Requesting a comic critique (HijiNKS Ensue)

Brolo

hijinksensue wrote: »

OK, I want to pick a new font and I need some opinions. Here are the Blambot Fonts I am considering.

Click for fonts:

Evil Genius BB


Letter-o-mattic


Webletterer BB


Digital Strip


ACME Secret Agent


CrimeFighter BB (Current Font)


Sprectre Verde

Ipsum those bad boys and we'll see how they panel out.

hijinksensue

Rolo wrote: »

Ipsum those bad boys and we'll see how they panel out.

I didn't have time to work up the font samples, so I just picked one (Evil Genius BB). Not entirely sure that I like it, but I think its an improvement. Let me know what you guys think.

Also, does anyone have a link to a good tutorial on shading? I just kind of haphazardly shaded the dinos but I'd like to do it with more rhyme and reason.

-joel

Golden Yak

Text seems better. Not as distracting as your earlier font. Also, did you edit the Terminator into that last comic? Awesome!


(Ack, what's the name of that show? Can't remember!)

hijinksensue

Golden Yak wrote: »

Text seems better. Not as distracting as your earlier font. Also, did you edit the Terminator into that last comic? Awesome!


(Ack, what's the name of that show? Can't remember!)

Yeah, get this. The terminator was always there, but I accidentally left the layer turned off. I looked at that for a week and didnt realize it. It finally dawned on me and I fixed it.

What show?

Golden Yak

That is a funny anecdote.

The show I mean is the cartoon you're referencing in this latest comic. I remember watching the opening theme on YouTube a few weeks ago, but I can't remember what it's called.

Also, the 'We've strapped machine guns to dinosaurs' line made me think of that other old cartoon, DinoRiders. It's like a literal blast from the past! (*badump-bump*)

Edit - Thank you, Bacon. I knew it was something stupid like that.

Angel_of_Bacon

Golden Yak wrote: »

(Ack, what's the name of that show? Can't remember!)

Dinosaucers?

hijinksensue

Golden Yak wrote: »

That is a funny anecdote.

The show I mean is the cartoon you're referencing in this latest comic. I remember watching the opening theme on YouTube a few weeks ago, but I can't remember what it's called.

Also, the 'We've strapped machine guns to dinosaurs' line made me think of that other old cartoon, DinoRiders. It's like a literal blast from the past! (*badump-bump*)

Edit - Thank you, Bacon. I knew it was something stupid like that.

Sorry, I was thinking you went to the site and read the post.

Lots of Dinoriders/Dinosaucers info linked here: http://hijinksensue.com/2007/08/20/jurassic-park-4-freakin-dinosaurs-with-freakin-laser-beams/

chiyosdad

I too, am just trying to figure out how to shade. The way I do it is first figure out where my light source is (I'm sticking to just 1 for now) and then imagine where the shadows should be. There are 2 kinds of shadows, the first is caused by blocking. For example, if I'm standing outside at noon, the shadow I cast on the ground is of this type. The second kind of shadow is caused by the form turning away from the light. The physics of the situation is that how much light an object receives is proportional to the cosine of the angle between the direction of the incident light, and the normal to the plane of the object receiving the light. So, the ground would be brighter at noon, when the incoming sunlight is parallel to the normal, than it would be at 4PM, when the incoming sunlight makes an angle of, say, 45 degrees with the normal. If a lamp is directly in front of my face, the shadows I get on my cheeks is of this type.

hijinksensue

chiyosdad wrote: »

I too, am just trying to figure out how to shade. The way I do it is first figure out where my light source is (I'm sticking to just 1 for now) and then imagine where the shadows should be. There are 2 kinds of shadows, the first is caused by blocking. For example, if I'm standing outside at noon, the shadow I cast on the ground is of this type. The second kind of shadow is caused by the form turning away from the light. The physics of the situation is that how much light an object receives is proportional to the cosine of the angle between the direction of the incident light, and the normal to the plane of the object receiving the light. So, the ground would be brighter at noon, when the incoming sunlight is parallel to the normal, than it would be at 4PM, when the incoming sunlight makes an angle of, say, 45 degrees with the normal. If a lamp is directly in front of my face, the shadows I get on my cheeks is of this type.

Thanks for the extremely detailed explanation. You seem to be making some serious headway in understanding the roll that shading will play in your comics. I think it's more necessary when you do black and white. In your most recent one, the shadow in the sink really makes its look like it had some depth. Good work.

hijinksensue

New Comic went up yesterday. This is my first two-a-week. A few people have taken notice of my work and asked me for commission pieces. I'll be doing a graphic header banner for the site sugarattack.com. I'll post it up here for review before I turn it in.



