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Wasting my Life
Ehmavisca
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I am not happy with my life! But I used to be..
I dropped out of College. My freshman year, second semester. I was going to try and become a better artist and use my portfolio to get a job somewhere. I ended up not practicing enough, smoking too much pot, and playing too much WoW. I got a job for about a month or so, and it was a good job, but I just quit, saying I would find a different job.
Well, two months later here I am. I stay at home most of the time, because I usually don't have anything to do, and a lack of gas because I have no income. The little money I do make from time to time is spent on pot, and my days go a little like this:
I hate it. I mean, I LOVE IT, but I know this can't last. I'm not doing anything for my future and it's really depressing me. Many times I have told myself to stop being a fucking pussy and just do shit. And when I do, I end up working out for a couple days, eating slightly better food once or twice, but after a day or two, I fall right back into my lazy ass routine.
What I need help with is, how do I stop being so lazy? How can I find something to drive myself out of this rut? Is this a problem I can get help for, or am I just being lazy and looking for someone else to answer my problems?
I don't know what I want to be, but I do know I want better habits. I want to work out, eat better, smoke less, and quit WoW (I did read the thread about this, I'm doing well with this part). I want to read more and practice art, but I just have a hard time committing! This is a struggle that I push to the back of my mind all the time, and it has to stop. Can someone please offer me some advice?
TL;DR: I'm a lazy bastard and I'm not happy with my life. How can I change?
(PS. Thanks for any help, sorry if this question is stupid. If I didn't give enough information, just say so.)
I dropped out of College. My freshman year, second semester. I was going to try and become a better artist and use my portfolio to get a job somewhere. I ended up not practicing enough, smoking too much pot, and playing too much WoW. I got a job for about a month or so, and it was a good job, but I just quit, saying I would find a different job.
Well, two months later here I am. I stay at home most of the time, because I usually don't have anything to do, and a lack of gas because I have no income. The little money I do make from time to time is spent on pot, and my days go a little like this:
- Wake up
- Smoke
- Play WoW
- Eat
- Smoke
- Watch South Park
- Eat
- Do a few chores
- Smoke
- Play WoW
- Sleep
I hate it. I mean, I LOVE IT, but I know this can't last. I'm not doing anything for my future and it's really depressing me. Many times I have told myself to stop being a fucking pussy and just do shit. And when I do, I end up working out for a couple days, eating slightly better food once or twice, but after a day or two, I fall right back into my lazy ass routine.
What I need help with is, how do I stop being so lazy? How can I find something to drive myself out of this rut? Is this a problem I can get help for, or am I just being lazy and looking for someone else to answer my problems?
I don't know what I want to be, but I do know I want better habits. I want to work out, eat better, smoke less, and quit WoW (I did read the thread about this, I'm doing well with this part). I want to read more and practice art, but I just have a hard time committing! This is a struggle that I push to the back of my mind all the time, and it has to stop. Can someone please offer me some advice?
TL;DR: I'm a lazy bastard and I'm not happy with my life. How can I change?
(PS. Thanks for any help, sorry if this question is stupid. If I didn't give enough information, just say so.)
Ehmavisca on
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As for wow, by my sig you can tell I am in the same boat you are. I just recently started working a full time work shift at a call center while taking a few summer classes. After a week of not having time for WoW I've kinda just not felt like playing it on my days off. It's more or less pried me loose of WoW's vice grip.
If you can get over that then I'd say you should work and use free time to do whatever style of art that you do.
But yes, it is your laziness that is bringing you to this. Sure there could be other factors that are not helping but it's up to you and only you to deal with those factors.
As for being a shut-in, I have that problem myself lately. I'm not working right now, so it's hard to come up with a reason to leave my comfortable/entertaining bedroom. I've found that simply going outside is a good catalyst for making plans. Seriously, just go outside, and the prospect of doing something will seem much more appealing.
Do you have anyone who can hold you accountable for committing to something? Say, for example, a friend or relative who would give you what for if you didn't get to the gym every other day?
For instance, set as a goal "Practice drawing two hours a day, every day for a month". At the end of that time, when you /actually/ accomplished this, treat yourself to... a day at Six Flags or something (I don't have enough info for a better suggestion).
After you feel you are on a better track, consider going back to school, maybe starting with just 3-6 hours in the spring and then going back full time in the fall.
Would you disagree with the assertion that smoking is deleterious to ambition?
