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Give a Historical Figure a Gift
emnmnme
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
We've had a lot of historical figures. We have a lot of modern conveniences thanks to consumerism. So why not speculate on how much easier we could make the lives of our long-dead heroes with our stuff. If you could give one physical item to any historical figure from any time, what would it be? Go ahead and assume energy won't be a problem - if you want to give Beethoven a hearing aid, assume it will come with infinite batteries.
Two restrictions - you can't give knowledge. Sending a modern history textbook back in time to a young Winston Churchill would let him know how WW2 would end and how to prevent the Cold War - a little too much help. Also, the thing you're sending back can't weigh more than 100 pounds. We wouldn't want to give Genghis Khan an Abrams tank, right?
For me, I would send Michaelangelo a pair of safety goggles. I always felt sad reading about his time painting the images in the Sistine Chapel. How he laid flat on his back on the scaffold to paint and how the paint dripped into his eyes, blurring his vision. For $2 today, he could have saved himself from a lot of suffering.
Two restrictions - you can't give knowledge. Sending a modern history textbook back in time to a young Winston Churchill would let him know how WW2 would end and how to prevent the Cold War - a little too much help. Also, the thing you're sending back can't weigh more than 100 pounds. We wouldn't want to give Genghis Khan an Abrams tank, right?
For me, I would send Michaelangelo a pair of safety goggles. I always felt sad reading about his time painting the images in the Sistine Chapel. How he laid flat on his back on the scaffold to paint and how the paint dripped into his eyes, blurring his vision. For $2 today, he could have saved himself from a lot of suffering.
emnmnme on
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Anyway, I would send Julius Caesar a submachine gun.
"E tu, Brutus?"
*rat a tat tat*
Laaaame.
I'd give young Hitler painting lessons.
I don't think Hitler would know how to 'drop a phat beat'.
How would that help him? He needed to be a little wonky to write his depressing literature.
Wouldn't it make more sense to give his mother birth control pills?
On the other hand - suicide.
You know he'd just use it to go have sex with history's hottest figures.
And he would deserve it.
Maybe.
Hey, I got it!
I'd give Jesus a copy of Dianetics.
He needed it so bad.
Along with a package of these:
Plus, you know Ben Franklin would leave us some bitchin' party footage.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
You know that all of the footage would end up being just from Ben Franklin's parties.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
I'll be fine, just give me a minute, a man's got a limit, I can't get a life if my heart's not in it.
You just gave me the warm fuzzies.
You're saying we can't give the figure the gift in question in person?
Because I was thinking of bringing Tiberius some token ceremonial gift to demonstrate my loyalty and then spending the weekend giving his servants good deep dickings.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
And then he'll go and write "Happiness Pie" and become the new marketing figurehead for Gleemonex.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Man he just needed to know people liked his music.
Also, hearing aids for Beethoven, so he could hear his masterpieces.