EDIT: This is the old version of the comic. Check the more recent post to see the revised one

Brolo

Font is still too... angular? The dialog in the top right panel is the worst for this. Something about the spacing and the thinness of the text makes it difficult to read.

Backgrounds are still a little strange - there's something messed up with the plane (horizon) that they're on - in the first panel it makes the table look like it's floating in between their heads, an illusion probably furthered by the dialog bubbles obscuring the image. Some shading on the floor might help give a better perception of depth.

A niggling problem with your characters is that they still look a little stiff - both characters change the positions of their arms in the first two panels, but their torsos stay static, which looks awkward. This goes doubly for your character in the last panel - he's holding that DS way out from his body, most people would have their elbows cushioned on the sides of their body for support. You'll help convey their motion better if you adjust their torsos (we should see a bit of a deformation as the shoulder shifts away from the central torso mass when the arm raises) to accomodate their new poses.

Lastly, there's lots of little funny bits in this comic, which is great, but the final punchline seems weaker than the rest of the jokes in the previous panel, and the first panel could be cut entirely or used as a standalone with little consequence to this comic. My comedic writing isn't really at the level to offer up suggestions as to how to fix this, but remember that in general the fewer words you use to make your jokes the better.

All in all they're mostly niggling complaints and minor suggestions. The comic is looking better each time I see it, keep up the good work!

MKR

In the last panel you could just take the DS and dialog out, and give him a "what the hell?" look.

Crowleston

I just need to say that the costume really would be friggin' awesome.

hijinksensue

@ Rolo

Thanks for the crits. Many of your points were things that were already bothering me about this comic, so reading your comments just reinforced what I was already thinking. I decided to go back and make some changes. Nothing too drastic, since I would rather make mistakes, learn, and move on than constantly go back and make edits.

I changed the font. That last one just didnt work at all. You can still see the old version in my post below. I also changed the arms holding the DS to be closer to the body. I tried adding some shading to make the table appear further away but it really didnt make that much of a difference since I wasnt sure what to do. I also tweaked some of the expressions and rewrote the dialog a bit.

I'm OK with the first two panels being funnier than the last. I dont think every comic has to end with a punchline. I'd almost rather it seem more conversational than forced. That said, I am still working on condensing my writing. Im from the Whedon school of "more is more" when it comes to words.

I hope this offers at least some improvement.

hijinksensue

@MKR
I've already been reprimanded for using a "gasp-take" in the final panel in 4 or 5 comics. I had no idea I was doing that until a reader pointed it out. I guess I just gravitate towards someone doing something shocking and everyone else being speechless. So, no gasps or WTF's for a while.

@Crowelston
Josh is alread making plans for this halloween. If It happens, pics will definitely be posted.

Golden Yak

That font is much better.

And if someone could get a costume like that to work, it would be amazing.

IZRA

A niceee. i like to find new , awesome webcomics.

and this one makes the geek inside me happy. Especially one with references to Dinosaucers (good times)

now i have to say that you have alot of text, but thats not a bad thing. the font on the past ones did make it a bit harsh on the eye, but the new font really feels nice after that. BTW whats the name of it? i like to use it too.

other than that i would say the the poses seem a bit stiff. but i guess thats something you'll have to work out in the long run.

BTW: i soooo want to make a big daddy costume. just to spook all those meddling kids in halloween XD

Mr. H.G. Blob

I think the blueprint panel could be taken out altogether, as it's not really very funny or important to understanding the strip. The first panel made me laugh on its own, but overall the punchline was a bit weak I thought. I dunno how to fix that, but I really think as two separate comics I'd like them more.

Not that I'm telling you to change them into two separate comics; that'd be a ridiculous request. I'm just saying what I think about it.

The new font is much better, though.

hijinksensue

IZRA wrote: »

A niceee. i like to find new , awesome webcomics.

and this one makes the geek inside me happy. Especially one with references to Dinosaucers (good times)

now i have to say that you have alot of text, but thats not a bad thing. the font on the past ones did make it a bit harsh on the eye, but the new font really feels nice after that. BTW whats the name of it? i like to use it too.

other than that i would say the the poses seem a bit stiff. but i guess thats something you'll have to work out in the long run.

BTW: i soooo want to make a big daddy costume. just to spook all those meddling kids in halloween XD

The Font is called Lafeyette somethingthing... from Blambot. I agree about the stiffness. Im working on that.

hijinksensue

Mr. H.G. Blob wrote: »

I think the blueprint panel could be taken out altogether, as it's not really very funny or important to understanding the strip. The first panel made me laugh on its own, but overall the punchline was a bit weak I thought. I dunno how to fix that, but I really think as two separate comics I'd like them more.

Not that I'm telling you to change them into two separate comics; that'd be a ridiculous request. I'm just saying what I think about it.

