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GF Withdrawl?

Strain 121Strain 121 Registered User regular
edited October 2007 in Help / Advice Forum
Okay so I just recently (tuesday) broke up with my first serious, sexual girlfriend. By the time it happened it seemed like neither of us were very emotionally attached any more. We both agreed it was the right thing to do, etc etc.

Today she went to the mall with 2 of my guy friends, despite me and her agreeing to have some space for a while. One of them is one of her best friends, so that's all well and fine, but the other one is a bit different. He was the one she used to use to try and get me jealous because he was the only one that really made me worried about her safety - I have known this guy for years and he is the kind of guy that you do not trust around your girlfriend but is otherwise cool. The guy you joke is gonna be "most likely to become a convicted sex offender".

So, before he went today he mentioned in a small group I was in that he was going primarily to "get in good with" my ex. When questioned further by others in the group he bragged about how he was going to get her because he knew "all about how horny she was" (I knew that she talked with him a lot about her sex life with me, so that wasn't that big of a deal).

So I'm torn. Part of me doesn't care and thinks he is just getting into more trouble than it is worth. Another, growing part of me wants to beat the shit out of him for even suggesting such a thing, especially this early after we broke up.

So, what part of me is right? The part that is ok with him trying to get into her pants, or the part of me that is violently refusing the idea? I know I'm not thinking 100% rationally right now, so I am asking you.

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Strain 121 on

Posts

  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2007
    You broke up with her. Who she sleeps with is no longer any of your business.

    If he is really the kind of guy you describe, and she does indeed sleep with him, it should convince you that you made the right decision in breaking up with her.

    ege02 on
  • noobertnoobert Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    ege02 wrote: »
    You broke up with her. Who she sleeps with is no longer any of your business.

    Stay out of her life untill you can totally accept this.

    noobert on
  • CerriusCerrius Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Its just part of breaking up. Keep trying to distance yourself from the two of them until you no longer feel the need to take a swing at the guy.

    But most importantly, don't take a swing at the guy.

    Cerrius on
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  • Cosmic SombreroCosmic Sombrero Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    I've come pretty close to doing the same thing, but when my friends got into that situation as well, it became really clear that you do not want to beat anyone up, even if they're being dicks to her.

    Cosmic Sombrero on
  • IreneDAdlerIreneDAdler Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Who she sleeps with isn't your business anymore, but I understand that you haven't stopped caring about her, and someone speaking so disrespectfully of her is bound to goad you. To be honest, the way you're presenting his tone, I would find it objectionable for someone to speak about my next-door-neighbor this way, much less someone I actually cared about.

    So, both sides of you are right. But as long as you can keep your temper in control and not beat anyone to a pulp, you should be ok. She should be smart enough to realize if he's a sleaze, and she might misconstrue your intent if you try to warn her, so it's probably best to just remove yourself from the situation.

    IreneDAdler on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • contrabandcontraband Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    ege02 wrote: »
    If he is really the kind of guy you describe, and she does indeed sleep with him, it should convince you that you made the right decision in breaking up with her.

    Bingo...

    Also, don't worry about... worrying about her. It is understandable & I can completely relate, if anything it shows you're of good enough character to still care for her as a person.

    contraband on
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  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Why on earth are you friends with someone you think is going to rape your ex-girlfriend? If I'm reading the OP correctly, you're worried about the safety of women around him. I don't see how someone can be "otherwise cool" if you think he's going to be a sex offender.

    If it was anyone else looking to (in a reasonable, consentual manner) get with your girlfriend, I'd say butt out, but in this case, if your girlfriend doesn't know about his tendencies, I'd try to get a neutral friend to warn her, because jeez.

    Trowizilla on
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2007
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    Why on earth are you friends with someone you think is going to rape your ex-girlfriend? If I'm reading the OP correctly, you're worried about the safety of women around him. I don't see how someone can be "otherwise cool" if you think he's going to be a sex offender.

    There is a good chance that his opinions of him are shaped by things like jealousy and bitterness, if not outright anger.

    I mean, we see that sort of thing here in H/A all the time. Guy comes in and talks about a situation that involves a girl and another guy, and the other guy is always referred to as a "douchebag" or "asshole" or whatever.

    ege02 on
  • slowrollslowroll __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2007
    I went through the exact same thing. It stopped affecting me when I realized that she's not unique or "the one". There are millions walking around in plain sight. Why hedge right now? SAMPLE! You need to develop your own criteria for what you want. When you finally you do, it's very likely that you'll come to the conclusion that she wasn't the best candidate anyway.

    slowroll on
  • DizzenDizzen Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    A point I thought was important was that she had, as the OP described him, one of her best friends with her. It's probably assumptive for me to think so, but it sounds to me like she already has people in her life to support her in such matters. Doesn't sound like there's any need for an ex to intervene.
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    Why on earth are you friends with someone you think is going to rape your ex-girlfriend? If I'm reading the OP correctly, you're worried about the safety of women around him. I don't see how someone can be "otherwise cool" if you think he's going to be a sex offender.

    I'm thinking the OP was leaning less towards rapist and more towards womanizer. Or, alternatively, maybe the kind of person who holds hugs with the opposite gender a bit too long, lets his hands wander, that sort of thing. Sleazy instead of criminal, in other words.

    That said, the fellow definitely seems like a jerk, and not a friend to the OP, if he's trying to get into bed with his ex so soon, and so blatantly. But that's no basis to pick a fight.

    Dizzen on
  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    ege02 wrote: »
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    Why on earth are you friends with someone you think is going to rape your ex-girlfriend? If I'm reading the OP correctly, you're worried about the safety of women around him. I don't see how someone can be "otherwise cool" if you think he's going to be a sex offender.

