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Newbs. You know you love them.
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As an avid and online, and before that arcade, gamer I'm well acquainted with the competitive gaming, and one aspect has always been of particular interest to me. That is, of course, newbs.
Or nwbs, n00bs, nubs, newbies, etc. We all know them, and some of you may love them as much as I do. Now, I'm not exactly talking about your regular weekend warrior type who just happens to suck ass at whatever game he chooses to play. Actually, I am talking about those guys, but I'm also talking about the dedicated newbs. The ones who are at the bottom of the scoreboard game in and game out, but always show up to play and never complain. Never. They're few and far between, maybe, but they have a special place in my heart.
A few categories of the newbs:
FPS NEWBS
The Spammer: This is the guy who joins the server and lives and dies by his own motto of "spray and pray." Maybe it's because he lacks actual hand-eye coordination, maybe it's because his mother dropped him a few times when he was young, but for whatever reason he (or she) just CAN'T AIM. Just can't. They will die all of the time, but sometimes they'll get off a few lucky shots and make someone look stupid. I love them so much.
Playing Quake 3 for years as I have I've noticed most of the people who're regulars. Some have been playing for years with almost no signs of improvement. It actually amazes me. My personal fav is a player who calls himself Rambo1, and lives up to about half of that name. He's got the charging in fearlessly thing down cold, but the thing is, he charges fearlessly into rockets, grenades and rooms full of enemy players who're just waiting around for someone to gang shaft. He doesn't complain and he always comes back for more. God is he ever amazing to watch.
The Camper: This guy is just a few notches above the spammer. He's figured out aim, and he's figured out that staying far away from other people and shooting them in the back works pretty well. What he hasn't figured out is that it doesn't make him good, or that footsteps coming up on him from behind mean that he's about to die. I don't love him, but I can love killing him.
There was a Quake player who literally had his zoom fov at something like 15, meaning that when he zoomed on someone he would have to move the mouse about three pads left or right just to miss. It was painful to watch, but sneaking up on him and plowing him a new felt like nothing else.
FIGHTING GAME NEWBS
The Masher: Just about a direct counterpart to the FPS spammer. The masher doesn't know moves, doesn't want to know moves. He doesn't know strategy or comboes or spacing or blocking. He knows that he has anywhere from 3 to 6 buttons in front of him and that if he hits them enough he will win the game, and maybe even the universe. So he attacks these buttons instead of the other player. Because he can't and won't block, he will lose. I love him. After losing enough because he just can't block, he sometimes morphs into . . .
My favourite masher is this huge guy that used to show up at the local arcade and use characters like Akuma, Cyclops and Eddy Gordo. He would lose constantly, and he talked to himself before, during and after the matches. But he always came back for more and never really complained.
The Turtle: This guy has lost a few matches and now realizes that blocking is a valuable skill. What he hasn't learned yet is moderation. Block, block, block, move back, block. He loses because he only blocks and isn't even very good at THAT. I don't really love him, but I can stand him.
I'm sure anyone who played Capcom's Marvel vs. series of games remembers the guys who proclaimed that grabs were cheap shit that just shouldn't happen. Only against the computer, they would say. I would go out of my way to pick Wolverine, who I don't even like, just to see the looks on their faces.
The Scrub: Eventually, via hard work and intense dedication, a masher can become a scrub. A scrub has, through careful observation, noticed that certain attacks work very well. Often these are low attacks. What he hasn't learned is that fighting games are a battle of wits. So he uses these two or three moves that he's learned, and maybe a couple of easy comboes, and he can now beat the mashers. Good for him. He still sucks. I don't like him, because he often gets it into his head that trolling gamefaqs actually makes him a skilled player.
There was a SF3 player years back who was a complete gamefaqs monkey. He would use Chun-Li, Urien and Akuma. His input was actually pretty decent, and he would decimate novices. But put him in a situation where he had to actually think and his play would crumble. Plus, he was arrogant as hell, so beating him was fun.
There are many other genres that have newbs. I'd like to hear other people's stories about this very strange beast.
TL;DR: I like newbs. Tell me about newbs.