The new font is much better, though.

the blueprint panel was a throwaway. I have a 4 panel format but didnt really have 4 panels of content. I could have organized the whole thing better but I made the mistake of rewriting it halfway through drawing it.

Edcrab

I'll be useless and agree with the remarks about the font but I just had to mention that the last few comics were awesome. I don't mind the lead-up joke/punchline disparity much, but that's maybe because I'm reading them consequetively and thus get a sitcom-type vibe of consistent humour.

Geek-splosion and the Big Daddy comic FTFW!

Hythloth

I absolutely love the Fifth Element & Venture Bros. references.

My only "complaint" is that I'm not sure if each strip has a title? I feel like they'd be so much easier to reference with a title. Well, I see now the title of the strip seems to be in the menu bar, but I think it'd be clearer on top of the strip somewhere.

Not really a complaint. Very good work =)

Hewn

I love that this comic is seeing steady improvement in nearly all areas.

Reducing word count is a challenge you'll continue to work with, as you mentioned repeating too many shocked faces, but I'm confident you'll hit your sweet spot with the progression your making. And that's not to say you can't have stellar comics with plenty of text.

Perhaps as an exercise, make a comic without any text? Or, as I do with my writing, I actually end up striking out 75% of everything that hits the page. That's typically a nice way to trim my page count. You don't have to post the results as a finished piece, but it should give you another angle.

hijinksensue

Edcrab wrote: »

I'll be useless and agree with the remarks about the font but I just had to mention that the last few comics were awesome. I don't mind the lead-up joke/punchline disparity much, but that's maybe because I'm reading them consequetively and thus get a sitcom-type vibe of consistent humour.

Geek-splosion and the Big Daddy comic FTFW!

Thanks for the encouragement. Im glad you picked up on the sitcom aspect of my writing. Im going for something more conversational with highs and lows as opposed to "sock you in the face at the end" punchlines. Though I do tend to do visual gags that smack you at the end.

hijinksensue

Hythloth wrote: »

I absolutely love the Fifth Element & Venture Bros. references.

My only "complaint" is that I'm not sure if each strip has a title? I feel like they'd be so much easier to reference with a title. Well, I see now the title of the strip seems to be in the menu bar, but I think it'd be clearer on top of the strip somewhere.

Not really a complaint. Very good work =)

I see what you mean. Thats sort of a fault of the template I use. Comicpress is fantastic but I havent customized it at all. Planning for a complete site redesign in the near future. The posts are tied to the images so they have one title between them. If you browse the archive the titles should be with the image. I'll see what I can do.

hijinksensue

Hewn wrote: »

I love that this comic is seeing steady improvement in nearly all areas.

Reducing word count is a challenge you'll continue to work with, as you mentioned repeating too many shocked faces, but I'm confident you'll hit your sweet spot with the progression your making. And that's not to say you can't have stellar comics with plenty of text.

Perhaps as an exercise, make a comic without any text? Or, as I do with my writing, I actually end up striking out 75% of everything that hits the page. That's typically a nice way to trim my page count. You don't have to post the results as a finished piece, but it should give you another angle.

I usually write the comics in typepad sort as I come up with them. then I refine and refine until it makes sense. Then I end up ditching text or rewriting since it doesnt fit in the allowed space. I agree that you can say more with less, but Im just not much of a condenser. The last comic (Battlestar Clerks) had about twice as much text when I started it.

hijinksensue

Oops: I just referenced the new comic but forgot to post it. Kevin Smith is directing a Battlesar Galactica so I did a comic about it.

Also, The Bioshockstume comic was in the last Joystiq Weekly webcomic poll. Very cool. Lots of new readers for the site.

anable

Aww, it's censored.

Unless frak is a BSG reference that I don't get.

Golden Yak

anable wrote: »

Aww, it's censored.

Unless frak is a BSG reference that I don't get.

Yes, 'frak' is a BSG reference that you do not get.

Which is pretty surprising. I've only seen 15 minutes of one episode and a 2-minute parody on X-Play, and I still got it.

hijinksensue

anable wrote: »

Aww, it's censored.

Unless frak is a BSG reference that I don't get.

Yeah in BSG "Frak = Fuck." The jokes in this one are pretty specific for fans of both BSG and Clerks. Seems like a pretty narrow audience but I figure enough geeks are into both to make it worth while. Also, it made me laugh so I had to do it.

Tav

The Bioshock costume? Awesome.

hijinksensue

Tav wrote: »

The Bioshock costume? Awesome.

Thanks! We are currently in the planning phase of the actual costume.

here's the newest comic. I'm getting a lot of feedback that the characters seem too stiff. I worked in this one on "loosening them up" and making them more "cartoony." I think was was able to show a bit more action and emotion. All in all i think it looks more "fun."

