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How to Stop Being So Nice (Girl)
SoonerMan
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, there's this girl. I'm sure you've all heard the story from me plenty. Mom is a psycho bitch, she never showed me a whole lot of affection sometimes, and I was doing a lot of the work in the relationship.
Well we broke up and I went to college. I got lonesome for her here and we started talking. Eventually her mom says, "You need to see other people. 1) you can't fight with him and 2) you can't tell people you're even talking as friends. Oh, and 3), you can't be seen together in public."
The first two were fucking insane and the third one finally got me. I live two hours away from her and when I go home and want to take her out to lunch I have to fucking go out of town. She's letting her mom persuade her, in my opinion, too much at this point. I want to stand by the ole' "be a nice guy and stick it out for her."
I know this is not good for me. I can love her all I want, but her mom isn't going to let her have feelings for me and she's not going to try and fight it.
She likes to get on my case when I forget things she's asked me to do for her, and understandably. But when I asked if her she had found out about something for me (going to a football game with me next week) she was like, "ohh... ya.." I didn't get all, "SDFSDDSFES!!!" at her because that doesn't solve anything. Her mom is like that and it only creates respect from her; not the kind that I want. So from there I'm like, "Man. This is just like when we were together. Everything is an after thought for you, and it just never seems like you have anyone on your mind besides yourself. You'll spend hours prepping for your pageant, but a simple task as asking if you can go you completely forget about for a week... I know you've got things going on, I do too. I still find time for you, though."
From there she sarcastically made some comments about how I'm the better person and stuff like that, leaving me with a "wtf?" mood. It was never about that, and I never tried to make it seem that way. Everything I said, I felt, was rather objective. It was simply the way things were and I just kind of asked that she try to treat me with the respect that she wanted me to treat her with. So she hung up on me, randomly, as I'm trying to say something.
I try to call back, left a message and she returns it in a little bit to say, "LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU'RE JUST CAUSING PROBLEMS."
So, I want to let it go. I have been wanting to let it go. I know I can't talk to her, I know I can't speak to her with "hopes of getting back together" on my mind. My question is, how do I find the self-discipline and courage to do this?
Any other input would be great and appreciated.
Well we broke up and I went to college. I got lonesome for her here and we started talking. Eventually her mom says, "You need to see other people. 1) you can't fight with him and 2) you can't tell people you're even talking as friends. Oh, and 3), you can't be seen together in public."
The first two were fucking insane and the third one finally got me. I live two hours away from her and when I go home and want to take her out to lunch I have to fucking go out of town. She's letting her mom persuade her, in my opinion, too much at this point. I want to stand by the ole' "be a nice guy and stick it out for her."
I know this is not good for me. I can love her all I want, but her mom isn't going to let her have feelings for me and she's not going to try and fight it.
She likes to get on my case when I forget things she's asked me to do for her, and understandably. But when I asked if her she had found out about something for me (going to a football game with me next week) she was like, "ohh... ya.." I didn't get all, "SDFSDDSFES!!!" at her because that doesn't solve anything. Her mom is like that and it only creates respect from her; not the kind that I want. So from there I'm like, "Man. This is just like when we were together. Everything is an after thought for you, and it just never seems like you have anyone on your mind besides yourself. You'll spend hours prepping for your pageant, but a simple task as asking if you can go you completely forget about for a week... I know you've got things going on, I do too. I still find time for you, though."
From there she sarcastically made some comments about how I'm the better person and stuff like that, leaving me with a "wtf?" mood. It was never about that, and I never tried to make it seem that way. Everything I said, I felt, was rather objective. It was simply the way things were and I just kind of asked that she try to treat me with the respect that she wanted me to treat her with. So she hung up on me, randomly, as I'm trying to say something.
I try to call back, left a message and she returns it in a little bit to say, "LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU'RE JUST CAUSING PROBLEMS."
So, I want to let it go. I have been wanting to let it go. I know I can't talk to her, I know I can't speak to her with "hopes of getting back together" on my mind. My question is, how do I find the self-discipline and courage to do this?
Any other input would be great and appreciated.
Rah, Oklahoma! Rah, Oklahoma! Rah, Oklahoma~! O-K-U!
SoonerMan on
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Posts
Delete her from your phone, from your instant message thingie and any other thing you can use to contact her.
Then go and do all the things that she never let you do, while hitting on other women, that's always fun.
Satans..... hints.....
She is trying to drop you, so drop her first.
The fact that you are agonizing over this speaks to the fact that you probably don't want to let go. Trust me severing ties is the easiest thing to do when you truly want to.
What I'm asking for is advice on how to do it. I'm an emotional guy, I can't just totally cut someone off and be a dick to them if I really care for them.
Just leave her alone.
Satans..... hints.....
Parse that sentence, just for a second. Let's play a little game I like to call reductio ad absurdum. Have you ever said "How's it going?" to somebody to have them reply "Well, I would be happy right now, I think, but my Mom wants me to be sort of disgruntled, so that's the way I feel right now." No? You know why? Because that's insane. If this is really the case, then this girl has a minimum one-year term (which may or may not ever occur) that starts with her getting a very delicate operation to separate her from her mother.
I have a dog. My dog has an intellect that is a tiny fraction of my own. I am wholly responsible for its well being and emotional state. And yet, I don't have anywhere near this degree of control over it. Sometimes I want to take a nap and he wants to play. Sometimes I want to go for a walk and he wants to take a nap. Now consider: your college-age girlfriend does not have the same degree of emotional independence from her mother that my dog has from me.
Just think of it this way: you're not breaking up with her, you're breaking up with her mom.
Stop being such a pussy. If you don't want to talk to her, delete her phone number, her aim, any way you can think of contacting her, get it out of your life. Next, go do stuff with your friends. It's not easy, but it has to beat coming here for advice every month right?
Oh good god, it's him.
I remember Tube said it in one of the other threads. Something along the lines of.....
Well you seem to mange always ignore our advice so enjoy your misery.
Satans..... hints.....
Cutting off all contact with her isn't being a dick; it's being a fucking rational human being who has maybe an iota of fucking self-respect.
Also if you don't do this and make another thread I'm hunting you down and hitting you in the face with a four iron.
Shogun Streams Vidya
Yea, I know that advice sounded dickish.
Seriously OP. Please don't turn this thread into another "I know what I have to do but I'm too much of a pussy to do it" thing.
Lemme guess. "Nice guys finish last" right? You've totally said that, thought that, hell you've probably posted it in one of your other girl threads. Well I'm here to tell you that nice guys DON'T finish last. It's pussies that finish last.
Girls like nice guys! They don't like chauvinistic pigs. Don't believe me? Walk into a group of women and say something to the effect of "I believe that god put women on this earth to give men blowjobs and fetch them beer." Call me crazy but my guess is that you wont be getting much of either. But they also really hate pussies. Any girl reading this thread is not thinking, "Gee I'd like to get a piece of him." No, what they are thinking is: "What a wuss."
In any event, you're basically saying that if you "really care for [someone]" that you can't just be a dick to them. Get over that. This isn't being a dick. It's not like she's knocking down your door trying to be with you. She's moved on. You're being a dick by calling her five times a day! If you really "cared for [her]" you'd respect her wishes and leave her alone.
Now go and grow yourself some fucking balls.
Seriously.
Go get some of what the above poster's username is.