:^:
In all seriousness though - set goals. SET THEM. Write down...5 things you want to accomplish in the next year. Think big. You've got a year. Be sure to write them down. Post them on the wall where you see them every day. Re-write them every day. By hand. Every time you're about to do something that wastes money or time, think about whether or not it will help you reach those goals. Make sure they are at the fore-front of your thoughts, and your habits will gradually change to help reach them. If you screw up and waste all your money, or don't see any progress quickly, don't worry about it. Just keep plugging away.
I am going through a somewhat similar situation right now, I graduated college and am now kind of drifting around without any real direction. I'm still in the process of figuring out exactly what my goals are, but I've been using this in terms of my fitness, and it helps a lot.
It will be a hard change.
The good news is that you want to change. I know this sounds kind of lame but you'd be surprised the kind of trouble people get into because they don't think anything is wrong with them. That everything (life, friends, family, fate, etc...) are all out to make like harder for them. You know you want to change so that's 25% of your journey already.
I used to be like you (minus the pot smoking & Wow) and I turned my life around. I too got tired my situation so the first thing I did was move out of my parents house and get a job. Looking back on it, I think the reason this worked so well was I had a "creditable threat". If you have nothing to fall back on (help from family/friends/etc...), your mind goes into overdrive and you do everything you can to survive.
Talk to your friends and family and tell them you want to change you life and that the best way to help you is to survive by yourself. It'll be hard for your family because they'll think you'll die without their support but it'll help you out the best.
Surround yourself with people who will encourage you to continue doing well. If they see you paying rent, working, paying taxes, etc... they'll feel happy with you. What you DON'T want are people who pull you down when you're doing well. Their "jealousy" or whatever will depress you and make you want to revert back to your old bad habits.
And that's all this really comes down to. Building good habits. Keep us informed of your progress. You'll definitely find support here.
1) Quit pot -- money sink
2) Quit WoW -- time sink
It'd probably be good to get a job to make money, or maybe you can try to take out some loans to go back to school. College isn't just about getting a degree, it's a good opportunity to expose yourself to different subjects, which could help you find the thing you're passionate about, the thing you want to pursue as a career. You say you're interested in art, but it sounds like it's not something you care enough about to have enough motivation to pursue it as a career.
Also, if you do care enough about art to get a career in it....
Get an art degree. People will tell you that you don't need a degree for artistic endeavors, just talent and connections. These people will not be successful professional artists. If they are, they are either supremely talented and well connected, or they are hacks who aren't real artists so much as entertainers.
There is a reason my lyricist chooses to work with me, and there is a reason I get a lot of piano gigs. I am not an overly talented musician, especially not on piano. I do, however, have my shit together and know what the fuck I'm doing. I do all of the work I need to, and I have enough training that I have most of the tools I need to do what I need to, and know how to use them. If you want to be an artist, you must have skill, and the best way to get skill is to get training, and you will find very good training if you go to a good art school.
So if you want to focus on art then do it right. Get training, get connections, and do what work needs to be done. If you're thinking that art would be a good way to get out of doing work, an easy fallback where you can get a job with no responsibilities that you can breeze through.... then get a real job.
I going out right now to apply at a Pizza Hut. :P
here's a tip. smoke pot as a reward for getting your shit done, not the first thing you do when you get up. like sam jackson said in jackie brown "Damn girl, you gettin' high already? It's only 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I get my shit done for the day, then I get high. And besides, getting high and watching TV will rob you of your ambition!"
Good for you!
This is what I did, and it works. Once you get a job, just refuse to let yourself blaze right when you wake up - go to work, get your shit together, come home tired and then get high. Not only does it conserve weed and keep you motivated throughout the day, it's so much more satisfying the first time in any given day.
Also, I had the same general problem, and I just got off my ass and made some changes. I hated my school, so I switched schools. I hated being poor, so I went out, got a job, and now I ride my bike to work every morning.
Life is a lot more satisfying.
When you wake up, spend 5 minutes working on your 'goals' with a small piece of paper.
Write down 1 thing you want to get done in the day... start small.
At end of day, spend 5 minutes going over list and firgure out how you did and if you need to do anything better to get goals done.
For first week, just do one small thing per day.
Next week, add two things.
After a month start adding bigger 'weekly' goals.
Start small and just continue to build on it.
Rhino - Great idea, I will try it out.
Thank you so much everyone!
