So this penguin is driving along, in a hurry to get to a family reunion. Unfortunately, his car breaks down, and since he's a penguin, he's got no idea what's wrong. "It just won't go anymore" He tells the mechanic. The mechanic tells him it should be about an hour, and if he needs something to do, he knows this great ice cream place down the block.
The penguin, being bored, decides to go grab some ice cream, and since he's a penguin he gets vanilla. Now, I'm not sure you know this, but penguins don't have lips, but he eventually finds a way to eat the ice cream, even if it is a bit messy. Just as he's finishing his ice cream cone, he realizes it's been a little over an hour and he hurries back to the mechanic, eager to be on his way.
As he walks in the door, the mechanic says "You just blew a seal." The penguin replies, "No, I just at a vanilla ice cream cone."
Mr. Shine on
Yeah your alias says your captain Jean-Luc Picard of the United Federation of Planets, 'cause he won't speak English anyway.
I woke up to find a heavy dew on my lawn. I opened my window and yelled "get off you fat Rabbi!"
Two Cows in a field. One turns to the other and goes "Moooooooooooo"
The second cow turns to the first and says "You bastard! I was going to say that!"
we were at a diner last night and my one friend said "I have a great joke" and the other said "I'm sure you don't" and then he said, "What do you call cheese that isn't yours?"
I was like "go the fuck home, you're done for the night"
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
A pirate walks in to a bar with a steering wheel coming out the front of his pants. He sets down at the bar and orders a few drinks. A little while later the bartender walks over to the pirate to refill his drink and says, "I just have to ask, whats with the steering wheel?" The pirate takes the shot, looks up at the bartender and replies, "Darrrr... Eets drivin' me nuts!"
Actually told to my friend, an elementary school art teacher by one of her students:
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
For drizzle.
DrZiplock on
"zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan!Satans Post
Actually told to my friend, an elementary school art teacher by one of her students:
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
For drizzle.
oh my god
I know.
It's awesome.
DrZiplock on
"zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan!Satans Post
Posts
She gets hit by a bus.
Hit by a bus is a more of a tragic accident line.
this is, possibly, what mothers do best
i am talking about what mothers do consistently and efficiently
i mean, not all mothers even have babies, their might be a surrogate mother, or they might be one of those fake adopted mothers
someone should fax miss wiggin this news immediately
The penguin, being bored, decides to go grab some ice cream, and since he's a penguin he gets vanilla. Now, I'm not sure you know this, but penguins don't have lips, but he eventually finds a way to eat the ice cream, even if it is a bit messy. Just as he's finishing his ice cream cone, he realizes it's been a little over an hour and he hurries back to the mechanic, eager to be on his way.
As he walks in the door, the mechanic says "You just blew a seal." The penguin replies, "No, I just at a vanilla ice cream cone."
I've been trying to reach you, but your extension cord doesn't reach that far.
What do you call someone born in a bush?
That's actually pretty good.
Two Cows in a field. One turns to the other and goes "Moooooooooooo"
The second cow turns to the first and says "You bastard! I was going to say that!"
Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
we were at a diner last night and my one friend said "I have a great joke" and the other said "I'm sure you don't" and then he said, "What do you call cheese that isn't yours?"
I was like "go the fuck home, you're done for the night"
who uses fax anymore
seriously
I chuckled at this.
Someone kill me.
What the fuck.
I don't even remember how I found it.
This is embarrassing.
imo: nancy just died are you happy
Critical Failures - Havenhold Campaign • August St. Cloud (Human Ranger)
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
oh my god
sadly this is not the first time I've heard this joke today
I know.
It's awesome.