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I met a girl.
_J_
PedantRegistered User, __BANNED USERS regular
PedantRegistered User, __BANNED USERS regular
Situation:
I went to a comic shop that's 45 minutes away to trade in some cards and there was a new girl working there. When I asked to see the binder of WoW cards she said that she had only played WoW a few times and we started talking. We ended up spending 47 minutes standing there at the counter talking about philosophy, pets, Lewis Black, colleges, Kurt Vonnegut, latin, comics, and how all relationships are traps and being educated makes one depressed. It was freaking awesome. We just stood there talking about crap and customers walked around us as we continued to talk. It was so freaking great. She ended some bit of conversation mentioning "her religion" and I asked what it was. She said that she was a member of "Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment". I said I had read that somewhere but couldn't remember where and she said, "Think 'Man Without a Country'." to which I said, "VONNEGUT!"
Then she had to go help some other customers so I checked out and she said, "good to meet you."
Here's the question: What do I do now?
My thinking is that if two people who don't know one another can meet and stand at a counter of a comic shop talking for 47 minutes it's indicative of something. But I don't know what it means or of it means anything.
In the conversation she mentioned that she was engaged and the guy broke it off, so she's bitter about that and has decided to just be on her own, which is why she's working at the shop. So I'm not planning on getting her to date me or anything. I just want to talk to her again. Maybe establish some means of having conversations with her on a regular basis.
What do you guys think? Should I go back tomorrow? Wait till next week? I'd like to be able to just talk to this girl on a regular basis. But I don't know what to do with "We stood at a counter talking for 47 minutes". I don't know what the step is between that and being friends.
Thoughts? Keep in mind that she lives 45 minutes away. So we aren't going to bump into one another.
I went to a comic shop that's 45 minutes away to trade in some cards and there was a new girl working there. When I asked to see the binder of WoW cards she said that she had only played WoW a few times and we started talking. We ended up spending 47 minutes standing there at the counter talking about philosophy, pets, Lewis Black, colleges, Kurt Vonnegut, latin, comics, and how all relationships are traps and being educated makes one depressed. It was freaking awesome. We just stood there talking about crap and customers walked around us as we continued to talk. It was so freaking great. She ended some bit of conversation mentioning "her religion" and I asked what it was. She said that she was a member of "Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment". I said I had read that somewhere but couldn't remember where and she said, "Think 'Man Without a Country'." to which I said, "VONNEGUT!"
Then she had to go help some other customers so I checked out and she said, "good to meet you."
Here's the question: What do I do now?
My thinking is that if two people who don't know one another can meet and stand at a counter of a comic shop talking for 47 minutes it's indicative of something. But I don't know what it means or of it means anything.
In the conversation she mentioned that she was engaged and the guy broke it off, so she's bitter about that and has decided to just be on her own, which is why she's working at the shop. So I'm not planning on getting her to date me or anything. I just want to talk to her again. Maybe establish some means of having conversations with her on a regular basis.
What do you guys think? Should I go back tomorrow? Wait till next week? I'd like to be able to just talk to this girl on a regular basis. But I don't know what to do with "We stood at a counter talking for 47 minutes". I don't know what the step is between that and being friends.
Thoughts? Keep in mind that she lives 45 minutes away. So we aren't going to bump into one another.
_J_ on
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however most card places have a WoW sunday
go to that, bring a deck for her, and offer to teach her how to play
worst come to worst she learned another card game, which is partly her job
so h5 there
edit: Ok, after re-reading the entire post this is slightly different. However I do not believe that you both stood there for 47 minutes just to end up becoming friends and playing cards and shit. This isn't a derogatory remark, but this is a 'rebound situation.' I think she is opening towards you. Go back to the shop and talk to her again. Twice or three times and gauge her. At that point I would ask her out.
Shogun Streams Vidya
And skip the WoW shit.
2) Store is 45 minutes away.
Skipping the WoW shit sounds like good advice. I really just want to buy her dinner so i can talk to her again. But I don't know how to do that. If I drive back tomorrow it looks like...I don't know what. And if I wait till next weekend...I don't know about that either.
The other option is just to enjoy it for what it was. 47 minutes of talking to a girl in which I didn't feel like crap. But I'd like to have more opportunities for this. How to obtain that? Dunno.
if she just got out of a bad relationship, and made it clear when they met that she is not interested in dating at the moment I'd say it's best to slow play this one
I'd say showing up and asking her out on a date directly is suicide on this one. then again some girls have said they hate relationships because they want you to ask them out (god i don't know why but it happens) so I'd say it's up to you, you're the one that talked to her.
if she seemed genuinely serious about not being in a relationship right now I'd just try to hang out with her at work some more
if not go for it
She didn't make it clear so much as we talked about it. It wasn't like when you talk to a girl and she brings up her boyfriend 45 seconds into it. We were just talking and agreed that relationships are traps and it's best to avoid them.
