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Girl Thread: quick confirmation
Diomedes240z
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Need confirmation: If she says she just wants to be friends, that's pretty much it, huh? Like, they generally don't ever change their mind, do they? 
Diomedes240z on
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That doesn't mean that she won't ever change her mind; women aren't machines, you know.
Even if you don't sway her, you will pique other girls interests as well.
If she says she just wants to be friends, and you pretend to go along with that while secretly harbouring feelings for her and constantly trying to impress her into wanting you, you are being a creep. It's certainly possible for people's feelings to change over time - my boyfriend and I were friends long before we got together - but claiming you're cool with friendship when you intend to keep pressuring her is deceitful and dickish.
You can't "push it beyond friendship" if someone genuinely isn't interested in a relationship right now and/or with you, no matter how many extra sprays of Axe you use or how much styling wax you use in your hair.
Now, that said, if you would honestly be content just being friends with her, by all means do so. Having a close friend of the opposite gender can be a wonderful thing, provided one of you isn't constantly yearning and hinting at something more. It's even possible that she may end up changing her mind later, but you absolutely cannot spend all your time waiting for that to happen, because that's a long walk off the short pier of "what the hell, I've spent two years listening to her and being nice, she *owes* me more by now."
If you enjoy her company without the possibility of romantic attachment, then be her friend. If your feelings for her are just too strong for that to work, either wean yourself away from her gradually, or tell her straight-up "I'm sorry, but I wouldn't feel comfortable being just a friend to you when I really want more, it wouldn't be fair to either of us."
This. I just had a thread about sort of the same thing. It is hard watching someone you want date other guys, but if you are a true friend, you will be able to get past it because you're her friend and want her to be happy. (Note: This does not mean that you are a martyr, she won't appreciate that). Also think of it like this, if it works and you two get together sometime, it is most likely *because* of all those other guys, since without some of her experiences from them, she may not have changed her mind.
Girls generally meet and talk to alot of other girls. If you are a cool guy and fun to be with, she most likely wont mind setting you up with a friend, especially if you hang out with her and her friends once in a while. If you become seen as just one of the girls, your options in that group are completely done for. If you become seen as a really fun guy to hang out with thats nice etc etc, possibilities are endless.
Bonus factor that as you make more friends, your social circle should grow exponentially. Which leads to ever more possibilities.
MWO: Adamski
It took me quite a bit of time to realise that, and I wish I could go back and smack the (honestly and depressingly not that much) younger me around a bit with some common sense. If she says she just wants to be friends, give up on being with her romantically. And the advice of steeling yourself for seeing her with other guys is a very good one. Because chances are good that she will.
The reason why I am so much more fatalist than your other replies so far is pretty straight forward: When I felt like you do right now, it was hard, if not impossible, to not latch on to any ray of hope. I've had more than a few friendships go sour because I just couldn't get over my crushes. I know exactly what Kate of Lokys means when she calls guys who pretend to be fine with friendship when they actually want more "creeps" -- because I've been there. And that's no proud admition.
So, saying that, I'm not going to pretend that it's not possible. But you'll be better off if you put any such thoughts out of your mind and relax. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. There's nothing you can do or say that'll change things one way or another - at least not intentionally.
Figuring that one out saved me at least one friendship, and hopefully it can help you too.
It's pique.
To the OP: She might but don't try to force it. Also you have the best sig ever.
The point of acting like the best guy ever is to attract other girls, who will hopefully get the OP's mind off the female friend. If the friend happens to change her mind before that happens, then everyone wins. He already has feelings for the friend, and if its worth making a thread about, then i assume they are strong and are not going anywhere any time soon.
ben0207, Thanks.
What the OP needs to understand from Kate's post is that if you say you're going to be a friend, then be a friend. Don't go into this new chapter of your relationship thinking "I'll just act this way for a while, while subtly pushing at her and things will change". There should be no expectation of things changing, ever. Another thing that the OP should do if at all possible with his new girl getting skills, is to fully engage with the other girls. Don't attract them, compare them to this other girl and discard them. It's doing a disservice to all 3 people involved.
Glad to be of help.