Shut.

coldbird.

I've been a terrible shut-in for the majority of my life.

Terrible at making relationships.

Terrible at socializing.

Too goddamn introspective.

I'd try to join clubs or some shit at school, but I'm currently on a leave from school.

I've gotten over being unable to speak articulately and clearly. But I'm still on square zero.

tl;dr - where can I go to meet smart, fun, non-dbags.

Gorgeeen

coldbird. wrote: »

I've been a terrible shut-in for the majority of my life.

Terrible at making relationships.

Terrible at socializing.

Too goddamn introspective.

I'd try to join clubs or some shit at school, but I'm currently on a leave from school.

I've gotten over being unable to speak articulately and clearly. But I'm still on square zero.

tl;dr - where can I go to meet smart, fun, non-dbags.

Anywhere. Just don't wait for things to happen. Take initiative. Think in terms of goals you want to accomplish, how many people you want to meet, friends you want to make. Prioritize carefully though. Keep in mind that when you form a new relationship or contact you aren't just doing it for yourself, but for the other person too, as you will now be a part of their life. Everybody wins. And when you meet new people, don't blab away about yourself, first learn to understand who they are, and then let them understand you. Do not judge people so quickly that you make yourself blind to who they really are. Once you have a nice group of people going, do stuff together as a group and you will begin to eventually meet their friends, and thus have a branched out network of friends. Focus on improving yourself. But no matter how many friends you get, be careful of the activities you engage in. Don't engage in things you don't want to do or would be bad for your character just for the sake of making friends. When you have finally made many friends, go back and help others who were once like you to make friends, and by doing so, you will find you will never be in a short supply of friends.

Hewn

A great place to start is getting involved in activities you're interested in. As you mentioned, clubs are a great way. They exist outside of school, too, so check around. Think of classes, like art or dance you'd be interested in. Even if you don't meet anybody, hey, you learned how to paint.

Volunteer organizations are a perfect place to meet people. First off, you're doing a good thing by volunteering. Second, the people you meet are generally going to be kind and selfless - they are volunteering after all! See which local organizations interest you, be it Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity, etc.

Also, and this one is harder, don't be afraid to strike up conversations with strangers you notice you have something to say to. Granted, sometimes you'll get a really standoffish reaction, but you'd be surprised how many people are more than eager to have a chat. Example, I've meet some at retail stores and coffee shops I frequent by having friendly banter with the workers. You'll get a feel right away who wants to chat and who doesn't.

Give those a shot. The key is putting yourself out there and not worrying too much if the reaction isn't always heartwarming. I think you'll be surprised, though, how many people are in exactly the same boat as you. I just moved to a new area and am very friendless, and been making an extra effort to put myself out there, and generally it's worked very well. I wasn't afraid to tell my co-workers I'm in need of some socializing and the nicer ones lined up outings and even introduced me to their friends. Many of them were in the same position at some point!

Jacobkosh

Gorgeeen wrote: »

Keep in mind that when you form a new relationship or contact you aren't just doing it for yourself, but for the other person too, as you will now be a part of their life. Everybody wins. And when you meet new people, don't blab away about yourself, first learn to understand who they are, and then let them understand you. Do not judge people so quickly that you make yourself blind to who they really are..

Golded for bonus truth. coldbird, allow me to let you in on a secret, because I know it's something people in your position sometimes worry about: you don't have to be "interesting" to be interesting. Don't worry that your past has somehow made you unfit to carry on a conversation with people because you haven't done enough or experienced enough or whatever. Most people's favorite subject is themselves, and if you cultivate a genuine interest in other people for their own sakes - in what they think, what they like, et cetera - you'll find that they appreciate the attention and will often open up to you. Now that's no guarantee of friendship or anything else, but it will sure make your day to day existence a lot more pleasant.

As for more concrete suggestions, take up a hobby that makes you get out of the house. Hit the gym, take some classes (martial arts, dance, language, continuing education, whatever) - even tabletop gaming at your local nerd emporium is infinitely preferable to sitting at home clicking a mouse. Check your local papers for upcoming events - concerts, gallery openings, book signings - and go to something, anything, even if it doesn't initially sound like something you'd be into. I don't follow my local art scene very closely and the gallery district is a giant pain in the butt to get to, but every time I make myself go I end up either learning something interesting or chatting up an attractive girl or both.

Pojaco

What friends do you have right now that you can spend time with?

If they're out doing stuff, be proactive about involving yourself and being out doing stuff as well. I recently moved back to my hometown after 4 years of college and still am not sure where all the girls are, but my friend started working at Border's and said girls were there, so that's where I'll be a lot more often over the next few weeks.

Speakeasy

coldbird, I'm pretty much in the same boat as you're in. No friends, no real outside connection, etc. One thing that has been helping me meet some cool people though is meetup.com. While I can't call any of the people I've met a friend of mine (yet), it's been fun talking to others. Unfortunately, hobbies haven't worked out for me social-wise, but YMMV.

Also you've got to think that this is just a temporary thing. Your situation will change, but only if you take that first step.

Etelmik

Also, a couple basic rules:

1. Women will be friends with all kinds of people.
2. For men, if they're going to be friends with women, generally want to have sex with them. If men are going to be friends with other men, they have to have something in common, especially mutual activities/interests.

This may not fit you, but it fits most people. So with women, make sure to ask yourself, "Is she overly worried that I just want to fuck her?" And with men, ask yourself, "What do I want to do with groups of people?" Because if you don't take care of either of those, the women will be uncomfortable, and the men will forget about you.

Hope I made sense.

DrZiplock

www.kickball.com

Sign yourself up, you'll get tossed on a team, you'll have a few laughs, you'll head to the bar for a few drinks, and you'll meet a whole new set of people.

Don't worry about if you're in shape or out of shape, or if you'll have anything in common....these are people in the same age bracket of both genders. Go have a good time.

coldbird.

things aren't looking so bleak anymore.

DrZiplock

That's pretty good to hear, man.

Any particular reason why? Or just a generally better outlook on things?

SageinaRage

My one sentence piece of advice for meeting people and making friends: learn to listen well. Don't just hold conversations, actually listen to what people are saying, listen to what they mean, listen to what they're saying about themselves. Try to remember things about them. Everybody likes it when people actually pay attention to them and treat them like they're important.

Lukin

I'm much the same as far as not socializing and not having any meaningful relationships, but I don't really care. My problem is that I don't enjoy doing anything. In fact... I most enjoy doing nothing. I forced myself to go to a co-worker's cookout earlier this summer, and it was everything in me to not skip out in a half hour. I realize it's a problem but I have no desire to fix it. So... ain't that a bitch.