Or nwbs, n00bs, nubs, newbies, etc. We all know them, and some of you may love them as much as I do. Now, I'm not exactly talking about your regular weekend warrior type who just happens to suck ass at whatever game he chooses to play. Actually, I am talking about those guys, but I'm also talking about the dedicated newbs. The ones who are at the bottom of the scoreboard game in and game out, but always show up to play and never complain. Never. They're few and far between, maybe, but they have a special place in my heart.
A few categories of the newbs:
FPS NEWBS
The Spammer: This is the guy who joins the server and lives and dies by his own motto of "spray and pray." Maybe it's because he lacks actual hand-eye coordination, maybe it's because his mother dropped him a few times when he was young, but for whatever reason he (or she) just CAN'T AIM. Just can't. They will die all of the time, but sometimes they'll get off a few lucky shots and make someone look stupid. I love them so much.
Playing Quake 3 for years as I have I've noticed most of the people who're regulars. Some have been playing for years with almost no signs of improvement. It actually amazes me. My personal fav is a player who calls himself Rambo1, and lives up to about half of that name. He's got the charging in fearlessly thing down cold, but the thing is, he charges fearlessly into rockets, grenades and rooms full of enemy players who're just waiting around for someone to gang shaft. He doesn't complain and he always comes back for more. God is he ever amazing to watch.
The Camper: This guy is just a few notches above the spammer. He's figured out aim, and he's figured out that staying far away from other people and shooting them in the back works pretty well. What he hasn't figured out is that it doesn't make him good, or that footsteps coming up on him from behind mean that he's about to die. I don't love him, but I can love killing him.
There was a Quake player who literally had his zoom fov at something like 15, meaning that when he zoomed on someone he would have to move the mouse about three pads left or right just to miss. It was painful to watch, but sneaking up on him and plowing him a new felt like nothing else.
FIGHTING GAME NEWBS
The Masher: Just about a direct counterpart to the FPS spammer. The masher doesn't know moves, doesn't want to know moves. He doesn't know strategy or comboes or spacing or blocking. He knows that he has anywhere from 3 to 6 buttons in front of him and that if he hits them enough he will win the game, and maybe even the universe. So he attacks these buttons instead of the other player. Because he can't and won't block, he will lose. I love him. After losing enough because he just can't block, he sometimes morphs into . . .
My favourite masher is this huge guy that used to show up at the local arcade and use characters like Akuma, Cyclops and Eddy Gordo. He would lose constantly, and he talked to himself before, during and after the matches. But he always came back for more and never really complained.
The Turtle: This guy has lost a few matches and now realizes that blocking is a valuable skill. What he hasn't learned yet is moderation. Block, block, block, move back, block. He loses because he only blocks and isn't even very good at THAT. I don't really love him, but I can stand him.
I'm sure anyone who played Capcom's Marvel vs. series of games remembers the guys who proclaimed that grabs were cheap shit that just shouldn't happen. Only against the computer, they would say. I would go out of my way to pick Wolverine, who I don't even like, just to see the looks on their faces.
The Scrub: Eventually, via hard work and intense dedication, a masher can become a scrub. A scrub has, through careful observation, noticed that certain attacks work very well. Often these are low attacks. What he hasn't learned is that fighting games are a battle of wits. So he uses these two or three moves that he's learned, and maybe a couple of easy comboes, and he can now beat the mashers. Good for him. He still sucks. I don't like him, because he often gets it into his head that trolling gamefaqs actually makes him a skilled player.
There was a SF3 player years back who was a complete gamefaqs monkey. He would use Chun-Li, Urien and Akuma. His input was actually pretty decent, and he would decimate novices. But put him in a situation where he had to actually think and his play would crumble. Plus, he was arrogant as hell, so beating him was fun.
There are many other genres that have newbs. I'd like to hear other people's stories about this very strange beast.
TL;DR: I like newbs. Tell me about newbs.
Competitive Gaming and Writing Blog Updated in October: "Song (and Story) of the Day"
Anyone want to beta read a paranormal mystery novella? Here's your chance.
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Also, why doesn't anyone ever kite a little or jump out of area of effect spells? Do they WANT to die?
