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STUFF YOUR COCK IN A TURKEY [Thanksgiving]
Defender
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is for Framling, who has an arthritic condition in his New Topic button.
I will likely not do anything amazing, just go to my mom's house and probably hear my sister say retarded and inappropriate things. Last year, I went to my dad's house as well, and my dad is apparently the king of Penistown. He has seven kids, five of which are in his current marriage. He also keeps a 19-year-old German girl in the basement, and he's currently on his second one of those. Apparently, his penis made so many people that now he needs hot chicks to watch over some of the people he made. When I went over there, that girl had three of her 19-year-old friends over and holy shit these girls were insanely hot. Of course, that was tempered by my retarded sister, who basically made America look probably worse than it already did, talking about living "on a mountain" in such a way that the girls thought she, like, lived in a log cabin or something, and of course she failed to clarify that.
God, so many stories, I can't even figure out where to start. I think I'll add as the thread gets bigger, I just need enough here that the mods don't "no-content" lock it.
So hey, she basically made my mother pay a ton of extra money for a certified organic, free-range turkey because she refused to eat anything else because it's against her principles. Then at dad's house, she asks if it's an organic, free-range turkey, and gets two answers: 1) "Yeah, it was wandering around in the street, and we took it into the basement and kept it there for a week and then killed it." and 2) "I don't know! It's a Butterball!" Naturally, pigface ate the fucking thing anyway. Thanks for wasting mom's money, you pigfucking bitch, with those "principles" you pretend to have but really don't.
I will likely not do anything amazing, just go to my mom's house and probably hear my sister say retarded and inappropriate things. Last year, I went to my dad's house as well, and my dad is apparently the king of Penistown. He has seven kids, five of which are in his current marriage. He also keeps a 19-year-old German girl in the basement, and he's currently on his second one of those. Apparently, his penis made so many people that now he needs hot chicks to watch over some of the people he made. When I went over there, that girl had three of her 19-year-old friends over and holy shit these girls were insanely hot. Of course, that was tempered by my retarded sister, who basically made America look probably worse than it already did, talking about living "on a mountain" in such a way that the girls thought she, like, lived in a log cabin or something, and of course she failed to clarify that.
God, so many stories, I can't even figure out where to start. I think I'll add as the thread gets bigger, I just need enough here that the mods don't "no-content" lock it.
So hey, she basically made my mother pay a ton of extra money for a certified organic, free-range turkey because she refused to eat anything else because it's against her principles. Then at dad's house, she asks if it's an organic, free-range turkey, and gets two answers: 1) "Yeah, it was wandering around in the street, and we took it into the basement and kept it there for a week and then killed it." and 2) "I don't know! It's a Butterball!" Naturally, pigface ate the fucking thing anyway. Thanks for wasting mom's money, you pigfucking bitch, with those "principles" you pretend to have but really don't.
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or the turkey i dunno
the turkey dreamt of freedom, and then was killed, scientifically making it taste better through the power of broken hope
God I wish. No, I had a girlfriend at the time. And honestly, 19-year-olds are really hot and all, but I'm too old for that. I don't wanna be creepy old guy chasing girls too young for him. It just lacks dignity, and I've already had my time with hot 19-year-olds. No need to be greedy.
I looked briefly for it but didn't see it. Oh well.
And by fun thanksgiving stories I'm just going to talk about how my cousin is the pickiest eater in the history of humankind.
At thanksgiving he just eats rolls. Plain rolls.
A plate full of Goddamn rolls.
pssh, like what
Imagine this in a loud voice being yelled at a great-grandmother of nearly 90 years of age. It was the second time she had told that story, the first being to my grandmother's sisters at the funeral for my grandmother's second son. This is especially tragic as it is the second of four children that she has buried, and both who died did so without children. But here's my fuckin' sister, shouting about dog abuse and dog penis in the goddamn living room.
Yeah she outweighs me by like 50 pounds. Granted, I'm pretty lean and light, but I'm still an adult male. She also outweighs our father, who isn't small like I am.
I would sincerely advise against this course of action.
Over 200 pounds and in terrible condition.
One time a college friend of mine was at my house and saw a framed picture of her and literally said "WHAT IS THAT" in disgust. That was his honest reaction.
Air you are a genius
design me a series of award-winning lounge chairs
preferably in the shape of fat chicks getting red hot dickings
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to get it up for your sister.
See it's more like she fucks you and then you cry in the shower like Borfase. The first guy she fucked turned gay shortly thereafter, and no I am not kidding at all.
seriously
EDIT: Like the time she got a UTI from "doing it too hard."
"You know how you can do it, like, gentle, or, like, really hard? Well, I've been doing it really hard lately, and I think that's how I got a UTI."
YEAH THANKS FOR THAT INFO!
EDIT 2: That quotation there is basically how she STARTS a conversation. Walks up and says that.
I am a tender young man. I am pretty sure I would actually cry in the shower if I got fatraped.
she has more problems than previously anticipated
we may need the mega-dicker, men.
you've got fat chicks
all a-rapin'.
just perfect
I'll have William pick them up after my lunch with Mr. Costeau.
She later complained that I "chickened out" because I was supposed to avenge her by killing the accused with a sword.
She fully expected me to murder someone with a distinctive weapon after taking her to the police.
you must give her that.
because it sounds like itd be hard not to brush up on her from across the room
knee's buckleing.
One time this fat chick I knew (and hated) in highschool tried to make a move on me at a party.
I told her I was gay. She was like "ha ha you're not gay."
So I tapped my inner internet - the little bit of the internet that never leaves your soul - and I summoned up something that would horrify her.
"You know what the best part about getting three fingers in your ass is?"