You're not allowed to smoke pot. You smoke pot the way problem gamblers gamble. You could replace marijuana with nickel slots and it'd be the exact same addiction with the exact same end result. I'm not saying you're physically addicted because that's not how pot works, but you sure as hell are bound to the lifestyle you've created. And you need to break free from that.
And the only way to really pull that off is to quit cold turkey. Go one week without pot. Then when you've done that, go one month without pot. Keep taking it weeks and months at a time, until finally you haven't smoked pot in over a year.
Jobs where you do legitimate work, like in a kitchen or doing construction, are the best for this. You experience the highs of physical exertion and before long getting up and doing things feels better than lying around and doing nothing.
Maybe in a few years you'll be mature enough to smoke a bowl once every now and then (think once a week at the most) and you'll be fine with that. Right now you very clearly are not.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
None of this is true, besides the getting a job part. It would be a good idea to quit for a month or so until you get your shit together and get some perspective, but most people can handle smoking daily just fine if they are in control of their life. Just don't let it control you or your life.
I've never smoked pot so I won't directly challenge your assertions, but I've been told that marijuana's biological impact is actually less than that of alcohol, so relaxing with a joint seems less hazardous to your health (physical and mental) than relaxing with a glass of whiskey after a day of work. If the OP is actually able to minimize his/her usage to once a day in the evening, after all the duties of the day has been fulfilled, is that really so bad? I believe in degrees, and while I certainly agree that smoking all day long is a bad thing, shouldn't it be ok if you're able to indulge in little vices if they don't negatively affect your real-life obligations?
It wouldn't be a bad idea to quit, and it could certainly expedite the process, but I certainly don't think it's the sole cause of your problems or that you just have to quit cold turkey. "You're not allowed to smoke pot" is sort of unnecessary; how about, "you're not allowed to smoke pot when you have more important things to do"?
Regularly smoking as a crutch to avoid confronting the fact that you're wasting your time and being far too lazy for your own good heavily impairs your judgement. The effects of marijuana certainly impair it, and the fact that you choose to smoke up so regularly despite knowing somewhere in the back of your mind that this is not a good lifestyle proves that you're not reliably making good decisions.
So given that we've established that the subject is not making good decisions because he has come to rely on marijuana to ease his boredom, why would you assume that he's going to make great decisions about how much is too much and how often is too often? Why is he suddenly going to be able to decide to not smoke up in the morning and save that only for the really rough days? Why is he suddenly going to actually start going to work?
He's admitted to having a job, a good one at that, and then quitting it with the excuse that he'd find another, only to find himself perpetually on the couch, stoned. Clearly he cannot handle using marijuana in a responsible manner.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Thankfully I read on and found out it is not.
Yeah, I agree with Dizaster, just get a job. Don't quit it, and give up the weed.
I think that's where we differ. I don't know the OP well enough to make that judgment, but obviously it's not a far-fetched opinion. Anyway, I think we all agree that spending your days in a marijuana-induced haze is not healthy. As I said before, assuming that the OP does get his act together enough to be able to judge when it's ok to get high, I don't think it's wrong to smoke if it's not getting in the way of getting shit done.
Osu as in oregon state? Which "boonies" area do you live in?
I don't think marijuana necessarily kills your ambition, but its hard to gain the ambition to do anything when you feel so comfy eating and playing games.
I would recommend you at least quit until you get your act together, and then treat yourself once you start gaining income and paving your way.
just never trick yourself into thinking you can put off things, smoke pot and then do them later. because well.. that never happens for me ever
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
I will limit myself to once a week until I have a steady job, then make the judgment of whether or not I can handle smoking as a reward for a hard days work. I want to be careful about this, because I love smoking pot, but I know it can hinder my ambitions if used in excess or at the wrong times.
My plan so far, thanks to you all, is to get a steady job, practice art everyday, along with one other small goal. Once things are going better, add more responsibility (maybe working out? I want to be in better shape) until I'm seriously on my feet. Hopefully this can be achieved by the next regular semester and I can get myself back into Oklahoma State University and get some art/Japanese classes.
Hopefully in the midst of all of this, I will find out what I REALLY want to do with my life: Conceptual Artist, Linguistics, Tattoo Art, or something I haven't encountered yet.
Quitting for a week or using it as a reward isn't a bad idea, but at the very, very least save it until the end of the day. When you do get a job, don't smoke up right when you get home (unless it's 2am), but instead spend a few hours on something useful.
