Funerals...

reddog

So tomorrow I have to go a funeral for my girlfriend's grandfather. I've been with her for 2 years so I know her family well. I've only been to 2 funerals in my life and I was just a kid.

I'm a little unsure of the proper etiquette for a funeral, let alone how i'm supposed to act with her family, or what to say. I've been by my g/f's side during this tough time but as far as at the funeral and wake, what are the proper things to say to the family, etc, this also being the first time I meet some of the family members outside from her immediate.

All advice is welcome.

Doc

I would just not say anything unless someone talks to you first.

SkyGheNe

If you knew the grandfather, something around the lines of "you have my condolences" is standard issue. When I went to a funeral for a friend's mother, I went through the line, talked about how I was sorry for his loss and that he knows that if he needs to talk I'm there as support.

Basically, things I'd want to hear if I was in the same situation.

inert

there will be lots of people grieving at various degrees. offer handshakes and consolations to folks you arent too familiar with (i.e. "I'm very sorry for your loss"), or hugs to those you know better (like her parents/immediate family). i wouldn't approach anyone unless you already know them, since probably everyone will not be in the mood for meeting new people outside the family. just stick with your girlfriend and stay cool, and you'll be fine.

hope all goes well.

mrcheesypants

Your role in this whole thing is to be the shoulder your girlfriend can cry on so bring a few tissues just incase. If someone wants to talk, you say nothing but "you have my condolences" and then you listen.

reddog

Thank you guys. I appreciate all the help. Lastly, what should I wear? I was thinking black button down with suit jacket and black pants? Too much?

Cycophant

mrcheesypants wrote: »

Your role in this whole thing is to be the shoulder your girlfriend can cry on so bring a few tissues just incase. If someone wants to talk, you say nothing but "you have my condolences" and then you listen.

Bingo. Be there for the girlfriend first and foremost, since that's really why you're there. Usually funerals are actually pretty hectic things for the families, so just keep to yourself, keep things short, but be there to talk with people who obviously want to talk.

reddog wrote: »

Thank you guys. I appreciate all the help. Lastly, what should I wear? I was thinking black button down with suit jacket and black pants? Too much?

I've been to quite a few funerals, and that's usually what I end up wearing. Inevitably the suit jacket comes off, either for reasons of overheating or simply to make life easier once the funeral moves to the "reception" afterwards, but a simple, understated suit works well. But ask the girlfriend - maybe this is a strange family who shows up to funerals in jeans and t-shirts.

Organichu

Doc wrote: »

I would just not say anything unless someone talks to you first.

Yup.

Even though you're meeting a lot of these people for the first time, and you probably want to make a good impression- remember that the appropriate behavior to ingratiate yourself with her family is behavior that makes your girlfriend more comfortable. This definitely isn't an opportunity to 'get to know' people, unless they extend the offer.

Dulcius_ex_asperis

Express your regrets, if you know the person you are talking to. Otherwise just stick with your girlfriend.

I think all black is a little much. Just wear neutral or muted colors. You should be fine.

TehSpectre

For some reason, by the time I heard "Sorry for your loss" for the 10th time at my brother's funeral I got really annoyed.

I would suggest being there to support your girlfriend. Talk to people if they speak to you, but don't just run about saying how sorry you are.

Maybe that's just me.

Fellhand

Be respectful. You don't have to say anything at all. Just be there for your woman in her need and be a shoulder for her to cry on. You can offer your condolances to the family, but I wouldn't make it long winded.