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Requesting a comic critique (HijiNKS Ensue)

2456710

Posts

  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    galen wrote: »
    I'd just like to say that Josh dude, in his character card or whatever, looks like he's about to puke. Pretty intense Guitar Hero playing, I guess.
    LOL. It seems like I am always drawing people with their tongue's out. No idea why. In the original drawings of the characters that I sent to Josh and Eli, they asked why everyone appeared to be screaming. I'm working on more realistic expressions. Thanks!

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • srsizzysrsizzy Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Work on: expressions, anatomy (hands and bodies), life drawing, shading/lighting (using vectors/paths and cell shading would look nicer than the soft shading), adding highlights when you get the hang of shading, perspective, making either everyone just have pupils or giving everyone entire eyes, and condensing the strips to 2-4 panels (or make each panel funny enough to be worth it, i.e. VG Cats).

    [edit] Woah, I didn't notice this had already reached page 2, so I don't know how much was already said, but it still stands.

    srsizzy on
    BRO LET ME GET REAL WITH YOU AND SAY THAT MY FINGERS ARE PREPPED AND HOT LIKE THE SURFACE OF THE SUN TO BRING RADICAL BEATS SO SMOOTH THE SHIT WILL BE MEDICINAL-GRADE TRIPNASTY MAKING ALL BRAINWAVES ROLL ON THE SURFACE OF A BALLS-FEISTY NEURAL RAINBOW CRACKA-LACKIN' YOUR PERCEPTION OF THE HERE-NOW SPACE-TIME SITUATION THAT ALL OF LIFE BE JAMMED UP IN THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL FLOW BEATS
  • The One Dark KnightThe One Dark Knight Registered User
    edited July 2007
    YAY NOT A PENNY ARCADE RIPOFF :D


    It got me smiling :)

    You're definitely going in the right direction. Nothing I can say that hasn't been said already.

    The One Dark Knight on
    [END]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    srsizzy wrote: »
    Work on: expressions, anatomy (hands and bodies), life drawing, shading/lighting (using vectors/paths and cell shading would look nicer than the soft shading), adding highlights when you get the hang of shading, perspective, making either everyone just have pupils or giving everyone entire eyes, and condensing the strips to 2-4 panels (or make each panel funny enough to be worth it, i.e. VG Cats).

    [edit] Woah, I didn't notice this had already reached page 2, so I don't know how much was already said, but it still stands.
    yeah, some of that was already covered but thanks for the crits none the less. The eyeball thing has already gotten on my nerves, so in the most recent strip i've done away with the pupils-only thing. Shading is the next issue to tackle, as well as condensing the strips. I'm thinking about just doing 2 "levels" instead of 3. This could be 2 or 3 panels on the top level and either 1 big one on the bottom or 2.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    YAY NOT A PENNY ARCADE RIPOFF :D


    It got me smiling :)

    You're definitely going in the right direction. Nothing I can say that hasn't been said already.
    Thanks for the encouragement.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Ok, so after all the comments and suggestions I did a new comic. I tried to work in some of the feedback that I got from the forum. This one is MUCH shorter than the previous ones. Most of you seemed to agree that I could tell teh same joke in 4 panels instead of 6. I refined the character models a bit (I almost completely changed one of them, but I like it a lot better now). I'm still not tackling the shading and such, but all in due time.

    Thanks again for taking the time to review my work. It really helped.

    2007-07-03-iphone%20comic%20ark%20of%20the%20covenant.jpg

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Shouldn't the toasted face innards be red, not purple?

    MKR on
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2007
    I think your sense of humor is great (anyone that uses a St. Elsewhere joke is aces in my book), but I really think varying your line thickness will help define your art a lot more.

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    MKR wrote: »
    Shouldn't the toasted face innards be red, not purple?
    I checked. The inside of my face when toasted is purple. Weird.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    I think your sense of humor is great (anyone that uses a St. Elsewhere joke is aces in my book), but I really think varying your line thickness will help define your art a lot more.
    I've got the brush set to let the pen pressure control the thickness (from 1px to 15). But I think I draw with a constant pressure so I cancel it out. Where should the lines be thicker? I could make the outlines bolder but then I think it would look like a PA copy.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • OverlordOverlord Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    The trick to line widths is to try and create depth. Like in this the hand is in front of the guy on the right, so it should have a thicker outline that thins out overtop of the hand. I just did a paintover kind of thing and made it a gif.

    Not the best job but hopefully it explains what I'm getting at.

    example.gif

    Overlord on
    sigsh.gif
  • MaydayMayday generation three hybrid Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    I've got the brush set to let the pen pressure control the thickness (from 1px to 15). But I think I draw with a constant pressure so I cancel it out. Where should the lines be thicker? I could make the outlines bolder but then I think it would look like a PA copy.

    http://www.teamspecialolympics.com/tutorials.php?id=12921

    Mayday on
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Overlord wrote: »
    The trick to line widths is to try and create depth. Like in this the hand is in front of the guy on the right, so it should have a thicker outline that thins out overtop of the hand. I just did a paintover kind of thing and made it a gif.

