Requesting advice/critique for a comic

Christiaaan

Hello everyone. I have lurked here quite a bit, and have seen some amazing artwork as well as insights on the subject. Therefore you're my go-to audience for this question.

I've been playing around with the idea of building a site to dump some of the short comics I make on, however, I need to know if it's warranted.

Obviously I'm not a very good artist at all. In fact, I can't properly portray 90% of the jokes I come up with due to my lack of skill. I'm often forced to resort to some severe simplification and work around drawing problems - which sucks. However I would still like a connaiseurs opinion on my comic.



So what do you make of it? Is it any good?

Mykonos

its different, i'll give you that

desperaterobots

Are you intending on making a series of jokes about the battery running out? Because even at joke #1 it feels overdone.

Christiaaan

Not quite. This one just happens to be about Portals.

Shiekahn_boy

Sorta, what would be funny would be landing right next to your portal when you jump and die. I swear, I hate when i jump down and I don't make it in the portal. It makes me feel stupid. Liek that voice that talks crap about you.

vrempire

Holy shit, I still can't figure out the plan.
maybe it will easier for me if you describe it in Flash, Christiaaan.
Just a minor suggestion...

teamquiggan

YOu cant splat, you have stablisers on your feet to prevent it

Shiekahn_boy

What about shooting yourself over the platform? I've done that at the end.

McGibs

yeah, I dont think the joke is very good for the simple fact that chell has shock absorbers on her legs specificly so she DOEST splatter all over the ground when she misses.

MagicToaster

Meh.

ManonvonSuperock

i think the joke could be presented better.

i would use a realized character instead of the stickman, so that it is obvious that you are not representing the chick from the game. that would also keep the "that wouldn't happen because of the shock absorbers" responses away. then set it up to be more visually entertaining.

panel 1:
the diagram placed inside of the word balloon from character a, holding the gun, with a confident and matter-of-fact look on face, obviously talking to character b.

panel 2: char a in mid fall, still confident

panel 3: a zoom in on gun, showing low battery signal actually on the gun, not drawn in diagram-mode.

panel 4: oh shit look on char a's face

panel 5:splat sound effect from off-camera with subtle blood spray/droplets flying in panel, look of "oh, dayum" on char b's face

ditch the clean up on level 4 line.


that's just how i'd do it if i was told to illustrate the same joke.

also, you forgot to illustrate the inside of blue portal, where you did illustrate inside of orange one.

Mykonos

another suggestion would be have an amazing elaborate building, perhaps emphasizing how much of a pro the protagonist is or something, only to have everything crashing down in an instant by something so deceptivaly trivial as a low battery. That's what I'd do at least

zero_one

Apart from the fact that the joke isn't funny, I can't see how this level works.

If you start on the tall platform, then how did you get the blue portal underneath it? It doesn't really matter anyway because you could have just fired a portal to the platform across from you and then another one underneath you.

Just kind of makes the joke redundant. Also, now she's dead and stupid.