The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Earlier today, a friend of a buddy, basically a leech who has been stealing my beer and coming over to my place all the time to use my internet hit me in the face 3-4 times- I didn't fight back. I provoked it b asking him to pay for the beer he took from me, because he was responsible for it all being gone. Now the problem with reporting him is that in the questioning, the issue of underage alcohol possession will come up. Plus I happen to smoke weed, so cops over at my place could be problematic, but still manageable if it comes down to it.
Basically I want to know what the pros and cons of doing this are- isn't assault a more serious crime than alleged underage drinking? (There were witnesses to the assault)
I didn't provide him with anything, but we're both minnors. I may have been passive aggressive with a leech shitbag, and that's my mistake, but I'd like to think undefended assault is something people don't just get awy with. because like most parasites, I can picture this one just trying to find a more viable host.
Also, I have a cut and swollen lip, with a lot of bleeding- (blood all over my shirt, etc.) Honestly it didn't hurt that much, no lasting damage, but it's fucked up all the same.
So sure, press charges. Clear any paraphenalia out of your flat. They have no real reason to search the premises but if you give them probable cause to, they'll probably be happy to pick you up on possession charges of some kind. He's likely to get off with a caution either way. Personally, I'd advise you to suck it up and put it down to experience.
Tube on
0
CrayonSleeps in the wrong bed.TejasRegistered Userregular
edited November 2007
No, there is no lasting damage and you will bring cops into a matter that doesn't need them. You'll only get shit for it, and on top of that you will get a MIP plus other charges I'd imagine.
Edit: My honest opinion is semi in line with Tube. Suck it up and "man" up as they say. At best you should have at least attempted to defend yourself.
Crayon on
0
Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
edited November 2007
Where did this occur? If it's at your parents place (I know in Australia it may be similar/different for you) you can drink alcohol under your parents supervision, regardless you wouldn't be supplying him, he would be stealing. If it's at your own apartment I honestly have no idea.
Does the fact that it's alcohol really matter? Couldn't you just base it on assault after an argument? if he brings up that it's alcohol (damning himself) couldn't you get all the evidence of that out of your apartment before anyone has a chance to see that you in fact had alcohol?
Then you can counter with its not important what it was and he can't prove it was alcohol. I would assume you wouldn't have receipts laying around. Either way, you've got the busted lip to prove that you got beat up. They would have no proof that it was alcohol and thus only the press charges against him and abstain from pressing any charges for the baseless claim of alcohol?
evanismyname on
0
Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
edited November 2007
Yes that's excellent advice.*
Lie to the police
This was sarcasm, as was the following line, this line isn't, seriously don't do that shit
It's times like this where strategic friendships to violent people who love you very much helps. Namely big brawny cousins/roommates/gay lovers/whatever. Be more strategic in where you place yourself in the future. Also bad company corrupts good character. Can't blame him for his nature. Next time be more observant and braver in your choice of associates.
Rey Del Aguila on
Because you know who SAID you know what with you know who, let's keep that between me and you.
0
JohnnyCacheStarting DefensePlace at the tableRegistered Userregular
edited November 2007
He literally hit you in the face for asking him to pay for some beer?
Really? And before this day, you thought of him as a totally all-right normal dude?
He literally hit you in the face for asking him to pay for some beer?
Really? And before this day, you thought of him as a totally all-right normal dude?
no, like i said i've been passive aggressive with him, I never flat out banned him from my place even though that's what I wanted to happen, partly because he was always showing up with other people.
I always considered him a piece of shit and let him know it more and more with my passive aggressiveness- my mistake was never shutting things down at the right time.
I'd definitely let it go, but if he does it again, don't take that crap from him. Defend yourself. In the end, the cops aren't going to make a difference. It's gonna cause a whole lot of drama that you probably would just rather avoid.
asking for payment for stuff you owned isn't 'provocation'. The correct response to 'pay me for my beer' is 'here, have some money', not '*biff biff mcbiffington the third*'. Getting the police involved would be silly, but if you have even the semblance of a spine you'd better never let him into your house again. Also, refuse to talk to him or associate in a group with him, and make sure your friends know exactly how much of a fucking mental he is. People who hit people over debts do not get to be friends with people.
asking for payment for stuff you owned isn't 'provocation'. The correct response to 'pay me for my beer' is 'here, have some money', not '*biff biff mcbiffington the third*'. Getting the police involved would be silly, but if you have even the semblance of a spine you'd better never let him into your house again. Also, refuse to talk to him or associate in a group with him, and make sure your friends know exactly how much of a fucking mental he is. People who hit people over debts do not get to be friends with people.
Pressing charges against someone is a big fucking hassle.
