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Death is fucking horrible.

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    DislexicDislexic Creepy Uncle Bad Touch Your local playgroundRegistered User regular
    edited December 2007
    As George Carlin notes:

    Do you realize that right this second, right now, somewhere around the world, some guy is getting ready to kill himself? Isn't that great? D'y'ever stop to think about that kinda shit? I do. It's fun, and it's interesting, and it's true! Right this second some guy is getting ready to bite the big bazooka. Because statistics show, that every year a million people people commit suicide. A million. That's 2800 a day. That's one every thirty seconds. *snaps watch* There goes another guy. And I say guy because men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more. So men are better at it. There's somethin' else you gals'll wanna be workin on. Well if you wanna be truly equal, you're gonna have to start taking your lives in greater numbers.

    But I just think it's interesting to know that at any moment the odds are good that some guy is dragging a chair across the garage floor, trying to get it right underneath that ceiling beam, don't wanna be too far off-center. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Somewhere else another guy's going over to get a gun out of the dresser drawer. Somebody else is opening up a brand new package of razor blades. Maybe struggling with the cellophane a little bit. Aw shit, it's always something, goddamnit, fuck this. That's probably the most interesting thing you can do with your life, end it. I don't think I could do that though, could you? I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.

    But I understand it, at least I think I do. I don't wonder about it, I don't wonder "why'd he do that, what was going through his mind" You know what I wonder, where'd he find the fucking time? Who's got time to be committing suicide, aren't you busy, I got shit to do. Suicide would be waaay down on my list, probably past lighting my own house on fire. I might wanna try a little self-mutilation first, y'know, take a couple hunks outta my arm, see if I like the general idea. Cause you gotta have priorities, you gotta have a plan too, you gotta plan that shit. You don't just run out of the house and jump off a bridge. There are things you have to decide. Timing's important. Wednesday's out, gotta take Timmy to the circus, Survivor's on on thursday, friday I got my colon cleansing, folks are coming over on sunday...Sunday...by god that'd be just the thing, maybe mom'll find my body. Serve her right for fucking me up the way she did.

    Then you gotta pick a method. Fraid of heights, that's no good. Can't swallow pills, don't like the sight of blood, fuckin' oven's electric. I'd lie down in front of a train but amtrak ain't come through here in 30 goddamn years. Maybe I'll just take a gun and shoot myself in the mouth. Nah, suppose I missed, people'll be laughin at me. Suppose I live, have a big fuckin' hole in my head, have to wear some kind of dumbass hat. Maybe I'll just hang myself, that'd be good. Gotta get a rope, ah shit it's aaaalways something. I got a rope in the garage...ahh it's got a lot of grease and paint on it, don't wanna get that stuff on my neck. Wal-mart's having a special on rope this weekend, no sense spending a lotta money to kill myself, then again I could just put it on my credit card, I'd never have to pay the fucking thing. Well, that's it then, I'm hanging myself and wal-mart's paying for it.

    What's next, a note, ah Jesus, gotta express myself. Hell if I could express myself, I wouldn't be doing something like this. Where's a pen, you can never find a pen. Told the kids not to move the pen away from that telephone. Goddamn kids. I'll just kill them too, make it one of those family package deals. Ah here's a pen, oughta just jam it into my fucking neck and get it over with. Lets see now, where do you put the date, upper left? I can never remember that.
    'To whom it may concern' Ahhh, sounds kinda impersonal.
    'Dear Marcel' Leaves out the kids. I know.
    'HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT! KEEP ON READIN'! How are you? I hope you are fine. I, am not fine, as you can no doubt tell from me hanging here from the ceiling fixture. You are the ones who drove me to this. I was doing just fine until you fuckers came along. I hope you're happy now that I'm goddamn dead.
    Signed, the corpse in this room.
    P.S. Fuck you people!

    Dislexic on
    batsig.jpg
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    RagixRagix Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Dislexic wrote: »
    As George Carlin notes: *snip*

    Holy god that's awesome.

    Ragix on
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    SephSeph Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    i love the p.s.

    Seph on
    doit.png
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    edited December 2007
    That's the Funny Carlin.


    That's the Carlin I like.

    sarukun on
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    SephSeph Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I hope you are fine. I, am not fine

    Seph on
    doit.png
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Sends a lot of mixed messages.

