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My Ass Is Bleeding (NSFSqueemish)
Critical
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Here is a medical story that is so horrible, so awful, yet so fucking amusing I have to share it. As you may have guessed by the title of the thread, this may be considered rather crude, so read at your own risk.
Two weeks ago I was minding my own business in the mens bathroom at work. I finish my fecal duties, and as I'm cleaning my Tim Buckley I notice something... irregular.
Y helo thar, polyp! Lets spackle that shit up with some Prep H and call it a day.
Fast forward a couple of mornings later. As I'm getting in the shower, I notice my boxers look like a battle scene from 300 occurred in my pants sometime during the night. Blood everywhere. This is fairly alarming, but I've had it happen before, and the problem resolved itself within a couple of hours. I'm not really bleeding at the moment, and I'm destitute, so missing work to go to the doctor for a 'roid is not really an option.
The afternoon rolls around, and as I'd been fearing, I have to clear out the cargo hold. In the middle of this I break wind rather mightily and think nothing of it, as it's not hurting as bad as I had feared. I was perfectly at ease until I stood up.
The mightiest of farts has splattered blood all over the inside of the bowl. The amount is rather fucking alarming. I'm going to the doctor, posthaste. After explaining the situation to a nurse who apparently has not yet heard everything, judging by her response of "Jesus Christ!" to my problem, I get scheduled in a half hour.
My boss, the fuck that he is, wants to know the exact reason I'm making an early exit from work. So I tell him the truth. He pales and sends me out the door.
Soon I am bent over an examining table as my doctor gently inspects the problem. He offers a succinct "Hmmm." and excuses himself for a moment, telling me not to move.
A couple of minutes later he returns. With a scalpel.
I would have been less anxious if he came back with a flashlight and a search and rescue team.
As I'm fumbling in panic to get my pants back up, he tells me that if it's not taken care of now, I'll be back in a few days with a horribly inflamed and infected colon. "This isn't going to be pleasant" he adds.
I'm going to spoiler what he actually had to do for those of you who are already horribly
at this point.
This was, by far, the most uncomfortable thing ever done to me in my 24 years of life. I almost asked him for a piece of leather to bite down on. I am not longer afraid of prison.
Don't strain to shit, kids. You're only going to hurt yourself.
tl;dr: I had a rectal polyp that bled profusely and my doctor performed the worst medical procedure ever to fix it.
Share your horribly embarrassing doctor stories here.
Two weeks ago I was minding my own business in the mens bathroom at work. I finish my fecal duties, and as I'm cleaning my Tim Buckley I notice something... irregular.
Y helo thar, polyp! Lets spackle that shit up with some Prep H and call it a day.
Fast forward a couple of mornings later. As I'm getting in the shower, I notice my boxers look like a battle scene from 300 occurred in my pants sometime during the night. Blood everywhere. This is fairly alarming, but I've had it happen before, and the problem resolved itself within a couple of hours. I'm not really bleeding at the moment, and I'm destitute, so missing work to go to the doctor for a 'roid is not really an option.
The afternoon rolls around, and as I'd been fearing, I have to clear out the cargo hold. In the middle of this I break wind rather mightily and think nothing of it, as it's not hurting as bad as I had feared. I was perfectly at ease until I stood up.
The mightiest of farts has splattered blood all over the inside of the bowl. The amount is rather fucking alarming. I'm going to the doctor, posthaste. After explaining the situation to a nurse who apparently has not yet heard everything, judging by her response of "Jesus Christ!" to my problem, I get scheduled in a half hour.
My boss, the fuck that he is, wants to know the exact reason I'm making an early exit from work. So I tell him the truth. He pales and sends me out the door.
Soon I am bent over an examining table as my doctor gently inspects the problem. He offers a succinct "Hmmm." and excuses himself for a moment, telling me not to move.
A couple of minutes later he returns. With a scalpel.
I would have been less anxious if he came back with a flashlight and a search and rescue team.
As I'm fumbling in panic to get my pants back up, he tells me that if it's not taken care of now, I'll be back in a few days with a horribly inflamed and infected colon. "This isn't going to be pleasant" he adds.
I'm going to spoiler what he actually had to do for those of you who are already horribly
at this point.The 'roid was thrombosed, meaning a blood clot was stuck in the vein. He had to make a small incision and squeeze the blood clot out. I wish I were making this up.
This was, by far, the most uncomfortable thing ever done to me in my 24 years of life. I almost asked him for a piece of leather to bite down on. I am not longer afraid of prison.
Don't strain to shit, kids. You're only going to hurt yourself.
tl;dr: I had a rectal polyp that bled profusely and my doctor performed the worst medical procedure ever to fix it.
Share your horribly embarrassing doctor stories here.
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The ass is a truly horrible thing.
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
now I'm not so sure.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
which of you are still ass men
silly
Also man that is gross.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
welcome to my world
'Roids exploding is actually fairly common. It did happen before, but it was painless and went away almost instantly. This one became angry, apparently.
No. Really.
I exhibit all the symptoms
the only reason I've never had it looked at is 'cause I'm also sure it's the only reason I'm keeping my girlish figure
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
what are the symptoms of tapeworm?
He didn't knock you out?!
abdominal pains, loss of appetite, and loose stool.
Most are asymptomatic though.
Sitting down too much.
Straining to shit.
Anal sex.
All sorts of ways.
1) what
2) for a tiny cut?
3) of course not you baby
His Momma will
Fortytwo's blog about fatherhood, life, and everything.
primarily loss of weight and appetite, and bloody stool
wait... LOSS of appetite for a tapeworm?
okay never mind
I'm gonna go for a standing stretch, brb
I hope a scalpel rapes you.
Not even a reach around. Fucking no-manners-having asshole.
DO NOT FORCE IT!