If he is convicted of assault you would really really fuck his life up. Do you think that is equal to getting hit in the face a couple times.
Everyone would know that you pressed charges on a guy who hit you in the face a couple times. If I were your friend, I'd probably stop being your friend for doing that. Not everyone is like me of course, but I really hate people like you who wont fight back and go running to an authority to solve all their problems.
Pressing charges against someone is a big fucking hassle.
If he is convicted of assault you would really really fuck his life up. Do you think that is equal to getting hit in the face a couple times.
Everyone would know that you pressed charges on a guy who hit you in the face a couple times. If I were your friend, I'd probably stop being your friend for doing that. Not everyone is like me of course, but I really hate people like you who wont fight back and go running to an authority to solve all their problems.
he wasn't invited to my place and stole from me. That's really not all that far from being a criminal.
If I'd fought back, I could've ended up with more than a cut lip. If you hate me for that, you can go fuck yourself.
i wouldn't get too riled up, aesir's standard response in H/A threads is that kind of twattery. I'm beginning to think he's probably gotten in trouble for being a fuckstick before.
I think I'm going to have to burn bridges with those friends of mine that still see him as a friend, Cat's right about that. I'm not even going to ask people to choose between us or anything, I just think that anyone who can observe this person's pattern of shittiness in all respects (it goes beyond today's incident) and not be revolted is probably not worth knowing.
I think I really need to learn how to be firm with people without turning into an asshole.
Tell him to go fuck himself, if he shows up on your doorstep, don't let him in. Make a big friend, let said big friend know that this other guy is a douchebag.
Douchebag shows up on your step, big friend lays douchebag out.
If you're serious about him not coming back, you could file a police report without pressing charges. That way if he comes around again you can call the cops and say "hey this guy is back again".
I think I'm going to have to burn bridges with those friends of mine that still see him as a friend, Cat's right about that. I'm not even going to ask people to choose between us or anything, I just think that anyone who can observe this person's pattern of shittiness in all respects (it goes beyond today's incident) and not be revolted is probably not worth knowing.
I think I really need to learn how to be firm with people without turning into an asshole.
You have mutual friends who don't have an issue with him smacking you in the face?
I think I'm going to have to burn bridges with those friends of mine that still see him as a friend, Cat's right about that. I'm not even going to ask people to choose between us or anything, I just think that anyone who can observe this person's pattern of shittiness in all respects (it goes beyond today's incident) and not be revolted is probably not worth knowing.
I think I really need to learn how to be firm with people without turning into an asshole.
There's plenty of good advice above - this person should not be in your house or even your life.
As for your last point, it may be that being 'firm with people' requires behaviour that you think of as arsehole-ish now. You described yourself as being 'passive-aggressive' about the beer, but I wonder if you were really acting badly. It's possible you find it difficult to stand up for yourself and need to change how you think about this kind of thing.
Pressing charges against someone is a big fucking hassle.
If he is convicted of assault you would really really fuck his life up. Do you think that is equal to getting hit in the face a couple times.
Everyone would know that you pressed charges on a guy who hit you in the face a couple times. If I were your friend, I'd probably stop being your friend for doing that. Not everyone is like me of course, but I really hate people like you who wont fight back and go running to an authority to solve all their problems.
He steals alcohol (which basically means he has an alcohol problem - if you need it so badly you have to steal it, you have a problem) and he's physically violent towards people to an extent that he's actually injured someone. These are not the hallmarks of a well adjusted, responsible citizen. It ISN'T NORMAL to punch someone four times in the face. Personally, I believe the law should be wielded most especially when it is going to protect people. Getting him charged in this instance may protect Sam and other people from his violent streak as well as possibly having him forced to confront his own problems which may protect him from making a bigger mess of his life in the long run.
That said, even if you don't press charges, do what DarkPrimus suggested and file a report. That way at least the police are aware of him and if he does turn into a repeat offender then they can step in all the more easily.
I think I'm going to have to burn bridges with those friends of mine that still see him as a friend, Cat's right about that. I'm not even going to ask people to choose between us or anything, I just think that anyone who can observe this person's pattern of shittiness in all respects (it goes beyond today's incident) and not be revolted is probably not worth knowing.
I think I really need to learn how to be firm with people without turning into an asshole.
There's plenty of good advice above - this person should not be in your house or even your life.
As for your last point, it may be that being 'firm with people' requires behaviour that you think of as arsehole-ish now. You described yourself as being 'passive-aggressive' about the beer, but I wonder if you were really acting badly. It's possible you find it difficult to stand up for yourself and need to change how you think about this kind of thing.
