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The thread for horrible kids' jokes.

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    J3pJ3p Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Oh no gruesome jokes must rebalance thread with harmless bad jokes

    How many skunks does it take to raise a bit stink?
    A phew


    SALLY: Did he really marry her because her grandfather left her a fortune?
    CALLY: He denies it. He says he'd have married her no matter who had left her a fortune.


    What did the cannibal say when he saw his wife chopping up a snake and a little man?
    'Oh, no, not snake and pygmy pie again!'

    What's a horse's favourite game?
    Stable tennis

    J3p on
    +./\ 50 ?. 50
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    WavechaserWavechaser Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    For some reason I have the distinct feeling this thread is about to get very very naughty

    Wavechaser on
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    Seta 3000Seta 3000 Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Meissnerd wrote: »
    A guy walks into a bar
    OUCH

    Ahahahahaha

    Ahahahaha that is great

    Seta 3000 on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Wavechaser wrote: »
    For some reason I have the distinct feeling this thread is about to get very very naughty

    it's a children's joke thread in SE++


    What could possibly happen?

    Metzger Meister on
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    BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    J3P: Thats like buying a book of Laffy Taffy wrappers.

    BYToady on
    Battletag BYToady#1454
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    WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    The student of zoology had the question on his oral exam: "is it possible for a horse's pregnancy to be aborted?" He didn't know, so he failed. He decided to spend following evening in bar getting drunk. After few turns, bartender asked him what had happened to him. The student only asked:
    - Dude, tell me one thing: is it possible to give an abortion to mare?
    - Geez, you're really in big trouble...


    Inside the bar. The man drinks his tenth or eleventh turn. Bartender, as previously, asks him curious:
    - Man, what has happened?
    - I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.
    - Oh, I'm so sorry. What did you do?
    - I came close to bed, grabbed my wife's hair and told her to go to hell.
    - And then?
    - I came to my best friend, I looked deep into his eyes and said to him: bad, bad dog!


    The farm worker asks his chief:
    - Are we gonna tell that young trainee that she won't gain any milk this way?
    - No it's not necessary. She will fill her work hours anyway and moreover, just look how satisfied our bull looks.

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
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    WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    copy pasting engrish has debatable results

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
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    DasHanselHMDasHanselHM Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What is a pirate's favorite letter?
    ARRRRRRRRRRRR!


    What's the difference between a car and a garbage bag full of dead babies?
    I don't have a car in my garage.

    DasHanselHM on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it


    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.




    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."


    Thanks, dad.

    Metzger Meister on
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    Randall_FlaggRandall_Flagg Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Reposted from the other thread:

    What did one cthulhu say to the other cthulhu?
    let's get kraken!

    Randall_Flagg on
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    Randall_FlaggRandall_Flagg Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    what do you call bread baked by bison?
    buffaloaf

    what do you call a lazy bison?
    buffaloafer

    what do you call a truck full of bison?
    buffaload

    Randall_Flagg on
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    DasHanselHMDasHanselHM Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you tell a women with two black eyes?
    Nothing, you have already told her twice.

    Two brothers wake up on Christmas morning and race to the tree to open presents. The older boy opens some socks, underwear, shirts and a couple of pairs of jeans. The younger boy opens up a shiny red remote control firetruck. The firetruck can be filled with water and the hoses work; there is a ladder, action figures, a little dalmation and the lights and siren work quite well. The little boy says to his older brother, "This is the best present ever and I'll never let you play with it." The older boy responds, "Oh yea, well at least I don't have cancer!"

    DasHanselHM on
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    misbehavinmisbehavin Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    How do you kill a blond?
    Put spikes on her shoulders.

    Why did the blond stare into the fridge for hours?
    The orange juice said "concentrate"

    misbehavin on
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    SuaveSuave __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2007
    why are black people afraid to go to sleep at night?























    the last one who had a dream got shot

    Suave on
    love is the only way
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    KilljoyKilljoy __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2007
    I apologize for coming off stupid. In actuality, I am above average intelligence like the majority of you folk. I often consider myself the first "superman", as Nietzsche would conceptualize my superconsciousness.

    Killjoy on
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    KusuguttaiKusuguttai __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2007
    so i have had some minor pains and aches as of late, and recently coughed up some blood. so I went to the doctor and he told me I have Tom Jones disease. I asked him if it was a common thing, and he said
    "It's not unusual..."