Which is true.
I just want to talk to her. Fuck fucking.
Man Without a Country is Vonnegut's latest book.
Might be in Bioshock.
Personally, I think waiting will just dilute the initial reaction she had to you and maybe you to her. And I think calling the store to ask to talk to her would be weird too. I would go tomorrow and do damage control. Tell her you wanted to ask her out yesterday but...well, I don't know. Make something up or tell her the truth. Either way, go tomorrow and state your intentions. Tell her you really enjoyed your conversation, you think you connected, you think she may have felt the same way, and since you cannot come to this location very often you wanted to take her out to dinner if she were willing.
Honestly, that's a scary way to go about it, I know, but I think it is the best course of action toward accomplishing your goal of making a connection with her.
Also, no offense to others above me, but I think it is naive to believe you can start a relationship with a female behind-the-counter worker simply by being a repeat customer who is obviously not there to make purchases but has an ulterior motive. DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! is what I think her mental reaction might be. Just go and ask her out as soon as possible. If she says no? No harm, no foul, and you can scratch that place off your shopping list.
yeah but won't it look like the opposite if you go "hey remember how we talked about how relationships are bad? want to go to dinner?"?
it doesn't sound like there will be any relationship coming out of this.
relationships are like traps she says.
A friendship is a relationship. Asking her to dinner does not necessarily communicate "hi, I want to fuck you tonight." It may very well communicate nothing more than "hi, can I take you to dinner?"
_J_ has spoken to this girl and we haven't, so he's the only one that knows how to be politic in asking, but I'm sure, if he goes tomorrow, that he'll be able to find the right phrasing to it wouldn't put her off at least with regard to the content of their "relationship" discussion today.
This is all good advice. The biggest risk you have is going there, and finding out she isn't working that day. That would suck.
That is something I had not considered, admittedly, but there's really no good way around that.
The 45 minute drive back is what would suck.
Call the place, but under the pretense of asking if they have a particular product in stock. If she is in, go for it.
(go for it as in drive out there)
Shogun Streams Vidya
You create opportunities.
Go ask her out. Tell her that you've never talked to a girl you've just met for 47 minutes before and ask if she wants to grab coffee.
This is not rocket science. Seriously.
Don't wait. She works retail, chances are she sees tens of people everyday. Waiting will only dilute the value of the initial interaction. Go there tomorrow and ask her out.
this, yes do this.
I especially like the idea of saying you've never really done this before - makes things seem more genuine, if thats the correct term.
The reason you need to know when she gets off work is so that, if she's interested, you don't have to stand around her place of employment waiting for her, which is guaranteed to get awkward. One thing that might work to find that out is for you to call, and if you get her on the phone, ask her to put the thing you're going to buy on hold for you. You ask something like "Who should I ask for when I come to pick it up?". It's a dumb question, but she's likely to respond with "Well, I'm here until close" or something like that.
That sounds a little more stalker-ish than I intended.
Go back in a few days and tell you her read it. She will fucking dig that, trust me. Give your opinion on some of his ideas and ask her what she thinks. Ask her if she'd like to go do something after work.
Pretty much just stay out of WoW cards with her. And don't use any of that sort of crap as a pretext for anything. You're trying to have a relationship with her beyond the Comic Shop, so keep comic shop shit in the rear-view mirror. Maybe once you guys are more tight you can reintroduce that. It sound like you two already have pretty good chemistry etc going on, so the hard parts already done. Just invite her out to something.
edit: But whatever you do, you must ask her out the next time you see her. You've already talked to her for 45 minutes, thats way more than necessary. The longer you go now the more awkward it will get.
Its called a clock, playboy. I'm willing to bet he had one in plain eyeshot from where he was talking to her.
Shogun Streams Vidya
I checked my phone before I went into the store to see what time it was. Then when I left I checked it again. I wasn't standing there with a stopwatch.
I appreciate the good advice. I slept on it and I think I'm going to use the George Costanza method and do the opposite, so I'll probably go back next weekend rather than today. I really like the idea of calling before I go and will probably do.
If anyone thinks of anything else feel free to post. I appreciate it.
Don't ask her out on a date, she probably wants more of a friend at this point. I would suggest asking her to hangout sometime, and be casual about it, and get her phone number.
But I think it would probably be best to just go and see what happens.
good luck to you either way
Nothing ventured, etc, etc.
You know what to do.
Don't do this. And I certainly hope they wouldn't give that information. Seriously, pretend you're working at a store and some random dude calls asking for the phone-number of a female co-worker you don't hate. You're not actually going to give up that information are you?
Yeah!
I wouldn't do that. And if some random male called and said to give his phone number to a girl who worked there? Wouldn't do that either.
I would, however, prank them.