by my sporadic presence in these forums. I haven't drawn anything much for ages, some doodles in my sketchbook basically. I just can't be arsed to grab my painting supplies when I don't even have a table high enough to sit at and I really don't feel like sitting on the floor to paint and then I also can't leave my painting stuff lying around because I need that table for other stuff (like, putting my dinner on it). I need a new house, one that can house a proper table.. or one of those fancy desks. (excuses excuses)
But if luck is a harsh mistress, as is the Moon according to Heinlein, what if you get lucky on the Moon and click the- nevermind.
Sketchbooks always put me in mind of writing portfolios. It feels like trying to critique a writer/artist's entire creative library, which is nigh-on impossible and does no one any favours. Hence why AC and TWB prefer excerpts/individual works, because then there's something to actually comment on...
I refuse to admit that the plural form is not "Penises".
Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Sometimes a gecko will forget to sheath his penis (they carry them sheathed in a special skin fold) and it withers and falls off, they can still go vexing sexing with the other one!
I don't know whether that is badass or really fucking creepy, being a species with (a) multiple sets of genitalia and (b) the need to stow them away lest they shrivel up and die
Posts
Im in the "keep drawing anyway" camp. Its good to hear that you have found some substance in writing. I, uh, kind of feel like a douche for my comment in the other thread, but you know- its the internet.
...and for the record, Zel, personally, I never hated you. You were aggravating as hell sometimes, but I never hated you. B-A-M? Fucking hated that guy.
If writing is more your style, go for it then!
I was going to try to write something a bit motivational, but each time I read it, the effect seemed to be the opposite, heh. Basically, in my point of view, if you're trying something, and you really like it, but it's not working out...and you REALIZE that, that's excellent. That's excellent because it means you're not stubbornly trying to achieve some (possibly) unrealistic goal. You move on to better things, things you know or find that you're good at, and stuff starts falling into place. I know people may not agree with me on this, but IMHO, if you like something, but you're not good at it, it's best that you realize this and try to find something you ARE good at, and obviously still enjoy (I'm looking at this job-wise). Go for what your strengths are. Weak skills in something CAN be turned into strengths, if you work really hard and you're able to, but if you find something that you're stronger in, and you're more adept at it...then it's great that you can make that discovery and turn your energy into creating a success.
Every time I re-read this it still seems wrong... but I'm going to post it regardless because I've already written it too many times and I just want to try to get the idea across, however mutilated it comes out.
Thanks NightDragon. This is how I viewed the situation and ever since I've started writing I've been a lot happier with myself. I decided it was best to pursue this path since I do seem to be more adept at it (I've had my family and a few friends read the rough draft of my book and they all really liked the story, so it's really psyched me up going into the next draft). I'm glad I was able to clarify what I meant in the post I made before. ^_^
The fact that I'm replying to something a page back proves it.
tumblrrr
deviantart
tumblrrr
deviantart
Also...I'm going to the Nintendo World store tomorrow along with the Toys R Us, 4 story barns and Nobel, FAO Schwartz, Apple store, and the MET in NYC. Can we say SUPER EXCITEDOMG?!
Check out my art! Buy some prints!
warning, little bit gory
has anyone here ran with the bulls in spain?
My Portfolio Site
edit after viewing link: OUCH. He's lucky that didn't go in anywhere near his midsection or he'd probably be dead.
Took me a second to spot what the hell was going on but OOOOOOOH!
God that made me shiver!
Although, forcing myself to draw seems to be sucking all the enjoyment out of the pastime... I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment, I'm depressed and there doesn't seem to be any logical reason why... Oh well, I guess I'll just have to try and snap out of it somehow.
I think, left to my own devices, I draw about 4 things a year. I am a bad person.
Photoshop stuff? Sometimes. Painting? I've been working on one here or there. But actual drawing for the past few years has been veeeeery slow. That's one of the reasons I like school - it forces me to work, and complete things...and hell, I'm given time where I'm told "hey, go draw something". Pretty cool beans.
But seriously I need to get my butt in gear.
[Edit] WOOOOOOOOO TOTPnksdlfksjdgi
I've noticed that CA sketchbooks don't really seem to get a lot of feedback, in general...you have to update frequently, and/or be crazy-good...and even some of the frequent updaters don't seem to get a heck of a lot of critiques. Oh well, though. Good luck!
Uh... hi guys, how's everyone? :P
Fantastrogue: Fun fact: even though I have this huge drawing board (and I never tilt it to a horiz. position), there is no table in my pad.
Sorry mate, I just banned him
Your ban button is a Penis
Also on the subject of penises, you should check out this thread: http://rpgcodex.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=6620&start=0
But if luck is a harsh mistress, as is the Moon according to Heinlein, what if you get lucky on the Moon and click the- nevermind.
Sketchbooks always put me in mind of writing portfolios. It feels like trying to critique a writer/artist's entire creative library, which is nigh-on impossible and does no one any favours. Hence why AC and TWB prefer excerpts/individual works, because then there's something to actually comment on...
Only one way to find out, cobber. ;-)
Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Sometimes a gecko will forget to sheath his penis (they carry them sheathed in a special skin fold) and it withers and falls off, they can still go vexing sexing with the other one!
Sometimes I forget to sheath my penis too and the folks at Popeye's chicken get all uppity again.
It even had some of the previous owner's music preloaded on it. Did I get a crazy good deal on this? You could say the deal was LUDACRIS!
You working at Popeyes's now? Speaking of work, I wonder how Peter & Co.'s interview went.
Thing is, even though I work from home, somehow I just feel that my supervisor would know