They were all using RCP90s, and going around circle-strafing to death, while I was standing in the middle of Temple with a Klobb using the R button to aim at them.
Like, watching them throw a grenade, but it hits something and bounces back at them. I love how they turn and run.
It's also pretty funny when you're fighting a group of them, and none of them fire while they run away. They just turn your back to you and scramble.
I hope you're happy mocking me.
I never asked for much...just a chance to play.
I very rarely put people down who are obviously new. The exception is the 12 year old whiny kid in BF2 or whatever who insists on calling me any number of naughty words he heard on South Park when his mom let him stay up late. I go out of my way, suicide, cheap kill, you name it, to totally destroy that kid. 9 times out of 9, they are the worst player on the team, and think you are hacking.
Other than that, I don't think it is cool or shows your prowess to pick on people who are new to the game. You should give them pointers or help them out if you're so leet.
AAARGH.
Makes me angry.
I always maintain that there is a distinct difference between someone who is a "fukin n00b!" and just a "newb".
A newb is a new player.
A n00b is an annoying, idiotic person who USUALLY sucks at the game. But not always. Good players can be n00bs too.
Which reminds me. I have a friend who is really, really, REALLY good at Quake. Back in Q3's heyday for a good laugh he would join random pub servers and talk a little shit to the guy in first or second place. Eventually, as was the custom back then, this guy would simply say "1v1 dm17" and that would be it. Everyone would have a grand old time watching this jerk get molested 100 to -2 and then the game would resume with someone a little humbler. Good times.
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But who cares. I play to relax, so I don't mind if I die a lot. As long as I take some of you guys down every now and then.
n00bs, though. Man, fuck those guys. These people have no skills but dish out the hateorade on anyone who even thinks about beating them. You play a turtle strategy in an RTS and they say "lol, u turtle coz u r afraid lolz!" and when you rush they say "fuk u, only n00bs rush coz they no they r n00b at l8 game". This time, I personally go out of my way to humiliate these people as much as possible.
No, a noob is someone who is new or inexperienced. People who use it for any other reason are not doing it right. It happens alot.
If you're experienced, and you suck or are annoying... You should be told that you SUCK, or that you're an ASSHOLE, perhaps a TWAT.
To me, Noob is almost far less derogatory than most people use it. A noob is someone you want to take under your wing, lest they become an aformentioned asshole twat who sucks.
This guy will ask for a group, then as soon as you join, will fall silent. Mysteriously, there will be no response from him for several minutes, and then when you leave the group he'll wake up ask why you left, adamantly insisting that it will not happen again if you return. Once you return, though, he'll flatline again, expecting to wake up at level 60. The cycle will repeat itself until you block him.
Hear, hear.
That's why I love RPGs. They take no skill other than knowing which elements are the opposites of each other and what curative items go with what status effect.
Do... Re... Mi... So... Fa.... Do... Re.... Do...
Forget it...
Same here. When playing counterstrike, I'm usually somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, but sometimes I'll have a day where I just can't hit anything, and on those days I take it upon myself to be the sacrificial guinea pig when entering a room with an unknown amount of enemies in unknown locations. Then I just have to hope the team I'm playing with is smart enough to use that information and get the win.
I was pretty newb at counter-strike for a long while, but not so much now (or at least when I quit).
also card games - star chamber, wow tcg, etc. - I have a larger-than-normal newbie phase with most of these.
mainly because I end up playing with myself (in the case of wow tcg) and just quit altogether.
Holy shit, someone agrees with me.
To further my point, I'll give an example.
If some guy playing a shooter is exploiting cheap tactics, whether it's item camping, a glitch, or some sort of trick... He's not a noob, OBVIOUSLY. He's been around the block enough to know how to tip the balance of the game in his favour.
9 times out of 10 though, he'll get called a noob.
"Only noobs camp the rocket launcher and then spam that busiest spot on the map for cheap kills!"
No, noobs NEVER camp the rocket launcher and spam the busiest spot on the map. They don't know where that spot is yet.
Which is why I rarely, if ever, played those types of games. Which, again, may be my inexperience talking.
