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Screwed it up with a girl?
heretoinform
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Hey everyone, I'm going to keep the details to a minimum since I know a jerk who posts on SE++.
Anyway, last year there was this girl that I liked a lot. I would flirt with her, and then she started flirting with me back (things like always putting her hand on my knee when we were sitting down [thats flirting, right?]). Anyway, because I was a pussy, I didn't do anything and the flirting slowly stopped.
This year, I see her once a week and about twice a month (sometimes) for debate tournaments (15 hours long, at least). Did I screw up my chances with her, since she flirted with me in the past and I didn't respond?
Anyway, last year there was this girl that I liked a lot. I would flirt with her, and then she started flirting with me back (things like always putting her hand on my knee when we were sitting down [thats flirting, right?]). Anyway, because I was a pussy, I didn't do anything and the flirting slowly stopped.
This year, I see her once a week and about twice a month (sometimes) for debate tournaments (15 hours long, at least). Did I screw up my chances with her, since she flirted with me in the past and I didn't respond?
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Yes.
Keep it light, playful, and be ready to laugh it off if she's not playing back. If your goal is to see if there's any lingering interest, you can do so without risking much, but you have to be prepared for the answer to be 'no', even a gentle, playful one in return.
I hate this piece of advice more than any other. It's useless. It's exactly the right answer, but it's totally useless. It's what everyone who succeeded did and what everyone who is struggling has yet to do. It offers no actual guidance because, by its very definition, it is different from person to person. It is fucking useless advice.
To the OP. Ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. If she says yes, assume she's interested and use that assumption to reassure your worth her eyes, which will make you relax and feel more confident. If she says no, well then you have your answer.
But seriously though, try some light double-entendres for a start. Try playfully twisting things around that she says to make it sound like she's hitting on you.
Example:
Her: It sure is hot.
You: You think I'm hot? Why thanks!
Lame I know, but unless she has no sense of humor she'll at least giggle about it. Women on the whole like guys who can make them laugh.
STEAM
I prefer the "Really? I could leave." maneuver, but it fits with my huge ego persona.
No, no, no - make it about her, not you! Here's how it goes in the less lame fashion:
Her: It sure is hot.
You: *look her directly and warmly in the eyes* Yes, it is.
Don't smile when you look her in the eyes, wait til after. Direct eye contact, held a fraction of a second longer than usual (but not too long) is powerful stuff, makes her know that you see her - which, followed by a smile is just dead sexy. She's going to blush, period, and it will reset the flag on her flirtation software. If the flirtation behavior starts again, move forward soldier! If not, you still have a good diagnostic tool for future use.
Oh, my. OK, so it's just about guaranteed to work on me. I'm going to take my little daydream elsewhere. Good luck!
Oh my god I think that most mammals would find that pretty fucking creepy. I mean, it's like a step below "lick her face and see how she responds"
Casual face licking is definitely not recommended. What is it about eye contact that you find creepy?
WRONG. Eye contact ftw.
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Mostly is that initial flirting should playful and not, well, intense. Offhand light innuendo is one thing, but coupled with "Direct eye contact, held a fraction of a second longer than usual" it starts to move into "creepy" territory. I mean, you're speaking from your perspective, and I'd imagine that it would be thrilling if some guy who you were secretly really into made his intentions direct and plain with some overture like that, but it seems like in pretty much any other context, it would be just plain creepy.
Really, I think that keeping things light and playful and ambiguous is probably the dude's best shot in general. If it turns out that the girl really is deeply into him, she'll go for it regardless. If she's marginally into him, it gives her room to play back. If she's not into him, it'll be easy to laugh off.
If he goes for some intense-eye-contact seduction routine, odds are pretty good that it'll go badly.
Yeah... I can see where you're coming from, but keep in mind there is history here. So the "intense" move might not be totally bad. It would absolutely be creepy if she was some stranger. You gotta take a chance from time to time and risk getting hurt. If you think it's worth it, throw yourself to the wolves every now and then. If it doesn't work the worst thing you can do it question your choice... whoever's advice you choose to take. You make a decision, you stick by it, and succeed or fail you always have to keep it in your head that it was the right move. Hell, if you know in your mind that what you're about to do is the right move and you do it with confidence... that right there could help the end result a lot.
It's the history that makes it workable. It gives her the information that he's aware of her existance (which is never bad, particularly since she was previously making physical contact with no results) and finds her interesting or attractive. She's "safe" because he hasn't touched her or invaded her space physically. It can't be something that happens every other sentence, that's a bit much, but it's more subtle than saying "So... remember the time you touched my knee, and I was too dumb to notice that you might have been aiming higher... I was wondering if we could explore that more, or if I've just blown my chances completely by pretending it wasn't happening and I didn't think it was nifty."
Of course, the direct approach has it's own merits, but not all girls have that sort of sense of humor. Not recommended for the faint of heart, tender of ego, or casual flirtation, because not every woman has the poise to just gracefully say "Thank you for noticing, you have amazing qualities, (how about coffee on Thursday) or (but now's not a great time)."
I woulda gone with "Yeah you are. I mean...I agree."
These kinds of things you just kinda need to react I guess. Flirty but not creepy. Maybe the whole "step one look into her eyes, hold for 0.5 seconds long, smile" bit would work in practice, but in writing it just comes out as creepy and overanalytical. You don't need a playbook to talk to girls, just confidence and a decent sense of humor.
This.
This.
I'd rank some of the horrible flirting advice already in this thread up there with that.
You do this for a few reasons:
1 - it lets her feel powerful, in control somewhat, which the modern woman likes
2 - it shows her you've grown, that you're just as much who you were when she was flirting with you but more manly now, more confident but not arrogant. You're willing to admit your past mistakes.
HAVE FUN, and think of me when you're doin' it doggy style. Are we allowed to say 'doggy style' here?
Jesus christ, no. You might as well have said "pounding cunt" or "slamming twat." Surely you will be banned.
srsly. Doc is an ex-mod. He knows what he's talking about.