Mood Swings

Kami

Hey all, I've posted here before, and this may be somewhat related to my previous posts, but here it goes:

I'm a 21 year old male, martial arts instructor, illustrator, film directing major, and graphic design minor. My mother's side of the family is 'graced' with a line of clinical depression, all the way up to my great grandmother. These may just seem like random 'I like long walks on the beach' statements, but I promise you, they come into play.

In the past six months or so, I've had my girlfriend of three years dump me (and kick me out of my apartment), my grandmother get progressively worse with Alzhiemers (she's on her last legs now, she can barely wake up, and can't speak), my parents have gotten a divorce (my mom already remarried), I was forced to live with my father, his new fiancee, and her two year old son. I was also put on academic probation, and I'm now getting my financial aid in order for returning to school next summer.

For the past month (since moving into my dad's home), I've had constant mood swings. I'm usually a very quiet person, and I don't enjoy causing drama, as other people have their own problems (so why should they be concerned with mine?). To relieve stress, I draw, paint, create short films, or do some martial arts/exercise. These mood swings, however, are coming from nowhere. I'm mouthing off to people, whether it be a stranger, or my own family. Other times, I'll go days without saying a single word to anybody.

I've always lived as a 'loner' of sorts, since I was raised as an only-child, and was forced to become man of the house at age six. My mother had epilepsy, while my father was in the Navy, always deployed or overseas. I've always been a quiet person because of that, taking care of what needs to be done, and keeping to myself. I would draw or play videogames, which is what I do now, even.

I'm worried about these random mood swings, though, as they've never happened before. I haven't changed my habits too much, as I want something to remain constant in all of this chaos lately. I'm just terrified that these swings are subconcious, and that there's no way to control them.

Any advice?

Sarcastro

Sounds like you're already doing it - exercise, and establish a routine*. Mood swings are just the natural result of the body dealing with the hormonal changes that come from periods of high stress and changes in ones interpersonal relationships.

Essentially, your mind is rewiring itself to cope with recent changes, and so where those synaptic strings are having thier connections re-adjusted, there are weakness in your neural network. Those new connections (the 'hardware') get supported by the 'software' of your mind, the juices floating around in your brain pan, and so certain situations or distant memory connections to those places will result in some different-than-usual behavioral responses and heightened emotional responses.

So to that end, there isn't much you can do while you are running about in the world, those new connections are going to be there, they are going to fire up, and that's that. But to compensate, you will find yourself drawn to the quiet, the old and familiar, the classic and the simplistic. Your body needs these things to serve as anchors, and remind itself what is still stable. In many cases, when everything in life is changing around us, people get drawn into themselves- the only thing around that has been and will always be there. People learn to rely almost exclusively on themselves when the people around them prove to be consistantly unstable.

*Routine. So some basic advice in this area is the 80/20 principle. 80% structure, 20% freeplay and new stuff. Structure means different things to different people, some require every half hour segment of thier lives planned, some need only a vague guideline- Wake up, eat, groom, morning task, lunch task, aft task, evening activity, freeplay, bedtime routine, etc. What ever you feel comfortable with. You need to remember or mark it down though, to solidify that these are The Things I Do. It will also help keep tabs on freeplay and New Stuff, so you don't get sucked down into a hole of routine, and end up grinding out a year of your life without looking or finding the New Stuff your body and mind is searching for.

Maybe your the type who needs an hour everyday, or maybe you just want to dedicate one half day a week to experiencing new things. Eventually you'll find a balance, personal routine (things which can be done anywhere on earth, no matter where you wake up or whos place you wake up in) going hand in hand with being active, finding new people to be with and new activities to do. You'll find that these blend into each other, new things you like become part of the routine, as do new people, and old habits, stressful situations will pass away from you as you have less time to be involved with and focus on them.

It wont ever completely remove your mood swings, nothing will do that, its part of growing and changing as a human being- but what it will do is provide a return point, an anchor to your life, so that when you get too off center, in either the things you are doing, or the things you are feeling, you can begin to recognize those times more easily and get back to 'home base'.

Letting those feelings or unhealthy behaiviors take control of you, instead of you controlling them will only add more stress and disharmony to your life. You have to give in a little, we are what we do to a vast extent; iron fisted control and obsessive dedication to routine is not only impossible, but unhealthy and counter to growing mentally and emotionally. But you can help yourself from going overboard, and doing rash things or making self-damaging decisions. Ironically, a dash of self-control is often the key to gaining access to our deeper and more satisfying personal freedoms.

urahonky

I'm good at mood swings as well. But I've learned to tame them in the past few years, so my advice is not nearly as lengthy as the one above mine... But here we go:

1. Listen to music that soothes you. I used to listen to a lot of heavy metal, with those lyrics that would make you feel like going out to kill someone. I stopped listening to it as often (I still listen, but in moderation), and started putting in a little calmer music. Obviously this is YMMV but it certainly helped me out. Especially at work.
2. Sleep is very important. If I go a week with about 6 hour of sleep a day, I can be happy one minute and angry the next. I noticed if I actually get 8+ hours of sleep I tend to be my humble self constantly. Lay down an hour before you have to go to bed, and just recollect your thoughts for the day. Put things into perspective.
3. Diet/exercise. Obviously you're in shape, but I thought I'd post this for future reference. Getting a proper diet has done wonders on my mood. I feel good about myself, and I'm able to stay positive about everything. It has really softened the blow of my mood swings, even though they show up from time to time.

Hopefully this helps, even a little bit.

Kami

Thanks for the fantastic help, guys. :^:

urahonky

Kami wrote: »

Thanks for the fantastic help, guys. :^:

I think you just got caught between some really bad things that happen in life. When it rains, it pours. You know? Sorry to hear about that stuff, but it'll get better soon.

Alethiometer

As someone who suffers from clinical depression, I can certainly identify with what you're feeling. It doesn't sound like what you're describing is really a mood swing as much as it is general irritability and unhappiness. Given your situation, I wouldn't worry. You've had a lot of stress recently and that sort of year is going to leave anyone in a shitty mood. Just stay aware of it and try not to alienate people, and you'll be better off eventually.

If you are worried about clinical depression, there are some classic symptoms to look for that distinguish it from general anxiety or situational depression. These include:

Extended periods (days to weeks) of feeling listless, directionless, and un-energetic. If you find yourself sleeping through all your free time, or failing to take pleasure in things you normally find enjoyable, this is a sign.

Recurring thoughts of suicide, feelings of worthlessness, and inexplicable self doubt. Often this sort of thing is self justifying and you'll feel like the situation warrants it, but being suicidal is not a normal state and you should seek help immediately.

You aren't really showing these symptoms though, which leads me to believe that this is probably just your reaction to too much stress. Make some plans for yourself and try to let go of whatever it is you're agonizing over, and you'll feel better with time.

Kami

Thanks a ton, guys.

Alethiometer, many thanks for the rundown on the symptoms, I was actually beginning to worry that these mood swings would lead to something more serious.

I'm thankful that I'm not suicidal, and that I can grind through my day-to-day. It's rough, definitely, as it seems like each day brings new things that justify having mood swings (), but I'm hoping these are just growing pains, and I'll come out of it a better person, with a new life perspective.