    Kusuguttai on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Kusuguttai wrote: »
    so i have had some minor pains and aches as of late, and recently coughed up some blood. so I went to the doctor and he told me I have Tom Jones disease. I asked him if it was a common thing, and he said
    "It's not unusual..."

    This had me laughing for so fucking long... man, my mom loves Tom Jones so much.

    Metzger Meister on
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    BigDesBigDes Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    So I went to the dentist.
    He said "Say Aaah."
    I said "Why?"
    He said "My dog's died."

    BigDes on
    steam_sig.png
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    TossrockTossrock too weird to live too rare to dieRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    *Knock knock*
    Who's there?
    Ma'am, I'm Major Stevens. It is my unfortunate duty to tell you that there has been an accident. Dental records confirm that it was your husband. I'm sorry.

    Tossrock on
    sig.png
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    TossrockTossrock too weird to live too rare to dieRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    A man walks into a bar.
    He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

    Tossrock on
    sig.png
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    HorseshoeHorseshoe Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    knock knock.

    who's there?

    amish.

    amish who?

    that's funny, you don't look like a shoe.

    Horseshoe on
    dmsigsmallek3.jpg
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
    The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
    Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.
    The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
    Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......... smack his butt again!"

    Metzger Meister on
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    D.T.D.T. Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    How do you make a tissue dance?
    You put a little boogie in it.

    D.T. on
    DxTiddy.png
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    HorseshoeHorseshoe Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    old man walks very slowly into an ice cream shop and gets up to the chair slowly and painfully

    he catches his breath and orders a banana split

    waitress asks "crushed nuts?"

    "oh nothing that bad," he says, "just arthritis".

    Horseshoe on
    dmsigsmallek3.jpg
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    KarlKarl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I heard this in the pub earlier (its not even remotely funny if you don't know the story or have any sense of decency):
    I've even spoilered the joke because i think it pushs the bounds of taste.
    Knock Knock

    Whose there?

    Not Madeline Mccann

    Karl on
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] new member
    edited August 2007
    The user and all related content has been deleted.

    [Deleted User] on
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    Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2007
    I don't get that joke at all, Karl.

    Me Too! on
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] new member
    edited August 2007
    The user and all related content has been deleted.

    [Deleted User] on
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    KarlKarl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    Wiggin wrote: »
    I don't get that joke at all, Karl.

    Its for the best. Like not seeing swap.avi

    Karl on
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    PotUPotU __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2007
    Man, I don't think the Maddie joke was funny.

    I'm not offended or anything, it just lacks, you know, the humor.

    PotU on
    2mong9u.jpg
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    ZoolanderZoolander Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    wow some stupid little kid goes missing
    boo fricking hoo

    Zoolander on
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    KarlKarl Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    I think it works on the shock factor.

    Karl on
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    PotUPotU __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2007
    She's already dead anyway.

    PotU on
    2mong9u.jpg
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    Ol' SparkyOl' Sparky Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    lostwords wrote: »
    What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
    Nacho Cheese!



    This still makes me laugh whenever I hear it

    oh man

    that is pretty fucking good

    Ol' Sparky on
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    ZoolanderZoolander Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    who gives a flying fuck anyway
    i cant believe that kind of shit is news
    id rather hear about paris hilton

    Zoolander on
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    KreutzKreutz Blackwater Park, IARegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What should a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
    The dishes, if she knows what's good for her.

    Kreutz on
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    Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2007
    Oh, so it's a kid that went missing.
    Still not funny, but at least now I know what it's about.

    Me Too! on
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    RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited August 2007
    kids go missing all the time

    the parents should grow some balls and man up and then to see TFS

    and this is a fun thread

    Raneados on
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    StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    What do you do if the dish washer doesn't work?
    smack the bitch

    my first and last woman joke

    Staleghoti on
    tmmysta-sig.png2wT1Q.gifYAH!YAH!STEAMYoutubeMixesPSN: Clintown
    Dear satan I wish for this or maybe some of this....oh and I'm a medium or a large.
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    WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited August 2007
    here's a good joke

    http://gametrailers.com/player/23610.html

    guy marries what looks like his mother, in EQ2

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
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