Perhaps you're right. How should I think of this sort of thing? I decided to let one of my friends use my internet connection because he was overdue on his bills. This guy is NOT the leech, but the leech's friend and ex roommate (Guess why he kicked the leech out)
This person is a bit of a bum, but he has helped me out in the past, and on the whole is a decent person, if not someone I'd really want to spend much time with. The leech started coming over along with him, and then without him, even after his ex roommate got internet at his own place.
I've tried being polie and dropping hints about it not being a good time whenever he decided show up, but he never took hints like any normal person I've come across. Call me naive, but I've never had to deal with a person not leaving my fucking apartment when I drop every possible hint that I don't want them there. Maybe I'm too hypersensitive to people's feelings when I go to their places, but I like to think that if I get the idea that me being there isn't what they want at the time, I tend to leave.
Anyway. Said person has stolen alcohol from me in the past, and did it again the other day with a 6 pack of heineken. I understand, after talking to someone else about this who knows the people involved (and agrees leech is a shit) that this guy pulled something similar with another friend of his ex roommates (don't know him though) which involved him constantly being over at his place in his recliner, playing his Xbox.
The fact is, I used to see him as just my friend's roommate, and when I only saw him occasionally I never had a problem. It all started when he tried worming his way into my life.
I think I'm going to have to burn bridges with those friends of mine that still see him as a friend, Cat's right about that. I'm not even going to ask people to choose between us or anything, I just think that anyone who can observe this person's pattern of shittiness in all respects (it goes beyond today's incident) and not be revolted is probably not worth knowing.
I think I really need to learn how to be firm with people without turning into an asshole.
You have mutual friends who don't have an issue with him smacking you in the face?
Everyone agrees that "it was fucked up". Of course that's what they're gonna say, but he has done similar things with other people (Going over to their place to use their stuff ALL the time and then getting in a fight- see what I said about the dude with the console above) but they've seen him pull shit like this before, and they're still friends with him. I don't expect them to suddenly stop being friends with him, they didn't do it before, they didn't do it when he defaulted on 3 month's rent payment when they lived with him, so I don't see them doing it now.
No, say you aren't going to have anything to do with him.
ie. he isn't welcome to your house. If you see him you don't talk to him.
problem is, he is at his mutual friends' place all the time. In fact mutual friend is the only friend he seems to have, other than girls from clubs.
Additional problem- mutual friend likes to show up at my place unannounced a lot. This is annoying, but the guy is decent/tolerable as a person. This could lead to the leech coming to mine to look for him etc.
It's basically at the point where I feel like I have to cut them all loose because of constant association with unwanted elements.
No, say you aren't going to have anything to do with him.
ie. he isn't welcome to your house. If you see him you don't talk to him.
problem is, he is at his mutual friends' place all the time. In fact mutual friend is the only friend he seems to have, other than girls from clubs.
Additional problem- mutual friend likes to show up at my place unannounced a lot. This is annoying, but the guy is decent/tolerable as a person. This could lead to the leech coming to mine to look for him etc.
It's basically at the point where I feel like I have to cut them all loose because of constant association with unwanted elements.
It sounds a little like you feel you need to 'burn bridges' with the people you like, because you're unwilling to confront the person you don't.
Just don't allow him into your house or your life. If he tries to come over, say 'No, you can't come in.'
It's not easy, but it is simple.
poshniallo on
I figure I could take a bear.
0
SerpentSometimes Vancouver, BC, sometimes Brisbane, QLDRegistered Userregular
edited November 2007
shit head comes over, you say go away. don't let him in your place. It's not like you have a roommate who is letting him in.
Posts
From what I've read, you were providing your friend (a minor) with alcohol which you procured. This is quite illegal, of course.
I'd just tell him to pay up or he/she isn't allowed back, period.
witnesses, blood on my shirt. bloodstain on the front doorframe.
Edit: My honest opinion is semi in line with Tube. Suck it up and "man" up as they say. At best you should have at least attempted to defend yourself.
Satans..... hints.....
Then you can counter with its not important what it was and he can't prove it was alcohol. I would assume you wouldn't have receipts laying around. Either way, you've got the busted lip to prove that you got beat up. They would have no proof that it was alcohol and thus only the press charges against him and abstain from pressing any charges for the baseless claim of alcohol?
Lie to the police
This was sarcasm, as was the following line, this line isn't, seriously don't do that shit
Satans..... hints.....
Really? And before this day, you thought of him as a totally all-right normal dude?
I host a podcast about movies.
no, like i said i've been passive aggressive with him, I never flat out banned him from my place even though that's what I wanted to happen, partly because he was always showing up with other people.
