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And the Bride Wore White

PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, manAh, jeezRegistered User regular
edited September 2007 in Social Entropy++
And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity
The Back Cover wrote:
Since it's [sic] release in 2000, And the Bride Wore White has touched the lives of over 100,000 young women. Dannah exposes Satan's lies about sex, gives a three-step plan to breaking off sinful relationships, provides compassionate guidelines for healing and lists seven secrets of sexual purity to apply to your life.

A lady friend of mine found this stashed under her bed. Presumably put there by parents not down with her "promiscuous ways." Which is one of the most creepy/passive-aggressive things I've ever heard of. So how's your quest for purity goin'?

Poorochondriac on
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Posts

  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator Mod Emeritus
    edited September 2007
    I don't know, man

    Satan's never been anything but honest with me about sex

    Knob on
  • Volucrisus AedriusVolucrisus Aedrius Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    My sister is a die-hard Catholic, so yeah, my parents never had to worry about this kind of shit.

    Except I guess with me and my brother, but really, we can't get pregnant before marriage so I guess it isn't as big of a deal.

    Volucrisus Aedrius on
  • bentbent Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    if you don't do it for a year you're a virgin again

    bent on
    sig1.png
  • Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Satan fucked me 10 times

    but each time he wore a condom

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Knob wrote: »
    I don't know, man

    Satan's never been anything but honest with me about sex

    Yeah, he always gave me the pretty straight dope.

    Poorochondriac on
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Volucrisus Aedrius wrote: »
    My sister is a die-hard Catholic, so yeah, my parents never had to worry about this kind of shit.

    Except I guess with me and my brother, but really, we can't get pregnant before marriage so I guess it isn't as big of a deal.

    That is pretty misogynistalicious on your 'rents part.

    Poorochondriac on
  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    I love me some sex.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
  • OdenOden Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    if a girl gives/receives fellatio is she still a virgin

    what about auto fellatio?

    Oden on
  • OdenOden Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    oh man I didn't know fellatio was only supposed to be used for penis sucking

    guess you learn something new everyday

    Oden on
  • KnobKnob TURN THE BEAT BACK InternetModerator Mod Emeritus
    edited September 2007
    girls get cunnilingis

    Knob on
  • OdenOden Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    easy mistake to make knob I have never touched a girl :(

    Oden on
  • ZebesianPirateZebesianPirate Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Oden wrote: »
    oh man I didn't know fellatio was only supposed to be used for penis sucking

    guess you learn something new everyday

    I was just about to say...

    ZebesianPirate on
    thrownroomsigss2.png
  • coldbird.coldbird. Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    my mom's friend bought me the teen study bible when i turned 16

    coldbird. on
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Oden wrote: »
    if a girl gives/receives fellatio is she still a virgin

    what about auto fellatio?

    Technical virgins are fucking hilarious.

    All takin' it in the ass because vaginal sex would be impure.

    Poorochondriac on
  • coldbird.coldbird. Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    i want to marry a woman who can auto-cunnilingus

    coldbird. on
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    Ain't nothin wrong with values.

    Munkus Beaver on
    Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
  • ObbiObbi Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    I don't know

    Satan told me some things about it

    and I was like

    "Nuh uh"

    Obbi on
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    coldbird. wrote: »
    i want to marry a woman who can auto-cunnilingus

    Coldbird is all about the girls with no bones.

    Poorochondriac on
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Bonin' the boneless.

    Poorochondriac on
  • SilmarilSilmaril Mr Ha Ha Hapless. Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    All flop flop flop.

    Silmaril on
    t9migZb.jpg
  • coldbird.coldbird. Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    i'll wear her as a suit at night and fight crime

    coldbird. on
  • andrewandrew Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    She'd have to have a special carrying harness so you could take her places.

    Otherwise she'd just sit in a pool of her own skin on the bed all the time.

    Occasionally licking herself.

    The one pleasure in her sad, lonely life.

    andrew on
    The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter The key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple, unimpeachable reason to existRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    coldbird. wrote: »
    i'll wear her as a suit at night and fight crime

    The bad guys would be all

    "OMG a gurl"

    Then you'd be all

    "HAHAHAHA! I'M NOT A GIRL!"


    I have nothing.

    The Black Hunter on
  • coldbird.coldbird. Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    why do you all assume she is boneless

    maybe she has giant lips

    coldbird. on
  • lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    coldbird. wrote: »
    i'll wear her as a suit at night and fight crime

    OK, Buffalo Bill

    lostwords on
    rat.jpg tumbler? steam/ps3 thingie: lostwords Amazon Wishlist!
  • HallowedFaithHallowedFaith Call me Cloud. Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
    I like hose

    HallowedFaith on
    I'm making video games. DesignBy.Cloud
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    coldbird. wrote: »
    why do you all assume she is boneless

    maybe she has giant lips

    So we've got it narrowed down to "boneless" or "anteater"

    Poorochondriac on
  • FletcherFletcher Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    or has a giant vagina

    eh?

    eh?

    :winky:

    Fletcher on
    antics_sig.jpg
    Webcomic Twitter Steam Wishlist SATAN
  • FletcherFletcher Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    a vagina like an angry sea, to swallow mens' ships whole

    an angry goddess but a moist one

    Fletcher on
    antics_sig.jpg
    Webcomic Twitter Steam Wishlist SATAN
  • andrewandrew Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2007
    Poorochondriac wrote: »
    coldbird. wrote: »
    why do you all assume she is boneless

    maybe she has giant lips

    So we've got it narrowed down to "boneless" or "anteater"

    I think anteater would be less freaky. She'd probably keep her massive tongue coiled in her stomach.

    andrew on
    The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin
  • SephSeph Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    im always happy when i'm moist

    Seph on
    doit.png
  • Caulk Bite 6Caulk Bite 6 One of the multitude of Dans infesting this place Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    well this certainly took a turn for the weird in record time.

    Caulk Bite 6 on
    jnij103vqi2i.png
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    No, "record time" was the Uglytits incident.

    Poorochondriac on
  • OdenOden Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    you're just biased because that was in your thread

    Oden on
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    What my parents don't know won't hurt them

    Janson on
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Janson wrote: »
    What my parents don't know won't hurt them

    Unless "what they don't know" is "I planted a bomb under the house"

    Poorochondriac on
  • OdenOden Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Poorochondriac wrote: »
    Janson wrote: »
    What my parents don't know won't hurt them

    Unless "what they don't know" is "I planted a bomb under the house"

    "I had sloppy, gooey sex in their bed and I didn't change the sheets afterwards."

    Oden on
  • ZebesianPirateZebesianPirate Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Oden wrote: »
    Poorochondriac wrote: »
    Janson wrote: »
    What my parents don't know won't hurt them

    Unless "what they don't know" is "I planted a bomb under the house"

    "I had sloppy, gooey sex in their bed and I didn't change the sheets afterwards."

    Well you wouldn't need to tell them that. I mean they can see the goo for themselves.

    ZebesianPirate on
    thrownroomsigss2.png
  • Bendery It Like BeckhamBendery It Like Beckham Hopeless Registered User regular
    edited September 2007
    What is this thread even about?

    anyways. I like to admire the mess we make after a good session, it's like admiring fine art. "Yeah, we did that'

    Bendery It Like Beckham on
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    edited September 2007
    Bendery, the whole point of the bracket system is to prevent that exact question. You goober.

    Poorochondriac on
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