    I hope you're fine, but fuck you.

    sarukun on
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    Sunday_AssassinSunday_Assassin Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Early this year, one of my best friends from uni died, one week before I was due to visit him.

    Some kind of heart failure, totally out of the blue. Lived with him for three years. Played football with him, me at right back, him right wing. We fucking ruled as a partnership. I always knew what he'd do, and he could dribble like a bastard. He introduced me to all the music I now love. He leant me the Kotor games back before I knew they were awesome.

    I went to his funeral on my 22nd birthday.

    Got way too drunk, and had to leave the wake because I didn't want to throw up over his mum's carpet. She came out and found he a bit later, and gave me a hug. I'd never met her before.

    We still talk about him every time the old uni crew get back together (I see at least a couple of them every few weeks). It's nice. No one tries to skirt around the issue. If anyone says or does something that reminds us of him, we'll mention it.

    Grandfather died a few years back, and I went to his funeral the morning of my university's annual ball. One grandparent left, on her last legs. Aunt fell into a coma last saturday, and hasn't woken up yet.

    /vent

    Sunday_Assassin on
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    lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Dude, that sucks. Sorry.

    I kinda know what you went through. One of my grandpas died the day before my 22nd b-day. About six months later, my other grandpa dies like 2 days before my college graduation. Kinda awkward times.

    lostwords on
    rat.jpg tumbler? steam/ps3 thingie: lostwords Amazon Wishlist!
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    AirAir Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    i choose my company based on astrological lifespan calculations

    Air on
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    CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Air wrote: »
    i choose my company based on astrological lifespan calculations

    clever girl

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
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    Wise_aWise_a Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Since I can't find a good thread for this, I'll use this one.

    My girlfriend asked me yesterday what happened on the Kim Kardashian sex tape. I haven't seen it personally, but I heard a rumor that he peed on her. Full on watersports. Is there any truth to this claim?

    Wise_a on
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    CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    dont know

    havent seen it
    also, you know that if you hadnt been jailed, you could have started a thread about this....
    but it would have been locked and you would have been jailed, so whatever
    <3

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
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    Wise_aWise_a Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    dont know

    havent seen it
    also, you know that if you hadnt been jailed, you could have started a thread about this....
    but it would have been locked and you would have been jailed, so whatever
    <3

    Nah, see I would have just hijacked a thread that wasn't really going anywhere anyway.

    I never make new threads because I never have anything interesting to say.

    Wise_a on
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    CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Wise_a wrote: »
    dont know

    havent seen it
    also, you know that if you hadnt been jailed, you could have started a thread about this....
    but it would have been locked and you would have been jailed, so whatever
    <3

    Nah, see I would have just hijacked a thread that wasn't really going anywhere anyway.

    I never make new threads because I never have anything interesting to say.

    too true

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
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    AslanAslan Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Wise_a wrote: »
    Since I can't find a good thread for this, I'll use this one.

    My girlfriend asked me yesterday what happened on the Kim Kardashian sex tape. I haven't seen it personally, but I heard a rumor that he peed on her. Full on watersports. Is there any truth to this claim?

    We are having a serious discussion on the termination of one's existence on this plane of reality and you want to know if some tarted up, plastic assed cumbucket got peed on? Is that really what you're asking??
    No seriously, you're a cunt.
    Nah, I'm just yankin ya. He totally lemonaded her grill.

    Aslan on
    Captain_Renault.gif I'm shocked...shocked, to find faggotry in this thread.
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    CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    ewww

    he did? seriously?

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
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    AslanAslan Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    How the hell would I know? I wouldn't fuck her with your dick.

    Aslan on
    Captain_Renault.gif I'm shocked...shocked, to find faggotry in this thread.
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    Wise_aWise_a Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Aslan wrote: »
    How the hell would I know? I wouldn't fuck her with your dick.

    I heard that it was true.

    Its hard to find info on it because its such a strange thing to do.

    Wise_a on
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    SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    That's what she said.

    Seriously on
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    AslanAslan Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    2 girls 1 cup is strange. Pissing on someone is passe.


    P.S. I know an accent goes over the e in passe. I just don't know or feel like learning how to put it there, so use your imagination. You know, the one you're using right now to imagine Kard getting leaked on.