    Not the best job but hopefully it explains what I'm getting at.

    example.gif
    Got it! That does make a huge difference. I will definitely try that next time. Thanks for taking the time to demonstrate.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • HalberdBlueHalberdBlue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Damn I was hoping this thread would have something to do with this:

    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/11/08

    Disappointment

    But actually I like the comic and have added the page to my favorites list :)

    HalberdBlue on
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Damn I was hoping this thread would have something to do with this:

    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/11/08

    Disappointment

    But actually I like the comic and have added the page to my favorites list :)
    Ya know what's funny?

    Google "hijinks ensue."

    #1 is me.

    #2 is that particular PA comic.

    Glad you liked it and thanks for the feedback.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    OK, on the new comic I worked on some more of this issues you guys brought up. This time it was varying line widths and more interesting backgrounds.

    2007-07-10%20transformers%20movie%20shia%20lebouf.jpg


    {EDIT: This now shows the toned down background colors mentioned in the more recent posts}

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • OverlordOverlord Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    The inking is much better, and the comic made me laugh. Good job

    Overlord on
    sigsh.gif
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Overlord wrote: »
    The inking is much better, and the comic made me laugh. Good job
    Thanks!

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • squidbunnysquidbunny Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Prime's dialogue is dizzying to look at, as are all the similarly-saturated colors getting all up in each other's faces.

    Inking is 400% hotter, though. Nice work.

    Generally, improvement over the stuff in the OP is pretty amazing. You rock for running so well with the crits.

    squidbunny on
    header_image_sm.jpg
  • Vargas PrimeVargas Prime King of Nothing Just a ShowRegistered User regular
    edited July 2007
    One thing to remember about line weights is to vary them to give your drawing some life and perspective.

    It's good that you're paying attention to it, but I think you still need to mix it up a little. Making most or all of the lines thicker may make certain things easier to read, but it's not a catch-all.

    A good simple rule is to use thicker lines for emphasis. Things in the foreground should exhibit heavier lines than things in the background, typically, to give the feeling of depth. Vary line weights within people and objects, too. The outline of a shirt, for example, could be thicker than any of the lines inside the shirt, depicting folds or designs. Mixing line weights gives objects a more organic presence.

    I'm not a teacher, so I'm hoping that I'm explaining this OK... I'm at work, otherwise I might try to post some quick examples of what I'm talking about.

    Vargas Prime on
  • Creambun 007Creambun 007 Registered User
    edited July 2007
    I liked the joke better when "Perry Bible Fellowship" did it.

    http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF077AD-Disassemble.jpg#144

    Creambun 007 on
    Diggity.
  • teamquigganteamquiggan Registered User
    edited July 2007
    I liked the joke better when "Perry Bible Fellowship" did it.

    http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF077AD-Disassemble.jpg#144

    I liked it better when the clerks cartoon did it before Perry Bible Fellowship.
    What is your point? There are alot more contextual jokes in this one then either the PBF or the one from Clerks. I didn't say anything because I thought it would be crass and pointless.

    teamquiggan on
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    squidbunny wrote: »
    Prime's dialogue is dizzying to look at, as are all the similarly-saturated colors getting all up in each other's faces.

    Inking is 400% hotter, though. Nice work.

    Generally, improvement over the stuff in the OP is pretty amazing. You rock for running so well with the crits.
    Yeah, I messed with that text for at least an hour. I wasnt too pleased with it in the end, but i was ready to move on.
    I am truly grateful for the exponential increase in hotness. I was hoping for 20-30% max.

    I am really trying to take the advice given on this forum and use what I can to improve the strip.

    Thanks!

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    One thing to remember about line weights is to vary them to give your drawing some life and perspective.

    It's good that you're paying attention to it, but I think you still need to mix it up a little. Making most or all of the lines thicker may make certain things easier to read, but it's not a catch-all.

    A good simple rule is to use thicker lines for emphasis. Things in the foreground should exhibit heavier lines than things in the background, typically, to give the feeling of depth. Vary line weights within people and objects, too. The outline of a shirt, for example, could be thicker than any of the lines inside the shirt, depicting folds or designs. Mixing line weights gives objects a more organic presence.

    I'm not a teacher, so I'm hoping that I'm explaining this OK... I'm at work, otherwise I might try to post some quick examples of what I'm talking about.
    Good point. This was my first attempt with varying line widths, so Im sure theres room for improvement. I think maybe I got this right on the characters faces, but by the time I did Optimus I was pretty much over-inking everything.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    I liked the joke better when "Perry Bible Fellowship" did it.

    http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF077AD-Disassemble.jpg#144
    Oh well. You might as well say "Simpsons did it!"

    I've never seen this comic but i dont find it very funny. Maybe the next guy to do this joke will get it right.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    I liked it better when the clerks cartoon did it before Perry Bible Fellowship.
    What is your point? There are alot more contextual jokes in this one then either the PBF or the one from Clerks. I didn't say anything because I thought it would be crass and pointless.
    Must be a good joke if so many people are doing it. PBF pussed out on the money shot, though. This reminds me of "The Aristocrats."