If you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to message me. Yes, that includes you.
I agree 100%. Though I don't smoke at anymore, if I did it would be like a few hours before I went to bed and after I've finished anything I needed to do that was productive. The remainder of my evening would consist of relaxing and enjoying a nice video game, movie, or TV show.
I've kind of been in the same boat as Ehmavisca. I started smoking weed a little over a year ago but it wasn't until I started hanging out with a certain group of friends that I smoked everyday, all day. They couldn't go an hour or so without being high and since I was hanging out with them I went along with it. At the beginning of May I quit my job and since I didn't get another one immediately afterward (though I've tried) I started to smoke even more. I never had any pot, or money, but they insisted.
Well, about a month and a half ago I looked at where I was in life, where I was going, and what I was doing about it... and I was disgusted and depressed (like you were). Within the span of one week I stopped smoking weed, stopping drinking soda (another bad addiction I had), changed my diet significantly, and I starting working out. I'll tell you what, that was one hell of a will-power battle.
I no longer really want anything to do with pot but I do miss its ability to help me relax - something I have a hard time doing since I'm a rather high-strung person. I've been able to help with the stress somewhat (surprisingly) by working out. Even if it's just a walk for an hour a day, just getting out and doing something works wonders for your body if you've been inactive for a while (like I have). I actually look foward to waking up early, syncing my iPod with the latest podcast (preferebly the 1up.com podcasts) and doing some PT!
Unfortunately I can no longer hang out with the friends I was smoking pot with. They get kind of pissed off when I don't ever want to hang out. Truth is, I'm not comfortable being around them because when they're high, and I'm not, I always feel kind of left out or distanced. It's like, they're laughing or talking about something and you're really no longer on the same level or they ignore you completely, even if it's not intentional. That, and staring at the TV all day/night isn't very interesting to me anymore, anyway. It sucks though because it makes me feel like a jerk.
Anyway, I'm rambling on and on because I can't sleep but I just want to say, Ehmavisca, "Good luck!" Sounds like you have a good plan going and I hope you stick with it!
After you start to get your life together pot will really lose its luster. Try not to focus on the propaganda of both users and non-users... just do it for yourself. If you aren't happy with the way your life is right now, and currently smoking marijuana is part of your life: try cutting it out of your life just to see what happens.
Quitting will be hard at first, but after you start getting your shit together you'll notice the difference, and the way that smoking interferes with your life will be very unattractive.
The last time I smoked "for old time's sake" (that was three years ago) I felt like a retard for about two or three days... back when I was doing this shit all the time, I was probably just as retarded but was so used to it I couldn't tell the difference.
Also, stop playing fucking WoW. You don't get paid for it and can't put it on your resume. Nobody cares how epic your Shaman might be. Cancel your account, cut up your disks, and get your ass back in college.
...do it or I'm going to send in R. Lee Ermy.
For me, I've had a boring summer (all my friends are 5 hours away, at the moment) so I knew I had to stay away from WoW and yet, find an off time activity because I cant draw 24/7. I bought a DS, because most portable games are designed to be easy to play in short bursts. I can grab it, play for five minutes, and then go do something else. If Gaming is the type of thing that you just love, its hard to put down WoW because its replaced all your console playing and quitting wow feels like quitting games. The DS will give you no excuse not to go do what ever, because you can take it with you. Just a suggestion, if you find your self with income and think "Maybe I could buy WoW again..."
Start doing that again, i'm sure it would keep you occupied for a good while.
EDIT: Oh, and i'm gonna suggest that you stay away from games for a while man, mainly because it just eats up too much of your time. I used to play video games like crazy a few years back, but if I actually pick up and play something nowadays it's some old downloaded game on my wii, and I spend maybe an hour at most playing that game in a few days.
Try and find an activity that actually gets you something in return, like music, exercise or a hobby with real-world benefits (learning about cars for example). Games are fun, but if you really want to feel like you've used the most out of your day you gotta go out and actually do something.
For a week, try smoking only once per day. You can choose to smoke when you wake up or when you go to bed. If you keep it up, reduce it the next week, and so forth.
Whenever you're changing a routine you've become adjusted to, do it slowly. Otherwise it's not going to stick.