I always considered him a piece of shit and let him know it more and more with my passive aggressiveness- my mistake was never shutting things down at the right time.
asking for payment for stuff you owned isn't 'provocation'. The correct response to 'pay me for my beer' is 'here, have some money', not '*biff biff mcbiffington the third*'. Getting the police involved would be silly, but if you have even the semblance of a spine you'd better never let him into your house again. Also, refuse to talk to him or associate in a group with him, and make sure your friends know exactly how much of a fucking mental he is. People who hit people over debts do not get to be friends with people.
Also, what this guy just said
If he is convicted of assault you would really really fuck his life up. Do you think that is equal to getting hit in the face a couple times.
Everyone would know that you pressed charges on a guy who hit you in the face a couple times. If I were your friend, I'd probably stop being your friend for doing that. Not everyone is like me of course, but I really hate people like you who wont fight back and go running to an authority to solve all their problems.
he wasn't invited to my place and stole from me. That's really not all that far from being a criminal.
If I'd fought back, I could've ended up with more than a cut lip. If you hate me for that, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I really need to learn how to be firm with people without turning into an asshole.
Douchebag shows up on your step, big friend lays douchebag out.
Or you can do it yourself if you see fit.
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
You have mutual friends who don't have an issue with him smacking you in the face?
I host a podcast about movies.
There's plenty of good advice above - this person should not be in your house or even your life.
As for your last point, it may be that being 'firm with people' requires behaviour that you think of as arsehole-ish now. You described yourself as being 'passive-aggressive' about the beer, but I wonder if you were really acting badly. It's possible you find it difficult to stand up for yourself and need to change how you think about this kind of thing.
He steals alcohol (which basically means he has an alcohol problem - if you need it so badly you have to steal it, you have a problem) and he's physically violent towards people to an extent that he's actually injured someone. These are not the hallmarks of a well adjusted, responsible citizen. It ISN'T NORMAL to punch someone four times in the face. Personally, I believe the law should be wielded most especially when it is going to protect people. Getting him charged in this instance may protect Sam and other people from his violent streak as well as possibly having him forced to confront his own problems which may protect him from making a bigger mess of his life in the long run.
That said, even if you don't press charges, do what DarkPrimus suggested and file a report. That way at least the police are aware of him and if he does turn into a repeat offender then they can step in all the more easily.
also, if you're even thinking about filing chargers, take pictures of the marks on your face before they fade.
I host a podcast about movies.
Perhaps you're right. How should I think of this sort of thing? I decided to let one of my friends use my internet connection because he was overdue on his bills. This guy is NOT the leech, but the leech's friend and ex roommate (Guess why he kicked the leech out)
This person is a bit of a bum, but he has helped me out in the past, and on the whole is a decent person, if not someone I'd really want to spend much time with. The leech started coming over along with him, and then without him, even after his ex roommate got internet at his own place.
I've tried being polie and dropping hints about it not being a good time whenever he decided show up, but he never took hints like any normal person I've come across. Call me naive, but I've never had to deal with a person not leaving my fucking apartment when I drop every possible hint that I don't want them there. Maybe I'm too hypersensitive to people's feelings when I go to their places, but I like to think that if I get the idea that me being there isn't what they want at the time, I tend to leave.
Anyway. Said person has stolen alcohol from me in the past, and did it again the other day with a 6 pack of heineken. I understand, after talking to someone else about this who knows the people involved (and agrees leech is a shit) that this guy pulled something similar with another friend of his ex roommates (don't know him though) which involved him constantly being over at his place in his recliner, playing his Xbox.
The fact is, I used to see him as just my friend's roommate, and when I only saw him occasionally I never had a problem. It all started when he tried worming his way into my life.
I am under the drinking age.
I host a podcast about movies.
Everyone agrees that "it was fucked up". Of course that's what they're gonna say, but he has done similar things with other people (Going over to their place to use their stuff ALL the time and then getting in a fight- see what I said about the dude with the console above) but they've seen him pull shit like this before, and they're still friends with him. I don't expect them to suddenly stop being friends with him, they didn't do it before, they didn't do it when he defaulted on 3 month's rent payment when they lived with him, so I don't see them doing it now.
No. I have friends that help me out with that, but I live alone.
ie. he isn't welcome to your house. If you see him you don't talk to him.
Satans..... hints.....
problem is, he is at his mutual friends' place all the time. In fact mutual friend is the only friend he seems to have, other than girls from clubs.
Additional problem- mutual friend likes to show up at my place unannounced a lot. This is annoying, but the guy is decent/tolerable as a person. This could lead to the leech coming to mine to look for him etc.
It's basically at the point where I feel like I have to cut them all loose because of constant association with unwanted elements.
It sounds a little like you feel you need to 'burn bridges' with the people you like, because you're unwilling to confront the person you don't.
Just don't allow him into your house or your life. If he tries to come over, say 'No, you can't come in.'
It's not easy, but it is simple.