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    squidbunny wrote: »
    Prime's dialogue is dizzying to look at, as are all the similarly-saturated colors getting all up in each other's faces.

    Inking is 400% hotter, though. Nice work.

    Generally, improvement over the stuff in the OP is pretty amazing. You rock for running so well with the crits.
    @squidbunny

    The more I went back and looked at this comic the more the background colors gave me a migraine. I toned them down a bit. Here's a thumbnail comparison:

    [IMG]http://www.hijinksensue.com/wp-content/uploads/misc/2007-07-20 optimus comparison.jpg[/IMG]

    You can see the full version here.

    I actually liked the muted background pallette quite a bit, so I used it on the next comic:

    2007-07-19%20home%20shopping%20baby%20jesus.jpg

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • MKRMKR Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    Glorious blasphemy.

    :^:

    MKR on
  • lyriumlyrium Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    At first glance I thought that they were looking out window at a gigantic woman...
    Now I see that it's just a gigantic TV. =)
    The colors in this one are definitely an improvement. Keep practicing perspective and such. The joke was funny. Good job!

    lyrium on
  • squidbunnysquidbunny Registered User regular
    edited July 2007
    The toned-down background green is so much better I think you should go in the kitchen and get some pie.

    squidbunny on
    header_image_sm.jpg
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    @MKR

    Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me. FORRRR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    @lyrium

    I wrestled with the idea of making the TV look more time a TV and less like a picture frame. Its the 3rd or 4th one i've done and they are all pretty basic. Next time I'll add some detail. Thanks!

    @squidbunny

    Delicious Pie? If so, I'm in. Thanks!

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • JandissJandiss Registered User
    edited July 2007
    lol this one is good stuff.
    one thing that caught my eye (and god help me for noticing this)
    you main characters toungein the last cell looks like a pair of shaved testicles with a shaft pointed in his mouth....
    ugh...i need a girlfriend....

    Jandiss on
  • bread of wonderbread of wonder Registered User
    edited July 2007
    The new one is :^:. It seems your backgrounds have improved a lot in the course of the last two strips, as well as your line weights. Glad to see all these crits put into action. Keep it up man, your webcomic really has something going for it. I guess it really helps that you had some great humor all along, though.

    bread of wonder on
    Long distance runner, what you standin' there for?
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    Jandiss wrote: »
    lol this one is good stuff.
    one thing that caught my eye (and god help me for noticing this)
    you main characters toungein the last cell looks like a pair of shaved testicles with a shaft pointed in his mouth....
    ugh...i need a girlfriend....
    Wow....

    I just dont know what to say.

    I mean, wow.....

    I will probably change that if only for the fact that I can never look at it the same way again.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    The new one is :^:. It seems your backgrounds have improved a lot in the course of the last two strips, as well as your line weights. Glad to see all these crits put into action. Keep it up man, your webcomic really has something going for it. I guess it really helps that you had some great humor all along, though.
    Thanks! It's been a real learning experience. I don't think you would see ANY of the art improving from strip to strip if I wasn't following the suggestions I've been getting here. The AC has been a tremendous help over the last month.

    I'm glad you think the writing is strong. I've done a lot of research the last few months on other comics that have a minor to major following, and the #1 thing I see is artistic talent as an excuse for poor writing. Dinosaur Comics is basically the funniest thing alive or dead, and it doesnt actually feature original art of any kind.

    I might not actually have a point to make. Go read Dinosaur Comics.

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Mr. H.G. BlobMr. H.G. Blob Registered User
    edited July 2007
    I went to your website and just wanted to mention that I loved the Diggnation one. Haven't watched it in a while, but Kevin's dialogue in the comic was great haha.

    Mr. H.G. Blob on
  • hijinksensuehijinksensue Registered User
    edited July 2007
    I went to your website and just wanted to mention that I loved the Diggnation one. Haven't watched it in a while, but Kevin's dialogue in the comic was great haha.

    Dude! Go watch that episode. I didn't write that comic. THEY DID.

    They waste like 45 minutes where Alex is telling Kevin how this table purifies all the drinking water in Somalia, constantly gives birth to adorable kittens, and plays disco theme music while you make sweet sweet love and Kevin shits all over it for having the Micro$oft moniker.

    Thanks for checking out the site!

    hijinksensue on
    HijiNKS Ensue
    geek comic
    www.hijinksensue.com

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • chiyosdadchiyosdad Registered User
    edited July 2007
    I'm adding your comic to my bookmarks. They're pretty funny. I especially liked the books in the bookshelf in the first comic, and the backgammon, because I'm very fond of those kinds of details. It's like leaving a nice treat for your readers to find.

    chiyosdad on
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited July 2007
    Jandiss wrote: »
    lol this one is good stuff.
    one thing that caught my eye (and god help me for noticing this)
    you main characters toungein the last cell looks like a pair of shaved testicles with a shaft pointed in his mouth....
    ugh...i need a girlfriend....

    On the contrary, I think you need a boyfriend...

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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