    There is a good chance that his opinions of him are shaped by things like jealousy and bitterness, if not outright anger.

    I mean, we see that sort of thing here in H/A all the time. Guy comes in and talks about a situation that involves a girl and another guy, and the other guy is always referred to as a "douchebag" or "asshole" or whatever.

    Yeah, I know, but not usually "rapist." I mean, if the OP just thinks the guy is going to try to sleep with his ex consentually, then whatever. That's something for the OP to get over. However, phrases like "worried about her safety" and "most likely to become a convicted sex offender," well, that implies a lot of things, mostly illegal and scary ones. If (and only if) the OP is speaking not out of jealousy but out of a genuine concern that this guy might try to have sex with the ex under less than fully legal circumstances, he should warn her. Rape is nothing to fool around with.

    Trowizilla on
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2007
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    ege02 wrote: »
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    Why on earth are you friends with someone you think is going to rape your ex-girlfriend? If I'm reading the OP correctly, you're worried about the safety of women around him. I don't see how someone can be "otherwise cool" if you think he's going to be a sex offender.

    There is a good chance that his opinions of him are shaped by things like jealousy and bitterness, if not outright anger.

    I mean, we see that sort of thing here in H/A all the time. Guy comes in and talks about a situation that involves a girl and another guy, and the other guy is always referred to as a "douchebag" or "asshole" or whatever.

    Yeah, I know, but not usually "rapist." I mean, if the OP just thinks the guy is going to try to sleep with his ex consentually, then whatever. That's something for the OP to get over. However, phrases like "worried about her safety" and "most likely to become a convicted sex offender," well, that implies a lot of things, mostly illegal and scary ones. If (and only if) the OP is speaking not out of jealousy but out of a genuine concern that this guy might try to have sex with the ex under less than fully legal circumstances, he should warn her. Rape is nothing to fool around with.

    If the guy gives such a strong vibe of "rapist", I doubt she would be unaware of it.

    How old is the OP and the parties involved anyway? This whole thing sounds incredibly petty to me.

    ege02 on
  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    ege02 wrote: »

    If the guy gives such a strong vibe of "rapist", I doubt she would be unaware of it.

    Except not really, no, and if the OP and his peers are young, the girl might not really have the instincts or the ability to tell just yet. Not all rapists feel like rapists to girls, and I'm taking this from personal experience.

    Trowizilla on
  • ZeonZeon Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    ege02 wrote: »
    Trowizilla wrote: »
    Why on earth are you friends with someone you think is going to rape your ex-girlfriend? If I'm reading the OP correctly, you're worried about the safety of women around him. I don't see how someone can be "otherwise cool" if you think he's going to be a sex offender.

    There is a good chance that his opinions of him are shaped by things like jealousy and bitterness, if not outright anger.

    I mean, we see that sort of thing here in H/A all the time. Guy comes in and talks about a situation that involves a girl and another guy, and the other guy is always referred to as a "douchebag" or "asshole" or whatever.

    Yeah, I know, but not usually "rapist." I mean, if the OP just thinks the guy is going to try to sleep with his ex consentually, then whatever. That's something for the OP to get over. However, phrases like "worried about her safety" and "most likely to become a convicted sex offender," well, that implies a lot of things, mostly illegal and scary ones. If (and only if) the OP is speaking not out of jealousy but out of a genuine concern that this guy might try to have sex with the ex under less than fully legal circumstances, he should warn her. Rape is nothing to fool around with.

    Youre taking it out of context. Read the whole sentence.

    Anyway, OP, get over it. Do you want to be that guy who in 10 years still talks about his ex-girlfriend like theyre still dating? She could fuck 50 guys, all at once, and theres nothing you can do about it now. You gave up that right when you stopped seeing her.

    Zeon on
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  • BoarBoar Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Mate, I've been where you were a fair few years ago, and I took the "beat the crap out of him" option. I regret that thoroughly and I really suggest that you take some time to think about things before reacting in a way that is only going to make you look like a dick in the eyes of someone whose feelings are obviously still important to you.

    If this is your first relationship, then it's perfectly natural to be scared that you might never find someone else who loves you as much/ is as attractive/ as good in bed etc. and having spent such a long amount of time with that girl of course you are going to feel some attachment to her still. As much as people say it, it's not as simple as telling yourself "I'm over it" but I promise you that with distance and time, whether she's going to the mall with one guy or throwing a bukkakke party with 100 guys, you won't care either way.

    Of course the idea of someone else being as intimate as you were with her is not going to be particularly pleasant to deal with, but the truth is that it's her choice now and you have to start focusing again on your life.

    The important thing to remember is that we all put our partners on a pedestal, especially straight after a break up. I can't tell you how many girls I thought were "the most beautiful girl I would ever be with". It was never true though, and the next girl is invariably better than the previous. I'm sure there were plenty of things about your girlfriend that irritated you when you were together, try and remember those things now. Would you really have been happy spending the rest of your life with her?

    That girl was with you for such a long time for a reason, and whatever it was she saw in you will attract other girls to you too, so my advice would be to get out there, maybe speak to some of the girls that you ignored or passed over because you were in a relationship at the time. Get out there, socialise, enjoy being free and single again, do whatever it is you couldn't do before because you were in a relationship, and before you know it that girl will be nothing but a distant memory to you.

    Short Version: The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

    Boar on
  • Apothe0sisApothe0sis Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality? Registered User regular
    edited October 2007
    Errr, she was talking with this guy a lot about her ex life and he knows how horny she is/was?

    A) This guy is not your friend.

    B) This girls has long intended to hook up with said guy.

    Your ex doesn't sound like a nice person anyway, you should just let it all slip by and definitely cut all ties with both of them.

    Apothe0sis on
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