Wasn't Ryu the "best" character to play in SF2 or something like that? He just had a slight edge over every other character
Enlist in Star Citizen! Citizenship must be earned!
Tripmines? "Mine whore, n00b can't face me"
Toilet to the head? "gravity gun n00b kill"
Crossbow? "N00b sniper, come out and fight"
Lord help you if you used the seeker RPG.
I didn't leave because everyone else on the server was having a good time and being fun, but this one guy was just a royal pain in the butt. It was like unless you'd stood still and pistol-shot him while he tried to full-auto you with the machine gun, you were a scrub. And the kicker? The game had been released less than 12 hours before. Give it a rest, already.
Maybe I just have a soft spot for the underdog, though. I helped run a newbie training clan in Tribes 2. :P
PSN: Wstfgl | GamerTag: An Evil Plan | Battle.net: FallenIdle#1970
Hit me up on BoardGameArena! User: Loaded D1
http://steamcommunity.com/id/Cykstfc
Well, that can be a respectable strategy, I won't deny that. What I'm talking about is someone who camps the rocket launcher, or whatever, because that's ALL HE CAN DO. If he dies and somehow can't get his camp stop back then he's SOL. This is very common with professional campers. They get pretty good at it, but don't develop the all around skills needed to be an actual player. There are times when camping isn't required or desirable, what will they do then?
On the RTS newbs. I can't believe I forgot about those guys! I played a shitload of SC back in the day and, god was the local scene full up with these guys. And they were special, because this was mostly before money maps became the gold standard of newbdom. We had people who would only play at "normal" game speed, insisted that cannons->goons->scouts was the only allowed build order and basically operated like they were more interested in a game of SimCity than a war. When AOE came out these guys flocked, it was funny as hell.
I remember playing a 8 player FFA on Hunters with a group of these guys once. Of course, I was the only Terran. So I shore up me defense with a dozen tanks and some goliaths, then go for my standard nuke the shit out of everyone strat. Damn were they pissed. One guy actually got up (it was at a netcafe) and came over to me, threatened to take it outside because "nukes were something you did against the computer." Tank pushing got me just as many funny looks. I explained to them that they could just build observers. So the guy mass-moves a dozen observers near my base to try and see my wraiths. I mangle them and then go on to take out three groups of scouts without a single loss. Classic games.
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Believe me, I'm as well acquainted with what my friends and I like to refer to as the "prostar" as I am with the newb. These guys can have skill levels ranging from decent to actually good, but they're universally assholes. That'll be a topic for next week.
And I've taken plenty of newbs under my wings. I joined a Q3 clan founded by a guy who'd just bought the game not a week earlier. We would have conversations where he would stop me in the middle and ask things like "what's the console?" I trained a whole bunch of them up until at least 2 of them were as good as me. But they had the drive to improve and were willing to take the licks that everyone has to take in order to get better.
Coddling newbs will only hamper their improvement.
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It was rare to find a server with a less-than-assault weight limit, or a team weight limit. Those were the best.
You have described 90% of the remaining Dark Forces 2 community, a game I love but I can't play it online because these people make me want to run into a wall.
What I can't stand in games is
1: People who take gaming SERIOUSLY. I play to relax, not to be omfguberl33t
2: Little kids, I dont like little kids. Especially not when the bottom score on the board is a player named "b1gP1mp1n" or some retarded such thing, who wont get off his mic talking like he's the hottest shit since my dog's last trip to the backyard
With that, I play exclusively on at most, one or two different servers for each game I play. All of which are ages 18+, non-competitive, with good admins that I can get along with. We all play casually, someone comes in talking crap about how noob anyone is? They get owned, then banned. A new guy shows up and asks questions, or politely fills the bottom rank on the scoreboard, we treat them like one of the gang. Kick their ass, but do it with class, I start playing new games all the time. I dont want to be treated like a dipshit because I haven't learned all the techniques yet. When it comes to CS, I avoid "CAL" servers like a bad case of genital herpes. And as fun as Quake 3 was, there's a good reason why I avoid it.
Madcat MKII FTW.
