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I don't have a car. Relationship doomed to failure?
Shurakai
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I am nearly 20 now, and my decision to go without buying a means of transportation well into college is providing a handy mental block when it comes to starting a relationship.
Attracting the girl that I am interested in isn't really the big thing, though I admit I get a tad nervous around her. I could call her tommorow and ask her out and everything would be hunky dory. For mabye about the first day, until she or I wanted to go out somewhere for dinner or a movie or whatever other stereotypical date she or I can think of. At that point, I would have to explain that I lack any kind of personal transportation.
She could be cool about it, as she is pretty laid back and would probably suggest that we could use her car. I don't really have a problem with this, besides the uncomfortable feeling of role reversal. My thought is, if this isn't really all that cool with her (either in the short run or the long run) exactly how bad will it effect the relationship? For some reason, this question bothers me enough that I cannot even come close to making a move. Looking at my own thoughts, its probably the bigger fear of inadequacy thats doing it, since I don't have much relationship experience.
To the people that do, and for those wishing for a TL: DR, Exactly how bad will not having my own means of transport effect a budding relationship?
This might seem like a silly question, but its really causing me to worry way to much.
Attracting the girl that I am interested in isn't really the big thing, though I admit I get a tad nervous around her. I could call her tommorow and ask her out and everything would be hunky dory. For mabye about the first day, until she or I wanted to go out somewhere for dinner or a movie or whatever other stereotypical date she or I can think of. At that point, I would have to explain that I lack any kind of personal transportation.
She could be cool about it, as she is pretty laid back and would probably suggest that we could use her car. I don't really have a problem with this, besides the uncomfortable feeling of role reversal. My thought is, if this isn't really all that cool with her (either in the short run or the long run) exactly how bad will it effect the relationship? For some reason, this question bothers me enough that I cannot even come close to making a move. Looking at my own thoughts, its probably the bigger fear of inadequacy thats doing it, since I don't have much relationship experience.
To the people that do, and for those wishing for a TL: DR, Exactly how bad will not having my own means of transport effect a budding relationship?
This might seem like a silly question, but its really causing me to worry way to much.
Shurakai on
0
Posts
Ask her out she may say yes. If she doesn't like you not having a car she may break up with you, if she doesn't mind you having a car she may break up with you anyway.
Do you worry about cavaties when you eat icecream too?
Satans..... hints.....
"I was born; six gun in my hand; behind the gun; I make my final stand"~Bad Company
"Well, you're cute, funny, sweet, smart and eloquent, but you don't have an HD-LCD-TV so I'm afraid I can't POSSIBLY see you tonight for coffee."
Doen't happen. Trust me. I've been going out with a lovely man with no car for over a year now. Travel isn't too much of an issue, there are busses and trains and friends I can scrounge a lift off if necessary.
Just stop using this as an excuse not to go find you a nice girl. Only a tiny amount of women will see this as being a major issue, and those are probably materialistic to all hell and the sort that will want you to transfer you're bank balance to their name within two months of kissing.
Unless you have some issue of feeling emasculated yourself by relying on others for transport? In which case; a car does not make you more of a man. And vice versa.
In late July I met a girl, a smart, beautiful, independent girl. It turns out when a girl is really into you and genuinely likes who you are, a lot of the stuff you may make a big deal of doesn't really matter. I'm now in a committed relationship with a great girl who doesn't mind driving me when I take her out
So go for it, and don't be insecure about it, it's only as much of an issue as you make it.
If you live anywhere with public transportation, it shouldnt be an issue.
Check out my band, click the banner.
fuck that noise, that sounds like wussy talk.
ask her out, deal with the issue if and when it comes up.
it's cool you opted out of owning a car, more people should make that decision. :^:
Look at this way, can you afford a car? If no, then don't worry about it.
I had to have a used car, and my parents cover insurance, when I got a car in college.
I don't think the girl will care if you don't have a car. But if she can't see you without driving to you, I think that may get annoying in the long term if you always make her come and get you (versus taking the bus, getting a ride, whatever.)
I'm 23, and it was only last year I had a car. Until then, I dated girls that had cars. There were no problems. (well, there were problems, but not with the car...) If she likes you, she shouldn't care. But there are some things you can do to be considerate:
1) Pay for gas if she's doing the driving.
2) Offer to drive if the drive itself is stressful.
3) Take the bus to see her.
4) Borrow a friend's car occasionally.
5) Use flexcar/zipcar to drive over there.
I don't drive either, though I have my permit. If I drove while she was in the car I would probably have a heart attack from the combined stress of city driving and having someone I care about in the passenger seat, haha.
I can actually afford a car right now due to my job (over 2000 a month just working weekends), though at the moment I am making a habit of living below my means so I can pay my own tuition without borrowing any money. My first car will be brand new, and also a hybrid if I can afford the lease payments (another thread mabye in a couple years).
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Just out of curiosity, though, what kind of job do you have? I wouldn't mind making $2000 a month. Then maybe I'd have a car.
In my situation, well, I'm basically afraid of driving. This is a fault of mine, yes, but I do a lot of other things that more than make up for it. Emphasize your good traits.
As others have said, if she likes you, this won't be much of a problem. Go through the effort to plan dates that don't rely on the two of you driving somewhere. Nearby parks, college theatre, or the closest cafe are all great choices. When you do decide to go somewhere that requires driving, be straight with her about it and offer to pay for gas.
I work at Future Shop (think Best Buy, but with commission and Canadian) selling Laptops, Desktops and the like. With the Back to School madness followed by the holiday surge, I can make $250 a day fairly easily this time of year. $2000 is actually conservative, as I've seen one guy in my department make a ridiculous $750 in one Saturday during Back to School. Its no wonder that they keep telling me that a person could make 10 grand in December alone if they do everything right.
Keep in mind that the sales die down in the spring and early summer, so while you are swimming in cash half of the year, the other half you may be merely treading water. You have to develop the right personality as well, and the willingness to decieve yourself just enough to bend the truth in your favor (as with any sales job).On the plus side, it's really helped with my conversational skills and in approaching stress, as you have to cater to all kinds of people.