Having cake, and eating it, then going to bed with it...

Murago

Alrite, this kind of feels bastardly to write, but anonimity and the ability to jot my feelings down with criticism is too good to pass up.


I'm dating a girl, about 4 and 1/2 years now. We live together in a house with another roomate. We share a bedroom and its everything you'd imagine in a relationship. She is the only girl i have ever had a physical relationship with, beyond kissing that is. I'm 22, and i'm doing alrite for myself at this time in my life. Things are ok...i guess the hardest thing in a relationship is to keep the fire going, and it seems to be more of a friendship with occasional sex as opposed to the passionate relationship it was for the first 2 years.

through my work, i've met an attractive woman. We've stayed in contact for a bit through text, and i know she's interested in me. And to be honest i find myself intrigued by her. I don't want to be a bastard and flat out lie to both of these individuals by doing anything...but its really racking my brain.

I guess i KNOW its not wrong to be tempted by something new/different, but it is wrong to act on those feelings without being honest. Is there anyway i can do something to...i dunno, test the waters i guess. haha, writing it down and saying it aloud i realize its pretty ridiculous. I'm a pretty level headed individual, and so is my girlfriend. I dunno, i suppose i could tell her i just need some a couple weeks on my own.

I guess what i need from you guys is any suggestions or commentary on what a sensible course of action would be. Thanks

MuddBudd

End it or don't stray.

Cause if you do, it's pretty much over.

Gorgeeen

So you are saying you want to cheat?

Belruel

ok, if you want to go elsewhere, do it, but don't keep a string attached to the girl you are currently with.

also, i have found that if one allows him/herself to be put into a situation that allows that kind of flirting, he or she is pretty much ready to move on anyways.

you allowed yourself to complicate things (to a minor extent), knowing what might happen. i purposefully avoid having private little things like that with other guys because i love my boyfriend very much, and i don't even want to let that little 'what might be' bug set in.

if you are unhappy, leave. it is unfair to your girlfriend for you to linger on like that. don't do the whole ' i need a few weeks alone thing' just so you can go and be intimate with another woman. if you want to sow your wild oats, go for it, but do it when you are completely unattached. being able to sow your oats means also not having the luxury of a stable loving relationship and someone that loves you for who you are and who is always there for you.

weigh both the pros and cons, and make a decision based on those.

Shade

define intrigued, are you talking get to know, maybe spend time with? Or are you talking clothing hitting the walls?

Kyougu

Gorgeeen wrote: »

So you are saying you want to cheat?

That's what I got from it.

I don't know how many people would be cool with letting their significant other 'Take a break for a couple of weeks" to chase someone else, no matter how reasonable that person may be.
Though if you're contemplating cheating, I think you should take a good, long look at your relationship.

RocketSauce

My best advice is to whack off whenever you get that urge. That will help. I understand temptation, and it's happened to me before. However, it's a fantasy, and naturally you only think about the idealized aspects of this fantasy.

You don't think about getting caught, getting a girl pregnant, getting an STD, and how fucking awful it's going to make your partner feel. And if you really do care about this girl you've been dating for almost 5 years, I mean REALLY care about, you won't do that to her. It will eat away at you, I guarantee it. You'll be living a lie, that you will constantly feel remorse for. It will constantly be on your mind, and you will regret it, but not be able to take it away. However, nobody got hurt by whacking off. Fantasize about said girl, beat your meat, and everybody's fine in the end.

Don't take it any further than that.

rockmonkey

The grass is always greener?

I know exactly how you feel I was in 6.5 years into a great relationship, but became best friends with occasional sex. We were each other's first and basically we didn't know what was out there and sort of yearned for that experience of seeing new people and finding out what else is out there.

You have a hard choice at this point. Do you want to be with your current girl for the rest of your life and can see yourself happy with her?

Then put a little effort into the relationship, really LOOK at who you have, and are probably taking for granted, sleeping next to you. Go out and experience new things with her, surprise her with things, get out of that RUT.

If you want to see what's out there and experience other relationships and be intimate with other women and live new experiences and taste that side of life that you might be missing out on by playing it safe then, UNDERSTAND THIS! if you go this route you have to assume you will never have a chance at being with the current girlfriend EVER AGAIN. So you split up go on some dates and have a good time even find a couple girls you can spend a few month with before it breaks down and you're single again, what happens if you find someone even better and you live happily ever after? You could also end up in a series of bad relationships or none at all and realizing what it was you actually tossed aside for the idea of something better.

Lewisham

Cheating is the lowest thing you can do in a relationship. If you actually have the guts to go through with cheating, either:

a) You are too immature to have a long-term relationship
b) Your current relationship is in a lot of trouble

It's perfectly fine to think about these things, but if you really do get the courage to do it, it's another matter.

Kyanilis

Yeah if its to the point that you are actively looking at other girls and wanting to do things with them, your current relationship either needs to end or at least an overhaul.

Cheating is a terrible thing to do, all parties involved can only be hurt, whether through lies or whatever else. If you can find an honest way to do it, well, that's on you, but even if for some reason you ask your girlfriend if she'd be ok with you doing things with other people and she says she'll be fine with it. She most definitely will NOT be.

Also remember, you're in a successful relationship, if you can't see yourself with your girlfriend that's one thing, end it, but if you're just attracted to someone else but still enjoy being with your current girlfriend? Just forget about it. Girls can come and go, it takes a lot to find someone who will stick around.

aesir

Nothing wrong with dating new people. Just break up with the current girl first.

raige

I have to concur with some of the slightly less judgemental comments.

Cheating... bad.
Thinking about cheating... not necessarily a harbinger of doom. Everyone thinks about it at some point in a long relationship. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or hasn't been in their long-ass relationship long enough to know.

Temptation can be overcome if you actually care about your current relationship. Only take action if you're absolutely willing to lose her completely because even if you somehow managed a "break" and got back together, it'd never, ever be the same. Just remember, that the lusty-type temptations pass, even when they feel like they never will, but the thoughts of regret over losing something real... That never really goes away. Think hard, don't cheat, do what's right for you and have regard for the feelings of the girls involved. The end.

X3x3non

Every married/locked down person feels the temptation from time to time. It is the thrill of the chase that is so intriguing. I think every relationship hits that point where that sort of "new feeling" wears off and you wish you could rekindle the fire. I think as long as you only chase and not do anything that you would regret later you are not doing anything wrong.

mojojoeo

Rekindle the fire in a long relationship? When she least expects it... put it in her dumper.

Ok the real advice.

And it reiterates what some of the others wrote. In any long term relationship crushes will occur, man. As long as you deal with it is ok.
What does current girl not have that this new girl does?
Sounds like your relationship is in a rut; have you put any energy into personal growth or growing together? New things to both of you? Learning new stuff together and/or new different experiences? You get so comfortable it all becomes mundane and you forget what you have.

I been on the wrong end of the situation you describe.
It is painful, and the books I read on this claim the cheater gets the worst of it due not only to the relationship loss, but immense guilt. (and it is true)
You cannot hurt anyone more than what you are thinking about doing unless you kill them outright.

Weigh your options carefully.