Hewn

I'm a fan of the latest comic, as I have been for the rest. Although I worry if Boxcar Pete shows up in more comics people will connect it to Dr. Hobo from VG Cats. Not that VG Cats has the market cornered on hobo humor, it's just this is a niche market of comics and any parallels are noticed, so a heads up.

That nitpicking/warning aside, I've totally been linking these comics to friends. That's my highest comic honor, good sir.

Oh, and since I've been commenting on writing! I love the punchline in this one, I giggled. But I thought of some additional routes to end it, assuming you don't always want to show the violence (but heck, that's fun too). For example, last panel, have the sleeping chap wake up and ask where Eli is. Then insert the punchline of your choosing. Like a bad pun: "Eli needed brand building pointers." Okay, that's awful, but if I recall correctly there were comments about ways to end your comics without the shock value and that's just an example of keeping the joke true in a different format. I hope that's clear. And I hope it's clear I continue to comment because I'm enjoying the comic so much

anable

I'm all for more hobo humor. Someone at my work got offended that I used the word hobo when describing the amount of hobos there are in Seattle.

I think recently, one of the reasons I even consider the PA strips humorous (they've been in a slump in my opinion) is because of the facial expressions. I definitely think you've done better at loosening these characters up.

teamquiggan

I love it, thank you for your epic work. I like your hobo because he looks like he was stolen from the Victorian Era, plus Goiters.

hijinksensue

Hewn wrote: »

I'm a fan of the latest comic, as I have been for the rest. Although I worry if Boxcar Pete shows up in more comics people will connect it to Dr. Hobo from VG Cats. Not that VG Cats has the market cornered on hobo humor, it's just this is a niche market of comics and any parallels are noticed, so a heads up.

That nitpicking/warning aside, I've totally been linking these comics to friends. That's my highest comic honor, good sir.

Oh, and since I've been commenting on writing! I love the punchline in this one, I giggled. But I thought of some additional routes to end it, assuming you don't always want to show the violence (but heck, that's fun too). For example, last panel, have the sleeping chap wake up and ask where Eli is. Then insert the punchline of your choosing. Like a bad pun: "Eli needed brand building pointers." Okay, that's awful, but if I recall correctly there were comments about ways to end your comics without the shock value and that's just an example of keeping the joke true in a different format. I hope that's clear. And I hope it's clear I continue to comment because I'm enjoying the comic so much

Thanks for spreading the word to your friends! I never planned Boxcar Pete, MBA to be a recurring character but I did enjoy how he turned out. We might see him again but it wont be for a while. Im not up to date on my VG Cats so I will have to check out this Dr. Hobo you speak of.

The shock/violence at the end is fun but some will argue that its taking the easy way out. When you think of Hoboes, you automatically think of stabbings, so the punchline came naturally. It was also nice when I had lunch with Eli and some friends the next day and everyone was all "stabbed by a hobo, eh?"

hijinksensue

anable wrote: »

I'm all for more hobo humor. Someone at my work got offended that I used the word hobo when describing the amount of hobos there are in Seattle.

I think recently, one of the reasons I even consider the PA strips humorous (they've been in a slump in my opinion) is because of the facial expressions. I definitely think you've done better at loosening these characters up.

Ok, I LOL'd for "used the word hobo when describing the amount of hobos there are in Seattle. " Thats like "these assholes got offended because I called all the assholes assholes." I love it.

I've always tried to draw to reality, even as a child. If I drew a TV or a computer it would always have the right parts and buttons, etc. I think I started this comic with that same subconscious idea, so all my characters had very human proportions and "possible" facial expressions. I really going to try and take this comic into a more-fun-to-look-at type of direction.

Thanks!

hijinksensue

teamquiggan wrote: »

I love it, thank you for your epic work. I like your hobo because he looks like he was stolen from the Victorian Era, plus Goiters.

Thank you for the kind words. Someone on the site commented that he looked British. Im not sure that I planned it that way but he certainly has that look about him.

Hewn

hijinksensue wrote: »

Thanks for spreading the word to your friends! I never planned Boxcar Pete, MBA to be a recurring character but I did enjoy how he turned out. We might see him again but it wont be for a while. Im not up to date on my VG Cats so I will have to check out this Dr. Hobo you speak of.

The shock/violence at the end is fun but some will argue that its taking the easy way out. When you think of Hoboes, you automatically think of stabbings, so the punchline came naturally. It was also nice when I had lunch with Eli and some friends the next day and everyone was all "stabbed by a hobo, eh?"

Ha, that must be fun having the joke with your friends.

And now that I think about it, VG Cats killed off Dr. Hobo. So you could totally have the hobo market cornered!!!

Mayday

Boxcar Pete looks just like Mr. Peachum in a "Threepenny Opera" I've seen.