Monday Night Crew

MNC Dover

Yeah guys, you may remember me posting up the Pokemon comics up a few weeks ago. We just completed part one of a two part strip about Madden week. I'm looking for feedback on the art and the writing. Use this as a warning when visiting retailers this week, it could save your life. Again, both positive and negative feedback will be greatly appreciated. I believe our site has become much better over the last month and a lot of that has been the result of the feedback from honest people like yourselves. Ok, so here's the comic, it looks like the text is almost unreadable, anyone know how I can fix this to it's correct size?

Highlander_77

Is it just me, or does the font in that strip seem really small. I'm on my work monitor, which sucks and is a little fuzzy...but I still don't normally have much trouble reading text on it. I'm actually having a little trouble making out the words in some of those panels.

bombardier

The whole image should be about twice as wide. I'm sure it would be readable then.

MNC Dover

Yeah, I'm sorry about the size of the comic. I saved it off our website and put it onto photobucket. I'm linking it from photobucket because I didn't want to direct link to our site (I'm no stinking site whore). It's in it's proper size on our site and is much easier to make out. Anyone have a better way on posting this comic to keep the size right? I'll gladly go back and edit the original post to make it read easier.

Highlander_77

Ok, I just went to the site and read it. It doesn't appear to be finished yet, since you have that "To be continued" thing at the end of it, so until we get to the punchline it's hard to comment on the joke...but I did laugh at all the sheep calling for "MAAAAA-DEN". Now, keep in mind, I used to work in a videogame store, so I may be able to relate to this particular situation more than most people. I don't know if the joke will be as effective to someone who's never worked in a game store.

MNC Dover

Highlander_77 wrote: »

Ok, I just went to the site and read it. It doesn't appear to be finished yet, since you have that "To be continued" thing at the end of it, so until we get to the punchline it's hard to comment on the joke...but I did laugh at all the sheep calling for "MAAAAA-DEN". Now, keep in mind, I used to work in a videogame store, so I may be able to relate to this particular situation more than most people. I don't know if the joke will be as effective to someone who's never worked in a game store.

True, it's definitely tailored to those on the other side of the counter, but I'm pretty sure most gamers can relate to the sheep reference. To be honest though, there is no real punchline or joke in the second strip, just an ending that I can only dream would happen once in a while. Did you catch the confused sheep line in the ninth panel?

Grifter

You can post images directly from your own site instead of using photobucket. There's no rule against doing that.

MNC Dover

Grifter wrote: »

You can post images directly from your own site instead of using photobucket. There's no rule against doing that.

Ok, thanks. I wasn't to sure about that. Now the comic looks much better and is actually legible. Any thoughts? Anyone?

Brolo

The art and cartooning on this, while well drawn and stylized, seems very bland because of the limited pastel palette and absence of constrasting lighting. It seems to suit the cuteness of the characters, but given the format (large, vertical, comic-book style drawings) it makes the eye wander a lot in search of source of interest as you read through. Looking at it in sequence makes me just glaze over certain comics because they lack visual interest.

I'm also not a huge fan of video game webcomics unless they're incredibly clever or well written. There's just so many of them that it's impossible for average ones to hold my attention. An original concept or a more involved narrative is a lot more intersting to follow along with.

Projeck

I think it should read " Shhhh! not so loud!" instead of vice versa, besides that It's pretty solid.

MNC Dover

Thanks for the feedback so far. I can't really comment on the color and lighting in the comic, but I will pass the comments on to the artist. Maybe I can convince him to open an account on this forum so that he can provide insight on his work with everyone.

The "Shhh" line at the beginning can be read either way in my opinion. I tried it both ways and finally just stuck with that version. I'm finding out that spoken dialogue turns out different when it's transfered to the page. It just doesn't "sound" like I want it to. I guess it's like when you type something out in an email and you can't get your tone across in the sentence. I tend to be sarcastic in nature and can get that across in my tone, but that doesn't work so well in the script writing. Oh well, I figure out a way around it or just change my line of thinking all together.

Thanks for the continued feedback guys and I'll hope to see some of you at PAX.

Dover

MNC Dover

...and now for the big finish! Hope you guys enjoy it. Again, keep the feedback coming.