I also used an Uziel...yeah, it just had three PPC's that would overheat the poor thing in one shot, but I loved taking out an Atlas or Daishi from half the map away while in passive radar mode and having nobody be able to hit me because I could fly circles around their ass.
The best part about SC noobs is that, since they only play Protoss and only play with other noobs who only play Protoss, they have no idea how to play against any other race. They'll actually get nervous when they see me picking random race, which is my hint that they're gonna mass Carrier. Some games I've basically only defended my base with Scourges, and won. Fun times. Especially when I just need to build a dozen Guardians and go wipe them out as soon as I've scourged their carriers because they haven't built any defenses other than cannons and they're out of carriers. Heh.
Well I hope you aren't suggesting that I would have anything against you. I wouldn't. I love casual players. I don't even mind a guy who isn't that good and maybe doesn't want to be that good (I was like that for a looooong time), it's the people who either suck but don't know it or suck and refuse to do anything about it that really get me. And I don't even hate them for it, I just think it's weird. And I'll agree that certain segments of the Q3 community are a little over the top (most decent Quake players don't even regard RA3 as part of the game anymore) but I also think that if you're willing to invest in the game a little it's the most rewarding around. I do feel a little strange about telling someone "good shot" when it's obvious that they probably didn't even realize they were shooting, but that's half the fun. I think it's very possible to find the happy medium between being a elitist jerkwad and a happy-go-lucky newbstick. And I've found it. I don't take the shit seriously unless it's a real game, but I'm good enough at what I do to enjoy the finer points of the games I play.
Enough about that, though! I wanted to read funny stories about newbs! I'll throw out another one: There's this Q3 player who calls himself WOLFMODE, and he sucks balls. The icing is that he's completely clueless and doesn't understand sarcasm AT ALL. When people laugh at him he thinks they're encouraging him, and he has a bind that says "WOLF MODE: ENGAGED!!" whenever he really wants to start mangling, which he doesn't ever do. He puts a big, fat smile on my face every time I see him. I love him.
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Of course, then they call me out for Ghoul-rushing.
Oh I love that game. I've never had so much fun stalking a camper to his favorite sniping spot and then just whacking him as soon as he stops running. Especially in LANs. Once I melee'd two campers in one hit. I heard "SON OF A BITCH!" in stereo.
On the occasions when I find myself in a game with only a couple of other players, all of whom are obviously vastly less experienced, I tend to feel a bit embarrassed, really, like I'm beating up on a 4-year-old or something. Since I can never quite bring myself to play down to anyone, most of the time I'll just leave once it becomes obvious that the game is a joke, although sometimes I'll stick around, since I know that I always enjoy the opportunity to play against someone more skilled than I am. It can be interesting to watch the players that really do visibly start to learn from their mistakes over the course of the game.
In any case, I'm not one to run my mouth off, win or lose, which always makes it funny to see some people's reactions to getting beat. The militant noobs are the only ones that really annoy me. Even in overwhelming victory, it seems, you just can't win with a lot of people. Exploit the heavy weapons, and you have no skill. Use the pistol, and you're a cheap pistol whore. Use the sniper rifle, and you're a camping loser. Use grenades, and you're a nade spammer. And of course, no matter how you won somehow you cheated. After being called every variation of "homo" by this crowd about a hundred thousand times, the only thing that still makes it tolerable is the absence of voice chat.
...And yet some people still wonder why I mostly stick to single-player games.
During a Battlefield 2142 match I hopped down to a capture point where I noticed a enemy player knifing unsuspecting people. That in itself is respectable. So I do what I always do when I see a guy with a knife, switch to my knife.
Our eyes meet and ensue in an epic knife battle. Only just as it heats up, he switches to his assault rifle. That just pisses me off to no end. So being as awesome as I am, I out maneuvered his bullets and stabbed him in the face. 8-) He came back twice more, and both times I knifed him. Just desserts for the likes of him.
I've also dazzled my noob teammates with another epic knife battle. a cloaked enemy tries to knife me while surrounded by my team. So i switched to the knife and had at him. A circle of noob teammates watched as we battled. It was like fight club in the midst of war-torn city.