Jealously issues, how to deal?

noobert

Seriously, how the fuck do i deal with jealousy?

Girlfriend is dancing with another guy, it throws me.
Girlfriends MSN display is her and some guy friend, it throws me.
Girlfriend is out drinking/dancing with various people that aren't me? I have to avoid her for DAYS so i don't explode.

Help me stop being a retard plz

Fallingman

Stop focusing in the guys, focus on your girlfriend. Its fine not to trust other guys, but you must trust your girlfriend.

I know that a lot of guys flirt with my partner - but I know that she loves me and I trust her. So, no problem. It doesn't mean I dont get a stupid irrational pang every once and a while, but the trick is to not let it get to you.

Al_wat

At least you are realizing that jealousy is not cool, thats actually a pretty good step right there.

I am bad with jealousy myself. The thing about it though, its like poison. It just makes you feel like shit, and probably makes your girlfriend feel like shit because of the way you act. It can twist your thoughts too - you can invent things in your mind that just make you feel worse.

There are certain triggers that make you feel that way. You see her having fun with other guys in ways she "should" be having fun with you. You have to make yourself realize that the things she is doing consist of normal friendly behaviour.

I'm kind of having trouble articulating myself (its late) so just bear with me.

The root of jealousy is possessiveness. Logically you probably know what you don't "own" her, but maybe at the root of it you feel that way, almost subconsciously.

When you start feeling jealous you just have to make sure that you realize what is happening in your own mind, and try to stop it before it gets out of hand.



I don't know how your relationship is with your girlfriend, but you might want to try talking to her about it. Don't make it like "these things make me jealous therefore stop doing them", because that is not reasonable. You should instead be like "I feel jealous, I don't like it, I want to stop feeling jealous about these stupid things."

You can let her know that you feel jealous sometimes, and it makes you act in ways that you dont like, in ways that perhaps you dont mean to act (like avoiding her for days - thats not really cool). Tell her that you understand these feelings are not reasonable and you are trying to work on them.

I uh.. hope that helped. I seem to have rambled somewhat.

Jacobkosh

You can let her know that you feel jealous sometimes, and it makes you act in ways that you dont like, in ways that perhaps you dont mean to act (like avoiding her for days - thats not really cool). Tell her that you understand these feelings are not reasonable and you are trying to work on them.

This is important. The OP, perhaps tellingly, hasn't told us what she thinks about this but I think it's safe to assume that she's not cool with this and it's possible that, whether he knows it or not, this has already damaged the relationship. Discussing it with her in mature fashion, especially if he keeps it framed in terms of "I feel x" instead of "you made me feel x" or "you should do y", might make a start towards healing that damage.