    Aslan on
    Captain_Renault.gif I'm shocked...shocked, to find faggotry in this thread.
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    Wise_aWise_a Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Aslan wrote: »
    2 girls 1 cup is strange. Pissing on someone is passe.


    P.S. I know an accent goes over the e in passe. I just don't know or feel like learning how to put it there, so use your imagination. You know, the one you're using right now to imagine Kard getting leaked on.

    The best kind of imagination

    Wise_a on
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    AslanAslan Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Aslan on
    Captain_Renault.gif I'm shocked...shocked, to find faggotry in this thread.
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    snapsnap Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I just found out one of my friends has cancer. He's 24. I grew up with this guy.

    God, I'm bummed. He's one of those guys that has, and always has, (even when we were little kids) known what he wanted to do in his life and he set out to do it. He worked hard no matter what we did. I remember back in football, he was alot weaker than most of us. We all skipped our workouts and went home early--or did just enough to fool the coaches.

    He would stay hours late doing every single rep on every single machine. He aced all his classes and went to tulane in college. He went into the military afterwards as an officer. This guy has jumped out of airplanes, shot the biggest guns, and told me (even though he wasn't supposed to) about top-secret proto-type copters that he was learning to fly.

    He always tried to do the right thing. It's astounding--he was a literal g.i. joe. Duke in the flesh.

    If anyone can beat cancer, he can--

    remember how i said he was a weakling in highschool but did all his workouts while we skipped out? Well, by our senior year, he was built like fucking spider-man. Still is. Surely that would help him beat cancer?

    fuck

    I mean, why the fuck does that happen to the people that seem to be more alive than everyone else. He stood out everywhere he went. People were drawn to him. What the fuck, universe?

    ...sigh

    sorry. /vent

    snap on
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    snapsnap Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    and they are playing this snl christmas special on nbc right now. Alot of them are from when I was in junior high. We all used to watch it on saturday and quote the shit out of it on monday. That and the calvin and hobbes comic that ran in the sunday paper.

    snap on
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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    tell him to walk that shit off

    PiptheFair on
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    snapsnap Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    haha

    that seriously made me feel better.

    snap on
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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    also being young and healthy is pretty much the best defense against cancer

    that and lots of money

    PiptheFair on
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    snapsnap Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    well, his dad is a secret service agent

    i don't know how much they make, but his house is awesome. And James makes killer money himself, I'm sure.

    snap on
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    Mr. Henry BemisMr. Henry Bemis God is love Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    tell him to kick that cancer's groin

    Mr. Henry Bemis on
    Nothing is true; Everything is permitted
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    RagixRagix Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    snap wrote: »
    well, his dad is a secret service agent

    i don't know how much they make, but his house is awesome. And James makes killer money himself, I'm sure.

    Secret service agents? secret prototype chopper? near-perfect traits and body? JAMES?
    Is your buddy's last name "Bond" by any chance?

    (Excuse me if this doesn't sound suspicious.)

    I'm sorry to hear about him. I hope he gets better (and maybe recovers, since he sounds so fucking awesome)
    It's too bad that death always bullies the good people out :(

    Ragix on
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    ZzuluZzulu Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    tell me the secret service agents name so I can sell the details to the highest bidder

    Zzulu on
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    Wise_aWise_a Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    did Kim Kardashian get peed on

    thats the real question here

    Wise_a on
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    edited December 2007
    snap wrote: »
    I mean, why the fuck does that happen to the people that seem to be more alive than everyone else. He stood out everywhere he went. People were drawn to him. What the fuck, universe?

    Because no one remembers the people who were super boring as fuck and died 3 weeks into chemo.

    sarukun on
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    SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Wise_a wrote: »
    did Kim Kardashian get peed on

    thats the real question here

    That has already been answered, I think, and that answer is yes.

    Seriously on
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    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    Seriously wrote: »
    Wise_a wrote: »
    did Kim Kardashian get peed on

    thats the real question here

    That has already been answered, I think, and that answer is yes.

    Did she take a money shot to the face? I haven't seen her video.

    Hunter on
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    Wise_aWise_a Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    no, not that I know of

    no money shot

    just water sports, ie Ray J peed on her

    Wise_a on
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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited December 2007
    I would pee on her as well

    also she has a huge ass

    PiptheFair on
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