(everyone is different, of course -- I'm more of a cold-turkey person -- but this is usually a fail-proof method)
I also have a feeling that you, Ehmavisca, shouldn't "reward" yourself with a smoke when you do something good. Why? Because once you start getting your shit together, and once you start doing good things frequently, what will that equate to? It will mean you're going to be smoking heavily again (as a "reward"), and fall back to square one. This is just assuming that you WOULD start picking your life up and doing good things, one after the other. If you know you could handle and regulate your "rewards", on the other hand, then I would imagine your strategy may not be so bad as a means of weaning yourself off of pot (maybe not entirely, but to the point where your use is much less frequent)...but, given how you've handled other situations, I'm going to agree with DrDizaster in that I don't think you're entirely "ready" to allow yourself that leeway.
I think one of the things you have to do in order to turn over a new leaf is to really understand exactly what changing entails, and above all, to accept the fact that some things will really have to change. The way that you are using pot, currently, seems to be just a way to pass the time. It is also using up your resources, and heavily. If you go cold turkey (which I highly suggest doing), even for a month, you will have saved up quite a few dollars. The problem seems that you want to change what's happening, but you're not willing to really go full-out and make the sacrifices that are necessary. Currently, to me, one of the most important sacrifices seems to be giving up pot. Not because it's "bad" or because I'm anti-pot (I'm not)...but because it seems to be causing a major hindrance in yoru life, and it's preventing you from moving on and getting done what needs to be done. It's taking up excessive time and money that you could be using to better your lifestyle. The question here is, just how much are you willing to give up in the short term to improve your life tenfold in the long term?
Getting rid of WoW should be obvious. That's why i've never bought the game - I know I'd be helplessly addicted. :P
Also - stay in a damn job. If you want to leave the job, secure a job somewhere else before making the move. Quitting before actually having anything to fall back on is a dumb idea. Plus, staying at a job for such a short period of time is also crappy - it looks bad to other employers when they're considering hiring you.
Start saving your money. This means spending less than you're earning. Put some of this money into an account and tell yourself you're not going to touch it. Limit your expenses, increase your income. Draw for people. I've seen you on CA asking for commissions...keep doing that, if it helps you bring in extra income. That would also give you extra practice - a double-win.
As for the degree, start making plans now on continuing your education. I would have loved to say "fuck school, I'm not paying that" ...but (so I've been told! Ha) apparently, it ends up being time and money well-spent. You're still young, too...you don't want to be 35 and realize that you have to find time between your full-time job to take night courses, or something. I took a year off from school because I felt like I needed it, but I'm going back in the fall. Maybe this break was something that you needed too - it can help you get your shit together. Use the time wisely, though (by which I mean, not smoking pot, not playing wow, doing some art, and getting a job and sticking with it)...and use the time while you still have it.
Uhhhh good luck, and you should post some more stuff in the AC. Get to it, laddie! Seriously, the hard part is just kicking yourself in the ass and getting a move-on. Sticking with it becomes easier as time goes on...similar to how somebody mentioned that if you don't smoke for awhile, you'll realize that you don't need to smoke as much (if at all) anymore. Breaking a bad habit just leaves room to start a good one. Good luck!
P.S. oh, and I'll vouch for rpeg's method of quitting something, if cold turkey just isn't currently within the realms of possibility for you. Adjusting to something slowly and allowing it to become routine has worked marvelously for me, and a few of my friends who've had similar problems quitting a bad habit.
Figure out what kind of man you want to be and what kind of life you want to have. Do the things that will get you there. Likewise, don't do the things that are inhibiting you. It's extremely difficult, no question, and there really isn't much we can do to make it easier for you.
Heres a short word about pot and WoW (and really, any other psuedo-addictive): It's fine in moderation. What you are describing isn't moderation. Quit it, cold turkey. Once you get your shit together, and your life is in balance, then you can bring it back if you so choose.
Age-old wisdom.
I am for the cold turkey approach. Quit smoking. It isn't helping you at all. It won't help you in the future. It obviously makes you feel okay with what you're experiencing, when you are actually not okay with it. It seems like you're smoking to escape your feelings that your life sucks right now. My brother does the same thing, and he's now been in that rut for almost 4 years. He could have finished school, but instead he's working at Starbucks getting so-so wages with no chance of being promoted because of his love for weed.
When you are better at controlling things, maybe you could smoke once in a while. But I'm not in favor of that. I'm in favor of you walking away from it completely. If you love art that much, it will mean more to you than pot.
This sounds harsh, but I really think it's the best approach for someone in your situation.
And hell yes! Get back in school. Best idea ever.